She really has no clue who she is, so she attaches herself to things like being blonde, being a Leo, turning thirty - and uses them as reasons for her behavior/character and life decisions. How many times did she say "Now that I'm thirty I'm...." followed by something she could have easily done in her 20s. She clearly connects certain - in her mind desirable- traits with being blonde which is why she's so obsessed with it.
I do feel sorry for her. She's unpleasant and a mean girl and often quite an
mole to her viewers - but being so lost and clueless about your own self is painful :-(
You're more compassionate than me!
I think everyone struggles with self esteem and understanding yourself. If you add mental health problems then that's a dire situation, I get that. I've been through that.
The problem with Estee is that a lot of it is of her own doing. She's said in the past that therapy is too vanilla for her. She's been goopified and I can't feel sorry for her. Estee lives in London and had the resources to really do ANYTHING. Solo travelling is so much easier where she is based. I'm from Australia so it's trickier but even then I've done a
tit tonne of solo travelling. I even did it with social anxiety and depression. Before COVID she could travel if she really wanted to.
She could take a pottery class or any kind of hobby, she can afford classes but she doesn't. She's been WFH for her entire YouTube career so she can make time to go to classes, invest in hobbies but she doesn't. I understand mental health gets in the way for that kind of thing, I've resisted some hobbies because of it. Still, she has the resources to afford anything and yet she doesn't. Most people don't have that, a lot of people can't even afford to see psychologist or pay for medication.
Also, I want to say that travelling and taking classes and doing stupid things doesn't mean you have a rich internal world. But I think in Estee's case it would help her figure out her identity. I mean she buys books that suit her image and aesthetic but never finishes any of them, lol.
She only recently went back to seeing a therapist and taking medication. But for years she was just floundering and dabbling in woo woo stuff because it fits her blonde Leo image.