First Love

[smellsofbiscuits]

Taking this as my first proper head over heels in love, who was never actually my boyfriend.

Met at school, he knew I had a crush on him and he played that a bit if I'm honest. Would come round to my house to use Sky, Internet etc. (this was the late 90s so Very Cool). We'd watch movies and chat a lot, mainly about girls he fancied (yes, I know....). He kept telling me that I had a great personality but it's a shame my looks didn't match. Then I got a bit fed up waiting for him I suppose and ended up getting a boyfriend. One day he tried to kiss me but I'm quite a loyal person and refused to as I was dating another guy. This happened towards the end of school and things looked like they might happen then....nothing. We both ended up at the same college but hardly saw each.

He's since emigrated but on a visit home about ten years ago he asked to meet up. By then I had been with now DH for about 4 years so met up. It was nice, we caught up with each other and he did offer an apology for how he had treated me. We're friends on Facebook but hardly interact beyond liking a few "life" posts.

He's now married to quite a plain looking girl and seems happy. I must admit I did feel a bit odd when he got married but nothing more. DH is bloody brilliant and there's absolutely no-one I'd consider leaving him for (perhaps Cillian Murphy but like that will ever happen, haha!).

It's been nice to write this down actually.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I was 16.. Lasted until 28. He still wants me to give it another go at 30 but I grew up and lost any feelings for him.

 

[Pixipoppy]

I wouldn’t really call my first boyfriend my first love. He was a nice kid but honsetly for both of us it felt more like a relationship of convenience we were both 17, in this big friendship group of several couples and neither of us had been with anyone so it sort of just happened and we stayed together a year before going to uni... said we’d make it work long distance and it lasted a week.

There’s only been one relationship I’ve had (other than my current boyfriend) that I’ve truly been in love. We were only together a few months (!) but it took me YEARS to get over this guy. I used to wonder what I’d say if I ever saw him again (I never did) and dream about him realising his mistake and getting back in contact with me (lol). I think if he hadn’t dumped me we would have ended up together long term. Weirdly if it hadn’t been for this guy I wouldn’t have been living where I was when I met my current boyfriend so everything happens for a reason I guess!

 

[Plainwhited]

Married mine! Met at a disco when I was 18 and he was 17. Knew that might he was something special. Together 17 years, married 11 this year and have 2 lovely children

 

[TheScarletgirl]

This thread reminds me of the book Judy Blooms forever .

I don't believe I have had a first love . I had a few short term car crash relationships before i met my other half.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Sorry, this is a long one.....................

She was a danish au pair and we got together when we were 18. We met in the same brass band, and we became a couple within 2 months. I really, really loved her, and we lost our virginity to each other. I went over to meet her friends and family in Denmark. We had a lovely 18 months or so together.

In the end, she got in with a bad crowd of other au pairs. They didn't like me (I was suspicious of them, particularly one of them who was german. She was supposedly a christian, but I have a nasty idea that that her constant changes of jobs and going back and forward to germany was a cover for drugs and other smuggling). This group took her to some of these clubs and pubs were they basically would set her up with other men (I was either working or teaching). This happened 4 times ( that I know of), and she chucked me for one of these guys. I begged and cried for her to take me back, but she wouldn't. She would bring him along to concerts that we doing together, and it hurt, hurt, so much. I would see them cuddling, and leaving together. In the end, I had to leave that band, I had no other choice.

Now the rest of the story, she has told me, so I have only one side of it..............................

Sadly, it didn't work out well for her. This guy dumped her after a couple of years (they did get engaged, but only lived together for 6 months, which is odd, and I think the novelty value of a Scandinavian girlfriend wore thin, particularly having to go to Denmark every year..... She then got together with a guy she met in the pub, whom was desperate to be a dad (he was 40, and she 28). They were together for 6 months, and he begged her for her to become pregnant and have her kid. She agreed (possibly body clock) and she became pregnant, but.....he then decided he actually didn't want to be a dad and met up with one of his ex's and told my ex that he was going back to her. She was so angry, she dumped all the stuff that his parents had bought for the baby on their drive (she was 6 months gone!).

She had to go back to Denmark and had the baby. She contacts the grandparents (she can't contact the father), and lets them know that she has had the baby, they reply 'We are not interested' and put the phone down on her. A year or so, later she met another guy, whom was happy to have a ready made family, and she became pregnant, but sadly same story again. Now she has 2 kids, no fathers about.

She meets another guy, and get engaged. They had 3 more kids (I know, I know!). He stays this time, but about 4 years ago, he starts drinking heavily and becoming violent. It ends up one night with him grabbing my ex and her eldest daughter by the throat (he's a big guy). She manages to get the kids out, and they are hiding in a cornfield away from him, but manage to get a friends house. He has made several threats since, and it's gone legal.....

Anyway, 18 months or so, I have a friend request from her. I'm a nosy sod (I've been in a relationship with a great lady for the last 12 years btw), and we start talking, and she tells me the above. She wants her eldest daughter to talk to me, because she wants her daughter to know just one decent man that she has met in her life. Just one. Just one that never lied, beat her up, cheated on her, deserted her........

I was stunned, but the girl is delightful. She regularly asks me for advice, and lets off steam about everyone (sisters, mum, school!!!). She (the daughter) asked me to go to her 'Coming of Age' ceremony that they have in Denmark when they are 14. I went (My gf hates travelling, and she knows I'm not a cheat, so was happy for me to go). My ex told me that she wishes that she hadn't done what she had done, and wished that she were still together, and that I had been the father of her kids. I gently told her that we all make our path, and that I don't believe in going back, but that I would always be her friend.....

Hey, after all. I ended up with someone amazing, so I'm a lucky person........

Sorry, if i bored you.

I’d stay far far away lol

 

[tskiry56]

I would say my first love is my current boyfriend.
I don't think I was ever in love with my ex - I was weak and felt trapped by him, so for years pretended to be happy to the 'outside world' when i was hiding abuse.

 

[ChloChlo]

By first love are we meaning first boyfriend?

I certainly wasn't in love, I just liked the attention of letting this lad who fancied me in school chase me. I liked the novelty of having a first boyfriend. I was 14, he was a year older. He was not attractive, he had terrible acne and bumfluff.

I certainly wasn't in love with my first husband either. We had practically nothing in common. He was purely for convenience, he looked like Rodney Trotter and he behaved like him too, an utter plonker. I was having an unpleasant time at home and ended up practically living with this man, he was a safe option when my ego was damaged. I ended up pregnant and as his mother was a strict catholic decided we should get married quickly. His parents paid for it, so I went along with it. We had 2 children together but I certainly was not in love.

My second husband swept me off my feet and I fell in love, he was 15 years older than me, had money, was a local villain and was fit and rugged, a drastic contrast to my first husband. Looking back I was very much in love but our relationship was toxic. He had started to get violent a few months into my pregnancy with his child (my 3rd) which was the start of a severe domestic violence relationship which spanned a further 4 years, I was stabbed, tortured in marshlands and by the end had severe PTSD resulting in me ending up weighing 6 stone from not eating or sleeping. When professionals were alerted I was relocated 250 miles away. I mourned him. I missed him and I went through all the stages of grief. I was guilty I left my abuser. It was a horrible feeling.

I dont think I have loved fully since. I've had terrible experiences of men since. My current partner I do love dearly but in a family way, we met through circumstances, 2 years ago I made the decision to get clean after a life changing event, we are both ex addicts and we have a 1 year old child together. We have a mutual understanding, we respect eachothers boundaries and try to make it work for the sake our child more than anything. The love there is different to what I have felt before, this feels more of a familiarity, it's like a good friendship with amazing sex.

 

[Bobbleowl90]

My “first love” was absolutely toxic for me. On and off for 4/5 years and he had a girlfriend all along. When we met he lied and said they weren’t together. Then I got sucked in when he kept promising to leave her. I was obsessed with him but realise now what a manipulative control freak he was.
His girlfriend got shut of him and funnily enough we are friends now.
I regret every single minute I spent with him and feel sad I did it to her. He is a twisted person and I know he has cheated on his current gf also.
Also - probably serves me right, but I found out he was also cheating on me (if you can call it that) with my so called best friend.
good riddance.

 

[CarrieW24]

Playing the field is boring- aren’t we all trying to find what you have? Someone we love more each day.
I’ve never been in love and at 29 I doubt I ever will. I like the idea of it though.

I call the boy I met at 14 my "first love" because it felt that way at the time. But really the man I married has been my only true love. I'm lucky to have met him when I was older, more experienced, and more sure of myself.

I hope it happens for you

 

[CarrieW24]

Sorry, this is a long one.....................

She was a danish au pair and we got together when we were 18. We met in the same brass band, and we became a couple within 2 months. I really, really loved her, and we lost our virginity to each other. I went over to meet her friends and family in Denmark. We had a lovely 18 months or so together.

In the end, she got in with a bad crowd of other au pairs. They didn't like me (I was suspicious of them, particularly one of them who was german. She was supposedly a christian, but I have a nasty idea that that her constant changes of jobs and going back and forward to germany was a cover for drugs and other smuggling). This group took her to some of these clubs and pubs were they basically would set her up with other men (I was either working or teaching). This happened 4 times ( that I know of), and she chucked me for one of these guys. I begged and cried for her to take me back, but she wouldn't. She would bring him along to concerts that we doing together, and it hurt, hurt, so much. I would see them cuddling, and leaving together. In the end, I had to leave that band, I had no other choice.

Now the rest of the story, she has told me, so I have only one side of it..............................

Sadly, it didn't work out well for her. This guy dumped her after a couple of years (they did get engaged, but only lived together for 6 months, which is odd, and I think the novelty value of a Scandinavian girlfriend wore thin, particularly having to go to Denmark every year..... She then got together with a guy she met in the pub, whom was desperate to be a dad (he was 40, and she 28). They were together for 6 months, and he begged her for her to become pregnant and have her kid. She agreed (possibly body clock) and she became pregnant, but.....he then decided he actually didn't want to be a dad and met up with one of his ex's and told my ex that he was going back to her. She was so angry, she dumped all the stuff that his parents had bought for the baby on their drive (she was 6 months gone!).

She had to go back to Denmark and had the baby. She contacts the grandparents (she can't contact the father), and lets them know that she has had the baby, they reply 'We are not interested' and put the phone down on her. A year or so, later she met another guy, whom was happy to have a ready made family, and she became pregnant, but sadly same story again. Now she has 2 kids, no fathers about.

She meets another guy, and get engaged. They had 3 more kids (I know, I know!). He stays this time, but about 4 years ago, he starts drinking heavily and becoming violent. It ends up one night with him grabbing my ex and her eldest daughter by the throat (he's a big guy). She manages to get the kids out, and they are hiding in a cornfield away from him, but manage to get a friends house. He has made several threats since, and it's gone legal.....

Anyway, 18 months or so, I have a friend request from her. I'm a nosy sod (I've been in a relationship with a great lady for the last 12 years btw), and we start talking, and she tells me the above. She wants her eldest daughter to talk to me, because she wants her daughter to know just one decent man that she has met in her life. Just one. Just one that never lied, beat her up, cheated on her, deserted her........

I was stunned, but the girl is delightful. She regularly asks me for advice, and lets off steam about everyone (sisters, mum, school!!!). She (the daughter) asked me to go to her 'Coming of Age' ceremony that they have in Denmark when they are 14. I went (My gf hates travelling, and she knows I'm not a cheat, so was happy for me to go). My ex told me that she wishes that she hadn't done what she had done, and wished that she were still together, and that I had been the father of her kids. I gently told her that we all make our path, and that I don't believe in going back, but that I would always be her friend.....

Hey, after all. I ended up with someone amazing, so I'm a lucky person........

Sorry, if i bored you.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet that you didn't end up with her. Very nice of you to still play a paternal figure for her kids though !

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

I dated but didn’t meet my first love till I was 23. We lasted a year it was all kinds of crazy intense and fast.
I’m 30 now and I got back together with him last year. We do long distance now and it’s bloody hard. But amazing.

 

[Cherrypie12]

Your last statement: no you're not being silly you're at a crossroad. You know you're not in an ideal situation now, which leaves the vacancy to consider your life with someone else that's closer to that ideal. That's not silly at all.

I'm going to share some contradictiry thoughts for the sake of introspection.

Every relationship faces adversity, there will be problems down the road with Uni Guy too. We tend to remember people to their credit, but they rarely ever live to that standard in person. As much as you didn't fight for him back then, he didn't fight for you. Why would it be different now?

On the otherhand, as far as I'm concerned this is my only life. I live it like it is, and that's definitely not passively. If you wait for life to happen, it's most likely never going to happen. If you want something/someone you have to take healthy action towards it.

I wish you could check in 60 years from now and let us know how it worked out. xx

Thank you so much for your thoughts. Those are the conflicting thoughts I've had recently too. There must have been a reason neither of us at the time acted upon things more strongly. If it was meant to be then it would have.

I'm going to keep trying in the relationship I'm in as I feel that's the right thing to do, leave the past in the past. Ive never told anyone anything about this so just letting it out on here is weight lifted x

 

[TravellingPants]

I don’t remember not knowing him, our mums met at baby groups with our older siblings who are a few years older. It was classic angsty teen drama stuff... realising we had feelings for each other, not wanting it to get in the way of our friendship, a few fumbly teenage snogs, both of us going out with other people but always being drawn back to each other. We were actually only really together for about six weeks in our late teens but with all the years that led us there, I still consider him my first love. It didn’t end badly, we just realised that the timing was still off and was maybe never going to be right.

We have gone through patches of being incredibly close or drifting apart in the years since then. He has a tendency to go off the rails partying and he’s not the person I know when he does.

My mum has always said she will not be in the least surprised if we end up together later in life... I think he will always be my best friend but I’m not sure we are good together beyond that

 

[LittleMy]

I was 17, he was 20. We were together 7 years and it was a very heated relationship. We were on/off a lot but I genuinely loved him and I know he loved me. We just weren’t good for each other and it came to a point where I was growing up and wanted more from life, to settle down with a family, and he so wasn’t ready for that. He had a lot of problems, liked to drink all the time, and I carried him for a lot of the relationship. I wasn’t getting anything out of us being together, and it resulted in me becoming very depressed and suicidal. I met my now-husband after coming out of a rough period following the split with my ex. I took time to heal before moving on and putting myself back out there, and although my now-husband might not have been my first love, he is my greatest. He taught me that a relationship should be an equal partnership, not one person carrying the other. He also encourages me to try new things I never would have before and to step outside my comfort zone. We have fun and don’t need to be drinking to do so. He treats me well and is a great father to our children.

 

[Cherrypie12]

I met this guy at uni when I was 17.. we spent a lot of time together and I didn't realise it at the time but i really fell in love with him. We were romantic with each other but never made anything official, we were too busy living exciting uni life and going to parties and it really didnt bother me at the time. Over the next 4 years we were friends but we drifted away gradually.. and by the time uni was finished we really didnt talk at all.

It's now 10 years later, I don't know when it dawned on me. But eventually I realised how much I really loved him and kicked myself so hard that we never gave it a proper go. I think I met the right guy, but at the wrong time. I think of him often and have done for years, wondering what he's doing with his life.

I've spoken to him only twice since leaving uni. Most recently was only last week when we had a short friendly catch up over Instagram (he added me out of the blue). He has just got divorced. I'm engaged with a 2 year old but my personal life is complicated and I know I'm not with the right man. I've known for a while now but I'm staying for a lot of reasons primarily for the sake of my daughter.

I cant get him out of my head now, I have a strong belief everything happens for a reason so I'm just trying to be positive and accept things will happen the way they are meant to. Maybe later in life we will meet again. But for now he will always be the one that got away...

Do you think I'm just being silly and pining over a teenage crush?

 

[MrsBsDayOff]

Met at 20, fell in love, we dated casually for a few months and he broke my heart. It's about 15 years ago and I still think about him, I google him occasionally to see what he's up to. I know he's married with kids now. Haven't seen him in about 10 years but would love to. Maybe I'll write a longer post on it here some day when I have time and feel able.

I loved those few months at the time, but the memories are very tainted looking back now and I wince at it. I was very immature and naive too.

 

[Lauren1994]

I met my first love when I was around 15/16 we were together for roughly 3 years or just under. I was actually “seeing” one of his friends he came down to meet him and i was with him.. he lived about an hour away so every time I met him I made the most of our time together. We were kids when we met, he started doing drugs and stole his mums car to drive around with his friends which caused us to break up, I could tell i was in love because I didn’t care how I was treated I just wanted him and everything that came with him. I think our break up hit me hard, I then started doing drugs myself and drank nearly everyday, went to parties and done stupid things. If people knew about our break up I feel like I wouldn’t have been judged so badly for the wrong I did. I’m definitely not attracted to him now, not his looks or personality. If he ever messaged me I think my heart would always want me to respond back but I’ve moved on.. I’m now with my boyfriend of 6/7 years and we have a beautiful baby girl together. Thinking back at my first love it has made me realise I should be much more grateful for what and who I have now.

 

[ricecakes]

I met my first proper love when I was 17. I met him through being on tour with my old job. He played guitar and a lot of the girls fancied him so I was absolutely terrified to talk to him. But one night he came over to me and just started chatting about random shit. He gave me his number as we were all leaving tour that day and we spoke every single day for 3 weeks. Then we met up for our first date. That was 8 years ago now. We are now engaged. We have started a business together, brought houses to do up and sell on and now we have our own little house and we are planning our wedding which is hopefully going to be in September next year after that we hope for children, I am so thankful to have met him.

So cool that you have started a business together! It's something my partner and I would really like to do, what is it you do? We're struggling to agree on something

My husband now is the first person I've ever loved. We met playing playstation and it all just happened within a matter of months super quickly. Unconventional but we love it

 

[slugella]

My first love just crossed my mind so I came to see if there was a thread - loved reading your stories!

Mine was when I was 15/16, we were together about 2 years and I know at that age it gets written off as puppy love but I do believe it was real love.

My dad passed away which was really tough and we ended up breaking up but stayed friends. Eventually lost touch. I'm 29 now he is 30.

I've had boyfriends since who I don't think of in the same way now - e.g. for them it's no hard feelings, wish you well, door closed. However I do still have a soft spot for my first love. He crosses my mind once in a while and I wonder what if. It's an odd feeling as obviously I am over it now it's been so long, and I'm not sat here pining for him. But we had a connection that I haven't really felt since - sounds so cheesy I know.

I guess you can always have a soft spot for your first love. But who knows what he's like now, I have no intention of contacting him as the last I heard he is married now.