Gender Discussion #66

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emmer_moans

Exactly, they want to be seen acknowleged and praised. Ignoring them hurts them
Oh my goodness, that must have been so scary when he started harassing and stalking you. What the heck!!
 
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emmer_moans

I wonder if he was nice to you until you questioned him. Protective of you (perhaps possessive in a way) until you held a mirror up to him and he flipped. Almost like he felt you rejected him which seems to be a male fear. How terrifying though for someone you knew 20 years to suddenly change dramatically. My mind is blown right now.
 
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Lynn’ssnazzycardigan

My device being weird so I can’t quote but in response to the post upthread about the unisex toilets with no urinals you just know the seats will be covered in stale, stinking, sprayed-on man pee. Public toilets are gross enough but it’s predictable where women might wet the seat and can be wiped/covered, not everyone is fit enough to hover. (My germ phobia is showing ) Most men I know, especially older generations, are very squeamish about periods and would be horrified to witness a woman washing blood from her hands as sometimes has to be done. Unisex toilets should be avoided wherever possible for dignity as well as safety. It’s like the feelings and experiences of “normal” men and women are less important than those of trans people.
It’s so true what someone else was saying- when TRAs scream “trans rights are human rights” (of course they bloody are, we’re all human) they are really saying “we demand special privileges” because they are not satisfied with being like everyone else. So what exactly do you want- acceptance or singled-out?
 
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bluecups

BIB - Exactly this.
After that first email from him that made clear he wasn't going to be ignored (hello Alex Forrest) he went full psycho within 24 hours. We exchanged messages for a few weeks; me telling him - politely - to start with to leave me alone and him being abusive and persistent. After that I just completely ignored him and he carried on for two and a half years.

I think by completely blanking him it sent him doolally and triggered some massive rejection response because he got dumped for 10 years in a shitty care home as a little kid by his mother. That's my retrospective armchair psychologist take on it anyway.

I cannot overstate that this was the most placid person I knew. The person who stopped fights in pubs, acted as mediator in disputes within friendship groups, incredibly popular gentle soul. We even shared houses over the years, he was close as family to me, always platonic.


Sorry to everyone for these long posts, I'll not derail the thread any further. Although it's been surprisingly cathartic to write it all down. Thank you for the reactions. You bunch of legends.





https://giphy.com/xT9DPwQNiEvctEunde
 
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emmer_moans

No worries about derailing, it's relevant to the thread, it goes to show that some of these men (most) hate women when we say no. It's why if I see an AGP in the claustrophobic sized loos I'd probably keep my head down until I am safe distance then go make a complaint, because most of these AGPs going into the ladies loos are probably expecting to cause discomfort and be observed, and if they are not given that attention they might be looking for a fight.

I'm quite daintily built body structure wise, I'd snap like a twig if I came up again a big bruiser like Eddie Iz the 'Comic'. This is why they get away with intimidation, comes down to the biological strength differences I also know someone at work whose partner was nice as pie to her until she pushed back on something and then he flipped his shit. All because she said no to something he wanted. No nuanced conversation, deliberation, understanding, just intimidation and rage. Some men just cannot cope with rejection. Yet I'm willing to bet all women, even the prettiest, most socially desired ones get rejected again and again, at work, in the doctor's office when asking for diagnosis, in customer service, in the dating scene, within marriages etc etc, we are used to rejection and often reject ourselves.

Just my early morning pre-coffee ramble.
 
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Funny_bunny

I was complaining about “be kind” yesterday but I’m also fed up with the way “transphobic” is used to shut down ANY conversation or thoughts that they don’t like. If they’re not treated as special or fawned over, it’s transphobic, if you have concerns about surgical mutilation of young adults, it’s transphobic, if you want women only spaces, and NO men in women only spaces, it’s transphobic. It’s another weapon that they used to shut down any rational debate.
 
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ButtonDownTheHutches

NeverEnough said:
Tell me this is a parody.



Lie to me if necessary but tell me this is a parody
Click to expand...
Woman plays along with man’s delusional self-image because, as all women know, telling a man that he’s not who/what he believes himself to be can have dangerous consequences.
 
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PryingPenny

Definitely don't think you're derailing, I think its good to hear people's perspective and it really does help cement our views that this isn't just a harmless choice someone is making. This is a safe place to express those things too that we feel nervous to do in public forums.

I'm just sorry you've had to deal with it all. To feel you need to carry a weapon makes me so sad. It's worth you trying to have a conversation, perhaps off the record, with someone involved in domestic violence prevention/ stalking prevention, perhaps a charity, to get advice on whether you could report what happened to you and if it's wise or safe for you to do so. If he's done it to you he could have done it to others and policing is so driven now by levels of reporting to them, one report might not lead to action but a few reports might prompt some intervention to take place.
 
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Brian Butterfield

It's that classic Margaret Atwood quote, isn't it?

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.
 
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Justhereforthedrama

You arent derailing.

I have a similar story (minus the harassment).

My lovely, straight, wacky, eccentric friend. The one who was always trying to stick up for women and say the right thing, incredibly left wing (sometimes a bit too much for me) and fully blokey friend said they were emigrating. Bit sad, I was but a big adventure for them,.

He was there a week and I had a message 'can I call you, I have the BEST news' His call was 'I am a woman called Luna'. I think he expected flowers or applause or something from me, but I was already semi gender critical. Anyway, within weeks, his profile had went from being about himself, music, food, travelling, to sex, fetish, 'being girly'. It was sick. He was (on his main profile, where his Mam and Dad were) asing for 'fet life' connections and posting sickening pictures of himself in lingerie.

He then started commenting on feminist memes saying 'when you are a woman you are sexualised and ignored' and stuff like that. It was grim.

I havent spoken to him in years. Hes gone full TRA.
 
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JAR21

The issue is parents who just can't be arsed.

When she was 2, by daughter saw a pack of knickers with a particular character she liked and asked for them. I said she could have them when she didn't wee in her nappy. We bought them within a week.
 
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Scotch Mist

JAR21 said:
The issue is parents who just can't be arsed.

When she was 2, by daughter saw a pack of knickers with a particular character she liked and asked for them. I said she could have them when she didn't wee in her nappy. We bought them within a week.
Click to expand...
I found bribery worked well with my daughter too when she wouldn't give up her dummy to go to sleep at night I told her she could have the cuddly toy she kept asking for from the Disney store if she handed over all the dummies for me to bin. She couldn't do it fast enough
 
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emmer_moans

He must have been hiding his fetish under the radar for a while, then, I doubt he just became AGP overnight... gives me the shudders. How strange.
 
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Brian Butterfield

This, along with Labour's stance on adding VAT to private school fees (it's the children that will suffer here), is why I will no longer vote for them.

I have a deep dislike and distrust of Kier Starmer.
 
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