My dad was 47!
My dad was 47!You are SO YOUNG!!!!!!!!!!! You could father children at any age. My Dad was 42 when I was born!!!!
What an absolute dick! I’m sorry you were treated like that. He sounds like an awful person but I fully understand why you still loved him anyway. I’m glad you’re out of that mess and have moved onI just randomly saw this thread and was reading through and one of the posts really summed up how I feel about a certain relationship, I think the words were never being able to get over the feeling of your heart being shattered into a million pieces. So I hope you don't mind if get it off my chest here as I've never really talked about it!
Once upon a time, I met a guy at work and I didn’t know much about him but for some reason, I was absolutely infatuated with him! We started casually seeing each other but he would often disappear for hours on an evening and completely go off the radar, phone off etc and eventually he admitted he was meeting a “friend” who had a lot of issues and he was trying to help as she had no one else looking out for her. Me being me I trusted him and even gave advice on how to help her etc. After a short time, I questioned him more on who she was and he admitted she was his ex-girlfriend but promised nothing was still going on with her and again I trusted him, I think partly because I had no reason not to and I was also wearing a very large pair of rose-tinted glasses. Eventually, he said he was going to cut all contact with her as it was for the best and we were getting more serious and she was coming between me and him and he didn't want that. Then came THE weekend. I saw him on the Friday at work and the last thing he said was he going to meet her that evening and tell her he couldn't see her anymore and cut contact with her and he would call me after. 8pm, 9pm, 10pm came around and I heard nothing. After 11pm I text him saying I was worried. He had told me that when he previously tried to stop seeing her she threatened to harm herself or him, which added to my worry. The message didn't deliver but I sent another. After midnight, I called him. It rang but no answer so again I sent another message. I eventually slept and when I woke I could see he had read my messages but not replied. I tried calling but it went straight to answer phone. I sent another message but it didn't deliver for hours. I spent all day watching my phone, I couldn't think about anything, I couldn't eat, I couldn't hold a conversation with anyone, I was going out of my mind and my heart was slowly breaking. He eventually sent me a message at about 5pm - "Sorry. I am a twat". That was it. That was the moment my heart shattered and all the pennies finally dropped about what was really going on. Of course, I replied. I sent him essays. I was left on read the rest of the weekend. I finally spoke to him on Monday morning before work. All he could say to me was he was sorry, he was an idiot. This is what he does. His life is complicated, he needs to go and he would speak to me later. I felt broken. I pulled up at work and just cried. The thought of seeing him and not being "us" anymore was making me feel ill. Of course, we did see each other. We met up at lunch and talked. Of course, the 'friend/ex' was actually his girlfriend. They had been together on and off for years. He had left his wife for her. He told me he did truly fall for me, he couldn't help himself and he does love me but it was all very complicated, he didn't know what to do but ultimately he couldn't end it with his girlfriend. We tried to remain friends, it was difficult, as much as he had shattered me, there were still feelings there and I was weak for him... I went through phases of not wanting to see him or speak to him at all to pining for him then things would happen and eventually we ended up sleeping together again, then he told me he really was finishing with his girlfriend. Sounds pathetic but it gave me a glimmer of hope. I thought we were going to have a chance again. He told me he had ended it but he was going on holiday with some family and changing his number so the ex couldn't contact him and he would see me and talk about us when he was back. He came back to work after 2 weeks away and I found out he had been on holiday with and was back together with his wife. Ding ding heartbreak round 2. Cut to now years later. We still both work at the same place, we see each other around and are friendly. He is still with his wife and I am happily engaged with children but it still hurts. I don't think I will EVER get over how he made me feel that weekend. I was never even officially his girlfriend and that is the worst heartbreak I have ever felt.
Sorry if that was a really boring story but I just feel better for writing it down! Sending love to everyone who has posted their stories on here xxx
Thank you. He isn’t a nice person but he has an aura about him that makes him very attractive without him even trying. I can see now how manipulative he was but that pain remains and it sounds silly saying it out loud, which I why I’ve never really spoke about it, when like I said I was never even his girlfriend let alone married or anything but I fell fast and hard and it hurt so so much. I just wish he had had the decency to say he had a girlfriend instead of leading me on and hurting me. I will never understand it. He has gone back to the girlfriend since and then back to the wife and so the saga carries on so I am totally better off out of the mess and if I didn’t have to work around him I would never give him the time of day. I hope you get some answers to your situation this weekendWhat an absolute dick! I’m sorry you were treated like that. He sounds like an awful person but I fully understand why you still loved him anyway. I’m glad you’re out of that mess and have moved on
He’s still going back and forth?? Wow! How either of them are still allowing that is crazy! And thank you, I hope I do too, otherwise all my anxiety leading up to it will have been for nothingThank you. He isn’t a nice person but he has an aura about him that makes him very attractive without him even trying. I can see now how manipulative he was but that pain remains and it sounds silly saying it out loud, which I why I’ve never really spoke about it, when like I said I was never even his girlfriend let alone married or anything but I fell fast and hard and it hurt so so much. I just wish he had had the decency to say he had a girlfriend instead of leading me on and hurting me. I will never understand it. He has gone back to the girlfriend since and then back to the wife and so the saga carries on so I am totally better off out of the mess and if I didn’t have to work around him I would never give him the time of day. I hope you get some answers to your situation this weekend
Yeah we talked on the phone yesterday. For 4 hours! He was quite upfront and honest and didn’t give me any bullshit about wanting to be friends which I’m glad about. He mostly explained his mental state and why he felt like he had to end it. I had no idea things were so bad for him, although he seems a little better now. He’s having therapy provided by his job. He also told me he still loves me, there has never been anyone else and he wants me in his life, but both of us are equally unsure what to do since the world is still a mess and I still cannot simply just go there.how are you doing @gigi_93 ?
did you chat to him over the weekend?
sending lots of love to everyone x
Did he explain why he ended it the way he did? Did you explain exactly how that’s made you feel? How you’ve been feeling over the last few weeks because of his behaviour?Yeah we talked on the phone yesterday. For 4 hours! He was quite upfront and honest and didn’t give me any bullshit about wanting to be friends which I’m glad about. He mostly explained his mental state and why he felt like he had to end it. I had no idea things were so bad for him, although he seems a little better now. He’s having therapy provided by his job. He also told me he still loves me, there has never been anyone else and he wants me in his life, but both of us are equally unsure what to do since the world is still a mess and I still cannot simply just go there.
I didn’t want to just jump back in and get back together in one phone call, so we aren’t back together or anything. We just sort of agreed to keep talking until he’s finished all his exams and see where we are then. I’m happy to finally know what was going on in his head at least. I wish it was as simple as just giving it another go but with how everything still is, it just isn’t. And that makes me so sad. Mixed emotions :/
Thanks to anyone who has followed along with my little saga. I hope everyone is doing ok
I'm glad you've spoken and I hope it's made you feel better in some way, although things still sound quite up in the air.Yeah we talked on the phone yesterday. For 4 hours! He was quite upfront and honest and didn’t give me any bullshit about wanting to be friends which I’m glad about. He mostly explained his mental state and why he felt like he had to end it. I had no idea things were so bad for him, although he seems a little better now. He’s having therapy provided by his job. He also told me he still loves me, there has never been anyone else and he wants me in his life, but both of us are equally unsure what to do since the world is still a mess and I still cannot simply just go there.
I didn’t want to just jump back in and get back together in one phone call, so we aren’t back together or anything. We just sort of agreed to keep talking until he’s finished all his exams and see where we are then. I’m happy to finally know what was going on in his head at least. I wish it was as simple as just giving it another go but with how everything still is, it just isn’t. And that makes me so sad. Mixed emotions :/
Thanks to anyone who has followed along with my little saga. I hope everyone is doing ok
It is up in the air because I can’t just go to him which is what I want to do. I want to see his face and talk about this in person but I can’t. I feel so trapped. I wish I could just go and we didn’t have these stupid travel restrictions. I feel better in some ways and worse in others. I’m happy to have got an explanation though which is what I’ve been saying I wanted. I must have asked him 100 questionsI'm glad you've spoken and I hope it's made you feel better in some way, although things still sound quite up in the air.
I've had some brief contact, just a couple of messages about arrangements for some works to the house taking place next week. After nothing for a few weeks it actually made me feel worse to get those few messages. I feel like I don't know him anymore. He's not himself at all, it's like the words are coming from someone else. I was left feeling even more anxious and was very upset on Saturday. I don't know if maybe it started to hit me that this really could be over for good. I'm not sure what I'm feeling to be honest but I'm still feeling awful. My hands are trembling as I'm typing this. I can't tell you how much I'm missing him, I feel like I've made no progress at all.
These travel restrictions are causing problems for so many people. Do you just talk over the phone or do you use facetime or zoom or anything like that?It is up in the air because I can’t just go to him which is what I want to do. I want to see his face and talk about this in person but I can’t. I feel so trapped. I wish I could just go and we didn’t have these stupid travel restrictions. I feel better in some ways and worse in others. I’m happy to have got an explanation though which is what I’ve been saying I wanted. I must have asked him 100 questions
I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I wish there was a way for you to feel better. It’ll be almost impossible for you to make progress while you’re still unsure if it’s over for good, you’re stuck in limbo unable to move one way or the other. You really need to know, or at least treat it like it’s over for good. It sounds like you need a good conversation with him to clear the air. I don’t know if that’s possible?
Agree! He's decided for them to keep talking for now and over the next few months to see where it goes. And I could be wrong here, but it sounds like she is willing, if able, to jump on a plane to him.Did he explain why he ended it the way he did? Did you explain exactly how that’s made you feel? How you’ve been feeling over the last few weeks because of his behaviour?
Sorry but it’s all about him. Again. How HE feels. How HE needed to end it. What’s going on in HIS head. How bad HIS mental state is.
please. Don’t fall for this rubbish. He will carry on like this now for months or more if you allow it. He will pick you up and drop you whenever he feels like it and he knows that you’ll be there and all he has to say is “oh I’m sorry I need some space but I do still love you so yeah yknow, il be back in contact whenever I feel like it” - it’s not good enough. Or at least it wouldn’t be for me.
where do you stand now? You’re in limbo again. Waiting. For him. Again.
you are worth more than this, I wish you could see that. X
These travel restrictions are causing problems for so many people. Do you just talk over the phone or do you use facetime or zoom or anything like that?
In a way I don't want to have another conversation about it at the moment because I know what the answer will be. Part of me thinks that if I leave him alone while he has his therapy there may be a chance. I don't know if that's just me being in denial but I know he still loves me and has other issues. I probably sound really desperate to outsiders but I can honestly say that I didn't see this coming at all, we were still making plans for the future a day or two before it happened and he was still really affectionate like he always is. I feel like I can't give up on 13 years at the drop of a hat.
Thank you. I've known a couple of people that have been through this but you can't always compare your situation with other people so it's hard to know what's a normal way to feel and what's not. We were still absolutely besotted with each other even after all those years and I'm finding it so odd being at home alone and not holding hands or hugging every day. I've never felt loneliness like this. Being at work helps a little but I'm still finding myself welling up quite a few times every day and going home to an empty house is still a shock each time. I really do appreciate your messages, any words of support on here do mean a lot xI know what you mean. I think while you need some self preservation, you can't even think about that untill you know where you stand with it all. It's a bloody horrible situation for you. When my marriage ended, it was so much harder than I expected. I think people expect you to bounce back, but actually it's not that easy. Take the time you need, and really try to do small wins for you. Sometimes, the smallest thing is all you can do and that's important. I think you are handling this as well as you can right now and you should be proud of that. Heart break is awful,but when it's multidimensional involving marriage and houses, finances etc it's even harder. Xx
We FaceTimed every day until this happened. We used to do things like cooking dates where we prop the camera up and both cook the same recipe together...long distance relationships are truly something elseThese travel restrictions are causing problems for so many people. Do you just talk over the phone or do you use facetime or zoom or anything like that?
In a way I don't want to have another conversation about it at the moment because I know what the answer will be. Part of me thinks that if I leave him alone while he has his therapy there may be a chance. I don't know if that's just me being in denial but I know he still loves me and has other issues. I probably sound really desperate to outsiders but I can honestly say that I didn't see this coming at all, we were still making plans for the future a day or two before it happened and he was still really affectionate like he always is. I feel like I can't give up on 13 years at the drop of a hat.
That actually sounds lovely. I've never experienced a long distance relationship so I don't have much advice to give other than just be careful that he isn't stringing you along as some other people have warned. You need to stay in control. This must be very hard for you with the distance, I do really hope you're OK.We FaceTimed every day until this happened. We used to do things like cooking dates where we prop the camera up and both cook the same recipe together...long distance relationships are truly something else
I don’t blame you for not giving up immediately. 13 years is a long time. Don’t worry about sounding desperate or anything like that, nobody on the outside can possibly know the nuances of your relationship. It’s very easy for people to judge but at the end of the day they don’t know anything.
Oh My god, i have had pretty much the exact same thing happen to me!!!I just randomly saw this thread and was reading through and one of the posts really summed up how I feel about a certain relationship, I think the words were never being able to get over the feeling of your heart being shattered into a million pieces. So I hope you don't mind if get it off my chest here as I've never really talked about it!
Once upon a time, I met a guy at work and I didn’t know much about him but for some reason, I was absolutely infatuated with him! We started casually seeing each other but he would often disappear for hours on an evening and completely go off the radar, phone off etc and eventually he admitted he was meeting a “friend” who had a lot of issues and he was trying to help as she had no one else looking out for her. Me being me I trusted him and even gave advice on how to help her etc. After a short time, I questioned him more on who she was and he admitted she was his ex-girlfriend but promised nothing was still going on with her and again I trusted him, I think partly because I had no reason not to and I was also wearing a very large pair of rose-tinted glasses. Eventually, he said he was going to cut all contact with her as it was for the best and we were getting more serious and she was coming between me and him and he didn't want that. Then came THE weekend. I saw him on the Friday at work and the last thing he said was he going to meet her that evening and tell her he couldn't see her anymore and cut contact with her and he would call me after. 8pm, 9pm, 10pm came around and I heard nothing. After 11pm I text him saying I was worried. He had told me that when he previously tried to stop seeing her she threatened to harm herself or him, which added to my worry. The message didn't deliver but I sent another. After midnight, I called him. It rang but no answer so again I sent another message. I eventually slept and when I woke I could see he had read my messages but not replied. I tried calling but it went straight to answer phone. I sent another message but it didn't deliver for hours. I spent all day watching my phone, I couldn't think about anything, I couldn't eat, I couldn't hold a conversation with anyone, I was going out of my mind and my heart was slowly breaking. He eventually sent me a message at about 5pm - "Sorry. I am a twat". That was it. That was the moment my heart shattered and all the pennies finally dropped about what was really going on. Of course, I replied. I sent him essays. I was left on read the rest of the weekend. I finally spoke to him on Monday morning before work. All he could say to me was he was sorry, he was an idiot. This is what he does. His life is complicated, he needs to go and he would speak to me later. I felt broken. I pulled up at work and just cried. The thought of seeing him and not being "us" anymore was making me feel ill. Of course, we did see each other. We met up at lunch and talked. Of course, the 'friend/ex' was actually his girlfriend. They had been together on and off for years. He had left his wife for her. He told me he did truly fall for me, he couldn't help himself and he does love me but it was all very complicated, he didn't know what to do but ultimately he couldn't end it with his girlfriend. We tried to remain friends, it was difficult, as much as he had shattered me, there were still feelings there and I was weak for him... I went through phases of not wanting to see him or speak to him at all to pining for him then things would happen and eventually we ended up sleeping together again, then he told me he really was finishing with his girlfriend. Sounds pathetic but it gave me a glimmer of hope. I thought we were going to have a chance again. He told me he had ended it but he was going on holiday with some family and changing his number so the ex couldn't contact him and he would see me and talk about us when he was back. He came back to work after 2 weeks away and I found out he had been on holiday with and was back together with his wife. Ding ding heartbreak round 2. Cut to now years later. We still both work at the same place, we see each other around and are friendly. He is still with his wife and I am happily engaged with children but it still hurts. I don't think I will EVER get over how he made me feel that weekend. I was never even officially his girlfriend and that is the worst heartbreak I have ever felt.
Sorry if that was a really boring story but I just feel better for writing it down! Sending love to everyone who has posted their stories on here xxx
That actually sounds lovely. I've never experienced a long distance relationship so I don't have much advice to give other than just be careful that he isn't stringing you along as some other people have warned. You need to stay in control. This must be very hard for you with the distance, I do really hope you're OK.
I feel that if I were reading someone else saying what I've written, I'd be thinking she needs to get a grip and start moving on. But I'm still madly in love with him and miss him every second of the day. Like I've said before, I don't want to push him further away by trying to talk to him but I still worry that the more I don't speak to him/see him, the more he is moving on. Especially as we will have more freedom soon with restrictions lifting, I hate feeling that he'll be making a new life without me.
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