I think a few of us on here know that 'just make new friends' isn't as easy as that. It's definitely hard as an adult to make those close connections. When you're at school or the early days of work, you're with people for hours at a time and have time to chat and get to know them. When you make friends as an adult it's hard to see people enough to 'put in the hours' of getting to know someone.
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My friends I do have I've known since I was a child. Just wish I'd never moved here. Come here for what? Nastiness and isolation.
Are you in Newcastle? XMy friends I do have I've known since I was a child. Just wish I'd never moved here. Come here for what? Nastiness and isolation.
I'm up north but no Newcastle. I've took baby out for a walk today so fresh airs helped clear my head but still lonely you know
That would really frustrate me. My ex-friend (sounds so childish!) lived an hour away from me and would regularly tell me about day trips where she’d been up to my neck of the woods, but never suggested meeting up - yet I’d always travel to her. It was annoying.So the only person I really talk to lives a hour away, she's sending me Snapchats of them 5 mins from my house. I don't know if its me but I'd of messaged to meet up, we message almost every day and have kids the same age. She's done it before, videoed driving past my road and sent it to me
Yea it's really frustrating. I was thinking of taking my kids to where she is so would of been nice to of met up.
It upset me when she sent the video, like I'm by your house but I'm just going to drive past and let you know. Why do that
Ask her why she didn't let you know she was coming this way as you'd like to have seen her.
I have like two friends outside of my partner and his friends and I barely see them these days due to scheduling etc.
I recently posted on a local facebook group asking about like local bookclubs for people in their 20s/30s and got absolutely squat back. Does anyone know how to seek this kind of thing out these days?
A younger girl I work with has joined one recently and really enjoys the one she goes to, but I don't want to ask her about it because she's quite young and already thinks I'm ancient
I recently posted on a local facebook group asking about like local bookclubs for people in their 20s/30s and got absolutely squat back. Does anyone know how to seek this kind of thing out these days?
A younger girl I work with has joined one recently and really enjoys the one she goes to, but I don't want to ask her about it because she's quite young and already thinks I'm ancient
Ah I was going to say there’s quite a few groups around the Newcastle area for like minded souls.I'm up north but no Newcastle. I've took baby out for a walk today so fresh airs helped clear my head but still lonely you know
Hope you feel better soon. X
I spent some time at my best friends yesterday and made a comment to her boyfriend on how weekends are too short.
he agreed but I felt shot down when he said “ that’s why it’s so important *friends name* and me spend all weekends together. Felt I should have just said I needed to go.
I get it’s so important to spend time with your partner etc but when the f do I see my friend? She won’t meet week days!
Blah
he agreed but I felt shot down when he said “ that’s why it’s so important *friends name* and me spend all weekends together. Felt I should have just said I needed to go.
I get it’s so important to spend time with your partner etc but when the f do I see my friend? She won’t meet week days!
Blah
Woah big red flag here
his girlfriend can’t have a few hours with a friend? Controlling much. If he said that to you imagine what he said to her
I have spent a lot of time putting myself out there to make new friends, meeting up with new people, all for the friendships to never really take off. I told myself I was done with trying and wouldn't be putting myself out there anymore. I was at an event recently and a girl was there by herself, she smiled at me and we actually ended up speaking. We swapped numbers and said we'd meet up, so I text her asking if she'd like to go for dinner. We met up and I had such a lovely time, it really restored my faith in friendships. At the end we hugged and took a selfie together, and I said I'd leave it with her to plan the next meet as I chose the time and place for this one.
Never heard from her since
Now I wish I actually didn't bother because why does this always happen!? She's been updating her WhatsApp pic so she's clearly there, I feel ghosted as if it was a date and I don't want a friendship where it's always me reaching out. I did the initial reaching out despite saying I wouldn't again so it's made me even more lacking in confidence to do it again
Never heard from her since
Now I wish I actually didn't bother because why does this always happen!? She's been updating her WhatsApp pic so she's clearly there, I feel ghosted as if it was a date and I don't want a friendship where it's always me reaching out. I did the initial reaching out despite saying I wouldn't again so it's made me even more lacking in confidence to do it againAww how long ago was it?I have spent a lot of time putting myself out there to make new friends, meeting up with new people, all for the friendships to never really take off. I told myself I was done with trying and wouldn't be putting myself out there anymore. I was at an event recently and a girl was there by herself, she smiled at me and we actually ended up speaking. We swapped numbers and said we'd meet up, so I text her asking if she'd like to go for dinner. We met up and I had such a lovely time, it really restored my faith in friendships. At the end we hugged and took a selfie together, and I said I'd leave it with her to plan the next meet as I chose the time and place for this one.
Never heard from her since
Jesus, friends are hard as an adult. I got friendly with a woman I was volunteering with last year, we arranged to go for a coffee and a walk one time and I realised that she was just a walking red flag. She told me that she threatened to report her friends for child abuse for smoking FFS, and there was a few other things like that. There's often people who complain to me about others then I realise they're are the actual problem. I haven't seen her volunteering for months now, so it's been easy to put some distance there.
I have another sort of 'ex-friend' who I've known since 6th form. I haven't seen her in person since before the lockdown in 2020. I think covid really showed me who I could go for years without seeing. If I'm completely honest with myself, we have very little in common and it was my mistake to think that anyone I got on with would think like me. We have different backgrounds, different views on things like politics (which I'm sure before Brexit never mattered) and we've lived in different towns for over a decade. Our friendship made more sense when we lived in the same town and studied at the same place as it gave us things in common.
She's been to visit me maybe two or three times over these years, I travelled to see her the rest of the time. That made sense, but it doesn't now, I just don't have the spare time in my weekend to spend 3 hours on three different types of transport to get to her house, and she's made it clear she doesn't want to travel down, so I thought that's that. Fair enough on her part- she has a young child and a job, husband- all the usual stuff in your 30's.
She got in touch with me about two years ago to arrange something. I said fine, let me know which weekends would work for you and she never got back to me. She did something similar last year. She got in touch a few weeks ago this time saying she'd come down to see me (maybe she's realised?!) but didn't set a firm date, so I can guarantee I'll never see this woman again. Why do people make half arsed plans they have no intention of following through on? I wouldn't judge her if she ghosted me, frankly.
I have another sort of 'ex-friend' who I've known since 6th form. I haven't seen her in person since before the lockdown in 2020. I think covid really showed me who I could go for years without seeing. If I'm completely honest with myself, we have very little in common and it was my mistake to think that anyone I got on with would think like me. We have different backgrounds, different views on things like politics (which I'm sure before Brexit never mattered) and we've lived in different towns for over a decade. Our friendship made more sense when we lived in the same town and studied at the same place as it gave us things in common.
She's been to visit me maybe two or three times over these years, I travelled to see her the rest of the time. That made sense, but it doesn't now, I just don't have the spare time in my weekend to spend 3 hours on three different types of transport to get to her house, and she's made it clear she doesn't want to travel down, so I thought that's that. Fair enough on her part- she has a young child and a job, husband- all the usual stuff in your 30's.
She got in touch with me about two years ago to arrange something. I said fine, let me know which weekends would work for you and she never got back to me. She did something similar last year. She got in touch a few weeks ago this time saying she'd come down to see me (maybe she's realised?!) but didn't set a firm date, so I can guarantee I'll never see this woman again. Why do people make half arsed plans they have no intention of following through on? I wouldn't judge her if she ghosted me, frankly.
It was about 2 weeks ago, maybe that doesn't sound too long but I just know I won't hear from her again and it makes you wonder what you said/did that made someone not want to speak again.
Honestly, I met 2 other girls at an event recently and 1 was sooo overly enthusiastic to meet up again. Asking me to please message her next time I go to something. I did message her and she seemed so disinterested so I thought I won't bother
That's so frustrating that these people are hot and then cold, ffs. Sometimes I wonder if people like the idea of 'getting together and doing something' but don't actually want to make the effort to make plans and stick to them.
Yeah maybe it is that. For me, it's more the doubting yourself that comes with the ghosting or not reaching out/following up. Especially when it's happened time and time again, I am not ignorant enough to think "I can't be the problem" but if you don't get any feedback (lol, I know it's not an interview), how can you work on yourself? I think I'm a good friend tbh, but there's something stopping years of friendships thinking the same.
Ah I'm sorry that's happened. I do hope you hear from her but for now it feels tit for you. And even if you did reach out and meet up you'd probably not want it to be you making the effort all the time x
people rarely ask me to do anything with them (or in the past, when they do, I’ve had them make up excuses and cancel) I don’t ask people myself. I get paranoid that they don’t want to meet up with me because they never instigate it. But they’re happy to text me every now and again. I understand it’s a 2 way street.