Guaranteed you will fall asleep half an hour before you need to get up. Also MiL is an idiot.Thank you @traumatised sideboard for our Christmas presents, I went back like a greedy goblin taking an entire used saucepan to bed (y) and took MANY gifts from the tree. The mini haunted wooden rocking chair scared me as it’s something I imagine my creepy neighbour has?
Here at 2am so naturally have to share a whinge, behind a cut cos I wastriggered earlier re childhood abuse but it is just a v light passing reference nothing detailed -
Lord why am I awake and not just awake but theee most awake of awakes? I was home alone this evening (husband about just out socially so not alone now thank god!!) and something happened that was super triggering - we are both fine and safe but it was horrific emotionally and I whatsapped MIL group chat to say what had happened as she is my only elder to discuss all things child rearing with and she completely invalidated how I felt and I couldn’t call and tell husband as he was driving so would either be on a motorway or country lanes from hell so didn’t want him to worry or tbh not concentrate on driving blah blah blah anyway did baby bedtime and then just crashed sleep wise but where I had such an energy deficit I must have slept the best deepest most efficient sleep of my entire life so now it’s 2am and I’m so alert and worried about how tf I’m gonna be up in 5 hours ready to start another insane day of work, which in turn makes switching off mentally impossible?! And as has been shared on this thread by others being a working mum you constantly feel like you’re on a back foot re sick days as you take them for the LO so you’ve got to be declared medically dead before you’d take them for urself so I’m just gonna have to deal.sorry I’m not even expecting any replies or asking for advice just truly have to whinge and get this out there I am sorry!! On the bright side if burger boy comes back for round two (with a side and drink this time the cheap bastard) I am here to capture it all?! 🫣
Guaranteed you will fall asleep half an hour before you need to get up. Also MiL is an idiot.
Hope you are ok HTRIA, I feel like the older generations way of dealing was “oh don’t worry about it/be silly/you’re exaggerating,” ie minimising things?a tale as old as time and 100% agree. Also yay night shift friend Usually I’d ask husband to do nursery drop alone but de icing car is a recent awful task so won’t. I should have listened to him today re parking in garage I’m just worried about fucking up u live and learn. Apple Watch has just told me it’s time to stand - not now Steve Jobs (RIP)!!
Lol thank you re MIL. I’m lucky in that she’s largely brilliant and I’m grateful to/for her in so many ways but yikes it doesn’t take much to just say solidarity comrade and leave it at that - I guess on the plus side it shows how far trauma/MH awareness has come for subsequent generations. Thank god!
just saw it! mr kcc actually knew edna when he was growing up!@kachoochoo your water main is on the news
That's so true.Hope you are ok HTRIA, I feel like the older generations way of dealing was “oh don’t worry about it/be silly/you’re exaggerating,” ie minimising things?
I’ve had a lot of convos where I’ve explained that isn’t helpful, and the answer is always that the intentions are good but they’re trying to get you not to worry. Like I’m already worried and freaking out about it, this is the wrong answerso glad we are more aware now.
Anyway hope you are ok now and work isnt too wild
I am speechless! I’m so sorry @FalkorThat's so true.
In the mid-90s my dad's car was crushed by a lorry that jack-knifed and he died of his injuries three weeks later, aged just 60. I was 18 at the time and was sent back to university for my second term pretty much straight after the funeral with nothing more than a bottle of antidepressant tablets from the doctor 'to get you through the next couple of weeks'. Earlier this year I was talking to my mother about that period and said that I was surprised, looking back, that no one had suggested she and I get some counselling or bereavement support and she looked at me in genuine astonishment and said, 'But why, darling? People die all the time.' It genuinely had never crossed her mind that it might be needed.
Tunnelly Buttons you’re right - validation is so important alongside just wanting someone to sit next to you with whatever those feelings are.
Sorry if I’ve shared this before but I think this really struck a chord:
I have a parent who says the dreaded ‘at least….’ Or my old favourite ‘so and so experienced X and look how well they’re doing’ as if we’re all robots who all process things the same way. I’ve come to the conclusion that with my parent it’s a control thing - they like everything to be neat and ordered and therefore anything that sits outside of this niggles them as they want to tick off some list they have in their head and on that list is that I’m ‘sorted’ and can’t or won’t understand trauma/mental health isn’t a linear thing.
I can clearly see how things that happened in childhood/how I was responded too didn’t help as I was always considered the problem for being too sensitive or over thinking. Don’t get me wrong there are other reasons for my anxiety and trauma besides that but it certainly left emotional scars.
My little girl had thr same toy until she pulled it apart totally, she used to bring it in the bedroom in the morning to make me play with her when she was a kittenIf any of them could draw it would be Thor. He has a feather-on-a-stick toy which usually lives in the lounge room but if he's craving attention he'll bring it into the bedroom for us to admire and thank him for. Funny bugger, he is.
@skronkywildcat I had to look up Scarfolk and now I'm intrigued! It's on my to read list now.
My dad died at home very suddenly from heart attack 2 days before my 21st at the end of June (1985) just before my final year at Uni - I'd gone to work at my holiday job and mum had come back to kitchen and found him collapsed on kitchen floorThat's so true.
In the mid-90s my dad's car was crushed by a lorry that jack-knifed and he died of his injuries three weeks later, aged just 60. I was 18 at the time and was sent back to university for my second term pretty much straight after the funeral with nothing more than a bottle of antidepressant tablets from the doctor 'to get you through the next couple of weeks'. Earlier this year I was talking to my mother about that period and said that I was surprised, looking back, that no one had suggested she and I get some counselling or bereavement support and she looked at me in genuine astonishment and said, 'But why, darling? People die all the time.' It genuinely had never crossed her mind that it might be needed.
You are carrying ducklings. You can never, ever underestimate that.Sending love and healing thoughts to everyone who needs them
I do think a large amount of attitude to mental health and trauma is generational. My mum had bipolar disorder and was hospitalised on and off during her life , and I remember hearing my grandparents talk about it like it was some big shameful secret , especially when she was on medication . My grandad especially had the attitude that nothing that my mum was going through could be as bad as what he’d seen/experienced during the war so why was she making a fuss , which was ironic considering a lot of her ( and my) childhood trauma came from him and his coping mechanisms.
My dad supported her as much as he could , but still doesn’t really know how to respond helpfully to mental health stuff . I opened up to him recently about struggling and how the state of my home was making things even worse and his response was to keep chipping away and to keep my head upwhich was not at all helpful. But at the same time , I know that was his way of trying to be supportive .
I was lucky ( not sure if that’s the right word) because when i went into care full time, my social worker pushed to get me counselling , partially because they were trying to get me to disclose more stuff to build a criminal case against my grandad but mainly to try and help me . I know plenty of people who would have benefited so much from therapy during their formative years who are only just now accessing support , after decades of internalising stuff . Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a bit of a mess mental health wise but it’s pretty much “ just” the bog standard spicy brain burnout kind these days
I’m playing a fun game I’ve decided to call “ body, bowels or babies” . It’s quite a simple game - I have to guess if my back/stomach ache is general chronic pain, digestive issues or pregnancy related . I’m not doing that well tbh- so far I misjudged fart cramps as a braxton hicks contraction and thought a duckling must be laying awkwardly when it turned out to be general joint pain
my fort of binbags has just been collected and I’m trying not to get demoralised how bad everything still looksI probably could have bagged up quite a few more binbags of clutter and rubbish for the size load I paid for but I massively underestimated how much I would physically struggle to do it. When I make plans in my head I still think I’m the me of 5 years ago when I was in generally good health and not pregnant and forget that these days I need about 4 parts recovery for every 1 part of effort/action .
Having carried my own twin pixels, you have allllll my sympathy, @BubbleDuck . Be kind to yourself.You are carrying ducklings. You can never, ever underestimate that.
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