Westcoasthippydreamgirl
Well-known member
Coming up to a year this week when my 12yr old told us he had gender dysphoria completely out of the blue. What a year it's been!!
Saw a school therapist (who he had told first) who referred me to a mermaids type charity and on reading the website I just felt it didn't sit right with our family and our situation. She told me to put girls clothes in his wardrobe for him to wear at home. As a huge LGBT ally, I really struggled with my feelings on the subject. I wanted to be supportive and for a few weeks I contemplated leaving my marriage as my husband just said flat out no and buried his head in the sand and refused to even entertain the idea.
The trans acceptance I was peddled just didn't sit right with me though. I knew I had to protect my son who up to this point had never ever appeared gender non-conforming. So out of character. He was shy, not sporty, introverted, and had recently started upper school and found himself with a group of friends who were all mentally ill and struggling with their identity....but this didn't mean he was actually a girl?!
We told him that we loved him, we were sorry he felt so uncomfortable with his body in puberty, that it was normal and that we were not going to let him identify as someone else, change pronouns, clothes etc. I felt like the worst mother in the world. I barely slept for months with the worry.
I found this thread which was a lifesaver. Did my research. Stuck to our guns. Horrified by stories from detransitioners. Educated myself to the actual horror of transitioning medically and how just that first step is a slippery slope. Binged podcasts on the subject.
Fast forward a year and he is still a boy. We have had some wobbles but we have showered our son with so much love...we have convinced him he is normal, we've encouraged him to use his body in new ways (swimming, long walks etc), he has naturally gravitated away from that group of friends, he makes silly jokes about willies etc and we all laugh. I have stopped verbally hating on men so much (as a staunch feminist I have to remind myself that two people I love the most - him and his dad- are male) and generally things seem normal.
I heard on the Gender: A Wider Lens podcast that you don't ask a person recovering from an eating disorder how their anorexia is so I don't bring it up with him ever. He only ever spoke about it 4 times with us in the last year....3 times over text message and one forced face-to-face. I sometimes wonder if it was real or a horrible dream.
Not sure of the point of this....just to give some comfort to lurkers of this thread who may not be strong enough to post. There is a way to hopefully get through this. And between the laughable posts about AGPs and dodgy MP candidates there are real NORMAL families struggling with what to do when their kid out of the blue says that they are the wrong gender and I want them to know they are not alone.
Saw a school therapist (who he had told first) who referred me to a mermaids type charity and on reading the website I just felt it didn't sit right with our family and our situation. She told me to put girls clothes in his wardrobe for him to wear at home. As a huge LGBT ally, I really struggled with my feelings on the subject. I wanted to be supportive and for a few weeks I contemplated leaving my marriage as my husband just said flat out no and buried his head in the sand and refused to even entertain the idea.
The trans acceptance I was peddled just didn't sit right with me though. I knew I had to protect my son who up to this point had never ever appeared gender non-conforming. So out of character. He was shy, not sporty, introverted, and had recently started upper school and found himself with a group of friends who were all mentally ill and struggling with their identity....but this didn't mean he was actually a girl?!
We told him that we loved him, we were sorry he felt so uncomfortable with his body in puberty, that it was normal and that we were not going to let him identify as someone else, change pronouns, clothes etc. I felt like the worst mother in the world. I barely slept for months with the worry.
I found this thread which was a lifesaver. Did my research. Stuck to our guns. Horrified by stories from detransitioners. Educated myself to the actual horror of transitioning medically and how just that first step is a slippery slope. Binged podcasts on the subject.
Fast forward a year and he is still a boy. We have had some wobbles but we have showered our son with so much love...we have convinced him he is normal, we've encouraged him to use his body in new ways (swimming, long walks etc), he has naturally gravitated away from that group of friends, he makes silly jokes about willies etc and we all laugh. I have stopped verbally hating on men so much (as a staunch feminist I have to remind myself that two people I love the most - him and his dad- are male) and generally things seem normal.
I heard on the Gender: A Wider Lens podcast that you don't ask a person recovering from an eating disorder how their anorexia is so I don't bring it up with him ever. He only ever spoke about it 4 times with us in the last year....3 times over text message and one forced face-to-face. I sometimes wonder if it was real or a horrible dream.
Not sure of the point of this....just to give some comfort to lurkers of this thread who may not be strong enough to post. There is a way to hopefully get through this. And between the laughable posts about AGPs and dodgy MP candidates there are real NORMAL families struggling with what to do when their kid out of the blue says that they are the wrong gender and I want them to know they are not alone.
