Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

[ProfessorColdheart]

Great idea to start a thread, I've been lurking on H&M and several people I think of often on there.

I'm having a real Monday grump today. Was low over the weekend and called a couple of people to chat but left me feeling more lonely really as each person just talked about themselves and hardly even asked about me. There's a lot of talk in the UK about encouraging people to talk about how they feel/mental health but noone is educating people on how to listen. i.e. don't just say "oh I know, I'm the same. Anyway, listen to this story about me. . "

 

[Chita]

Great idea to start a thread, I've been lurking on H&M and several people I think of often on there.

I'm having a real Monday grump today. Was low over the weekend and called a couple of people to chat but left me feeling more lonely really as each person just talked about themselves and hardly even asked about me. There's a lot of talk in the UK about encouraging people to talk about how they feel/mental health but noone is educating people on how to listen. i.e. don't just say "oh I know, I'm the same. Anyway, listen to this story about me. . "

Yeh thats a tough one.
Hopefully this thread can help in situations like this.

May not cure the ills but if it helps us to not dwell on them, then it can only be a good thing.

 

[spangly]

Wow - your cats are beauties @MaineCoonMama - are they bigger than average cats, the first one looks huge?

Great idea to start a thread, I've been lurking on H&M and several people I think of often on there.

I'm having a real Monday grump today. Was low over the weekend and called a couple of people to chat but left me feeling more lonely really as each person just talked about themselves and hardly even asked about me. There's a lot of talk in the UK about encouraging people to talk about how they feel/mental health but noone is educating people on how to listen. i.e. don't just say "oh I know, I'm the same. Anyway, listen to this story about me. . "

Yes, that happens a lot doesn't it! The people that really matter will hear you though xx

 

[Pippa M]

Great thread as we are on page 2 after 3 minutes...sort of

 

[AlanBanan]

View attachment 680079View attachment 680080View attachment 680083
There you go guys, top to bottom
Pooh-Bear
Susan
Thor

They are very cuddly and honestly great company. I'd be lost without them, especially Pooh.

Omg you really are a Mainecoon Mama. I love them!

 

[Louk]

Hi, I need help. I'm not sure if I can write everything out properly as it's a public forum.

Essentially, I have a problem with a family member who is more than likely struggling with multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses.

I'm not medical, but more than likely autism (highly intelligent and educated), some kind of victim mentality - never this person's fault - but they are also superior to everyone else. They have a nasty, vindictive streak, will think nothing of taking "revenge" but also very mentally feeble, gullible and easily led by the nutters on the net (but can't see it). Maybe even some kind of psychopath?

I have been this person's victim my whole life, life at home revolved around keeping the peace with this person.

I spent some years with no contact which were happy and peaceful. Other (extended) family members admit to struggling, even over the phone. This person will call you up, then sit in silence, anything you do say will be repeated on FB but made to make them look like they are the victim (like Prince Harry but on steroids). They have no conversation besides "everyone else is stupid" no friends, no social life, nothing to chitchat about, nothing normal.

I have recently had the balls to clap back and point out this person's behaviour which did not go down well. They once again made out that it was someone else's fault.

I have no one to turn to, no way to figure out the truth. This person has a child but no one else besides me.

Do I stick around and have a fake relationship for their sake (it won't kill me to send a few messages or have awkward chats, even though that's never good enough) visits can be limited and they have never caused me physical harm, or cut all contact and live my life?

Part of me is irritated because I have suggested getting professional help, but this has been rejected (I kinda want to fix things and people all the time, probably from growing up this way). I would be more comfortable having a relationship with them if they were in therapy and helping themselves instead of listening to their bile.

Now, the question is, although it's nice to talk here, should I get some therapy for myself? Just to see how to handle the situation better (I can talk to some friends but it's very involved and I'm conscious of not boring people).

I can and will cut them out, but if they are not a psychopath, just struggling, the situation we are in would make that very heartless of me.

 

[HairyWeeTerrier]

Well I have been on anti-depressants for 45 years. By the sound of it, I am not alone. Some of you will have had “Oh go buy yourself a new dress, that will make you feel better “ when the last thing you want to do is get out of bed never mind dress up and go out somewhere. But cannot imagine there will be that sort of advice on here. perhaps it is because of our problems that we care about what antics the gruesome twosome get up to and feel sympathy for the RF. No matter their privilege, money, palaces, to be kicked in the teeth by an offspring who has received so much support and protection must hurt. Hope those of you who are suffering will find solace on this thread. I am fine just now, meds still working.

 

[kittenattack]

Great idea to start a thread, I've been lurking on H&M and several people I think of often on there.

I'm having a real Monday grump today. Was low over the weekend and called a couple of people to chat but left me feeling more lonely really as each person just talked about themselves and hardly even asked about me. There's a lot of talk in the UK about encouraging people to talk about how they feel/mental health but noone is educating people on how to listen. i.e. don't just say "oh I know, I'm the same. Anyway, listen to this story about me. . "

It also doesn't take into consideration the people who have no one to talk to. They assume everyone has friends and family.

I was diagnosed with aspergers at 45 and adhd at age 50 following a mental breakdown and depression. I had to give up nursing. The menopause has made my anxiety even worse. I have two young adult sons with SN who I have to try and guide through life and I worry about their futures. I have a lovely husband who is retired.

I love my three cats who are my fur family

 

[AlanBanan]

some kind of victim mentality - never this person's fault - but they are also superior to everyone else. They have a nasty, vindictive streak, will think nothing of taking "revenge" but also very mentally feeble, gullible and easily led by the nutters on the net (but can't see it). Maybe even some kind of psychopath?

That sound like a narcissist as well as being possibly on the spectrum that makes them prone to being easily led.

Also, very few people are truly psychopaths. So if they were a psychopath, it’d be known already and you wouldn’t be guessing if they were.

 

[Louk]

Morning everyone Great idea for a new thread Chita @Chita.

I'm getting myself a bit worked up this week, as after looking after my Mum for 6 months since my Dad died in January (she has very severe mental health problems and has undergone ECT during this period and threatened suicide nearly every day!) I've finally had to relinquish her care to a 24 hour carer at home. They are due to start mid week but we haven't even been introduced to them yet. I've got all sorts of worries going through my mind from trying to keep her Covid safe to will the carer simply 'Be kind'? I've been trying to keep my business afloat at the same time but it has had to take a back seat in the last few weeks - it will be strange having the time to get back on with life again.

The H&M thread was the only bit of light relief I had - so thanks you lovely lot I promise to try and not make it all about Me..me..me!

I bring victoria sponge and decaf tea (sorry - caffeine give me the jitters!)

I have never got to the point of putting a family member in care (nearly but not quite) I've had a hard time with sick family.

You have done brilliantly, it sounds like you love your mum & rightly so . But you now have to operate on a "me first" basis. You have to take care of yourself and your business. #1 me, #2 mum. As long as you are happy she has a decent carer, shut the door, walk away and go and live your own life for a bit. She gave you life, live it. I think it's hard to remember that we only have true control over ourselves, we can't control or be responsible for anyone else's actions or thoughts. It's hard because she's your mum, but she's relied on you and you alone for too long, cut the cord and breathe.
I really hope you can get yourself and your business back on your feet x

 

[HairyWeeTerrier]

Hi, I need help. I'm not sure if I can write everything out properly as it's a public forum.

Essentially, I have a problem with a family member who is more than likely struggling with multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses.

I'm not medical, but more than likely autism (highly intelligent and educated), some kind of victim mentality - never this person's fault - but they are also superior to everyone else. They have a nasty, vindictive streak, will think nothing of taking "revenge" but also very mentally feeble, gullible and easily led by the nutters on the net (but can't see it). Maybe even some kind of psychopath?

I have been this person's victim my whole life, life at home revolved around keeping the peace with this person.

I spent some years with no contact which were happy and peaceful. Other (extended) family members admit to struggling, even over the phone. This person will call you up, then sit in silence, anything you do say will be repeated on FB but made to make them look like they are the victim (like Prince Harry but on steroids). They have no conversation besides "everyone else is stupid" no friends, no social life, nothing to chitchat about, nothing normal.

I have recently had the balls to clap back and point out this person's behaviour which did not go down well. They once again made out that it was someone else's fault.

I have no one to turn to, no way to figure out the truth. This person has a child but no one else besides me.

Do I stick around and have a fake relationship for their sake (it won't kill me to send a few messages or have awkward chats, even though that's never good enough) visits can be limited and they have never caused me physical harm, or cut all contact and live my life?

Part of me is irritated because I have suggested getting professional help, but this has been rejected (I kinda want to fix things and people all the time, probably from growing up this way). I would be more comfortable having a relationship with them if they were in therapy and helping themselves instead of listening to their bile.

Now, the question is, although it's nice to talk here, should I get some therapy for myself? Just to see how to handle the situation better (I can talk to some friends but it's very involved and I'm conscious of not boring people).

I can and will cut them out, but if they are not a psychopath, just struggling, the situation we are in would make that very heartless of me.

I was told many years ago by a clinical psychologist, that if someone brings me down, I should stay away from them. Some people thrive on being a victim, enjoy being the centre of attention. Does this person ever show an interest in your life ? Do they show concern for you ? If the tables were turned, would they listen to you? If the answer to these questions is ‘ No’, perhaps it is time to move away.

 

[Chita]

Hi, I need help. I'm not sure if I can write everything out properly as it's a public forum.

Essentially, I have a problem with a family member who is more than likely struggling with multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses.

I'm not medical, but more than likely autism (highly intelligent and educated), some kind of victim mentality - never this person's fault - but they are also superior to everyone else. They have a nasty, vindictive streak, will think nothing of taking "revenge" but also very mentally feeble, gullible and easily led by the nutters on the net (but can't see it). Maybe even some kind of psychopath?

I have been this person's victim my whole life, life at home revolved around keeping the peace with this person.

I spent some years with no contact which were happy and peaceful. Other (extended) family members admit to struggling, even over the phone. This person will call you up, then sit in silence, anything you do say will be repeated on FB but made to make them look like they are the victim (like Prince Harry but on steroids). They have no conversation besides "everyone else is stupid" no friends, no social life, nothing to chitchat about, nothing normal.

I have recently had the balls to clap back and point out this person's behaviour which did not go down well. They once again made out that it was someone else's fault.

I have no one to turn to, no way to figure out the truth. This person has a child but no one else besides me.

Do I stick around and have a fake relationship for their sake (it won't kill me to send a few messages or have awkward chats, even though that's never good enough) visits can be limited and they have never caused me physical harm, or cut all contact and live my life?

Part of me is irritated because I have suggested getting professional help, but this has been rejected (I kinda want to fix things and people all the time, probably from growing up this way). I would be more comfortable having a relationship with them if they were in therapy and helping themselves instead of listening to their bile.

Now, the question is, although it's nice to talk here, should I get some therapy for myself? Just to see how to handle the situation better (I can talk to some friends but it's very involved and I'm conscious of not boring people).

I can and will cut them out, but if they are not a psychopath, just struggling, the situation we are in would make that very heartless of me.

You want to fix them, but if they don't want to be fixed there is nothing more you can do except to say when they feel ready to get help you will be there to support them.


You have to look after you.
So if you feel you need therapy yourself and can access it, why not try a few sessions and see if you feel better.

Although you sound pretty together from what you've said.

And you certainly have guts to call out this person.
Well done.
Often such people have no clue how they are perceived or how thay make others feel and calling them out can sometimes be all that is needed to solve the problem because they will go away, mull it over and try their best to change because at the end of the day they just want to be liked/loved.

I know from personal experience how hard it is trying to persuade someone else to get professional help when they are resistant to it

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Hi, I need help. I'm not sure if I can write everything out properly as it's a public forum.

Essentially, I have a problem with a family member who is more than likely struggling with multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses.

I'm not medical, but more than likely autism (highly intelligent and educated), some kind of victim mentality - never this person's fault - but they are also superior to everyone else. They have a nasty, vindictive streak, will think nothing of taking "revenge" but also very mentally feeble, gullible and easily led by the nutters on the net (but can't see it). Maybe even some kind of psychopath?

I have been this person's victim my whole life, life at home revolved around keeping the peace with this person.

I spent some years with no contact which were happy and peaceful. Other (extended) family members admit to struggling, even over the phone. This person will call you up, then sit in silence, anything you do say will be repeated on FB but made to make them look like they are the victim (like Prince Harry but on steroids). They have no conversation besides "everyone else is stupid" no friends, no social life, nothing to chitchat about, nothing normal.

I have recently had the balls to clap back and point out this person's behaviour which did not go down well. They once again made out that it was someone else's fault.

I have no one to turn to, no way to figure out the truth. This person has a child but no one else besides me.

Do I stick around and have a fake relationship for their sake (it won't kill me to send a few messages or have awkward chats, even though that's never good enough) visits can be limited and they have never caused me physical harm, or cut all contact and live my life?

Part of me is irritated because I have suggested getting professional help, but this has been rejected (I kinda want to fix things and people all the time, probably from growing up this way). I would be more comfortable having a relationship with them if they were in therapy and helping themselves instead of listening to their bile.

Now, the question is, although it's nice to talk here, should I get some therapy for myself? Just to see how to handle the situation better (I can talk to some friends but it's very involved and I'm conscious of not boring people).

I can and will cut them out, but if they are not a psychopath, just struggling, the situation we are in would make that very heartless of me.

It sounds like narcissistic personality to me, I have a friend with this disorder and he can make me feel like I'm in the wrong every time we argue- we've been friends for decades, he's like a brother to me- but has been steadily getting worse. I can't advise on whether to keeep them around or not but to me if you've thought about therapy there's a chance it might be right for you. No harm in trying! A narc can and will bring you down for their own sense of worth so perhaps talking to someone with experience in the situations could benefit greatly.

 

[Chita]

I was told many years ago by a clinical psychologist, that if someone brings me down, I should stay away from them. Some people thrive on being a victim, enjoy being the centre of attention. Does this person ever show an interest in your life ? Do they show concern for you ? If the tables were turned, would they listen to you? If the answer to these questions is ‘ No’, perhaps it is time to move away.

Yes and some people just want a depression buddy.
Someone to wallow with.
That must be avoided at all costs.


We must look after our own selves first - because if WE are also poorly, we can't help our struggling loved ones.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I must say, this group feels like a lovely soft cushiony place already!

 

[Pippa M]

Hi, I need help. I'm not sure if I can write everything out properly as it's a public forum.

Essentially, I have a problem with a family member who is more than likely struggling with multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses.

I'm not medical, but more than likely autism (highly intelligent and educated), some kind of victim mentality - never this person's fault - but they are also superior to everyone else. They have a nasty, vindictive streak, will think nothing of taking "revenge" but also very mentally feeble, gullible and easily led by the nutters on the net (but can't see it). Maybe even some kind of psychopath?

I have been this person's victim my whole life, life at home revolved around keeping the peace with this person.

I spent some years with no contact which were happy and peaceful. Other (extended) family members admit to struggling, even over the phone. This person will call you up, then sit in silence, anything you do say will be repeated on FB but made to make them look like they are the victim (like Prince Harry but on steroids). They have no conversation besides "everyone else is stupid" no friends, no social life, nothing to chitchat about, nothing normal.

I have recently had the balls to clap back and point out this person's behaviour which did not go down well. They once again made out that it was someone else's fault.

I have no one to turn to, no way to figure out the truth. This person has a child but no one else besides me.

Do I stick around and have a fake relationship for their sake (it won't kill me to send a few messages or have awkward chats, even though that's never good enough) visits can be limited and they have never caused me physical harm, or cut all contact and live my life?

Part of me is irritated because I have suggested getting professional help, but this has been rejected (I kinda want to fix things and people all the time, probably from growing up this way). I would be more comfortable having a relationship with them if they were in therapy and helping themselves instead of listening to their bile.

Now, the question is, although it's nice to talk here, should I get some therapy for myself? Just to see how to handle the situation better (I can talk to some friends but it's very involved and I'm conscious of not boring people).

I can and will cut them out, but if they are not a psychopath, just struggling, the situation we are in would make that very heartless of me.

If at all possible maybe it is best to cut contact...... slowly .... Just be " unavailable" as much as you can. Dealing with these people is exhausting emotionally and mentally and it isnt fair to suffer from someone elses inability to lead their lives properly. Facebook is just not the place to air personal problems and very disrespectful for anyone to repeat private conversations there... but sadly some just dont know limits . This other person wont get professional help as they dont consider themselves to be the problem.

I hope we can support and help you just a little bit.

 

[Chita]

I must say, this group feels like a lovely soft cushiony place already!

Glad I started it then.

I am hoping that it will also allow us to discuss stuff happening in the world that isnt just about mental health
.
Individual threads are fab, but we often want to go off topic as conversations will inevitably drift off - so in here we can do that as well.


Ps
I have managed to move my arse and get up. I will wear make up to the supermarket which I'm sure will be good for the staff because they won't be frightened by my face!
They have endured enough.

 

[HairyWeeTerrier]

It also doesn't take into consideration the people who have no one to talk to. They assume everyone has friends and family.

I was diagnosed with aspergers at 45 and adhd at age 50 following a mental breakdown and depression. I had to give up nursing. The menopause has made my anxiety even worse. I have two young adult sons with SN who I have to try and guide through life and I worry about their futures. I have a lovely husband who is retired.

I love my three cats who are my fur family

I think it is difficult to talk about depression and anxiety to anyone, unless they have gone through it themselves, because they just cannot understand how we are feeling. And yes, talking to them makes us feel worse. At least on here, you will not feel so alone, I have a feeling you will find some kindred spirits.

 

[spangly]

Glad I started it then.

I am hoping that it will also allow us to discuss stuff happening in the world that isnt just about mental health
.
Individual threads are fab, but we often want to go off topic as conversations will inevitably drift off - so in here we can do that as well.


Ps
I have managed to move my arse and get up. I will wear make up to the supermarket which I'm sure will be good for the staff because they won't be frightened by my face!
They have endured enough.

I've entered some kind of lockdown letgo! I used to wear make-up daily before last year, wouldn't be seen without it, now I barely even bother! I've let the grey hairs twinkle through and my body shape is Veruca Salt as the blueberry - little twig arms and legs with a beach ball middle!
I must start making more of an effort - I've gone from looking vaguely acceptable to a horror show. I've hardly seen any of my friends for the last 18 months and honestly, I don't think any of them would recognise me in the street!

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I've entered some kind of lockdown letgo! I used to wear make-up daily before last year, wouldn't be seen without it, now I barely even bother! I've let the grey hairs twinkle through and my body shape is Veruca Salt as the blueberry - little twig arms and legs with a beach ball middle!
I must start making more of an effort - I've gone from looking vaguely acceptable to a horror show. I've hardly seen any of my friends for the last 18 months and honestly, I don't think any of them would recognise me in the street!

I'm exactly the same! I'm considering naming my extra chins, tbh. They greys are out and proud, I have a box of dye my friend gave me but I don't know when I'll use it. We come out of our 5th lockdown-fingers crossed- on Tuesday and I'd like to see my friends but I kind of don't want to.