Friends (or lack of) #2

[ATV2021]

I am away for mine in may too. It just falls that I go away that week but I hate my birthday.

All my ‘friends’ have kids now and seem to have dropped me as I have no interest in having my own.

I'm also childfree by choice & find I'm expected to always compromise but I respect their choices so why can't mine be respected too? They have husbands etc and I'm not talking newborn kids ages from 6-13 across various "friends".

My birthday this year is based on the 6 YO basically....so it's their party and not mine 🫠🫠🫠 literally such a mug... but will they compromise anything for me? Absolutely not.

I found an IG account that does meets for single ladies in similar situations to us. May try get along to one!

 

[Jc456]

This sounds like something i am familiar with - my birthday is extremely close to Christmas day therefore everyone is super busy and/or skint. I quite often get forgotten about. I have got to the stage where i would rather pretend that its not my birthday at all.

I can't imagine having a birthday close to Christmas, it must be hard as people tend to combine gifts or events.
Mines in June. I used go to the spa with my closest friend but when she got with her partner we stopped doing anything for my birthday.
I don't even acknowledge it's my birthday anymore tbh. I didn't do anything for my 30th

 

[clueless]

I’ve been reminiscing a lot recently and I’ve been thinking about one of my best friends in secondary school. We lost touch over a decade ago - after school/through uni we kept in touch with an odd Facebook message from time to time over the years, but she has since deleted her Facebook account and I had no other way to reach her. I’ve now seen her on another platform and I feel like I want to make contact again, but at the same time I’m not sure what to do. I know I could be fondly remembering a very different person. Would it be weird to reach out to her?

 

[Popcornshovel]

I’ve been reminiscing a lot recently and I’ve been thinking about one of my best friends in secondary school. We lost touch over a decade ago - after school/through uni we kept in touch with an odd Facebook message from time to time over the years, but she has since deleted her Facebook account and I had no other way to reach her. I’ve now seen her on another platform and I feel like I want to make contact again, but at the same time I’m not sure what to do. I know I could be fondly remembering a very different person. Would it be weird to reach out to her?

I don't think you have anything to lose in giving it a shot? Just be prepared for if she reads the message and doesn't reply, and don't take it personally if the friendship doesn't reignite. But worth a try I'd say, she might be really happy to hear from you.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I’ve been reminiscing a lot recently and I’ve been thinking about one of my best friends in secondary school. We lost touch over a decade ago - after school/through uni we kept in touch with an odd Facebook message from time to time over the years, but she has since deleted her Facebook account and I had no other way to reach her. I’ve now seen her on another platform and I feel like I want to make contact again, but at the same time I’m not sure what to do. I know I could be fondly remembering a very different person. Would it be weird to reach out to her?

Yes, what’s the worst the can happen. She leaves you on read? It might be a kick in the teeth if she doesn’t reply but you have nothing to lose

 

[Beaversabout]

I really hate it when im told to master at being ok on my own and enjoying my own company etc. Its extremely hard and this usually comes from people who have kids and friends they can go see, so they'll never get it. Also if we could master being fine on our own then we would never need to meet anybody ever, so that is kind of unrealistic to me. I get what they are saying, I can only tolerate my own company for so long then it's too much, we're not an island! I texted my friend on Monday to see wat she was up to and it's just left on read, then I texted again yesterday and it's seen but no reply. I get people are busy but you could just say that rather than ignore completely.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I really hate it when im told to master at being ok on my own and enjoying my own company etc. Its extremely hard and this usually comes from people who have kids and friends they can go see, so they'll never get it. Also if we could master being fine on our own then we would never need to meet anybody ever, so that is kind of unrealistic to me. I get what they are saying, I can only tolerate my own company for so long then it's too much, we're not an island! I texted my friend on Monday to see wat she was up to and it's just left on read, then I texted again yesterday and it's seen but no reply. I get people are busy but you could just say that rather than ignore completely.

Came here to have a similar offload. A family friend - who is quite gushy and OTT, and who has recently said she wants to get to know my daughters better is going through a divorce and keeps posting intimating how hard it is for her, how she is being left out of old friendship groups etc. I’ve tried to be supportive. We both have children and she’s a TA so I knew she’d be off work over Easter, I messaged her asking if she was free and would like to meet up over the last week and the message was read and not replied to, no reaction, nothing. Just say you’re busy if you don’t fancy it? Or skint? Or something? Because it’s put my nose right out of joint and she’s pissed me right off. All well and good when she wants people to show up to her big birthday bash but when I suggest spending some genuine time together it’s tumble weeds. Sooooooo I will keep my daughters close and teach them about quality vs quantity and how and where to deploy your energy because some people are not worth it!

 

[Popcornshovel]

People have forgotten that it's really rude not to reply to a message. It was rude back in the days of text messages and it's even ruder now that we can see read receipts!

Just been messaging a friend today, and she does reply but just answers my questions and doesn't ask me any back. So it's hard to have an actual back and forth conversation cos she just answers the questions and that's it.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

People have forgotten that it's really rude not to reply to a message. It was rude back in the days of text messages and it's even ruder now that we can see read receipts!

Just been messaging a friend today, and she does reply but just answers my questions and doesn't ask me any back. So it's hard to have an actual back and forth conversation cos she just answers the questions and that's it.

I genuinely can’t stand talking to people like that - I used to have a friend who did that and I do not miss the pain of pulling conversation from her. Easier to get blood from a stone.

And you are right! It’s worse because our ignorance is taken away - we know you’ve seen the message! Reply fgs

 

[Meg78]

People have forgotten that it's really rude not to reply to a message. It was rude back in the days of text messages and it's even ruder now that we can see read receipts!

Just been messaging a friend today, and she does reply but just answers my questions and doesn't ask me any back. So it's hard to have an actual back and forth conversation cos she just answers the questions and that's it.

I’ve got a similar one who reads instantly then takes over a week to reply, drives me crazy, it’s so selfish!

 

[amber.gl19]

I have a close family member that does this too but when I try and do the same back they just keep asking if everything is ok if I haven’t replied within a couple of hours

 

[Thank(space)you]

I have friends , but lately I feel very lonely and I feel like maybe I'm just expecting too much from people?

I messaged a couple of weeks ago to a few friends saying I was feeling really down and lonely, all read the message, nobody replied.

I used to be close to one of my sisters but she ditched everyone once she found a boyfriend. A person I consider one of my best friends, is also the same. I messaged yesterday saying my mum was in hospital and I was really worried. Not a reply from this friend. I called her & she said she would call me back but never did.

If I didn't message anyone I'd not hear from anyone. I might do it as an experiment of sorts, see how long it takes

I'm a single mum, so when my child isn't with me or is in bed, it's just me. She's 8, but I've never really made school mum friends bar 1, despite trying. realised especially with my mum being hospitalised, that I really do have noone. It's a really hard feeling to sit with.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I’ve got a similar one who reads instantly then takes over a week to reply, drives me crazy, it’s so selfish!

I had a friend who would have her WhatsApp settings so that she could read the text on her phone without actually opening it. She would go days without actually opening it and replying.
I started a new job last year and she saw it on social media. She messaged me asking about it and I never replied. I know it’s petty, but previously I had once asked her if she wanted to meet up and she didn’t open the message! I remember telling another mutual friend that It had been 7 weeks and she still hadn’t opened the WhatsApp and THEN she was a stood next to me at bus stop and I hadn’t realised until she was getting on the bus and she completely ignored me the whole time we had been stood there. So think I’m within my rights to not reply to her congratulating me people are odd.

Edit. The mutual friend didn’t speak to this girl, anyway. We all used to work together, that’s how we became friends but we were friends separately, if that makes sense?!

 

[Beaversabout]

I messaged a couple of weeks ago to a few friends saying I was feeling really down and lonely, all read the message, nobody replied.

I messaged my friend saying I was down too! I just got a reply saying they are putting themselves first for a change and their kids. It got turned round onto me because he said im just picking an argument for no reason when I explained I just feel low and need someone to care that day. In the end I just got a 'yeah, we all have bad days'. This is a person who's also got mental health so they should understand, im learning now not to talk about how im feeling. People are so selfish even when you've been there for them. My other friend also never replies. The support when you need it is never reciprocated. They don't want to feel down themselves or they are busy etc. I don't know why we have mental health awareness month people are just so selfish.

 

[Popcornshovel]

I agree about 'I don't know why we have mental health awareness month'. Sadly I think that most people actually don't want to hear about their friends being down - they only wanna be there for the good times. Fairweather friends. Sad but it's true. A friend who will stick by you in bad times is one in a million.

 

[kittymeowlondon]

I agree about 'I don't know why we have mental health awareness month'. Sadly I think that most people actually don't want to hear about their friends being down - they only wanna be there for the good times. Fairweather friends. Sad but it's true. A friend who will stick by you in bad times is one in a million.

you say that BUT i had a friend who visited me three times in hospital
then one new years eve i was with other friends and she demanded i bring something to her
i had booked my uber home but fine she booked one for me to get to her
i basically fall asleep in that uber to her
she somehow gets convinced i got out the uber got someone in with me went to some shops her voicenotes are manic convinced this happened
she wants me to pay for the uber which i thought was a favour to her as i was bringing her something she needed for the night

anyway after that she blocked me on everything so not even open to a chat
then i find out shes been telling my secrets to my friends I introduced her too
shes now closer with one of them
but one of them sees behind her lies and has always warned me off her so I stay with her just wish i saw that friend more
how do I not make the good friendship about the one that failed?

we have way more history so im just seeing the failed one as her going mad - she would shout FAAAT at random people in public
and i brought her sweets to the cinema once and she said why did you bring those are you trying to make me fat
oh yeah and she'd brag about sleeping with underage boys

her last interaction with me was her sending me the live tiktok stream of some underage boy lol
i reckon she was just super lonely
cos she also bitched about everyone she knew which got so so boring

ive focused on the better friendships so that has helped so far

 

[KK77]

Thread 2 for those of us feeling a bit lonely or let down.

Previous thread here:

Friends (or lack of)

Sorry not sure how to start so I will just crack on. I have no friends and it worries me that I have none, although I dont feel like I need any, or lonely in any way? I am very introverted (on the meyers briggs test I am an INFJ) and I am shy and anxious. At school I only ever really had one...

tattle.life

I am an oldie now but in my younger days I was always with friends. Now of days I like my own company and have no problem turning people down or admitting I prefer my own company. Sometimes at weekend the only time I speak to someone is to say thank you at the checkout. Don’t feel bad if you really are happy on your own. If you’d like to make friends reach out though x

 

[Ro98]

I’m so glad I came on here today. I feel exactly like all of you after the last few years. I’ve always been a bit of a lone wolf / 1/2 close friends max but being a mum has been the loneliest time for friends. I’ve met other mums and I’m happy chatting at groups etc and I honestly think that’s where I draw the line now.
if I meet anyone at classes and get on / on peanut and swap numbers I’m happy with that but I have 0 energy to give anymore.
People are so flakey, happy to ignore and only reach out when it suits.
I do still have 2 close friends but they live in different cities / 1 in another country now, butI’ve made peace with that. I would love to have friends over for weekends / play dates / go out for meals, but every time I ask and every time they decline it’s like another ‘duck you’ to my face when I see them out with other friends every week.

 

[no-no]

Has anyone cut off the remaining people they do speak with (who weren’t reciprocating) whilst single and without family support? How did you find it?

 

[Lucyxxxx]

Hi guys. I don't have many friends. I have like 3 who I message and even then its not exactly daily. I was dumb enough to move other side of the country on the promise from my fellas family I'd have help and support with my kids (2 have significant SEN) only to get here and be turned on pretty quickly. Then had pure drama with some scabby jealous neighbour to the point I moved house. Why would I wanna be somewhere the only people I know don't like me? My fella says to make new friends but my whole adult life when I've tried that they see I have a few nice things and try use me and I have to cut them out my life. Me and him barely speak now as the pure resentment of him leaving me constantly with the kids while he has fun days 'with the lads' is too much. Then on top of that little slags from his past sniff around letting him know they are there and I'd rather just cut all ties from it all. I have literally no family bar my kids. Feeling sorry for myself lol. Just lonely sometimes. How did I go from the girl invited to every party and a social butterfly to being so lonely? My kids don't get invited anywhere either. Obviously as long as I have them I'll never be truly alone but still. Just wanna be home and near enough to the few friends I have.