Funny childhood stories

[Aceofspades]

When I was young, I didn’t know you couldn’t grow up to be an animal. So people would ask what did I want to be when I grew up and I always replied a giraffe. in my defence, I was little giraffes were big so it made sense in my head!

 

[kittypaws]

When I was young, I didn’t know you couldn’t grow up to be an animal. So people would ask what did I want to be when I grew up and I always replied a giraffe. in my defence, I was little giraffes were big so it made sense in my head!

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

I am very unco-ordinated and we did badminton at my middle school - I played it weekly for two years and hit the shuttlecock over the net... once. I was so proud of finally managing it that you would think I'd won a gold in the Olympics.

 

[Babyyoda88]

When I was young, I didn’t know you couldn’t grow up to be an animal. So people would ask what did I want to be when I grew up and I always replied a giraffe. in my defence, I was little giraffes were big so it made sense in my head!

Omg me too! I wanted to be a donkey so I could pull my teddies round in a cart! My cousin wanted to be a snowman.

 

[Aceofspades]

Omg me too! I wanted to be a donkey so I could pull my teddies round in a cart! My cousin wanted to be a snowman.

2021...here’s hoping!

 

[watermelon sugar]

Warning this story is GRIM and a bit disgusting so don't blame me for reading it

So when I was like 4 maybe 5 I went the toilet by myself. I had tit myself had diarrhea I think for the first time and it looked like sick!
I took my knickers off, walked out of the bathroom, stood at the top of the stairs and shouted 'MUUUUUUUUM! I'VE BEEN SICK IN ME KNICKERS' Then started swinging the knickers with tit round and all tit got on the walls

Like I said GRIM haha and I can confirm I do not do this now at the age of 25

 

[fookinhellm8_]

The time where we all went to butlins, I was in a “wind up merchant” mood, so I decided to wind up my cousins about how one had more chips than the other (they easily argue about the most minor things so this was a good opportunity). I told them that one of them has “one more chip than the other”, they thought I was high off of something but after convincing them that one of them did, all you could hear was “Sheeeeee’s got one MORE chip than meeee!!!!!” They didn’t stop arguing until we got back to the apartment and my aunt lost the will to live it’s put her off chips for life you could say!

At a wedding, I really was curious as to what whiskey tasted like, my grandfather obviously didn’t let me drink it. He said that I would be “loopier than a loopy loop”. Plus I would be sick. He was invited to the dance floor and I decided to taste it. Even if I was going to be loopier than a loopy loop. Big mistake. It wasn’t a little bit I tried, took a chug-full of it and when my grandfather’s friend noticed. I was told off and he was right, the taste was so bad, I was sick violently and was taken home at that point. Nowadays, I can’t drink a whiskey without 9 year old me looking like a sick dog at the back of my uncle’s car regretting that decision.

And the last one, my mother thought it would be a good idea to have chocolates you can put up on the Christmas tree, so, me being me, would sneak out every night downstairs and just pinch one. I thought it was only me doing this but once we were confronted, my siblings came forward and because we had one of my mother’s friends around, she confessed too. My mother was more humiliated because we put the empty wrappers back onto the Christmas tree I do now know what she was feeling back then, whenever it comes back up for a laugh, I get a little embarrassed. My chocolate robbing days are over and the choccy decorations for the trees are too!

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

When my sister got married, myself and the groom's niece were flower girls, we were both just turned 5. When it was time for the first dance, we thought, because we were so important to the days events that we had to join in, we totally hammed it up waltzing around the newly weds like whirling dervishes, totally stole the spotlight from the bride and groom, we got a standing ovation from the guests. Later on at the wedding, I took a little nap under a table whilst a search party was put together to look for me, eek! Another funny tale was when my dad took me to the hospital with him for an appointment. We were in a busy waiting room and my dad had a brown stain on his finger, I asked, in a very loud voice, what it was, my dad explained it was an ink stain from work (he worked for an ink manufacturer) I replied very loudly that it was actually poo and he should wash his hands properly, my poor dad was mortified

 

[bolimepipi]

When my sister got married, myself and the groom's niece were flower girls, we were both just turned 5. When it was time for the first dance, we thought, because we were so important to the days events that we had to join in, we totally hammed it up waltzing around the newly weds like whirling dervishes, totally stole the spotlight from the bride and groom, we got a standing ovation from the guests. Later on at the wedding, I took a little nap under a table whilst a search party was put together to look for me, eek!

hahah this reminds me of a friend, who was a flower girl at a wedding when she was small but she got angry because the bride got all the attention instead of her, so instead of gently throwing the flowers around the newlyweds, she aggressively catapulted them at the bride

 

[DCICassieStuart]

Warning this story is GRIM and a bit disgusting so don't blame me for reading it

So when I was like 4 maybe 5 I went the toilet by myself. I had tit myself had diarrhea I think for the first time and it looked like sick!
I took my knickers off, walked out of the bathroom, stood at the top of the stairs and shouted 'MUUUUUUUUM! I'VE BEEN SICK IN ME KNICKERS' Then started swinging the knickers with tit round and all tit got on the walls

Like I said GRIM haha and I can confirm I do not do this now at the age of 25

My friend's daughter is 20 now, but when she was about 3 I was at their house one day and the little one had been complaining that her tummy was sore. She disappeared into the bathroom and about 30 seconds later we heard blood curdling screams come from there.
Obviously rushed in to see what was wrong where this poor little girl was sobbing her heart out alternating between crying and shrieking "Mummy, my poos have MELTED!!!!"

It was the poor child's first time having diarrhoea.

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

My grandmother is an identical twin and when I was around 3 or 4 I declared that I didn't want to hug her anymore, I wanted to hug my great aunt instead because she was "fat and cuddly" rather than "hard and bony."


Neither woman took that request as a compliment.

 

[bolimepipi]

when my sister was small, my grandfather ended up in the hospital for something but he was okay in the end and got out. but she remembered it! and when she got her ear pierced, grandpa was admiring it and telling her how lovely she looks and jokingly said ''oh i might get one for myself'', and she told him ''why, you are going to die soon anyway?!'' very morbid but we laugh every time we remember this

 

[Giggling Squid]

Omg me too! I wanted to be a donkey so I could pull my teddies round in a cart! My cousin wanted to be a snowman.

My mum wanted to be a farmhouse

 

[DCICassieStuart]

My grandmother is an identical twin and when I was around 3 or 4 I declared that I didn't want to hug her anymore, I wanted to hug my great aunt instead because she was "fat and cuddly" rather than "hard and bony."


Neither woman took that request as a compliment.

My nephew (well, my husband's nephew) is 16 now, but when he was smaller (around 3 or 4) he was at his Grandmother's house (my MIL) one day and I was there. He was a very affectionate little child and was hugging his Grandmother and then hugged me, looked a bit confused and then started patting my front and asked me what 'the bony things' are? I told him they were my ribs. He turned to his (large) Grandmother and declared "You don't have any ribs like Cassie does!" She told him that she did and he asked "Oh, are they hidden under your fat then?"

I had to leave the room in a hurry before I burst out laughing

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

My nephew (well, my husband's nephew) is 16 now, but when he was smaller (around 3 or 4) he was at his Grandmother's house (my MIL) one day and I was there. He was a very affectionate little child and was hugging his Grandmother and then hugged me, looked a bit confused and then started patting my front and asked me what 'the bony things' are? I told him they were my ribs. He turned to his (large) Grandmother and declared "You don't have any ribs like Cassie does!" She told him that she did and he asked "Oh, are they hidden under your fat then?"

I had to leave the room in a hurry before I burst out laughing

This made me think of something I said a couple of years ago to the MIL and she was fuming. I speak a few languages and when I speak my mother tongue often times after I forget some of my english words.
Anyway so we’re round the inlaws and I’m talking about skincare with my MIL. And for the life of me I couldn’t remember the word wrinkles (in fact I would probably be even more diplomatic and use the word fine lines!)
So I just turned to her and ask what she uses for the cracks in her face
She still brings this up

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

this wasn’t me-but my uncle-I’m guessing this happened in the 30’s/40’s (rest in peace uncle Bob)
anyway he joined the school choir and was singing his heart out one sunday
the girl in front of him had really long hair-tied back in a platt
it kept pissing him off as he couldn’t read his choir book properly-it kept landing on his book-and knew if he got it wrong he’d get the cane for taking the piss
so he took his (freshly sharpened by my grandad) penknife out of his pocket-and chopped her beautiful long blonde platt off-tapped her on the shoulder and gave it back to to her!
the girl was over the moon-she hated having long hair,her mother was unbelievably pissed off as she loved her daughters hair and my uncle got extra cane!
he left the choir after that/they refused to have him back!

 

[Tree_]

I used to love picking on my younger sister when I was in my early teens.

For example before she went to school of a morning I would replace some of her text & exercise books with comics or newspapers in her school satchel.

Or I would tie the laces of her PE shoes together into a knot and stuff them in her changing bag.

And on one other occasion I replaced a couple of apples from her lunch box with a couple of imitation plastic ones

Lots of laughs at her expense, but she soon got her revenge....but that's for another thread, lol

Pissing myself over the plastic apples

 

[chandlercheesecake]

At a primary school disco I tried to pop a balloon by standing on it with both feet, and fell flat on my face in front of everyone!

I also thought I could curl a piece of my hair into a ringlet with this metal motorised spinny thing that we were experimenting with in a science lesson, but it got stuck in my hair and the teacher had to cut it out with scissors.

I was a dumb kid

 

[SavvyBee]

My husband was telling me about a friend of his (female) who was at a family party with her partner. Her partner’s nephew and the other kids were getting ready for bed and all saying good night to the adults. The nephew aged around 4 asked this friend if she could tickle his back before he went to bed. She didn’t want to seem rude in front of the family so agreed to do it for 10 seconds and then he’d have to go to bed like he’d been told. He stood in front of her whilst she gave his back a quick tickle. He then turned round, opened his dressing gown and pointed to an erection and shouted “look what you did”. Luckily he’d done it a few times before so the parents sort of laughed it off but she was absolutely horrified, mortified and wanted the ground to swallow her up!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

My husband was telling me about a friend of his (female) who was at a family party with her partner. Her partner’s nephew and the other kids were getting ready for bed and all saying good night to the adults. The nephew aged around 4 asked this friend if she could tickle his back before he went to bed. She didn’t want to seem rude in front of the family so agreed to do it for 10 seconds and then he’d have to go to bed like he’d been told. He stood in front of her whilst she gave his back a quick tickle. He then turned round, opened his dressing gown and pointed to an erection and shouted “look what you did”. Luckily he’d done it a few times before so the parents sort of laughed it off but she was absolutely horrified, mortified and wanted the ground to swallow her up!

ANd this is the story of how Timmy became the Wigan FLasher