My uncle took me on a train journey once, he bought me some sweets and said I could have them once we were on the train. I was around 4-5 and had been in the playground and somehow picked up that “have sex” meant giving someone a cuddle. We get on the train and I ask if I could have my sweets yet. My uncle said no because we were stood up, and he said once we got to the next stop people would get off, we could sit down and then I’d be able to open my sweets. Being a little madam, I loudly declared that if he didn’t let me have my sweets I wouldn’t let him have sex with me (ie, I wouldn’t give him a cuddle). He said the entire carriage looked like they wanted to lynch him and he wanted to die then and there. It was only when we got to our destination he had my Mum ask me what I’d meant and they figured out what I’d learned in the playground!
- Notice
A couple of weeks ago my mum was telling me that my 6yr old niece could go to school in either a Christmas jumper or something sparkly. My niece opted for something sparkly although every other kid wore a Christmas jumper and my niece was really upset. Cue my mum’s well your sister should’ve took a Christmas jumper just in case blah blah blan. I said mum, do you not remember when I was in reception and my sister was in the junior school that you got us dressed up for fancy dress day, only to discover that it was for the junior school only and I spent the day dressed as a clown amongst everyone in school uniform 
She conveniently couldn’t remember that (was well over 30yrs ago now).
Another story, a very windy day in 1984, dad took me and my sister to the park to fly a kite. My sister was 6, I was 1 and strapped in a buggy. Dad didn’t put the brake on the buggy and I ended up face down in the pond, dad had no idea until people started shouting at him and he had to jump in to pull me out, had to walk home soaking wet with my sister crying as she wanted to fly her kite
She conveniently couldn’t remember that (was well over 30yrs ago now).Another story, a very windy day in 1984, dad took me and my sister to the park to fly a kite. My sister was 6, I was 1 and strapped in a buggy. Dad didn’t put the brake on the buggy and I ended up face down in the pond, dad had no idea until people started shouting at him and he had to jump in to pull me out, had to walk home soaking wet with my sister crying as she wanted to fly her kite
Pinkblush
VIP Member
This isn't a funny story as such and any parent will probably shudder reading this.
In the days before health and safety and helicopter parenting, when kids could climb trees and lauch themselves three foot in the air off home made bike ramps, I climbed up on to the shed roof which was a concrete structure with a flat roof.
I was 7 years old at the time and I'd set all my cindy type dolls out in a row to read them a story. It was in the days when all the kids were allowed to play out without parental supervision so when everyone got called in for dinner I didn't show because I'd fallen asleep on the roof. My dad drove round the streets and knocked on the doors of the kids I played with. There was no sign of me. He returned home frantic and called the police. By this time it was getting to dusk. The police were driving round the streets and because we lived near an army barracks at the time they got soldiers out to search the local heath and woods. A doctor had to be called to sedate my mum because because she was such a mess. I eventually woke up, climbed down and walked in the back door. I can't even formulate into words what the reaction was when everyone saw me. I was really confused by it all. My mum collapsed hugging me so tightly that it hurt and then to add further confusion she started screaming at me and shaking me. I couldn't understand what the hell was going on. The police family liaison officer had to pull my mum off me because she was shaking me so hard with rage
. Also it caused a lot of embarrassment for my parents that I was so close by and the police and army had wasted their time even though they were delighted I was found.
In the days before health and safety and helicopter parenting, when kids could climb trees and lauch themselves three foot in the air off home made bike ramps, I climbed up on to the shed roof which was a concrete structure with a flat roof.
I was 7 years old at the time and I'd set all my cindy type dolls out in a row to read them a story. It was in the days when all the kids were allowed to play out without parental supervision so when everyone got called in for dinner I didn't show because I'd fallen asleep on the roof. My dad drove round the streets and knocked on the doors of the kids I played with. There was no sign of me. He returned home frantic and called the police. By this time it was getting to dusk. The police were driving round the streets and because we lived near an army barracks at the time they got soldiers out to search the local heath and woods. A doctor had to be called to sedate my mum because because she was such a mess. I eventually woke up, climbed down and walked in the back door. I can't even formulate into words what the reaction was when everyone saw me. I was really confused by it all. My mum collapsed hugging me so tightly that it hurt and then to add further confusion she started screaming at me and shaking me. I couldn't understand what the hell was going on. The police family liaison officer had to pull my mum off me because she was shaking me so hard with rage
. Also it caused a lot of embarrassment for my parents that I was so close by and the police and army had wasted their time even though they were delighted I was found.
watermelon sugar
VIP Member
Warning this story is GRIM and a bit disgusting so don't blame me for reading it 
So when I was like 4 maybe 5 I went the toilet by myself. I had shit myself had diarrhea I think for the first time and it looked like sick!
I took my knickers off, walked out of the bathroom, stood at the top of the stairs and shouted 'MUUUUUUUUM! I'VE BEEN SICK IN ME KNICKERS' Then started swinging the knickers with shit round and all shit got on the walls
Like I said GRIM haha and I can confirm I do not do this now at the age of 25
So when I was like 4 maybe 5 I went the toilet by myself. I had shit myself
had diarrhea I think for the first time and it looked like sick! I took my knickers off, walked out of the bathroom, stood at the top of the stairs and shouted 'MUUUUUUUUM! I'VE BEEN SICK IN ME KNICKERS' Then started swinging the knickers with shit round and all shit got on the walls
Like I said GRIM haha and I can confirm I do not do this now at the age of 25
I had not long started primary school, I was told i had to playing Mary in the Christmas play and I had this doll which I was meant to gently place in the crib..
Yeah that didn't happen. I threw the doll down and the head popped off and rolled away.
I didn't see the big deal but apparently that isn't how you do it.
That even makes me giggle now when I think of it.
Yeah that didn't happen. I threw the doll down and the head popped off and rolled away.
I didn't see the big deal but apparently that isn't how you do it.
That even makes me giggle now when I think of it.
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ThatB***hCarolBaskin
Well-known member
My mum massively believes in spirits and would tell anybody who would listen that out house was really haunted.
When I was about 14-15 I had a 10pm curfew, but all my mates could stay out till whenever and I hated it.
the reason I had curfew is because she used to be up at 4 am for work so wanted me in before she went to bed.
So I used to come in at 10, say night and get in bed. I’d wait 30 mins, give her chance to fall asleep then sneak downstairs and go back out. Then sneak back in later on just before she woke up.
a couple of weeks of doing this she started telling everybody about the ghost walking up and down the stairs. I thought I was busted but no she genuinely thought what she was hearing was a ghost.
A year ago she brought it up infront of friends. I said mum you know that was me don’t you.. she had no clue. She was fuming that she had been telling everybody the ghost on the stairs story for years.
I also used to smoke green in my room and blame the neighbours and say it was coming through the vents. So then she went round telling everybody the poor old man next door was a raging druggie.
I was a delightful teen.
When I was about 14-15 I had a 10pm curfew, but all my mates could stay out till whenever and I hated it.
the reason I had curfew is because she used to be up at 4 am for work so wanted me in before she went to bed.
So I used to come in at 10, say night and get in bed. I’d wait 30 mins, give her chance to fall asleep then sneak downstairs and go back out. Then sneak back in later on just before she woke up.
a couple of weeks of doing this she started telling everybody about the ghost walking up and down the stairs. I thought I was busted but no she genuinely thought what she was hearing was a ghost.
A year ago she brought it up infront of friends. I said mum you know that was me don’t you.. she had no clue. She was fuming that she had been telling everybody the ghost on the stairs story for years.
I also used to smoke green in my room and blame the neighbours and say it was coming through the vents. So then she went round telling everybody the poor old man next door was a raging druggie.
I was a delightful teen.
bolimepipi
VIP Member
just today i answered a question on another thread and remembered that as a child i wanted to be a stripper, because i saw one on tv, she was wearing a golden bra and panties and i was hypnotized, i told my mom i want to do what this lady is doing when i grow up my dad commented something about it probably being a good decision and today i agree with him, i kinda wish i'd gone down that path
i also hated that i had to hold people's hands when walking. once i was walking with my grandma around a kind of foresty-mountainy area and i was picking flowers. when we got closer to the road, i had to give her my hand. so i dropped the flowers on purpose so that she'd have to pick them up for me and leave my hand, and then i started running away from her while turning around and laughing at her trying to catch me she still mentions this today and how scared she was, poor nan
i'd love to hear funny childhood stories about you that your family always retells, i have so many, but let's leave it at this for now
my dad commented something about it probably being a good decision and today i agree with him, i kinda wish i'd gone down that path i also hated that i had to hold people's hands when walking. once i was walking with my grandma around a kind of foresty-mountainy area and i was picking flowers. when we got closer to the road, i had to give her my hand. so i dropped the flowers on purpose so that she'd have to pick them up for me and leave my hand, and then i started running away from her while turning around and laughing at her trying to catch me
she still mentions this today and how scared she was, poor nani'd love to hear funny childhood stories about you that your family always retells, i have so many, but let's leave it at this for now
I was a strange child so I'm sure I'll revisit this thread a lot.
One that always makes me cry laughing when I tell people is my favourite Teddy bear was called Little Ted (playschool era). But I also had a second name for him.... Prince Edward. Who the fuck names their toy after a Prince and Edward at that Mum says they used to try and get me to stick to little ted but I'd proudly introduce him as Prince Edward 
One that always makes me cry laughing when I tell people is my favourite Teddy bear was called Little Ted (playschool era). But I also had a second name for him.... Prince Edward. Who the fuck names their toy after a Prince and Edward at that
Mum says they used to try and get me to stick to little ted but I'd proudly introduce him as Prince Edward My cousins once went to a nye party at a bowling alley in fancy dress except the fancy dress part got cancelled because of icy weather. Noone told them, my cousins husband was one of those sit on emu things. Always makes me laugh thinking of him there amongst normal dressed peopleA couple of weeks ago my mum was telling me that my 6yr old niece could go to school in either a Christmas jumper or something sparkly. My niece opted for something sparkly although every other kid wore a Christmas jumper and my niece was really upset. Cue my mum’s well your sister should’ve took a Christmas jumper just in case blah blah blan. I said mum, do you not remember when I was in reception and my sister was in the junior school that you got us dressed up for fancy dress day, only to discover that it was for the junior school only and I spent the day dressed as a clown amongst everyone in school uniform
Another story, a very windy day in 1984, dad took me and my sister to the park to fly a kite. My sister was 6, I was 1 and strapped in a buggy. Dad didn’t put the brake on the buggy and I ended up face down in the pond, dad had no idea until people started shouting at him and he had to jump in to pull me out, had to walk home soaking wet with my sister crying as she wanted to fly her kite
Aceofspades
Chatty Member
When I was young, I didn’t know you couldn’t grow up to be an animal. So people would ask what did I want to be when I grew up and I always replied a giraffe. 
in my defence, I was little giraffes were big so it made sense in my head!
in my defence, I was little giraffes were big so it made sense in my head!
Babyyoda88
VIP Member
I was an odd bod of a child.
I use to record “shows” on cassette tapes mainly of my budgie who was called Noel, so I would have the Noel Show. The “show” consisted of me singing the song the First Noel to the budgie and then repeating “ding your bell Noel” to the budgie (which it never would). I’d then force my family to listen to the “show”.
I would write musicals and invite the whole family to come and watch it, including intervals and programs.
I had a PC game called Dogz 3 which I was obsessed with and had a little dog family. On a Monday I’d write a fact revision book of the dogz for my nan and she’d have to revise it for the week and on a Friday she’d have a test on how well she knew the dogz (she was a good sporty of love her)
I played the violin but I hated it so much I’d always hide so I didn’t have to go to my violin lessons and spend the violin money on sweets. My mum was furious when she ended up with a huge violin bill and the end of the term.
The only part of my ballet lessons I enjoyed was when we played the “animal game” at the end of a lesson (nothing to do with ballet, a total time killer) when it was my turn to be an animal I would be the beast from beauty and the beast every time. No wonder I made no friends in ballet.
Yeah very very bizarre.
I use to record “shows” on cassette tapes mainly of my budgie who was called Noel, so I would have the Noel Show. The “show” consisted of me singing the song the First Noel to the budgie and then repeating “ding your bell Noel” to the budgie (which it never would). I’d then force my family to listen to the “show”.
I would write musicals and invite the whole family to come and watch it, including intervals and programs.
I had a PC game called Dogz 3 which I was obsessed with and had a little dog family. On a Monday I’d write a fact revision book of the dogz for my nan and she’d have to revise it for the week and on a Friday she’d have a test on how well she knew the dogz (she was a good sporty of love her)
I played the violin but I hated it so much I’d always hide so I didn’t have to go to my violin lessons and spend the violin money on sweets. My mum was furious when she ended up with a huge violin bill and the end of the term.
The only part of my ballet lessons I enjoyed was when we played the “animal game” at the end of a lesson (nothing to do with ballet, a total time killer) when it was my turn to be an animal I would be the beast from beauty and the beast every time. No wonder I made no friends in ballet.
Yeah very very bizarre.
DCICassieStuart
VIP Member
My friend's daughter is 20 now, but when she was about 3 I was at their house one day and the little one had been complaining that her tummy was sore. She disappeared into the bathroom and about 30 seconds later we heard blood curdling screams come from there.Warning this story is GRIM and a bit disgusting so don't blame me for reading it
So when I was like 4 maybe 5 I went the toilet by myself. I had shit myself
I took my knickers off, walked out of the bathroom, stood at the top of the stairs and shouted 'MUUUUUUUUM! I'VE BEEN SICK IN ME KNICKERS' Then started swinging the knickers with shit round and all shit got on the walls
Like I said GRIM haha and I can confirm I do not do this now at the age of 25
Obviously rushed in to see what was wrong where this poor little girl was sobbing her heart out alternating between crying and shrieking "Mummy, my poos have MELTED!!!!"
It was the poor child's first time having diarrhoea.
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LittleMy
VIP Member
Back in the 90’s my little brother and I (only 2 years between us) embarrassed the shit out of our mum by singing the tune to the Bodyform advert at the top of our lungs on a packed bus. Obviously we had no idea what it meant because we were so young. Still makes us laugh to this day.
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My husband was telling me about a friend of his (female) who was at a family party with her partner. Her partner’s nephew and the other kids were getting ready for bed and all saying good night to the adults. The nephew aged around 4 asked this friend if she could tickle his back before he went to bed. She didn’t want to seem rude in front of the family so agreed to do it for 10 seconds and then he’d have to go to bed like he’d been told. He stood in front of her whilst she gave his back a quick tickle. He then turned round, opened his dressing gown and pointed to an erection and shouted “look what you did”. Luckily he’d done it a few times before so the parents sort of laughed it off but she was absolutely horrified, mortified and wanted the ground to swallow her up!
HockyRorror
VIP Member
To be fair, that’s really catchy! I’m gonna have it in my head all day now.Back in the 90’s my little brother and I (only 2 years between us) embarrassed the shit out of our mum by singing the tune to the Bodyform advert at the top of our lungs on a packed bus. Obviously we had no idea what it meant because we were so young. Still makes us laugh to this day.
When I was younger it was my ambition to be a weatherman when I grew up. I have no idea why. I used to draw the map of the country on giant sheets of paper and then drew different symbols on it like the sun, clouds and rain. Then when the weather reports used to come on TV I would stick my map on the wall with blu tack and present the weather to my family
bolimepipi
VIP Member
hahah this reminds me of a friend, who was a flower girl at a wedding when she was small but she got angry because the bride got all the attention instead of her, so instead of gently throwing the flowers around the newlyweds, she aggressively catapulted them at the bride
Babyyoda88
VIP Member
When I was young, I didn’t know you couldn’t grow up to be an animal. So people would ask what did I want to be when I grew up and I always replied a giraffe.
Omg me too! I wanted to be a donkey so I could pull my teddies round in a cart! My cousin wanted to be a snowman.
OnlyHereForTheLolz
VIP Member
I was a nightmare child not bad naughty but just had my own mind and always did what I was not supposed to.
Somebody left a ladder next to the house when I was 3 and I climbed on the roof.
I used to hate people talking to me like I was little (just because your small don’t make you stupid) and I used to embarrass my mum no end when I would give people sarky comments when they asked me what I considered stupid questions
Somebody left a ladder next to the house when I was 3 and I climbed on the roof.
I used to hate people talking to me like I was little (just because your small don’t make you stupid) and I used to embarrass my mum no end when I would give people sarky comments when they asked me what I considered stupid questions
Lizzie Mintdrop
VIP Member
When my sister got married, myself and the groom's niece were flower girls, we were both just turned 5. When it was time for the first dance, we thought, because we were so important to the days events that we had to join in, we totally hammed it up waltzing around the newly weds like whirling dervishes, totally stole the spotlight from the bride and groom, we got a standing ovation from the guests. Later on at the wedding, I took a little nap under a table whilst a search party was put together to look for me, eek! Another funny tale was when my dad took me to the hospital with him for an appointment. We were in a busy waiting room and my dad had a brown stain on his finger, I asked, in a very loud voice, what it was, my dad explained it was an ink stain from work (he worked for an ink manufacturer) I replied very loudly that it was actually poo and he should wash his hands properly, my poor dad was mortified
DCICassieStuart
VIP Member
My nephew (well, my husband's nephew) is 16 now, but when he was smaller (around 3 or 4) he was at his Grandmother's house (my MIL) one day and I was there. He was a very affectionate little child and was hugging his Grandmother and then hugged me, looked a bit confused and then started patting my front and asked me what 'the bony things' are? I told him they were my ribs. He turned to his (large) Grandmother and declared "You don't have any ribs like Cassie does!" She told him that she did and he asked "Oh, are they hidden under your fat then?"
I had to leave the room in a hurry before I burst out laughing
One day my Nan was looking after me and my cousin at my Aunties house, this was a complete one off which might be because of this
Me and my cousin were playing in the garden and decided it would be a great game to launch piles of mud at the neighbours windows with tennis racquets (as an adult this completely freaks me out)
We were really getting into it, cheering when we got a hit. Obviously the neighbour wasn't impressed and came round to tell us off. I remember us still laughing hysterically watching her try to clean the windows
Me and my cousin were playing in the garden and decided it would be a great game to launch piles of mud at the neighbours windows with tennis racquets (as an adult this completely freaks me out)
We were really getting into it, cheering when we got a hit. Obviously the neighbour wasn't impressed and came round to tell us off. I remember us still laughing hysterically watching her try to clean the windows