These comments have made me feel a lot better about my situation now. I will happily go on not speaking to my neighbours now haha.
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You are wasting so much precious family time worrying about their opinion! Just accept they aren’t going to change, the situation isn’t going to change, the only thing you can change is your mindset to approaching this differently. You aren’t letting the children out at anti-social times, you personally aren’t doing anything wrong other than caring about their opinion way too much. I know it’s hard knowing someone doesn’t like you but I’d personally rather know than backstabbing and bitchy behaviour! Just keep it at hello or goodbye, that’s all you can really ask for x
Thank you, I really do appreciate this and I know that you are right. Everyone’s comments have been so helpful in reinforcing all the things that I have been trying to tell myself - also so interesting to hear other people’s experiences. We are certainly spending far too much time worrying about this and need to move on. I have two young children and it does worry me that we are wasting the best years of our lives by being overly concerned about people who genuinely shouldn’t matter to us. Fundamentally I think it shows we are nice people who really don’t want to upset anyone - but as so many have said, you can’t make people like you
We are past even the hi and bye relationship stage, but I think I can make peace with that and just ignore on all fronts.
This is another thing you can get too friendly neighbours. I prefer a 'hello' kind of neighbour, cant stand it when they pop round all the time.
We’ve recently moved house and we’ve chatted to all the neighbours (the gardens are quite the small so we’ve exchanged pleasantries with the gardens backing on to ours too) except the house adjoining us, have tried to say hello etc and the woman actually turned her back, she does call her kids cunts to their faces though (we can hear her shouting through the wall) so I’m not really bothered. They’ll love us when we get and extension and start pulling down internal walls though 
It’s their problem, not yours. Enjoy your home and family and duck them quite frankly
It’s their problem, not yours. Enjoy your home and family and duck them quite franklyduck them Dont move.
Our neighbours kid caused a serious amount of damage to my car with a golf club (accidental) and they refused to pay for it.
I go out and I'm like "hiya babez". When there are out and get a parcle, I wont take it. When their car wouldnt start and they ask if I had jump leads, I said no. I had some in the garage and had they to wait 3 hours for the AA. Play them at their own game.
Can be awkward during lockdown but things will be back to normal eventually.
Dont move. Our neighbours kid caused a serious amount of damage to my car with a golf club (accidental) and they refused to pay for it.
I go out and I'm like "hiya babez". When there are out and get a parcle, I wont take it. When their car wouldnt start and they ask if I had jump leads, I said no. I had some in the garage and had they to wait 3 hours for the AA. Play them at their own game.
Can be awkward during lockdown but things will be back to normal eventually.
you and your partner have clearly been more than nice especially with the present gifted for after the work was completed! Gosh I would be screaming hello over the fence if someone did that for me. Anyway I do agree with the above. It is and will be tough. You’ve tried to be nice now just be civil. I personally think it speaks more on them then you. If you live next to crappy people their behaviour is just that crappy. I know it would be nice to live in a area with supportive kind neighbours but it just sometimes doesn’t happen. And why should you and your family need to relocate due to them being rude!I have the same one neighbour waves I wave back. Other neighbours ignore us. I’m civil in the fact if we make eye contact I’ll be polite and say hi but I don’t break my back like I would have with. I have now given up on one particular neighbour who dirty looks me up and down and scowls at me when we pass each other which had me thinking what have I done? I did nothing but be polite so that has resulted in me not acknowledging her. It’s awkward at first but in time but now is the normal. Hope you get to a happy medium and it’s unfair for you and your family to live in a lovely house and feel like you've done wrong.Stopped a year ago. To be honest I just think I need to grow a thicker skin. I get quite socially anxious and so overthink even simple social interactions so this is a nightmare situation for me because I hugely overthink what we have done to upset people and then invariably get angry when I come to the same conclusion that we really haven’t done anything wrong
I had neighbourhoods this threatened us with violence, and it was terrifying. Luckily they got moved on. Note to self; check social housing stats more closely on next house move.
If you’re really struggling, then move. If they’re set in their ways and there’s no resolution and you’re happy to move house, then do it. Just remember that your next neighbours may be worse, but that’s a risk everyone has to take. Horrible situation to be in, I really feel for you.
If you’re really struggling, then move. If they’re set in their ways and there’s no resolution and you’re happy to move house, then do it. Just remember that your next neighbours may be worse, but that’s a risk everyone has to take. Horrible situation to be in, I really feel for you.
I try and think of neighbourly relations like a professional relationship.
If you have a boss who you get on with really well and you end up being mates - bonus!
but if your boss is just polite and says hi now and then but keeps things professional - also fine!
You wouldn’t move jobs just cos your boss didn’t wanna be your mate and nor should you think of your neighbourly relationship as anything other than coincidental - you happen to live near each other and that’s literally the only reason you know each other. Neither of you owes each other anything. Keep it polite and professional. If they get nasty that’s a different story, but honestly just think of them as colleagues and help I promise
If you have a boss who you get on with really well and you end up being mates - bonus!
but if your boss is just polite and says hi now and then but keeps things professional - also fine!
You wouldn’t move jobs just cos your boss didn’t wanna be your mate and nor should you think of your neighbourly relationship as anything other than coincidental - you happen to live near each other and that’s literally the only reason you know each other. Neither of you owes each other anything. Keep it polite and professional. If they get nasty that’s a different story, but honestly just think of them as colleagues and help I promise
They’re clearly being petty not even acknowledging your “hellos”. Be the bigger person and just continue to say hello every time even if they ignore you. Maybe one day they’ll think and realise how rude that is. I do think you need to worry less about this though and focus on your family and enjoying your own life. As long as they aren’t violent, disruptive or threatening to you I would say just carry on living your life. We’ve lived here 15 years and only say a friendly hello to our neighbours, no convo beyond that, we’re not friends.
I can see how this would get you down. You can't change what other people think about you; all you can do is act with the best of intentions.
You've gone to all this trouble to create your dream home, so I don't think you should consider moving. If you can somehow block them out of your mind (easier said than done, I know!), your feelings will settle. Don't have anything else to do with them - don't send gifts; don't even acknowledge them in the street. Just pretend that they don't exist.
You've gone to all this trouble to create your dream home, so I don't think you should consider moving. If you can somehow block them out of your mind (easier said than done, I know!), your feelings will settle. Don't have anything else to do with them - don't send gifts; don't even acknowledge them in the street. Just pretend that they don't exist.
I’m so glad I found this thread! I’m so sad for the posters who have nightmare neighbours.
I’m lying here shaking, dry mouth, very bad tension headache, on the verge of a panic attack because of my neighbours. I no longer feel safe in my own home and I can’t sleep until they do and even then I’m awake worrying. Why are some adults so vile?!
I’m lying here shaking, dry mouth, very bad tension headache, on the verge of a panic attack because of my neighbours. I no longer feel safe in my own home and I can’t sleep until they do and even then I’m awake worrying. Why are some adults so vile?!
What have they done to make you feel so unsafe?? It's horrible to feel like that in your own home
Thanks for the reply. Very long story short, but all was fine until about a year ago our flat (owned) started to smell of cannabis. A lot. Then a couple of month later, flat below (also owned) started to have ‘gatherings’ several nights a week, until the early hours (sometimes 5 or 6 am!) The music would blare from just after tea time all night, our flat would stink of weed and we could actually see smoke, mens loud voices would boom so we couldn’t relax/ hear our tv, lots of banging and laughing etc. We Stupidly put up with it Thinking it would stop. Then after many days of going to work on zero sleep, starting texting polite please can you keep the noise down etc. It continued. We couldn’t even have visitors on a Saturday afternoon because of what was going on downstairs!What have they done to make you feel so unsafe?? It's horrible to feel like that in your own home
I actually spoke very very nicely to the perpetrator, gave examples of how it was affecting us. How tired we were, it was making us ill, I’d had my nephew round but had to take him home when he’d eaten his tea because he was so scared of what he thought were men fighting. My neighbour told me he didn’t care, didn’t give a F and to call the police and social services (they have a child!). Now they have turned all neighbours against us (no idea what they’ve told them!) Lockdown has been unbearable. They all sit and stare at us or call us vile names. They slam doors repeatedly at 3am, stomp across the floor on purpose and other immature behaviour. These are parents in their forties!!! Sorry to waffle on, there’s loads more but that’s enough to bore you I think! I really feel on the verge of a breakdown and my partner who has never suffered with mental health issues is also ill from it.
That sounds horrendous! I'm so sorry you have to deal with that, especially during lockdown! It's not ideal but if you're able to record excessive noise and other evidence of anti social behaviour you're well within your right to speak to the police or local council about it!
I think our only option is to sell unfortunately. We are living someone else’s life if you know what I mean, living by their timetable and the atmosphere is just unbearable now. I really appreciate your replies.
Feel so upset reading this and the original poster's story. 13 years ago when my husband and I moved into our first bought house together it ended up being a nightmare! Too much to go in to, but drugs, fights, parties, letting their 3 year old throw golf balls over the back fence to smash our windows....I fell pregnant and the stress was too much so I spoke to them. Very politely and was pretty much told to go duck myself if I thought anything was going to change!
The last straw was we bought a brand new car and that night my wing mirror had been smashed off and the doors all keyed. When I was out looking at the damage, heavily pregnant crying my eyes out, 1 neighbour came out and started laughing hysterically. I knew it was them but had no proof.
Few months later with a newborn, it all continued. Probably even worse. I realised I couldn't raise a child there. We sold up quickly, lowering the price from what we had paid! Best decision ever! I felt so guilty at first thinking of the new owners, but about 3 weeks after we moved I had to go and collect a parcel that had been sent to my previous address and when I drove in the street I could my 2 nightmare neighbours standing in my old garden having a laugh with the new owner
turns out she was just like them! I parked on the street, opened my car door and the woman that bought my house chucked my parcel at me!! Not knowing if it was something breakable...they all thought this was hilarious!!I couldn't put up with it, so totally understand what you are going through. I was too embarrassed to have any friends or family over at our house incase they started something. I can only imagine how tough the lockdown with them has been
at least I could escape every day when I was going through hell. Hope things change for you, or you find a way out
I have spent another two days worrying about our situation - which actually in some ways seems not as bad as some scenarios described by others - I honestly feel for anyone who has these problems, it’s awful and I completely understand the panic when other neighbours also start ignoring you and you realise you have no control over the narrative of what people have been told about you. I feel like I had a bit of an epiphany last night though which might help us to move on (in case anyone cares, or it might help someone else)
On the day we moved into our house nearly 7 years ago my mum and dad were fixing a broken manhole cover on our driveway - we had completed on the property and were worried about someone falling down it - especially truth be told now we were liable!
The neighbour who in a very loose sense knew my mum came out and in conversation asked my mum straight out how we had afforded our house (we bought a semi, in Surrey at the ages of 23 and 29). My mum answered stupidly now in hindsight (but I think she was caught off guard by such a personal question) that my husband had had some inheritance. This is in part true - a not insignificant sum of money left to him with strict instructions it was to be spent on a house deposit - but whilst we were incredibly lucky to be in this situation we had both worked hard and spent very little money in the years leading up to buying the house to be able to afford what we set our hearts on - our mortgage meant that we were very careful with money and budgeting. I am sure that we were gossiped about and assumptions made very early on Fast forward to a Christmas party a few months later and our neighbour the other side turns up pissed and again, in hindsight asked a whole load of inappropriate and personal questions - we were naive at the time and didn’t think much of it, after all had probably had a few drinks ourselves - her questions were odd though and despite exchanging pleasantries have always behind closed doors known that both sides were odd. In the last two years as previously explained triggered by building work and then getting gradually worse the situation is now pretty dire - shouting over the fence at us ‘nobody here likes you, you should just move’ - this is from a mother of 4 children and the other side making eye contact with, but ignoring my husband saying hello. Although seemingly nothing, we knew the relationship with shouty mum of four family was over but thought the other side had adopted a ‘stay out of the politics approach - fair. When they ignored us so obviously it was very upsetting to think that perceptions of us had been shaped by lies - coupled with that other people we have never spoken to who seem friendly with other neighbours also being frosty when exchanging pleasantries. With limited social interaction over the last few months it upset me to think our neighbours think so little of us.
I suffer from crippling social anxiety, to the point I will over analyse every single tiny communication I have had with anyone who isn’t close family of friends throughout my day when I go to bed at night - I am plagued constantly by intrusive thoughts about all the reasons people dislike me and worry about making polite small talk with anyone in fear that I might say something that makes someone upset or is misconstrued. For a number of years now I have been upsetting myself every day mulling over what misdemeanour I have made to upset our neighbours - no more. I feel like this is aturning point. My conclusion I reached last night is thus - on day one,I suspect the narrative started being built that we were entitled rich kids, provided forby mum and dad and having everything handed to us on a plate. We are lucky enough to look young for our ages which I think probably didn’t help. Our mantra of buy once and buy well means that as we have done up the house we have paid for John Lewis to custom make curtains etc which we have scrimped and saved to be able to afford to make our home lovely - I am sure their van being parked outside and my penchant for ocado deliveries serves to reinforce their misconceptions about us all this sounds ridiculous typing it but I take solace from it because they have the problem not me. The fence desperately needs replacing and we haven’t done it - largely because I am dreading having to talk to the neighbour who has clearly been gossiping with the shouty nasty work phoning neighbour and now has also decided to be nasty to us. Again I’m sure this is spun to ‘bloody minted entitled rich kids, got enough money to do up the house, but not fix the fence that is rotting apart’ - no love. I’m not fixing your fence. You have been unapproachable, despite on several occasions me trying to be kind and open a dialogue. The only times you have spoken to us has been to have a go (we no doubt made errors when we moved in - we were once shouted at for doing some sanding on a Sunday - now are very mindful about DIY but we were young naive andboth working long hours in the week!) or ask inappropriate questions. I think it’s all down to jealously. Part of me wants them to know how much they have made us suffer and all the times I have cried over this, the fact they made my entire pregnancy stressful and that this has dominated my thoughts for the last two years, but then I remember they are different people to me. They will probably delight in the pain they have caused.
I can’t think of another 30 instances/comments etc which support this conclusion that we are seen to be entitled and I also know that the problem is that once someone has a belief it’s very hard to change nor is it my job too. Whilst we live comfortably and have a decent income between us, we are by no means loaded - I suppose this is relative though and you don’t know other people’s struggles All our behaviour will now be shoehorned into this narrative. I used to fantasise about having the opportunity to set them straight and point out their misconceptions, but everyone’s responses on here have made me reialise that I don’t need to do that, they have the problem, not us and i can’t waste another day of my life worrying about it. Karma comes around and all I can do is continue to teach my children the importance of being kind and non judgemental.
This is all very boring, but it’s been cathartic so thank you so much to all those who offered advice. To those still struggling - don’t be a victim. Speak to the police and the council. Make records of problems and don’t beat yourself up about it. Nobody has the right to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home.
On the day we moved into our house nearly 7 years ago my mum and dad were fixing a broken manhole cover on our driveway - we had completed on the property and were worried about someone falling down it - especially truth be told now we were liable!
The neighbour who in a very loose sense knew my mum came out and in conversation asked my mum straight out how we had afforded our house (we bought a semi, in Surrey at the ages of 23 and 29). My mum answered stupidly now in hindsight (but I think she was caught off guard by such a personal question) that my husband had had some inheritance. This is in part true - a not insignificant sum of money left to him with strict instructions it was to be spent on a house deposit - but whilst we were incredibly lucky to be in this situation we had both worked hard and spent very little money in the years leading up to buying the house to be able to afford what we set our hearts on - our mortgage meant that we were very careful with money and budgeting. I am sure that we were gossiped about and assumptions made very early on Fast forward to a Christmas party a few months later and our neighbour the other side turns up pissed and again, in hindsight asked a whole load of inappropriate and personal questions - we were naive at the time and didn’t think much of it, after all had probably had a few drinks ourselves - her questions were odd though and despite exchanging pleasantries have always behind closed doors known that both sides were odd. In the last two years as previously explained triggered by building work and then getting gradually worse the situation is now pretty dire - shouting over the fence at us ‘nobody here likes you, you should just move’ - this is from a mother of 4 children and the other side making eye contact with, but ignoring my husband saying hello. Although seemingly nothing, we knew the relationship with shouty mum of four family was over but thought the other side had adopted a ‘stay out of the politics approach - fair. When they ignored us so obviously it was very upsetting to think that perceptions of us had been shaped by lies - coupled with that other people we have never spoken to who seem friendly with other neighbours also being frosty when exchanging pleasantries. With limited social interaction over the last few months it upset me to think our neighbours think so little of us.I suffer from crippling social anxiety, to the point I will over analyse every single tiny communication I have had with anyone who isn’t close family of friends throughout my day when I go to bed at night - I am plagued constantly by intrusive thoughts about all the reasons people dislike me and worry about making polite small talk with anyone in fear that I might say something that makes someone upset or is misconstrued. For a number of years now I have been upsetting myself every day mulling over what misdemeanour I have made to upset our neighbours - no more. I feel like this is aturning point. My conclusion I reached last night is thus - on day one,I suspect the narrative started being built that we were entitled rich kids, provided forby mum and dad and having everything handed to us on a plate. We are lucky enough to look young for our ages which I think probably didn’t help. Our mantra of buy once and buy well means that as we have done up the house we have paid for John Lewis to custom make curtains etc which we have scrimped and saved to be able to afford to make our home lovely - I am sure their van being parked outside and my penchant for ocado deliveries serves to reinforce their misconceptions about us
all this sounds ridiculous typing it but I take solace from it because they have the problem not me. The fence desperately needs replacing and we haven’t done it - largely because I am dreading having to talk to the neighbour who has clearly been gossiping with the shouty nasty work phoning neighbour and now has also decided to be nasty to us. Again I’m sure this is spun to ‘bloody minted entitled rich kids, got enough money to do up the house, but not fix the fence that is rotting apart’ - no love. I’m not fixing your fence. You have been unapproachable, despite on several occasions me trying to be kind and open a dialogue. The only times you have spoken to us has been to have a go (we no doubt made errors when we moved in - we were once shouted at for doing some sanding on a Sunday - now are very mindful about DIY but we were young naive andboth working long hours in the week!) or ask inappropriate questions. I think it’s all down to jealously. Part of me wants them to know how much they have made us suffer and all the times I have cried over this, the fact they made my entire pregnancy stressful and that this has dominated my thoughts for the last two years, but then I remember they are different people to me. They will probably delight in the pain they have caused. I can’t think of another 30 instances/comments etc which support this conclusion that we are seen to be entitled and I also know that the problem is that once someone has a belief it’s very hard to change nor is it my job too. Whilst we live comfortably and have a decent income between us, we are by no means loaded - I suppose this is relative though and you don’t know other people’s struggles
All our behaviour will now be shoehorned into this narrative. I used to fantasise about having the opportunity to set them straight and point out their misconceptions, but everyone’s responses on here have made me reialise that I don’t need to do that, they have the problem, not us and i can’t waste another day of my life worrying about it. Karma comes around and all I can do is continue to teach my children the importance of being kind and non judgemental.This is all very boring, but it’s been cathartic so thank you so much to all those who offered advice. To those still struggling - don’t be a victim. Speak to the police and the council. Make records of problems and don’t beat yourself up about it. Nobody has the right to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home.
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What did I tell you in my comment 
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Some people are a) nosy AF and b) don’t like to see young people do well for themselves! There’s nothing wrong with receiving an inheritance and using it to invest in your future. Leave the fence if you can, but you could always put one up inside theirs if you wanted to!
Our same neighbours that I mentioned earlier in the thread mentioned that we had let the hedge grow too high and the neighbours before never let it grow that far before (find that hard to believe as they didn’t lift a finger inside or out by the looks of it to us) - I told her the hedge was too wide for us to be able to cut all of it! They have cut it once in the whole time we have lived here (last month, in lockdown, when they realised having a nice bit of outdoor space might be useful). This thread has also helped me realise we don’t need to be best mates with our neighbours and to just get on with our lives
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Some people are a) nosy AF and b) don’t like to see young people do well for themselves! There’s nothing wrong with receiving an inheritance and using it to invest in your future. Leave the fence if you can, but you could always put one up inside theirs if you wanted to!Our same neighbours that I mentioned earlier in the thread mentioned that we had let the hedge grow too high and the neighbours before never let it grow that far before (find that hard to believe as they didn’t lift a finger inside or out by the looks of it to us) - I told her the hedge was too wide for us to be able to cut all of it! They have cut it once in the whole time we have lived here (last month, in lockdown, when they realised having a nice bit of outdoor space might be useful). This thread has also helped me realise we don’t need to be best mates with our neighbours and to just get on with our lives