We’re here for you @HotesTilaire 
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I don't know if I've mentioned this before but my fella said to me pretty early in our dating life 'you can't rely on me to make you happy' and on the surface that sounds harsh but he's Eastern European and sometimes things get a little lost in translation 
But it really resonated with me. Your partner should add to your life and make it better (my love definitely does) but your happiness/contentment/satisfaction should only ever come from you. If you're always looking to others to 'make you happy' you never will be.
But it really resonated with me. Your partner should add to your life and make it better (my love definitely does) but your happiness/contentment/satisfaction should only ever come from you. If you're always looking to others to 'make you happy' you never will be.
I don’t, but you don’t want to date me
Thinking of you, dear Hotes 
I completely agree with the ninnies that there's too much pressure on relationships as a panacea for all of life's woes.
Embarrassingly I fell in love with Mr Owl from pretty much the get-go because he was all strong and silent, and I thought he was terribly mysterious. He's definitely mysterious even now, but I don't know if it's all that romantic
Really depressing me-rail but when we were in marriage counselling, one of the big things I had to confront was the fact I was holding onto a lot of resentment about the things I thought I'd missed out on because we got married so young. It wasn't so much wishing I had been single, because that would mean wishing away my children and the man I love despite/because of his idiosyncracies. It was more coming to terms with a type of life no longer being an option for me because of my own choices, and needing to accept that as my thing to deal with.
I completely agree with the ninnies that there's too much pressure on relationships as a panacea for all of life's woes.
Embarrassingly I fell in love with Mr Owl from pretty much the get-go because he was all strong and silent, and I thought he was terribly mysterious. He's definitely mysterious even now, but I don't know if it's all that romantic
Really depressing me-rail but when we were in marriage counselling, one of the big things I had to confront was the fact I was holding onto a lot of resentment about the things I thought I'd missed out on because we got married so young. It wasn't so much wishing I had been single, because that would mean wishing away my children and the man I love despite/because of his idiosyncracies. It was more coming to terms with a type of life no longer being an option for me because of my own choices, and needing to accept that as my thing to deal with.
Well I survived the botulism chilli - it was actually really tasty, can definitely recommend the addition of pickled peppers (although preferably in date ones) - but I'm pretty sure I have covid. I'm not too ill (yet) but I'm gutted because I was meant to be meeting friends on Monday who I haven't seen since they moved to Asia over a year ago, and it's the only day on their whole trip to England that they're free. I'm going to go and stay with them in the summer so it's not really too bad, but I'm still sad that I'll now probabky have to wait another two months.
Haven't caught up on the MT yet, although a friend just texted me to say Jack's on Tinder so I'm guessing that's what all this is all about, but I agree that being single is awesome. I really enjoy not having to compromise any aspect of my life to accommodate someone else's wishes. I met a guy a few years ago who was straight, single and normal (a rare combination in your 30s!) who I love very much and occasionally sleep with, but we'd never work in a proper relationship because we have completely incompatible life goals - I want to do loads of travelling, try new things and basically live the high life for as long as I can, and he wants to live in his childhood home staying close to his kids and huge extended family and progress through the ranks of his stable career. It occurred to me recently that if either of us thought being single was a problem we'd likely have reasoned that we were each other's best shot and tried to make it work anyway, and that's probably how a lot of people end up stuck in unhappy marriages resenting each other ten years down the line.
Getting Vietnam-style flashbacks at the mention of Molecular Biology of the Cell btw - I'd quite happily buried that book in the back of my subconscious for the last ten years.
Haven't caught up on the MT yet, although a friend just texted me to say Jack's on Tinder so I'm guessing that's what all this is all about, but I agree that being single is awesome. I really enjoy not having to compromise any aspect of my life to accommodate someone else's wishes. I met a guy a few years ago who was straight, single and normal (a rare combination in your 30s!) who I love very much and occasionally sleep with, but we'd never work in a proper relationship because we have completely incompatible life goals - I want to do loads of travelling, try new things and basically live the high life for as long as I can, and he wants to live in his childhood home staying close to his kids and huge extended family and progress through the ranks of his stable career. It occurred to me recently that if either of us thought being single was a problem we'd likely have reasoned that we were each other's best shot and tried to make it work anyway, and that's probably how a lot of people end up stuck in unhappy marriages resenting each other ten years down the line.
Getting Vietnam-style flashbacks at the mention of Molecular Biology of the Cell btw - I'd quite happily buried that book in the back of my subconscious for the last ten years.
My marriage isn't the greatest. We get along okay but we are more like housemates. I'd happily live on my own with Pooh and Susan if I could afford it. I spent a fair chunk of my early 30s single and I've lived by myself before plus I enjoy my own company. I'd love to never have to listen to another motoring YouTube channel for the rest of my life.
I am a very single person, and sometimes it makes me sad but then also I quite enjoy not having to care about someone else. I enjoy the sex bit but it's such a faff having to get to know someone before getting to that stage! I used an app that was for casual flings a little while ago and definitely saw Dean Gaffney trying to pretend it wasn't him. He didn't match me, alas.
Hope you feel better soonOh, well, if you insist on cat spam. Here she is displaying very poise, much grace.
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Lads I'm doing a chaos again, send wasted NHS time-os. The side effects from my new medication I was confident would go in another week did not go so I'm back on my old medication. I'm only joking about wasted NHS time as I still obviously wasn't well and needed help but I do feel a bit silly and very, very sweaty. My fingertips are visibly glistening, so that's nice. On the plus side I've nearly finished a little microslop drum & bass version of Landslide. I capped it at 1:45 because nobody asked for it and, let's face it, nobody wants it
You're right Sidey B. Sometimes people end up defined by their partner or lack of, maybe there's a general perception (especially for over 30s) that if you're single you must be in some way defective? Fortunately I don't feel under any pressure to be in a relationship although I want one eventually, I'm also quite clearly not in the right space for it now either. Ultimately it's a good thing for people to be comfortable by themselves and not rely on being made complete by another person. Sorry if this didn't make sense.
and even if you are joking, your health is not a waste of anyone's time, you shouldn't feel bad for trying to get meds that suit you better and your well-being is important. I really hope that either the meds you're on, or new meds if they change you again, work better for you.Agree so much with you all about the importance of being ok with being single. I don't have very much experience with solid committed relationships, but I see people who have the fear of being alone and it makes them stay too long with people who frankly don't deserve them. Or people who jump from one relationship straight into another, and just don't seem to have any sense of self. Not just celebrities, people in real life too.
And that's before we get to the absolute horror shows you see on Reddit ! (I choose to believe all "Am I the asshole" posts are fiction because the alternative is just too sad I can't deal with it)
I've never had a proper long term relationship! Just casual dating, friends with benefits, one short relationship where I had to hide that we were in a relationship from everyone, and one night stands only. My head wasn't in the right place at all though for commitment as my mental health was all over the place and I had no self worth, also I was very hung up on that one person I dated for like ...an embarrassing length of time afterwards - an absolute car crash of a (not even) 6 month long relationship which fucked me up for about 3 years. 
So thankfully I was self aware enough to be like no I need to work on me and get the medication, therapy, work past my issues.
The past year I have finally started to feel like I'm ready for a serious commited relationship, but I'd prefer to keep focusing on my career for another year and a half first as there's a milestone I expect to have hit by then.
It is scary going on the apps/ putting yourself out there , but like others have said, if the prospect of being single doesn't scare you it takes some of the pressure off and lets you meet the person you're happy to sacrifice singledom for. I like the freedom to do my own thing and I don't want kids, so it's not like there's any biological time limit.
So thankfully I was self aware enough to be like no I need to work on me and get the medication, therapy, work past my issues.The past year I have finally started to feel like I'm ready for a serious commited relationship, but I'd prefer to keep focusing on my career for another year and a half first as there's a milestone I expect to have hit by then.
It is scary going on the apps/ putting yourself out there , but like others have said, if the prospect of being single doesn't scare you it takes some of the pressure off and lets you meet the person you're happy to sacrifice singledom for. I like the freedom to do my own thing and I don't want kids, so it's not like there's any biological time limit.
When I first saw this picture I was so confused because I thought Roger Daltrey was Dean Gaffney for a minute!
ETA rereading my previous post I made it seem like everyone needs to end up in a relationship eventually. Just wanted to add that's not true, and being single is not a "holding state" while you wait for a relationship, if you decide to live your life single that's just as equally valid as living in a traditional monogamous relationship, or a poly relationship
Got a text at 6am to say the shearers are coming at 8am, so thank goodness (a) I got them in last night and (b) for an understanding boss who also has sheep and so is all 'Yeah, fine, just come in when you're done'.
I wish I'd spent more time single - met husband number 1 when I was 21 and got married at 24, finally realised what a controlling hole he was and left him when I was 30 for husband number 2, who I'll have been with for 17 years next month and who is lovely in nearly every way. I wish I'd had a year or so's gap between the two, but when you meet someone and something inside you goes 'Oh tit, this is the man I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with' you kind of have to go with it and take the chance.
I wish I'd spent more time single - met husband number 1 when I was 21 and got married at 24, finally realised what a controlling hole he was and left him when I was 30 for husband number 2, who I'll have been with for 17 years next month and who is lovely in nearly every way. I wish I'd had a year or so's gap between the two, but when you meet someone and something inside you goes 'Oh tit, this is the man I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with' you kind of have to go with it and take the chance.
Hotes, sending you thoughts across the pennies. Hope you can feel them.
It’s lovely to hear all your musings on relationships- shows how diverse everyone is.
Finding the MT hard in that regard. Firstly (and I know she has stated that she is looking for a guy so that draws a line), I am not sure I agree with people saying she was never a fully fledged lesbian because she has been with men and had a son. I think that is really disrespectful. Many lesbians (both of us, many people we know) have had straight relationships before they came out. It’s how it works sometimes. Look at Kelly Holmes.
We got together, typically in a whirlwind. We both knew. I was knocked off my feet having always fallen for unattainable men (funny that). Life has been up and down in the almost 20 years we have been together but she is my absolute rock and I would fall apart without her. Sorry for long post. Sorry for being too sympathetic towards Jack.
It’s lovely to hear all your musings on relationships- shows how diverse everyone is
.Finding the MT hard in that regard. Firstly (and I know she has stated that she is looking for a guy so that draws a line), I am not sure I agree with people saying she was never a fully fledged lesbian because she has been with men and had a son. I think that is really disrespectful. Many lesbians (both of us, many people we know) have had straight relationships before they came out. It’s how it works sometimes. Look at Kelly Holmes.
We all fell for Jack for one reason or another. She wrote in the Guardian etc.. for me it was partly because she was gay. Now it seems that element of her has gone, I feel let down. I feel she is harming herself but hurting her lesbian followers too. I am sorry if this is out of turn, having Kelly finally come out has made this an emotional week.
We got together, typically in a whirlwind. We both knew. I was knocked off my feet having always fallen for unattainable men (funny that). Life has been up and down in the almost 20 years we have been together but she is my absolute rock and I would fall apart without her. Sorry for long post. Sorry for being too sympathetic towards Jack.
@Switchstreetz I've never been in a relationship either 
Mostly I think because I'm more sexually attracted to women but more romantically attracted to men, which means there's never been one person I've felt the desire to spend the rest of my life with. Maybe there's someone out there who'll tick all the boxes one day, or maybe not, and I'm happy in either case!
Mostly I think because I'm more sexually attracted to women but more romantically attracted to men, which means there's never been one person I've felt the desire to spend the rest of my life with. Maybe there's someone out there who'll tick all the boxes one day, or maybe not, and I'm happy in either case!I'd quite like to have more casual hookups, but I wouldn't feel safe with a man I didn't know and it doesn't really seem to be a big thing among lesbian and bi women. Recently I've wondered about being the 'unicorn' for couples who want a threesome, but everyone I know who's had one says it's dead awkward, so idk.
I have mostly been single until I met the present Mr V.
I know several serial monogamists who cannot be without a partner - it looks exhausting as they are always at some point having to deal with someone else. Either new love bedding in, or getting no bored or breaking up/finding someone new.
My (actual) FIL died in his mid 60s - which was awful for everyone. Being morbid and witnessing how my MIL is dealing with it I muse about what I would do if the worst happened and I honestly don’t think I would bother trying to find another relationship.
Often it’s how everyone else is - when everyone is single - being in a relationship can be a drag - when everyone is coupled up - being single can feel isolating.
It's a weird position to be in. We'd not even had the funeral, and my grandma was like 'well, you're still young enough to find someone' Like, chill grandma!
I'm not against the idea, but know it's probably never going to happen. A lot of people I went to school with that I have on FB are very long term single. No kids, no divorces, just didn't happen for whatever reason.
Quite honestly, I never got over my first love. In our 20s we'd joke that we couldn't stay in a relationship but we'd get married in our 50s. We are now in our 50s and still talk almost every day, he's often said he wishes we could move to Tasmania and live next door to one another. He just wants to hang out with Susan really. I'm kidding, but the only other man I'll ever share a house with is my step dad.
Much cooler ladies I have Badger's fleece plus the other five Shetland crosses separately and they're going off to a lady in Aberdeenshire to be made into something. It was going to be a rug, but they're so lovely and soft I'm thinking chunky cowls instead. Our shearer this year was superb, they were really calm with him and not one of mine got a nick.
I have Badger's fleece plus the other five Shetland crosses separately and they're going off to a lady in Aberdeenshire to be made into something. It was going to be a rug, but they're so lovely and soft I'm thinking chunky cowls instead. Our shearer this year was superb, they were really calm with him and not one of mine got a nick.
The OH and I are in a poly relationship and I think that's been the key for me. I realised a couple of years back that monogamy wasn't quite what I was looking for - it's not necessarily that I want multiple partners, I've just never liked the pressure of being The One for one person. Mr Pixie has a long term relationship that has been theoretically poly from the start, I'm the first serious addition to it for either of them. Myself and his partner get along really well, we're happy to hang out as a group, I don't get that horrible tied down feeling. It's working out great so far.
I think I'd do really well in a poly relationship, or a situation where we all just agreed to be non-exclusive FWBs forever, but almost no-one I know is looking for the same thing. (Well, a couple of the married men seem to be
but that doesn't count.)Yeah, the difficulty is finding people who understand the ethical part of ethical non-monogamy!I think I'd do really well in a poly relationship, or a situation where we all just agreed to be non-exclusive FWBs forever, but almost no-one I know is looking for the same thing. (Well, a couple of the married men seem to be
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