Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

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Chita

@Kezzle
The book I go to when I need to get back on track is the one I believe is the one most copied by newer books like The Secret, Excuse Me Your Life is Waiting and all the Louise Hay and Deepak Chopra ones.

It was written around 1900 by a man named James Allen.
It's called "As A Man Thinketh."
Because of its age, it isn't word salad techno-babble shyte. It's of its time - but the message still applies.
It talks absolute sense and when you are in a negative rut, it gets you out of it.
There's been loads of printings of it over the years and all those other books have tried to make it sound like they haven't stolen James Allen's wise words. It is the original and best.

You can probably pick up a copy for under £10 off amazon or from abe books or eBay.
 
Reactions: 6

Kezzle

Thank you, have ordered it off Amazon for £3.77 to be delivered tomorrow!
 
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Chita


I missed this post when I was catching up, sorry Jade.
You are not repulsive or unworthy.
So you need to train yourself to stop thinking that way because every pot has its lid.
You just haven't found yours yet.

Kezzle said:
Thank you, have ordered it off Amazon for £3.77 to be delivered tomorrow!
Click to expand...
Good!
I LOVE this book.
Yes it's a bit old, but my goodness it makes sense.
I've got 2 copies of it and one of them has got highlighted text and little sticky page markers so I can go straight to the bits that I need to remind myself of when I start to get negative.

I hope you like it.
 
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Tattyfilarious

Hey honey, I couldn't comprehend my Asperger's son's reasoning when he did that also - nor can he. He is now a university student - there is life beyond the mess of their complexities
 
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lozzapaloozza

I feel awful that I don’t spend time with my dad and brother since my mum passed away. Sometimes when they text me or call me I just want to ignore them or make up excuses to not spend time with them. I don’t know why but sometimes they can make me feel so drained and I just need to be alone. I feel like they both depend on me for company because neither of them have many people they spend time with and nobody they obviously love as much as me but I feel such an immense pressure to make sure they’re happy and I worry that they aren’t
 
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Chita


If they drain you it is understandable that you feel the need to avoid spending time with them.
Thats your instinct kicking in, or your self-preservation mechanism at work.

People are responsible for their own lives.
They cannot rely on others to give them a social life or whatever. If they are lonely, they must take steps to fix that themselves.

I have a relative who is single, aged 67 who drains me. So I avoid being with them and I ration phone calls to them. If they ring me or I ring them the call is always over an hour of them moaning about this or that.
After ive put the phone down I am bloody exhausted!
So I have reduced the frequency of calls.
I have to psych myself up to ring them and if there's a missed call on my mobile from them, I groan.

Covid lockdown was a great excuse for less contact, I assume that is the same in your case. I assume that during lockdowns etc that you saw less of them than you used to - so they have now become used to seeing you less frequently. Use that - and don't drift back into it.

You have the right to be happy and the right not to be dragged down by other people no matter who they are.

Stay strong,
Limit your contact with them and put yourself first.
 
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50sGirl

My friend send me this just last week…

 
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Miscanthus

I think you need to prioritise your own life/needs/health. Would it be possible to say that you are busy but you can see them for Sunday lunch/a few hours Friday morning or whatever? That way have have set time aside, done your bit, but it's not hanging over you all the time. The time you do spend with them might still be draining but you know it's for a set period. Also make sure it's not in your home, so when you need to leave you can.
You are possibly still grieving and you need to make sure you are ok.
 
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freda19

Oh dear. I can so see both sides of this. They are clinging to you. The last connection to mum really. It's very sad but they need to cut you some slack on this. As long as you spend some time chatting to them or visiting then you are not neglecting them and the rest of your time is for you. There just is no 'fix' for this, it's a matter of training your mind to stop fretting. You can't help how you feel, but try to analyse it a bit and realise that it's self preservation to dodge some visits. Enforced visits cause resentment and festering of not-very-nice feelings toward those you feel 'obliged' to visit, so limiting them is best for everyone because it means that when you visit them you don't feel trapped into it and they'll get the best of you, someone more at peace and happy with sharing herself for a brief time. If they are not disabled then you shouldn't feel beholden. Do as much as you are comfortable with and consign any residual unnecessary guilt to the bin where it belongs.
 
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R

Rockin' Robin

Quite a few months ago, my place of employment issued some Wellbeing Action Plan (WAP) forms for people to fill in. I never got round to filling my in, until now. I should have filled it in weeks ago, I might have saved myself from a highly stressful weekend.
I'm wondering if anyone has experienced a WAP and did it bring positive results? I'm feeling pretty negative right now. Sorry folks.
 
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Chita

WAP, you say.
Hmm, I have no idea what it is.

My well-being action plan usually consists of eating junk food, quaffing some nice dry Fizz & watching some shyte on telly whilst dossing on my bed.
Always feel better after that.

Sorry, I'm being unhelpful, so ignore me.
I bet someone else will be along soon and they will have experienced it.
 
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Rockin' Robin

An action plan I can totally get on board with.
 
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Tattyfilarious

Freda, you must work caring for people with mental health problems? And if you don't, you should do x

Self-loathing is immense - when you are welcomed by a good friend and her family, but you still can't quite believe that they actually might like you?

When you have a lovely life experience and then just pick it apart, because you feel that you don't deserve it
 
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MyLittlePony25

Can I just whinge?
I had dental surgery a few days ago, I’ve got quite a few stitches in my mouth and my face is a little swollen. It’s not painful but it’s sore and uncomfortable, especially as when I swallow, the movement of my face means I can feel one of the stitches in the side of my gum pulling. It’s funny how you never notice the areas of your body that you use until they are injured.
anyway, not only that but it’s that dreaded time of each month and I have cramps and feel crap.
so I’m not sleeping well at the moment which makes me really cranky and I guess that’s why I’m super pissed that I’ve been waiting for a delivery and then the tracker comes up with ‘could not deliver as driver was unable to gain entry to the building’…well why didn’t he call the buzzer then and I would have given him access!? Eurgh.
I have another delivery due at lunch time so I’m going to wait for that, trundle to the corner shop and find some yogurt or similar that I can manage and then curl up in bed feeling sorry for myself.
I should also add that I have lost count on the painkillers I have had and when I have taken them so I’m trying to give myself a break. Don’t want to be adding liver damage to my list of things to moan about
 
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Miscanthus

Having had a fair amount of dental work (and periods) in my life I sympathise. All I can add is that you can take far more painkillers than the packets suggest (this from a consultant). You should not be in pain or discomfort so don't feel you should not take them. Also any consultant will tell you that sleep is considered more and more vital so please make sure you tab up, grab a hot water bottle and sleep. Wishing you a speedy recovery.
 
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Chita



Absolutely - hot water bottle and sleep yourself better.


And you can always come in here to post.
Its not whingeing. Its talking, and talking is therapy.
Hope you feel better soon.
 
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M

MyLittlePony25

Chita said:
Absolutely - hot water bottle and sleep yourself better.


And you can always come in here to post.
Its not whingeing. Its talking, and talking is therapy.
Hope you feel better soon.
Click to expand...
Thank you both! Just found my wheat bag so will heat that up. Luckily it’s cooler today so I’m not going to melt and can actually use it! I will be trying to catch up on sleep and taking painkillers and will try and get food in me (I have no appetite but I know I need the energy). Thank you for letting me whinge and for understanding. I think some people think having a tooth out isn’t a big deal but 3 of mine had broken and only the roots were left so they had to cut the gums and dig around even I have been surprised at how much it’s taken out of me!
 
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Peachsquish

It wasn't toothache but covid vaccine side effects, what helped me was ignoring the directions on gaps between pills so instead of 2 pills every 4 hrs up to a maximum of 8, I divided the maximum number of pills into the 24 hrs in a day and had 1 pill every 3 hrs, it didn't completely remove the pain but it kept it tolerable enough to bear.
 
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Miscanthus

Pain is exhausting and draining and if you are not eating either you will feel tired. Your body is telling you to sleep
 
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A

April89

Glad I came across this thread today.

I just left work, new job, working with young people with additional needs.

One of then became very distressed today, and it was difficult to handle and see.

I spent time with them afterwards and they seemed alot better, but it was just before my shift finished, so I didn't quite get past the shock before I left.

I'm on the train home feeling strange and distracted.

My colleagues are great, and acted as if nothing had happened afterwards.

I have always coped with emotionally difficult things by trying to keep everything else calm and light, once the situation is dealt with, which helped while I could talk to other people, but alone with my thoughts I feel so strange and out of it

Feels good to write it down!
 
Reactions: 5
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