Friends (or lack of)

[mee43]

Absolutely understand! We were invited to friends the other week and I understood it to be just us. When we got there, there was a houseful! Just thought it was a bit ‘off’ not to have told us out of politeness. I don’t like large gatherings and they know that.

I’ve had that before - horrible!
It was actually my in-laws! They asked us round for a “quick bite to eat”
We were doing our house up at the time, so we finished decorating for the day, quickly showered and shoved on jeans and t shirts, because we were absolutely shattered.
When we got there, they had a houseful of long lost relatives.
I’m shy anyway, but I felt so scruffy, awkward and awful.
My sister in law and husband had been told about the other guests, and were dressed to the nines!
I wanted to crawl home
My m-in-l said she didn’t tell us because she thought we might not come if she did.
I’ve always felt it was a bit mean of her.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Absolutely understand! We were invited to friends the other week and I understood it to be just us. When we got there, there was a houseful! Just thought it was a bit ‘off’ not to have told us out of politeness. I don’t like large gatherings and they know that.

She text me at 8 am saying can we meet at 9. 9 on a Sunday!?????? bleeping he’ll
I have rearranged I’m not in a good mood anyway and I really don’t wanna get ready for 9am on a Sunday morning

 

[Maid22]

@Agent Cooper thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot x

 

[Maid22]

I've been quite poorly for the last few weeks, my 'oldest friend was supposed to come down over Easter, I struggled to get food together etc, but I done it,then she didn't turn up, normal excuse from her, the traffic!, I've heard nothing from her since, I am really not a bad person, but the way I've been treated over the years, I must be.

 

[Barbie2020]

I’m really struggling atm. My 2 only friends have both ignored my messages. One hasn’t replied from a month ago and the other a week ago. I know life is busy but they both post on insta still. I am absolutely paranoid that everyone hates me. I’m so laid back as a friend, not pushy, always check in every now and then to make sure they are ok, arrange to meet up every now and then to catch up. I’m not someone who pushes them to meet or talk everyday. I just think I’m the type of friend that once people get different priorities think they can’t be bothered with me. It’s honestly making me so sad that I’ve got 0 social life now. I feel so down about myself and it’s really playing on my mind.

I wrote on here a couple of weeks ago about starting a baby class. I actually forced myself to go last week it was nice, not cliquey but I can’t imagine there’s anyone there to make friends with, although it’s nice to just be able to say hello and be able to enjoy the class.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I’m really struggling atm. My 2 only friends have both ignored my messages. One hasn’t replied from a month ago and the other a week ago. I know life is busy but they both post on insta still. I am absolutely paranoid that everyone hates me. I’m so laid back as a friend, not pushy, always check in every now and then to make sure they are ok, arrange to meet up every now and then to catch up. I’m not someone who pushes them to meet or talk everyday. I just think I’m the type of friend that once people get different priorities think they can’t be bothered with me. It’s honestly making me so sad that I’ve got 0 social life now. I feel so down about myself and it’s really playing on my mind.

I wrote on here a couple of weeks ago about starting a baby class. I actually forced myself to go last week it was nice, not cliquey but I can’t imagine there’s anyone there to make friends with, although it’s nice to just be able to say hello and be able to enjoy the class.

I am really guilty of not replying to people all the time and despite my best intentions I very often leave one of my dearest friends on read a lot and a month will go by without me realising I haven’t replied. I’m always really apologetic because I do feel like a tit friend. I can see why it’s easy to feel that you’re unimportant when people don’t respond straight away but a lot of us genuinely do have the attention span of a fruit fly these days - i am sure they won’t mind a follow up text - and sometimes it’s just worth raising your hand and saying you’re lonely, could really do with seeing your friend. We’re not always good readers of what’s going on for other people - my friend who was on maternity leave had to literally spell out to me that she was struggling and needed to get out and see people - I felt awful that she had to tell me but once I knew she was much more on my radar. I was pleased she had told me because I always just took for granted she was so put together. I also assumed she had other people she would lean on before me/instead of me. So sometimes just telling someone really helps and they come to the fore for you. (I mean not always, some people are a bit tit and wrapped up in their own things but others will be there for you).

well done for getting out to the baby class! Theres a baby thread on here you can join if you would like

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

It was my brother in laws 50th last week and I stayed at home with our son cos it was a no kids allowed thing.
And today they are having another do with his wife’s side of the family but cos my boyfriends sister was away she’s going to the one today and their mum was like oh you should come with us. But I felt really weird about just turning up without speaking to either my brother in law and his wife cos last week when she asked who’s coming I said my bf is coming im staying at home she didn’t reply to me and cos they haven’t officially invited me I feel I would be unwanted .
I feel like that anyway cos she never replies to my msgs but my boyfriends mum was trying to convince me to come for ages. Am I being weird

 

[WeHadFunRight]

It was my brother in laws 50th last week and I stayed at home with our son cos it was a no kids allowed thing.
And today they are having another do with his wife’s side of the family but cos my boyfriends sister was away she’s going to the one today and their mum was like oh you should come with us. But I felt really weird about just turning up without speaking to either my brother in law and his wife cos last week when she asked who’s coming I said my bf is coming im staying at home she didn’t reply to me and cos they haven’t officially invited me I feel I would be unwanted .
I feel like that anyway cos she never replies to my msgs but my boyfriends mum was trying to convince me to come for ages. Am I being weird

You could maybe check if that would be okay and say you’d love to be able to celebrate his 50th with him? You have been invited but just not directly yet - your mother in law obviously thinks you would be welcome and invited!

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

You could maybe check if that would be okay and say you’d love to be able to celebrate his 50th with him? You have been invited but just not directly yet - your mother in law obviously thinks you would be welcome and invited!

Well I was invited to my boyfriends side then they had a second do today for the wides side. But mother in law has been and come back and just brought me some cake round . She kept saying oh you should have come.
I don’t like going to family events when my boyfriend isn’t there . It’s just a bit awkward for me if I go to his families dos without him I’ve been to a few bbqs without him when he’s been working and I just feel left out
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Tomorrow my son has got a party for someone from nursery and I don’t really know anyone there either I am so shy and anti social its painful.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Well I was invited to my boyfriends side then they had a second do today for the wides side. But mother in law has been and come back and just brought me some cake round . She kept saying oh you should have come.
I don’t like going to family events when my boyfriend isn’t there . It’s just a bit awkward for me if I go to his families dos without him I’ve been to a few bbqs without him when he’s been working and I just feel left out
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Tomorrow my son has got a party for someone from nursery and I don’t really know anyone there either I am so shy and anti social its painful.

Ah your MIL sounds lovely! I too hate feeling like a spare dinner! Hope you had a nice day anyway.

on the nursery front I usually just throw myself into the kids side of things if I don’t want to engage with the adults. They often talk more sense anyway.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Ah your MIL sounds lovely! I too hate feeling like a spare dinner! Hope you had a nice day anyway.

on the nursery front I usually just throw myself into the kids side of things if I don’t want to engage with the adults. They often talk more sense anyway.

Hahah well my little one is shy like me !! So will probably want me close anyway.

Yeah she is to be fair most of the time. I think she feels sorry for me cos my boyfriend works a lot.
It’s probably all in my head but I just felt like I wouldn’t have been wanted there

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Hahah well my little one is shy like me !! So will probably want me close anyway.

Yeah she is to be fair most of the time. I think she feels sorry for me cos my boyfriend works a lot.
It’s probably all in my head but I just felt like I wouldn’t have been wanted there

I think we do tell ourselves certain stories sometimes…. Sounds like they’re probably a nice bunch but I think I’d also like the safety net if someone else I know at the BBQ too.

The thing is, if you regularly turn down invitations you eventually stop being invited because people think you don’t want to see them.

My eldest is now at the stage where she happily ditches me so now I’m left either making terrible small talk with people I don’t care about or staring idly at my phone.,,,

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I think we do tell ourselves certain stories sometimes…. Sounds like they’re probably a nice bunch but I think I’d also like the safety net if someone else I know at the BBQ too.

The thing is, if you regularly turn down invitations you eventually stop being invited because people think you don’t want to see them.

My eldest is now at the stage where she happily ditches me so now I’m left either making terrible small talk with people I don’t care about or staring idly at my phone.,,,

In a way I don’t want to be invited but the. I wonder why I don’t have many friends. I find it hard to make proper friends.
At work I get along with everyone have a laugh but it’s so hard to keep hold of friends when you’re shy and antisocial .

 

[WeHadFunRight]

In a way I don’t want to be invited but the. I wonder why I don’t have many friends. I find it hard to make proper friends.
At work I get along with everyone have a laugh but it’s so hard to keep hold of friends when you’re shy and antisocial .

I think it’s the introvert’s dilemma of wanting friends but not that many friends and if we can be friends without having to see each other that much wouldn’t that be nice?
My husband is an introvert, I’m more ambivert and I think my daughter is too and there’s definitely times when I think we all just want to stay home and live a quiet existence.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I think it’s the introvert’s dilemma of wanting friends but not that many friends and if we can be friends without having to see each other that much wouldn’t that be nice?
My husband is an introvert, I’m more ambivert and I think my daughter is too and there’s definitely times when I think we all just want to stay home and live a quiet existence.

I don’t mind socialising sometimes. I like planned events I don’t like spur of the moment events . My boyfriend is quite introverted too which means our son has no hope 🥹

 

[Here for gossip]

Well I was invited to my boyfriends side then they had a second do today for the wides side. But mother in law has been and come back and just brought me some cake round . She kept saying oh you should have come.
I don’t like going to family events when my boyfriend isn’t there . It’s just a bit awkward for me if I go to his families dos without him I’ve been to a few bbqs without him when he’s been working and I just feel left out
---
Tomorrow my son has got a party for someone from nursery and I don’t really know anyone there either I am so shy and anti social its painful.

I feel this my son was invited to a party last week am so anti social aswel, I felt so awkward as I didn't really know the people and couldn't wait till it was over so I could get home

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I feel this my son was invited to a party last week am so anti social aswel, I felt so awkward as I didn't really know the people and couldn't wait till it was over so I could get home

This will be me later on. It’s 3.5 hours as well I think that’s sooo long for a kids party. Cos I don’t drop mine off my boyfriend does it I don’t see anyone so don’t really chat in the playground type thing

 

[#botsforlife]

I am really guilty of not replying to people all the time and despite my best intentions I very often leave one of my dearest friends on read a lot and a month will go by without me realising I haven’t replied. I’m always really apologetic because I do feel like a tit friend. I can see why it’s easy to feel that you’re unimportant when people don’t respond straight away but a lot of us genuinely do have the attention span of a fruit fly these days - i am sure they won’t mind a follow up text - and sometimes it’s just worth raising your hand and saying you’re lonely, could really do with seeing your friend. We’re not always good readers of what’s going on for other people - my friend who was on maternity leave had to literally spell out to me that she was struggling and needed to get out and see people - I felt awful that she had to tell me but once I knew she was much more on my radar. I was pleased she had told me because I always just took for granted she was so put together. I also assumed she had other people she would lean on before me/instead of me. So sometimes just telling someone really helps and they come to the fore for you. (I mean not always, some people are a bit tit and wrapped up in their own things but others will be there for you).

well done for getting out to the baby class! Theres a baby thread on here you can join if you would like

I read your comment and tried this with a friend today, reached out to her to express how I was feeling and what I’ve been going through for the past few weeks as I haven’t spoken to her in 2 weeks and she’s supposed to be my ‘best friend’. She messages back saying she’ll reply when she can but since that message she’s posted on social media 3 times. Still no reply to the message. Maybe she’s looking for the words to reply with but it makes it look like social media is more of a priority than myself.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I read your comment and tried this with a friend today, reached out to her to express how I was feeling and what I’ve been going through for the past few weeks as I haven’t spoken to her in 2 weeks and she’s supposed to be my ‘best friend’. She messages back saying she’ll reply when she can but since that message she’s posted on social media 3 times. Still no reply to the message. Maybe she’s looking for the words to reply with but it makes it look like social media is more of a priority than myself.

That’s not great, sorry it’s made you feel like you’re not your friends priority. I think social media isn’t very social at all and it’s quite a selfish pursuit really. I think it was better before SM because then we didn’t know what other people were doing when they weren’t replying to our messages or phone calls! No idea what your message said, or your friend’s situation but sometimes if someone asks when can we meet up i won’t necessarily have the mental capacity in that time reading the message to go through my diary and coordinate with my husband and children’s calendars when is a good time… so it becomes a bit of a special operation just to come back with something sensible. It’s ridiculous really. I wish I was more together. It takes zero mental capacity to post on social media. I think maybe SM has just made us very self centred and skewed our priorities.
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Also I think maybe we’re all over thinking things when we’re counting how many times a friend has posted on SM before responding to us - I have to tell myself “I need to care less about this” and remind myself it’s making me miserable x

 

[#botsforlife]

That’s not great, sorry it’s made you feel like you’re not your friends priority. I think social media isn’t very social at all and it’s quite a selfish pursuit really. I think it was better before SM because then we didn’t know what other people were doing when they weren’t replying to our messages or phone calls! No idea what your message said, or your friend’s situation but sometimes if someone asks when can we meet up i won’t necessarily have the mental capacity in that time reading the message to go through my diary and coordinate with my husband and children’s calendars when is a good time… so it becomes a bit of a special operation just to come back with something sensible. It’s ridiculous really. I wish I was more together. It takes zero mental capacity to post on social media. I think maybe SM has just made us very self centred and skewed our priorities.
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Also I think maybe we’re all over thinking things when we’re counting how many times a friend has posted on SM before responding to us - I have to tell myself “I need to care less about this” and remind myself it’s making me miserable x

Thank you, I think differently because social media means nothing to me and I rarely post anything, literally once every few months you’ll see me posting something on social media I hadn’t said when to meet up as I’m currently sick with the flu but I totally understand what you mean. I am hoping maybe tomorrow she’ll respond, if not then I really don’t have the energy for it anymore!