Friends (or lack of) #2

[allthingschocolate]

I can relate, I’ve never had an issue making friends it’s keeping them that’s the hardest I literally don’t have any (not close ones anyway) that I could say hand on heart I could rely on, in the past I’ve had so called friends that have used me then just completely blanked me as if I don’t exist so now I don’t bother or put myself out there anymore why is it so hard to make and keep friends in your 40s my daughter is my only friend how sad is that

 

[Ro98]

Trying to make peace with the fact people are horrible and tit is really hard. I’ve just cut a friend off who I imagined being in my life for years and it’s actually really upsetting as well as angering. What hurts even more is friends who make you look like an idiot in front of everyone for telling the truth. It’s amazing how little regard people have for their ‘friends’ these days.

 

[Popcornshovel]

This thread is making me remember something... I had a friend at University and when we graduated and got jobs I tried to stay in touch with her. She kinda ghosted me.

Ended up seeing her about 2 yrs later through a mutual friend and she said, 'it was really sweet how you tried to stay friends. Like sending me a birthday card every year, asking how my mum is. You're a real salt of the earth type. It just reminded me what a mess I was then, I'd open your texts and remember I hadn't replied for a week and that'd make me feel bad and then I just wouldn't reply'.

At the time it had been a mystery to me why she'd ghosted me but stayed friends with the other girl.

I thought that was really interesting - I did everything right in trying to stay friends, but she was disorganised, going through breakups and getting sacked from jobs and she didn't want someone 'nice' in her life to remind her what she wasn't.

 

[whoareyouu]

I’m at the point now where I’m going to be travelling to Scotland on my own to see a band as I have no one to go with.

 

[hytuhh]

I’m at the point now where I’m going to be travelling to Scotland on my own to see a band as I have no one to go with.

Good for you though, why should you miss out on things just because you don't have anyone to go with? It's okay to do things on our own. Sure, it's nice to have friends to plan things with but there is a growing culture of solo dates/solo travel. When I was on holiday I met a girl who was solo travelling, if she got chatting with someone during the day she'd make a plan for a dinner date with them but it didn't have to be a lifelong friendship type thing. You might go by yourself but you could get chatting to people and have a great night, and even if you don't, you'll probably still have a great time!

 

[whoareyouu]

Good for you though, why should you miss out on things just because you don't have anyone to go with? It's okay to do things on our own. Sure, it's nice to have friends to plan things with but there is a growing culture of solo dates/solo travel. When I was on holiday I met a girl who was solo travelling, if she got chatting with someone during the day she'd make a plan for a dinner date with them but it didn't have to be a lifelong friendship type thing. You might go by yourself but you could get chatting to people and have a great night, and even if you don't, you'll probably still have a great time!

Exactly. It’s a 7 hour round journey but I don’t want to miss out. My partner doesn’t want to come as it’s not his thing and it would mean two days out of work at a very busy time for him.

I am happy to go on my own and I am sure I will enjoy it.

I am grateful that I have the ability to be able to do these things.

 

[Kim Mild]

I’m at the point now where I’m going to be travelling to Scotland on my own to see a band as I have no one to go with.

I admire your confidence.

 

[whoareyouu]

I admire your confidence.

Thanks I’ll be nervous, I’m sure.

 

[ATV2021]

Thanks I’ll be nervous, I’m sure.

Once you've pulled the plaster of solo travel/events etc it's amazing.
I went to see Michael Buble alone, amazing. Went to theatre alone, cinema, day trip to Majorca (oh yes I did haha), basically did a holiday to Benidorm alone when the person I went with refused to leave the room (was bizarre but I made holiday friends) and booked a holiday solo next year too now!
I went to NYC technically alone but with a singles group holiday and that was amazing. I refused to let not having people to do things with stop me enjoying my life.

Watched Shirley Valentine yesterday and there's a line like "I'm not sure why I was scared of being here alone, I'm expert at it" and that is my motto

 

[whoareyouu]

Once you've pulled the plaster of solo travel/events etc it's amazing.
I went to see Michael Buble alone, amazing. Went to theatre alone, cinema, day trip to Majorca (oh yes I did haha), basically did a holiday to Benidorm alone when the person I went with refused to leave the room (was bizarre but I made holiday friends) and booked a holiday solo next year too now!
I went to NYC technically alone but with a singles group holiday and that was amazing. I refused to let not having people to do things with stop me enjoying my life.

Watched Shirley Valentine yesterday and there's a line like "I'm not sure why I was scared of being here alone, I'm expert at it" and that is my motto

I absolutely love this. Go you!

 

[hytuhh]

I refused to let not having people to do things with stop me enjoying my life.

I absolutely love this! To be honest, it has given me a different perspective on the situation I posted the other day (basically about meeting up with someone for a dinner and not hearing from them again). I don't want to feel like I can't speak to new people and reach out to make plans, but maybe I just need to take it for what it is. If I meet someone and click and we mutually agree to meet, great. We can meet up and do something fun. If I want to do it alone, also great. Not every interaction has to result in a lifelong friendship and if I can have fun along the way, then why not.

 

[AlwaysSummer]

I’m off for a spa break on my own in a few days. Usually do it once a year and it’s pure bliss. Only problem is so few spas like to sell single occupancy rooms. Travelling/ concerts/ city breaks etc on my own have been so liberating.

 

[ATV2021]

I absolutely love this! To be honest, it has given me a different perspective on the situation I posted the other day (basically about meeting up with someone for a dinner and not hearing from them again). I don't want to feel like I can't speak to new people and reach out to make plans, but maybe I just need to take it for what it is. If I meet someone and click and we mutually agree to meet, great. We can meet up and do something fun. If I want to do it alone, also great. Not every interaction has to result in a lifelong friendship and if I can have fun along the way, then why not.

Ah amazing I started with things I'd go home for after, then when I had to do some travel for work and stay over it helped a bit as hotels etc always seemed scary but why?
I know how short life is, having sadly lost most of my family so figured I could sit in my house forever more or I could do for me what I wish others did for me (and won't/don't).
When I ended up unexpectedly alone on the holiday in Benidorm, I got chatting to a group of girls who invited me out with them one evening and I had a wonderful time. The waiters etc were all fab as I went to all meals alone too so I didn't feel alone. Gave me confidence that I can (and have) booked a solo trip next year. I mean back to old Shirley, she mentions about how it doesn't half upset people when you're a woman alone somewhere aswell always end up having someone feeling the need to talk to you lol
---

I’m off for a spa break on my own in a few days. Usually do it once a year and it’s pure bliss. Only problem is so few spas like to sell single occupancy rooms. Travelling/ concerts/ city breaks etc on my own have been so liberating.

The single occupancy thing does P me off - I looked at a spa for my birthday and all the decent offers were for 2...SOD OFF. I begrudge paying more to do things solo!

 

[mee43]

I’m loving the inspirational posts about doing things alone
So much so, that I’ve decided the next time something is on at my local theatre that I want to see, I’m going alone.
OH would always come with me, and often does, but sometimes it’s clear that what we’re seeing isn’t his thing.
And I have acquaintances that I do social stuff with, but it’s such a headache when anything is being organised, and sometimes spending time with them doesn’t make me feel relaxed ( I think I’ve said this before, but the older we get, the more some of us engage in a peeing contest about what they’ve spent their OH’s money on - yes it is that bad )
So yes; I’m going to the theatre alone asap
I’ll report back when I’ve done it!

 

[ATV2021]

I’m loving the inspirational posts about doing things alone
So much so, that I’ve decided the next time something is on at my local theatre that I want to see, I’m going alone.
OH would always come with me, and often does, but sometimes it’s clear that what we’re seeing isn’t his thing.
And I have acquaintances that I do social stuff with, but it’s such a headache when anything is being organised, and sometimes spending time with them doesn’t make me feel relaxed ( I think I’ve said this before, but the older we get, the more some of us engage in a peeing contest about what they’ve spent their OH’s money on - yes it is that bad )
So yes; I’m going to the theatre alone asap
I’ll report back when I’ve done it!

Have the best time! I loved it, as nobody cutting or butting in to talk and actually got to sit and enjoy the full show. Michael Buble I could've gone with 50 people and heard none of them as I was just engrossed (and post operation so on some lovely opiates aswell ) just floated round lol

 

[Panda girl 04]

I am so glad i have found this thread, so many post that i can relate to but also so great to see people are going out/holidays and having a great time.

I am in my 40's and can honestly say i do not have one single friend at all. My last friendship was around 10yrs ago and she was just using me for money and free child care and when i finally said no i did not see her again.
I had a operation in March that made me have to stay at home. In this whole time only my Mum has come to see me. No one in my faimly has even really checked in with me.
Have no idea what i do that makes people dislike me. I always try to me friendly. We went to a famly wedding and we where the first ones there, so as people came in i was saying hello and introducing my partner and children. 2 of the ladies took the piss in front of me and the couple on are table left as soon as they could and the man only spoke to my parent. No idea what i did.
I work from home and only check in with a manager on the phone. Partner works away from home Mon to Fri and my children are teens and one in their 20's.
I know things will not get better as it has been the same my whole life. It hurts still however much you accept this is how things are.
Sorry for the long post. Think i just need to get this off my chest. X

 

[ChickenLicking]

I've been reading this thread with interest as so many things ring true for me too. I am fairly recently bereaved, neurodiverse and mother of a SEN child. I'm not great at making or keeping friends either. Mind you, I wouldn't really wish to attend group meals, hen parties or anything like that. I am also seeking work so couldn't afford it anyway.

Someone mentioned Meetup earlier. I have been a member of a London-based group for the past decade or so. I quite enjoy it and get chatting to people during the guided walks etc. It's well worth a go.

 

[Kim Mild]

There's been a new intake at nursery and it's interesting watching how the new mums and the existing ones interact with each other. People don't interact with me like that , I wonder if I come across as unapproachable.

 

[slugella]

I'm in a friendship group but I feel like such a second tier friend sometimes for lack of a better phrase. There are 6 of us, 3 of them meet up a lot separately and it always hurts a bit to find that out and not to have been asked. It sounds so petty and high school but I can't help it. If I was out with half of the group I would see if the others wanted to join.

I think I need to find "my people" but like some posts here have said it's so hard as an adult! I've found a book club that I'm going to go to this month, and my partner has said he would be up to trying some hobbies to maybe meet some couple friends that we could hang out with so we will see.

I just feel so sad and tearful this evening that I'm never the person that people prioritise.

 

[Rxt156]

I'm in a friendship group but I feel like such a second tier friend sometimes for lack of a better phrase. There are 6 of us, 3 of them meet up a lot separately and it always hurts a bit to find that out and not to have been asked. It sounds so petty and high school but I can't help it. If I was out with half of the group I would see if the others wanted to join.

I think I need to find "my people" but like some posts here have said it's so hard as an adult! I've found a book club that I'm going to go to this month, and my partner has said he would be up to trying some hobbies to maybe meet some couple friends that we could hang out with so we will see.

I just feel so sad and tearful this evening that I'm never the person that people prioritise.

Totally agree here. If they don’t invite you, it’s not a place you would want to be anyway . My anti social self has joined 4 clubs/groups over the last year. Two of them I left as they weren’t for me but I found two that I now regularly attend and the people are lovely it is good to put yourself out there