Eva in the City

[declinespecificinformatio]

I was actually surprised and impressed that she is trying to pull herself together. Trying to have structure to her day, having small goals and projects, going to back to work, going out of her house. There are days when she seems to fail doing those things, but from her IG it seems there are days when she gets stuff done. The other day she edited the video of Olive's party, today she cleaned up her kitchen cupboards and looks like she had coffee and cake in a cafe. Also, she wants to move on. She posts about learning to live with grief and to find hope again.

It would be nice if she undertook a project or a charity fundraiser to commemorate her mother and baby. Or even just go on a trip abroad like in the old days. A change in scenery would do her good. I'm sure her mother and baby would like her to be happy.

It looks like she got pregnant as a way to cope(?) with her mother's death. Then she went to a stillbirth support group and lots of the mothers shared that their own mothers helped them in their grieving process. I mean, it's like the universe is out to get her. The baby you had in order to get over your mother's death also dies, and then according to your support group, you're supposed to get help from your dead mother to cope with death of your baby. I'd give her at least the same amount of time she was pregnant for her to grieve the loss of her baby.

I do agree that it can come across a little self-absorbed. But on second thought, I think it's understandable. I once chatted with a lady who had a miscarriage. The experience really is very isolating, even her husband didn't understand her feelings.

 

[Snazzycat]

There are special cots called Cuddle Cots which keep the body of the baby cool which allows the parents to spend some time with their stillborn baby before their bodies deteriorate too much, some hospitals have them.
I think poor Eva had to give birth knowing her baby was stillborn, I can't imagine how horrible that must be.

 

[thisregistration]

I agree with some elements of what she’s saying actually. Different people deal with things differently. If buying things for Olive and being surrounded by her things are what is comforting to her I don’t think I’m at all placed to say that’s wrong and not how she should grieve. It’s not like there is ever going to be a “fix” for what has happened to them.

No matter what people are saying here 6 months is super early days.

You are right, I feel bad now. My intention was not to judge her.

My point was really that it seems to be no improvement but we don’t know how she feels really, all we can go by is what she shows us.

Absolutely nothing wrong with grieving in whatever way feels right, but to me it looks like she is immersing herself in grief and it doesn’t seem to be improving. And if something doesn’t work, then maybe different approach is needed.

I believe she could benefit from counselling but maybe 121.

I hope I’m explaining myself well, as you can probably tell English is not my first language.

 

[call.me.coco]

Eva and Alen have had another baby girl! So happy for them.

Aw that’s wonderful news, delighted for them

 

[greenbear]

I honestly think that what would help her more than therapy or medication is having a project or purpose to fill her days and focus her thoughts.

It feels like she doesn't want to get through her grief

 

[Open-door]

Eva's latest video is very painful. It's hard to see someone in so much raw pain. It feels like she has nothing in her routine to anchor her except grieving.

 

[sheleg]

Her content is heartbreaking at the moment. I think Christmas is going to be very tough for her.

I’m expecting in a few weeks, and every time I look at my unborn baby’s clothes in his cupboard I imagine what Eva is going through.

I hope 2023 brings her peace.

 

[starryeyed10]

I think her insta might be private but I'm a follower. She said she is doing a phased return to work kind of thing. Hope that works out for her. The loss of her mother and her child must be so hard. I imagine she didn't really deal with the loss of her mother fully at the time and was focusing on her pregnancy. I always really liked her as a content creator and person. She always stayed true to herself.

 

[sheleg]

Agreed.

I suffered a life-changing loss 10 years ago, and what got me through was being asked to work on a project. It was tough at first but having that structure helped me to not descend into unhealthy grieving habits. Staying at home with no purpose only made me dwell on the life I ought to have been leading if my partner hadn’t died.

 

[sylviepie]

Alen doesn't believe in crystals, signs, angels etc so I wonder how he responds to Eva relying on those things. On the one hand he's letting her cope in her own way while also (sadly) having to cope with the limited understanding of how this affects men.

 

[sheleg]

Have to agree. Did she have a Caesar and is unable to lift properly - although that's still not an excuse not to support her baby's head?

She did have a section. I've had two, but never let the babies' heads flop around like that!

I understand they want to keep her name to themselves, but I'd love to know what they've called her. *Nosy*

 

[declinespecificinformatio]

Thanks for following up on my question about her sister. I was thinking that i got the wrong person's ig account years ago.

I found Eva calm and composed in her latest vid until the momma bear arrived and she broke into tears. I think she did good overall. But i agree with you, grieving seems to have enveloped her life. First it was her mom then now her daughter. Poor thing. I hope she and Alen do something nice for themselves after everything that's happened.

 

[sheleg]

I can’t imagine losing my mother and then my baby in such a short space of time. I feel for her so much, and hope she can find ways to get through. It seems like she is trying so hard to live with the grief.

 

[sheleg]

I honestly think that what would help her more than therapy or medication is having a project or purpose to fill her days and focus her thoughts.

 

[thisregistration]

Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss. Secondly, I don't think there is any 'priority' of people who it is heart-breaking to lose. A partner is different but every bit as much a loss as a child or parent. I totally agree with your insight about switching gears. Grief can become self-indulgent and I do feel Eva is in need of some 'tough love' in getting her to function as something other than a bereaved mother.


I didn't see it but I can imagine. Eva has made comments repeatedly which seem borderline hostile to people plainly trying to lift her spirits who don't buy into her particular narrative of grief.

Absolutely.
I do wonder about Allen. She is so self absorbed with grief and heavily reliant on him, it must be extremely hard for him
There is no deadline nor the right way of grieving, but there need to be a point in which you have to start functioning again.

It’s heartbreaking but, like one of you said, there is a point to switch gears otherwise you will be fully consumed by it.

@sheleg
I’m so sorry for your loss. Secondly, it’s not a competition or priority who can or should feel the pain more. It’s both extremely hard and well done for seeing help!

Absolutely.
I do wonder about Allen. She is so self absorbed with grief and heavily reliant on him, it must be extremely hard for him
There is no deadline nor the right way of grieving, but there need to be a point in which you have to start functioning again.

It’s heartbreaking but, like one of you said, there is a point to switch gears otherwise you will be fully consumed by it.

@sheleg
I’m so sorry for your loss. Secondly, it’s not a competition or priority who can or should feel the pain more. It’s both extremely hard and well done for seeking help!

 

[thisregistration]

Until you are in situation like she is in, none of us knows how they would cope. Having said that, if after quite a while I’d still be in such a state I’d hope some of my friends/family will try & help me by suggesting therapy etc.
While I know she has a support group of mums who experienced similar thing, maybe moving to and individual counselling would help as potentially those mums can be in similar state to Eva.

by all means, not forget about Olive, but buying constantly things ‚ from Olive’ ‚ about Olive is getting out of control. Some reminders of Olive of course but she gives her sister angel with Olive’s birthstone, photos & other things is too much.

Apologies if I’m way out of line here because maybe I’d be similar if it happened to me but. like I said, I would hope someone would see & get me help.

 

[perksofbeingmoi]

You are right, I feel bad now. My intention was not to judge her.

My point was really that it seems to be no improvement but we don’t know how she feels really, all we can go by is what she shows us.

Absolutely nothing wrong with grieving in whatever way feels right, but to me it looks like she is immersing herself in grief and it doesn’t seem to be improving. And if something doesn’t work, then maybe different approach is needed.

I believe she could benefit from counselling but maybe 121.

I hope I’m explaining myself well, as you can probably tell English is not my first language.

Explained yourself perfectly by the way 1-2-1 counselling and probably doing a part time job will keep her going x

 

[sidgeno8771]

Eva's instagram stories are really concerning to me too. I know someone said earlier in this thread that she's entitled to a year of leave, but I can't help but feel that going back to work would be helpful for her. It might take her mind off things instead of spending all day wallowing in grief.

 

[greenbear]

Her and Alun see so different and miserable together.

 

[sheleg]

Yes, Olive had no heartbeat when they went for tests after Eva stopped feeling her move. She had to deliver Olive stillborn.

Even typing those words makes me want to cry.

It sounds like they had good support at the hospital. They were allowed to spend a few days with Olive after the stillbirth.