Gender Discussions #4

[DanaScully]

I think the key with things like dating apps is people being upfront and honest. Like you say, some people aren't bothered about someone's genitals and that's fine, but it's also ok to only be interested in men. But I've seen women being attacked for not wanting to date trans men. I have a friend who is a trans man and his dating profiles always clearly state that he is trans. Unfortunately that's not always the case and some people don't disclose it

Agreed, but usually it's very clear who is trans, despite the multiple filters their photos usually have! I have seen an account online from a TIM who stated they don't disclose they're trans on dating sites and that if it becomes an issue upon meeting up, they're willing to resort to violence.

I did see a dating profile recently which stated, 'I'm a trans woman, if that's not for you that's completely fine.'

Whilst I wish lesbians could have access to female only spaces, it was nice to see that not all of them believe they should be accepted as lesbians and we should all be willing to date them otherwise we're transphobes or bigots.

 

[JustHereForTheAgriculture]

You know, a few years ago when I was on the dating sites and before I knew anything about the darker side of all this trans and tra stuff, seeing a handful of what were obviously men in wigs, I naively assumed it was just straight lads having a laugh (not a very funny one but still). I kind of miss that naivety. It was a simpler time.

 

[SqualorVictoria]

Transphobia in Tinderland

Dating while trans is never easy. However, with the updates dating apps are pushing out to be more inclusive why is transphobia there?

medium.com

From a trans person about online dating

 

[Vee6]

Can’t handle reality

 

[DanaScully]

Transphobia in Tinderland

Dating while trans is never easy. However, with the updates dating apps are pushing out to be more inclusive why is transphobia there?

medium.com

From a trans person about online dating

Ah, the refreshing constantly regurgitated key themes of trans narcissism:

- if someone doesn't want to date me, they are a bigot and/or are transphobic.
- unmatching me on a dating site is literal violence!
- analogy about trans women being highly victimised and vulnerable. I note the author of the article produced no figures or statistics as to the 'rate of violence against trans women from dates'.

The average trans person has a one-in-200,000 to one-in-500,000 chance of being murdered in the UK over the course of a year. Source: https://www.channel4.com/news/factcheck/factcheck-how-many-trans-people-murdered-uk

Compare that to the number of women who experience domestic violence and are murdered by men every year, then we'll talk.

 

[CheshireLove]

Transphobia in Tinderland

Dating while trans is never easy. However, with the updates dating apps are pushing out to be more inclusive why is transphobia there?

medium.com

From a trans person about online dating

Sounds like a man moaning that people don’t read profiles on dating apps lol. Is that a surprise to him?

As for this - “Also, what the heck are female internal organs? Is there a female lung and a male lung now? Also I think that person may have been a black market organ collector.”

Has he never heard of the female reproductive system?!

 

[SqualorVictoria]

I get that it's not easy but it's not like dating apps are a picnic for anyone. Anyone can be unmatched/ ghosted. I'd suggest that if you're looking in the wrong place, that's half the problem.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I hate the whole ‘transphobic dating’ thing in its entirety tbh. I personally feel like it’s a non issue for trans people. Nobody can force anyone to date anyone, regardless of whether dating preferences are rooted in racism, ableism, or whatever. The trans thing is just an extension of that - if someone doesn’t want to date you, they don’t want to date you. For me that has to be the end of the story and any attempts to bully anyone into dating anyone are coercive and frankly pretty rapey. How can there be meaningful consent otherwise?
I genuinely fear for gay and les users of these apps now, can imagine it getting very nasty if for example a transwoman who ‘passes’ goes home with a les and only in a compromising position does it become apparent. The whole thing smacks of entitlement to women yet again, I think it’s been discussed before on here but it does make you wonder how many of these ‘transwomen’ are incel men who think they might be able to bully lesbians into sleeping with them if they say they’re transphobic otherwise.

 

[maytoseptember]

Want to see something really sickening? A female doctor with zero ethics, advertising her services on Tiktok with the handle “gendersurgeon” and trivialising double mastectomy surgery by calling it “yeeting the teats” and “teatus deletus” (LOL she’s so funny).

There’s something so sinister about using the language of internet savvy teens to appeal to ROGD teenage girls.

 

[holliebollie]

The day we see a poster with ‘People with testicles: make sure you’re giving them a good feel once a week in the shower... lather them up and give ‘em a squeeze!’, I’ll eat my hat. ‘Raise money for Movember, all proceeds to help individuals with testes.’ Like HELL is that going to happen

 

[emmer_moans]

The day we see a poster with ‘People with testicles: make sure you’re giving them a good feel once a week in the shower... lather them up and give ‘em a squeeze!’, I’ll eat my hat. ‘Raise money for Movember, all proceeds to help individuals with testes.’ Like HELL is that going to happen

EXACTLY!

Men would raise HELL if this becomes a norm on social media.

(I do appreciate the small minority of men on social media who do speak up against renaming things like breastfeeding, mother, woman, I don't hate men, just in case any new people on the thread think this. I just think that men in general would be outraged if it happened to them and their outrage would have clout.)

 

[SqualorVictoria]

I hate the whole ‘transphobic dating’ thing in its entirety tbh. I personally feel like it’s a non issue for trans people. Nobody can force anyone to date anyone, regardless of whether dating preferences are rooted in racism, ableism, or whatever. The trans thing is just an extension of that - if someone doesn’t want to date you, they don’t want to date you. For me that has to be the end of the story and any attempts to bully anyone into dating anyone are coercive and frankly pretty rapey. How can there be meaningful consent otherwise?
I genuinely fear for gay and les users of these apps now, can imagine it getting very nasty if for example a transwoman who ‘passes’ goes home with a les and only in a compromising position does it become apparent. The whole thing smacks of entitlement to women yet again, I think it’s been discussed before on here but it does make you wonder how many of these ‘transwomen’ are incel men who think they might be able to bully lesbians into sleeping with them if they say they’re transphobic otherwise.

Exactly this. No one is entitled to have anyone fancy them

And surely you are aware that transitioning may limit your dating options a bit? I don't want to sound mean or harsh but that's just the reality

 

[chanandlerbong]

The dating topic is one of the reasons why teenagers and children especially will never be able to give informed consent to transition.

A child has no concept of dating, settling down and having children of your own and if these are things they would want in future. It's not helpful or morally right to tell children that they can literally change their sex if they want to because they can't, and in transitioning they're signing themselves up for a life of hardship where these things will be much more difficult - very limited dating options, not only because they're trans but also because they've literally sterilised themselves. As an adult with fertility issues you can quite literally be written off by potential partners who want kids of their own - a child, of course, would have no concept of this (and this is just one example). And if they have absolutely no idea what it is they're giving up then they shouldn't be allowed to make the decision in the first place

 

[maytoseptember]

And surely you are aware that transitioning may limit your dating options a bit? I don't want to sound mean or harsh but that's just the reality

It’s not mean or harsh, but I genuinely think when trans people live in rainbow hugboxes, either online or IRL, they become brainwashed to the point that they believe their dating options won’t be restricted. They get a lot of positive attention for being trans, and think that’ll translate to everyday life

 

[Vee6]

The dating topic is one of the reasons why teenagers and children especially will never be able to give informed consent to transition.

A child has no concept of dating, settling down and having children of your own and if these are things they would want in future. It's not helpful or morally right to tell children that they can literally change their sex if they want to because they can't, and in transitioning they're signing themselves up for a life of hardship where these things will be much more difficult - very limited dating options, not only because they're trans but also because they've literally sterilised themselves. As an adult with fertility issues you can quite literally be written off by potential partners who want kids of their own - a child, of course, would have no concept of this (and this is just one example). And if they have absolutely no idea what it is they're giving up then they shouldn't be allowed to make the decision in the first place

All this

It’s not mean or harsh, but I genuinely think when trans people live in rainbow hugboxes, either online or IRL, they become brainwashed to the point that they believe their dating options won’t be restricted. They get a lot of positive attention for being trans, and think that’ll translate to everyday life

I mean this might be harsh but I think it would be a tiny percentage of people that would want to date a transperson long term. I think the majority of those interested would be men having a thing for trans women as curious sex thing, or a fetish. But it would be just that, not likely to go long term, introduce to family ect. And when they are done they are done.
I can’t see many women wanting to date trans men as I think it would be very hard work with all the other issues they might have and wanting children. I might be completely wrong.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

I've known some very unhealthy relationships that came from trans or "non-binary" people being caught in a small social/dating circle of people just like them: all very insular, most with mental health problems (often related to not wanting to be a woman), and with few or no social contacts that weren't deeply embedded in gender ideology. I think one of the worst I've seen was a relationship involving substance abuse and violence that ended up pulling in a close friend (who's not trans) as they were "polyamorous". My friend no longer speaks to me because I tried to warn her that getting involved with this might not be a good idea, she was very vulnerable at the time

 

[SqualorVictoria]

Polyamorous is just a fancy way of saying 'I like cheating and can legitimately do so'. No good can come of it

 

[Vee6]

I constantly see thumbnails that are recommend on YouTube for ‘troubles’, polyamous ect. I never watched them but always recommend to me. And gay couples, one in particular where one of the men looks very very young, and they have had like a couple of million views.

 

[Sunshine&clouds]

The thing that I find the most disturbing about trans people attacking women is how misogynistic it is. Why do people who claim to be women, hate everything that makes a human being female?

 

[Vee6]

Throuples - my phone autocorrected