Heartbreak.

[LateG0ssiper]

Been reading this thread this morning and it’s so sad.

It seems like lockdown destroyed a lot of relationships - it nearly destroyed mine.

My boyfriend of two years broke up with me in early May last year, completely out of the blue. We hadnt seen each other in six weeks due to lockdown. He had text me in the morning saying he loved me, then in the evening he broke up with me. I was completely blindsided.

I was absolutely heartbroken, couldn’t eat or sleep for days. Everything I knew had changed, our future together and my happiness was gone.
My mum was really worried about me, she really looked after me. (How amazing are mums I love her and I’m so grateful for her)

He broke up with me over the phone on the Monday and I didn’t contact again him at all, which was really hard and I kept stalking his whatsapp and Facebook to see if he was online. Then on the Saturday night he text me asking if I was okay. We spoke on the phone and he cried a lot and said how terrible he felt and how sorry he was. We ended up meeting the next day and decided to get back together but take things slow.

I won’t go into the details of why it happened because it’s personal for him, but lockdown really affected him badly, he was living alone and didn’t have any social contact for over a month. He was also working from home in a job he hated that really stressed him out. The day we broke up he had the worst day at work and his mental health was all over the place. It didn’t help that I was furloughed so I had nothing to do but miss him.
It’s so sad for me to look back on now as it was an awful time for both of us.

We’re still together now and doing really well, we’re even buying a house together. It took a long time for me to completely trust that he wouldn’t turn around and break up with me again though.

I really sympathise with everyone on this thread, it’s so sad reading all your stories and I know how you feel. Big hugs to everyone

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that but glad you managed to work things out.

So nice that you had your mum to help you. I think that's one of the reasons I'm finding it so hard, I don't have either of my parents.

 

[Captainmouse]

As the saying goes, people can only take advantage of you, if you let them

 

[gigi_93]

First of all

secondly, I don’t give a shit what people say about how ‘you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your feelings’ if someone who you love and have been with for that long does something likeout of the blue you deserve an explanation. They should out of good conscience give you an explanation. And blocking you on everything is childish and pathetic. Don’t get me wrong blocking after a breakup is fair enough but blocking so as not to have to give an explanation for their actions is disgusting. When you’ve been with someone that long there is a degree of ‘after care’ when breaking up with them.

“After care” is a perfect way of putting it. I feel like I’m owed so much more. He blocked me because I was trying to get answers out of him and now I’m left with so many unanswered questions and absolutely nowhere to direct them to. It’s the most frustrating feeling I’ve ever had

 

[SummerLeaves2004]

I broke up with my partner last week, neither of us really wanted it I don’t think but he had reasons. I haven’t slept, haven’t got out of bed and I’ve hardly ate at all since then. I’m totally heartbroken but now he wants to meet me tomorrow and I’m hopeful that it will be good news but trying not to get my hopes up.

apologies for the grammar, I keep rewording and it still reads terribly!

Be strong and don't listen to shit. Don't let him have his cake and eat it.

Without knowing much about your situation I will say - as difficult as it is right now it will work out. You don't want to be with someone who drops you like a hot potato.

 

[gigi_93]

The best thing I ever did was to learn to say “Ok... Your choice” and instantly remove myself from the situation. You could drive yourself crazy analysing and looking for reasons and answers.

Often after a break up you realise a lot wasn’t as good as thought.

That’s what I’m doing, driving myself crazy. Honestly over the past couple of weeks I’ve seen a horribly weak and needy side of myself. I cannot just let go!

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I just recently got dumped by my partner who I’ve been with for 4 years. Somebody on another thread gave me the idea of starting this one to vent and let it all out, and also invite anyone else to do the same if they’re going through a breakup, or just to share stories of older breakups and heartbreak.

My story: long distance relationship, him in Florida and me here in the UK. I’ve been flying over regularly for the past 4 years, I’m close with his family and practically a step mum to his 3 children. Love of my life etc...then the pandemic hit and borders closed. I haven’t been allowed into the US since March 2020, last time I saw him was just before that. I fully believe partner exemptions should have been allowed with testing and quarantine and I wouldn’t be in this mess but that’s another rant.

We held on and held on with FaceTime etc, then we decided I’d go via a third country (Mexico) and he would pay, but my flight was cancelled, and when I went to rebook it he completely unexpectedly told me not to bother and that he was done with our relationship. It hit me like a freight train, there’d been no signs this was coming at all. In fact he told me he loved me and missed me just hours before. I tried to reason with him and then he decided to block me on everything which was another huge blow. I feel like my world has ended, I haven’t eaten or slept since. My life was there with him and he’s taken it away and I don’t know what to do.

Sorry that was so long. Please feel free to share your stories and any advice for this absolute hell I feel right now

Ok so, to give you some perspective....

youve been involved with this guy for 4 years, but it’s always been long distance? ——— ok, I know you won’t want to hear this but.... this isn’t a real relationship. You live thousands of miles away, in different time zones, with completely separate lives. It doesn’t matter how many phone calls or FaceTimes or text messages happen, it’s not a real relationship because you are both living completely different separate lives.

you say that you’ve travelled over to Florida frequently to visit him - but has he put in the same level of effort to come to the UK to spend time with you??? I’m assuming no?

The comment about “practically being a step mum to his kids” - what? You live thousands of miles away, how on Earth is this even remotely true??

I’m really sorry to say this but I’d say he’s been playing you along for years. The fact that he literally just cut you off like that speaks volumes. It wasn’t a real relationship, it never was and it was never going to be.

honestly, the best thing you can do now is just completely cease all contact with him. It’s over, whatever it was. You deserve more than some half arsed cross Atlantic pen pal.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

Could you try and get someone to stay with you or go and stay with a friend ? I know we’re in lockdown but for your own mental health maybe being alone is not a good idea for now ?

I don't have anyone that I can stay with.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Life is not always straight forward and especially not when love is involved , it’s easy to give advice when it’s not your life

Oh for goodness sake- this is a gossip forum and this lady has posted here knowing full well what tattle is like!!!! I’m not going to pussyfoot around it, sorry but that’s not my style. Husband has been shagging another woman for who knows how long and he’s not even out the house long enough for the bed to go cold! Nah. He’s the one that’s done wrong here, he’s the one that has messed things up for his child - he should be out on his arse.
he’s literally just got away with this whole thing, no repercussions. He must be thinking he’s got it made.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

But t

Exactly. I had friends who once said a relationship I was in wasn't real because we didn't live together, share finances or have children with each other. It's very condescending not to mention rude.

It's amazing how many women think for it to be real you have to have a ring on your finger. Or you have to completely uproot your life to become a "we" If this couple chose to do long distance, then that's up to them. They did what worked for them and every couple is different. What works for one, may not work for another and that's fine. Doesn't make it any less real.

Just to add to this; every relationship is different and unique in it's own way. There isn't a one size fits all for it. As long as the love, trust and respect is there, then every couple has the right to decide their own terms and design their relationship how they see fit. No one has the right to then say it's not real just because theirs is different to how you would do it.

but The “love, trust & respect” isn’t there. That’s the point I’m making. In 4 years he’s been to see her in the UK once. She’s the one doing all the leg work and making the effort to go to him. To be part of his life. He’s not given her the same back. Yes there’s other things to consider like work & children etc but that doesn’t alter the fact that he’s not really made the effort. For how long was this arrangement going to carry on? Another 4 years? 8? 10?

The way he’s ended it shows no respect whatsoever towards her or to their relationship. If he genuinely loved or respected her would he have seriously just ended it like that? No.

I know loads of couples who started out long distance and you know what, after a time the relationship has to evolve to move forward. You make plans to be together, to share a life together. I think she’s doing herself a huge disservice to just view a few FaceTime calls or a few weeks holiday in Florida a year as a solid partnership.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I’m sorry I ended up texting him last night just to see if he’d blocked me on iMessage after last time. The message delivered :/ no reply though which is making me feel even worse. Strange that he hasn’t blocked me there.

Delete his number.

 

[gigi_93]

Why did you guys break up?

We’ve been kept apart by the pandemic border closures. After my latest flight got cancelled I think he just snapped

My loves I feel for you all, heartbreak is a killer.
My ex dumped me out of the blue when he got another job, then I stupidly waited for him and gave in a months later. Months down the line he did it again, I tried to force closure and honestly it wasn‘t worth it because all he did was lie! Harsh as it sounds, even if they do respond, sometimes that in itself doesn’t help. He blocked me after, then unblocked a few months later.

Best thing I did was finding someone else and blocking him. It’s years ago now and he’s still blocked, and I don’t ever think about unblocking cause simply, I don’t give a shit what he’s doing, fucking abusive piece

If you had told me when I was heartbroken that I would’ve had the strength to block him and never think of him again I wouldn’t have believed you, but hard as this sounds it does get better - I can’t even imagine how lonely it must feel with the state of the world at the moment too. Lotsa love to all

Thank you I’m glad you had the strength to block and keep him blocked

I feel this so deep in my bones. I used to say I wish I could hate him but I can't. It took probably 10 months for me to hate him. I always thought he treated me so well too. Then one day just bits started sliding in that I realised I didn't like and I wouldn't take anymore....... I promise it gets easier, not quickly or suddenly but it does xx

Thank you. Since we were used to spending up to 3 months apart at a time anyway, I think that kept the relationship fresh and never gave us a chance to mistreat each other. I really am resenting how well he treated me right now which feels so weird to say

 

[gigi_93]

I think when you are truly heartbroken it doesn't matter how young or old, you feel it down to your bones you really do. I think if I came face to face with my ex now after 10 years it would still devastate me even though I'm happy in my life and love my partner.

Look after yourself and take it day by day, do what makes you feel better and get into a new routine. Time will pass and you'll find your new happy

Thank you I need to focus on eating something and stop sitting here waiting for him to contact me. If he chose to block me I doubt he will decide to unblock but my brain is just a mess.

 

[gigi_93]

No contact is hard but sometimes it’s the only way. I don’t look at his social media because I don’t want to see him moving on without me. I’ve kind of impressed myself by how I haven’t looked even once...someone give me a medal

He replied and said maybe we can talk tomorrow. I just said ok. That should be an interesting conversation

 

[Platformcrocs]

I think it’s just really hard to accept as part of the process that maybe our partners weren’t the people we thought they were. Yes I recognise my marriage wasn’t perfect but we had been together a long time and I’ve always thought a marriage will take work and you’ll never sit back and think it’s perfect, but I think I’m mostly sad about this being reality and thinking what could’ve been. Half the day I spend crying about missing him and wishing this was all a bad dream, and then the other half I’m angry and thinking I’m a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man for now!

Yes absolutely, that was the hardest thing for me. It makes you question everything but especially your judgment. After my last breakup, I had friends/family saying "oh yeah we didn't really like him anyway" - but I loved him at the time and those comments didn't help cause like I say, my judgment and self-confidence was shot to pieces. You can and will heal from a breakup but once you've been badly burned, it changes the way you approach a new relationship.

 

[Imonlyme]

I was trying to keep things as normal as possible for my young child x

Do you know what's keeping a child's life as normal as possible? When their mother is happy and not going through shit because of the selfish actions of a father. It doesn't matter if the dad is there if the house isn't happy.

Your husband wasn't thinking of his child while he was sneaking off to bed another woman. In putting yourself first and making you happy, you ultimately help your child. Think of it this way: how much time and moments have been stolen from you spending actual quality time with your kids because your mind was somewhere else thinking about what he's done?

How many times have you maybe snapped at your kids because your mood was off because of the way your husband has made you feel? We've all been there, we've all snapped at our kids because of stress. But the stress he's put on your family was completely selfish and unnecessary. He also put your family at an even greater risk by sleeping around during a pandemic.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I kept seeing her with her new guy, and with the benefit of hindsight she was using me as potential backup if it didn't work out with him.

That's awful, I'm so sorry. At least you can see it that way now, sounds like you're definitely better off without her.

Absolutely..I'd need a proper explanation..I wouldn't be able to let it go until I understood. I'm a bit crazy lol so I'd be getting on a plane over there and demanding to see him as soon as covid is over lol. It breaks my heart ro see so many girls upset over actions of men which are so disrespectful. Fair enough if you don't want a relationship no more but issues need to be discussed first...or you would hope at least


Have you got any advice on how to get through it? I'm finding it so hard. I'm messing up at work. I'm either leaving early because I can't cope or staying late because I can't face going home and being there alone with all our stuff that we chose together. Weekends are the worst because the days just seem so long.

I plan fun things with my friends. Get invested in a series which you love. Go shopping and buy new clothes. Get hair done. A new tattoo lol. Friends help massively and holidays Haha. Have something to focus on. Get used to your own company again. Do you read books? Xx
[/QUOTE]
Shame none of those things are possible just now, COVID really is making everything harder! I used to read a lot and I did think that would be the one positive here, more time for reading, but I can't focus on it just yet. Maybe in a couple of weeks I'll get into reading again. Thank you for your input so far, it's nice to have more people's perspectives and experiences x

 

[gigi_93]

Same to you lovely. You know what if he can dump.you so abruptly maybe it's a blessing you didn't get married. Imagine trying to sort a divorce from a different country! When lockdown ends let's go an get pissed in town, deal? Haha.

If we had been married I’d have been exempt from the travel bans and could have travelled there freely, so I don’t think I would be in this mess now. But who knows, he may still have dumped me I suppose, but in my heart I don’t feel that he would have. He never gave me a chance to find out what’s going on in his head. Absolutely up for getting pissed in town though, I’d be there face down in a gutter right now if not for lockdown!!

 

[LateG0ssiper]

Your body is probably just so fatigued from everything you’re dealing with. I haven’t had a good nights sleep in weeks. It’s good that you’re eating more. It’s so easy to just completely forget to take care of yourself

I just wish I could do something to help my brain switch off for a while. The stress and anxiety is becoming unbearable but I can't stop thinking about it every second of the day.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

The advice started out as very good, tough love and all that. ( I'm of the older generation and been through a ton of shit and wish I had my older self advising me back then with some tough love) but then it slid into something unsavoury and abusive to someone already vulnerable.

Where has anyone on this thread been either unsavoury or abusive in their comments? I can’t see anything of the sort....?

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Ahh dont i know the feeling, my house is a mess and im ashamed to say i live like this! And i want to tidy it i just cant, i find myself getting back into bed.. works a good distraction.. but dont want to be at work nor at home. It is sooo shit!! Who would choose to fall in love!
- edit:
& the best bit, i spoke to my ex for three hours yesterday he loves me and is struggling as well. But due to religious differences wont be with me. Super frustrating. Hes telling me he will wait forever for me to change my mind.

With respect, he’s an asshole!

he’s telling you he loves you but won’t be with you due to religion? What exactly does he expect you to do with that information?? He’s not thought about you at all there! If for whatever reason he is making a choice (because it IS his choice; using religion is im
Afraid a bullshit excuse so he doesn’t have to deal with the fallout) not to be with you he needs to leave you alone so that you can move on with your life. I’m gobsmacked that he has been so cruel to say that to you. What an arse.