Thanks Chita x.Not offended.
Dont worry.
I have mixed feelings about our royals. Some I like, some I don't like.
But not offended at all.
And people come online for many reasons. One reason is to tease and have banter and a bit of fun, that they maybe don't get in their real lives. Just having a laugh.
For what its worth, I HATE the term 'Hun' but people use it often. They don't mean any harm by it and they have no idea I dont like it, so if anyone refers to me as 'Hun' I just suck it up and move on.
You have had a lot to deal with lately and you are doing a great job coping with it all.
But not everyone is out to get you or to upset you.
Let the Bubs comment go.
Do something nice today. Treat yourself to something that you enjoy and let go of the crap that upsets you.
xxx
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Thanks Chita x.
First time on this thread but know you from the Harkles.
If it would not harm your case, have you thought about ‘reporting’ the garage to the vehicle manufacturer? If they are the dealers for that make, perhaps the maker would wade in if a garage selling their product was shown to be less than reputable?
Perhaps some of MIL inheritance could be used pursuing through the courts, the shysters that are masquerading as a garage?
Good luck!
Hello all...I just popped in for a breather... the news about Catherine knocked me for six, as it has many people.
I'm so furious (in an intellectual not physical way! I'm not a plate smasher and I don't have histrionic sobbing sessions!) at what the nasty ginger bleep has done to his family with the help of his evil wife. I rather think that they've finally scuppered themselves now.
Then so many people on the forum tell their stories of cancer and I am in tears every time I read a new post, so that I can't even write a supportive, comforting comment....so I feel even more pathetic. It struck me how so many people all over the world are saying they're praying for Catherine, which is wonderful and I believe it's genuinely helpful 'there are more things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamed of in your philosophy ' etc...)
I wondered how many ordinary people have people to pray for them when they most need it...?
I don't know, but maybe we need many more prayer groups in the world...? When I say prayer, I don't just mean the Christian version, there are many traditions and ways of sending healing, kind, loving thoughts....and it seems to work well when it's a group effort.
Excuse my meandering...I'm rather overwhelmed with sadness and pain at so much suffering and trying to find a way to be of some help, perhaps a way of turning sadness and pain into something positive...
I'm so furious (in an intellectual not physical way! I'm not a plate smasher and I don't have histrionic sobbing sessions!) at what the nasty ginger bleep has done to his family with the help of his evil wife. I rather think that they've finally scuppered themselves now.
Then so many people on the forum tell their stories of cancer and I am in tears every time I read a new post, so that I can't even write a supportive, comforting comment....so I feel even more pathetic. It struck me how so many people all over the world are saying they're praying for Catherine, which is wonderful and I believe it's genuinely helpful 'there are more things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamed of in your philosophy ' etc...)
I wondered how many ordinary people have people to pray for them when they most need it...?
I don't know, but maybe we need many more prayer groups in the world...? When I say prayer, I don't just mean the Christian version, there are many traditions and ways of sending healing, kind, loving thoughts....and it seems to work well when it's a group effort.
Excuse my meandering...I'm rather overwhelmed with sadness and pain at so much suffering and trying to find a way to be of some help, perhaps a way of turning sadness and pain into something positive...
It can all feel a bit oppressive at times @Sami Lee there's so much tit going on in the world right now, it's always nice to hear a friendly voice in the crowd.
What's that saying? Was it Mr Rogers?
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
I'm not one for prayers (being of zero faith other than humanity) but it's still a comfort when somebody says they're praying for me as it just means they're thinking of me and wish me well. There's been so much of that for Catherine in the last day or so, I think it has helped erase some of the bad behaviour that's gone on in the last few weeks (especially with people standing up and admitting they were thoughtless and unkind with their social media stuff).
we plod on together... onwards and out the other side
What's that saying? Was it Mr Rogers?
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
I'm not one for prayers (being of zero faith other than humanity) but it's still a comfort when somebody says they're praying for me as it just means they're thinking of me and wish me well. There's been so much of that for Catherine in the last day or so, I think it has helped erase some of the bad behaviour that's gone on in the last few weeks (especially with people standing up and admitting they were thoughtless and unkind with their social media stuff).
we plod on together... onwards and out the other side
Hello all...I just popped in for a breather... the news about Catherine knocked me for six, as it has many people.
I'm so furious (in an intellectual not physical way! I'm not a plate smasher and I don't have histrionic sobbing sessions!) at what the nasty ginger bleep has done to his family with the help of his evil wife. I rather think that they've finally scuppered themselves now.
Then so many people on the forum tell their stories of cancer and I am in tears every time I read a new post, so that I can't even write a supportive, comforting comment....so I feel even more pathetic. It struck me how so many people all over the world are saying they're praying for Catherine, which is wonderful and I believe it's genuinely helpful 'there are more things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamed of in your philosophy ' etc...)
I wondered how many ordinary people have people to pray for them when they most need it...?
I don't know, but maybe we need many more prayer groups in the world...? When I say prayer, I don't just mean the Christian version, there are many traditions and ways of sending healing, kind, loving thoughts....and it seems to work well when it's a group effort.
Excuse my meandering...I'm rather overwhelmed with sadness and pain at so much suffering and trying to find a way to be of some help, perhaps a way of turning sadness and pain into something positive...
It was shocking news- the poor girl- I am disgusted at the hounding that took place over the past few weeks and the filthy lies people were peddling- for someone who hasn’t put a foot wrong she hasn’t deserved the hate. I am not overly religious but I do light candles - symbol of hope and a bit of light in the dark times- and send up my version of a prayer for healing for Kate and our friends online too.
It has been tiring responding to the people who are continuing with the nitpicking - they need to stfu- we need a good news story to lift everyone- Keep your chin up- I know you’re sad but thank the lord you have kindness and compassion in you to make you feel the way you do
It can all feel a bit oppressive at times @Sami Lee there's so much tit going on in the world right now, it's always nice to hear a friendly voice in the crowd.
What's that saying? Was it Mr Rogers?
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
I'm not one for prayers (being of zero faith other than humanity) but it's still a comfort when somebody says they're praying for me as it just means they're thinking of me and wish me well. There's been so much of that for Catherine in the last day or so, I think it has helped erase some of the bad behaviour that's gone on in the last few weeks (especially with people standing up and admitting they were thoughtless and unkind with their social media stuff).
we plod on together... onwards and out the other side
I'm grateful for your kind and wise words @DanDanTheIceCreamMan I'm not familiar with Mr Rogers but that's jolly good advice. There are helpers but somehow it seems that they're fewer and far between nowadays or maybe they're in hiding because goodness seems to be a target for the army of nasty-minded trolls.
The avalanche of deluded vitriol that has been heaped on Catherine - and William - since we heard she was in hospital has been gobsmacking. It's no wonder she's so poorly.
I'm glad that you find the prayers of others comforting, it seems to me that's partly how they work. Though I take no comfort from the very public confessions and mea culpas...they all have jobs to hold on to or fanbases and click-income to cultivate!
It was Helen Keller who said that 'The best way out is always through' - and as Catherine said, 'You're not alone'.
Thank you for making sure I'm not alone....
That's a lovely big blue cuddle! It gave me a big warm, fuzzy smile!
It was shocking news- the poor girl- I am disgusted at the hounding that took place over the past few weeks and the filthy lies people were peddling- for someone who hasn’t put a foot wrong she hasn’t deserved the hate. I am not overly religious but I do light candles - symbol of hope and a bit of light in the dark times- and send up my version of a prayer for healing for Kate and our friends online too.
It has been tiring responding to the people who are continuing with the nitpicking - they need to stfu- we need a good news story to lift everyone- Keep your chin up- I know you’re sad but thank the lord you have kindness and compassion in you to make you feel the way you do
Thank you!We're extraordinarily blessed to have Catherine, a thoroughly good woman, as our Queen-to-be. The MSM, SM trolls and celebs crossed the line between sane humanity and a savage shark pack's feeding frenzy. Very scary to see it in action. Let's hope they've now been stopped in their tracks.
I don't know what being religious means any more - I've encountered too many of the shark types in churches! But I know how prayerful the lighting of candles is.
It's kind of you to attribute compassion to me....I'm grateful for the way I was made...but I've increasingly found my compassion in short supply, especially with those who should damn well stfu and stay shtum!
I was so upset and angry at them for what they've done to Catherine....and that anger's actually been good. Like finding a strength you forgot you had. It clears the mind too.
Thank you for caring and being there, bless you.
@Amiyaya
Just read your plight. Let me see if I can help you as things don't seem to be adding up.
1. You say you paid for the car in full. Did you take delivery/collect the car at that time, along with the keys. If so you should have signed a document on the same day. Did all this happen?
2. If (1) happened, why did your new car go back to the garage? When it did, you should have been asked to sign paperwork stating the reason, and you should have been given a copy. Do you have this paperwork?
3. You say you were given another car. You should have signed for receipt of this and have a copy. Do you have this. It works similar to you hiring a car.
4. Which car is the Log Book for?
5. You explain that your new car was involved in an accident. Is this information on an email?
6. You also say that the garage said you could keep the other car, and refunded the difference. If I am correct then you should have paperwork for this too.
All of the above would confirm the events. But if the garage has failed to provide you with paperwork then they have committed fraud. Please try not to worry too much, your Solicitor will sort it out.
Lovely words- one good deed deserves another- you told me to heal my shins when I discovered the neighbours were bitchin and I have- I didn’t ignore their digs but I didn’t confront them and they have been sucking up to me big time! plants, pies , flowers etc- they know that I know …. but for the sake of peace I am letting it slide! shins healedThat's a lovely big blue cuddle! It gave me a big warm, fuzzy smile!
We're extraordinarily blessed to have Catherine, a thoroughly good woman, as our Queen-to-be. The MSM, SM trolls and celebs crossed the line between sane humanity and a savage shark pack's feeding frenzy. Very scary to see it in action. Let's hope they've now been stopped in their tracks.
I don't know what being religious means any more - I've encountered too many of the shark types in churches! But I know how prayerful the lighting of candles is.
It's kind of you to attribute compassion to me....I'm grateful for the way I was made...but I've increasingly found my compassion in short supply, especially with those who should damn well stfu and stay shtum!
I was so upset and angry at them for what they've done to Catherine....and that anger's actually been good. Like finding a strength you forgot you had. It clears the mind too.
Thank you for caring and being there, bless you.
Candles are amazing- how a little light will gives a little bit of warmth - will light one every day - for Catherine and for our friends starting and enduring chemo. 
Another day being related to greedy narcs, another crisis. I don't know who else to talk to - parents are on their own trips and my usual ears are on another.
So a couple of days ago, my relatives sent mum some money. We were wondering what for. Maybe they're laundering money before the financial year ends on March 31, maybe they're trying to spoil our festival (although we haven't really celebrated anything in years), maybe they were doing black magic/had been advised to give us money by an astrologer.
My concern was whether the amount was taxable or not, and what they wanted in exchange/what they might have stolen from us (they've done this before - sent money but withdrew a larger amount from a bank account in my name that they control, so now I have to pay huge amounts as fine).
Anyway we have received a letter stating that this was done as per mum's father's wishes.
Makes it sound like this amount (not even 1/10th of what mum had asked for as her inheritance and not even 1/100th of what she is actually entitled to) is the full and final. They still retain control of our bank accounts etc and are refusing to give us a copy of the death certificate so we can get those accounts closed. I reminded mum of this, so she's been screaming and telling dad that I'm a witch for worsening her depression.
Then I saw that my nice exhibition organiser's kids are organising an exhibition alongside a motorsports rally, so I expressed interest in the event. Got yelled at more for doing that because "we don't have the money", even though I set aside a good amount every month to pay for exhibitions.
It is very clear that what I'd suspected for a long time and got proof of recently - that she has a decent amount of savings but is squeezing out every last bit of my income from me and preventing me from having any savings of my own - is not only going to continue, but also intensify.
Moving out isn't an option, at least not until her brother and his family control my bank accounts and other legal information. We also have laws regarding abandonment of old parents/elderly abuse etc, and she's already been hinting to her friends that I'm financially abusing her (lying about not getting proper food to eat etc even though I get all the expensive speciality food she needs, yet she steals mine and distributes a fair chunk of our monthly groceries to people she wants to obligate - her father's tactics), so I have to tread lightly around her. She wants to prevent me from getting married, or to get me married into a household that I would soon leave and return to her, or be in a position where I have to rely on her (her father's tactics).
And I still don't know if this lump sum is a gift (non-taxable up to a limit) or inheritance (heavy taxes), and she's refusing to find out. Since she doesn't have an income, guess who has to pay the taxes? Because she's not letting a penny go.
Told dad, he started yelling at me and saying I should stop going for exhibitions since mum's making a scene. That's his solution for the entire mess.
I know the usual advice - send letters to the banks to close the accounts (mum told me to do it today after refusing for years, I told her we need the death certificate, she yelled at me that her friends who have already caused enough trouble with their usually crap advice said that I'm lying), move out (not possible), or send a legal notice (mum refuses). 15 years ago I had a couple of friends who were interested in marrying me but mum wanted me to marry someone (abusive) that my grandfather chose. Wouldn't have had a very good life with those guys because they weren't very good people, but I could have at least sorted out this legal tit on the pretext of being married. Now I don't have any prospects, or the health, energy, money or support I'd need to fight these cunts.
I'm trying to focus on work and distract myself with finding out what I can sell at a motorsports rally (any suggestions would be very welcome), but I'm drowning in hopelessness at times.
Mainly just needed to vent, so thank you for listening/reading. Just need to ride out a wave of being yelled at and blamed for everything from the Big Bang to the Sun dying a few billion years in the future for a few days. My bank balance (saving to pay taxes in a couple of months) is going to take a huge hit
Unless a miracle occurs 
So a couple of days ago, my relatives sent mum some money. We were wondering what for. Maybe they're laundering money before the financial year ends on March 31, maybe they're trying to spoil our festival (although we haven't really celebrated anything in years), maybe they were doing black magic/had been advised to give us money by an astrologer.
My concern was whether the amount was taxable or not, and what they wanted in exchange/what they might have stolen from us (they've done this before - sent money but withdrew a larger amount from a bank account in my name that they control, so now I have to pay huge amounts as fine).
Anyway we have received a letter stating that this was done as per mum's father's wishes.
Makes it sound like this amount (not even 1/10th of what mum had asked for as her inheritance and not even 1/100th of what she is actually entitled to) is the full and final. They still retain control of our bank accounts etc and are refusing to give us a copy of the death certificate so we can get those accounts closed. I reminded mum of this, so she's been screaming and telling dad that I'm a witch for worsening her depression.
Then I saw that my nice exhibition organiser's kids are organising an exhibition alongside a motorsports rally, so I expressed interest in the event. Got yelled at more for doing that because "we don't have the money", even though I set aside a good amount every month to pay for exhibitions.
It is very clear that what I'd suspected for a long time and got proof of recently - that she has a decent amount of savings but is squeezing out every last bit of my income from me and preventing me from having any savings of my own - is not only going to continue, but also intensify.
Moving out isn't an option, at least not until her brother and his family control my bank accounts and other legal information. We also have laws regarding abandonment of old parents/elderly abuse etc, and she's already been hinting to her friends that I'm financially abusing her (lying about not getting proper food to eat etc even though I get all the expensive speciality food she needs, yet she steals mine and distributes a fair chunk of our monthly groceries to people she wants to obligate - her father's tactics), so I have to tread lightly around her. She wants to prevent me from getting married, or to get me married into a household that I would soon leave and return to her, or be in a position where I have to rely on her (her father's tactics).
And I still don't know if this lump sum is a gift (non-taxable up to a limit) or inheritance (heavy taxes), and she's refusing to find out. Since she doesn't have an income, guess who has to pay the taxes? Because she's not letting a penny go.
Told dad, he started yelling at me and saying I should stop going for exhibitions since mum's making a scene. That's his solution for the entire mess.
I know the usual advice - send letters to the banks to close the accounts (mum told me to do it today after refusing for years, I told her we need the death certificate, she yelled at me that her friends who have already caused enough trouble with their usually crap advice said that I'm lying), move out (not possible), or send a legal notice (mum refuses). 15 years ago I had a couple of friends who were interested in marrying me but mum wanted me to marry someone (abusive) that my grandfather chose. Wouldn't have had a very good life with those guys because they weren't very good people, but I could have at least sorted out this legal tit on the pretext of being married. Now I don't have any prospects, or the health, energy, money or support I'd need to fight these cunts.
I'm trying to focus on work and distract myself with finding out what I can sell at a motorsports rally (any suggestions would be very welcome), but I'm drowning in hopelessness at times.
Mainly just needed to vent, so thank you for listening/reading. Just need to ride out a wave of being yelled at and blamed for everything from the Big Bang to the Sun dying a few billion years in the future for a few days. My bank balance (saving to pay taxes in a couple of months) is going to take a huge hit
Unless a miracle occurs It is hard to advise when you live in such a culturally different place.Another day being related to greedy narcs, another crisis. I don't know who else to talk to - parents are on their own trips and my usual ears are on another.
So a couple of days ago, my relatives sent mum some money. We were wondering what for. Maybe they're laundering money before the financial year ends on March 31, maybe they're trying to spoil our festival (although we haven't really celebrated anything in years), maybe they were doing black magic/had been advised to give us money by an astrologer.
My concern was whether the amount was taxable or not, and what they wanted in exchange/what they might have stolen from us (they've done this before - sent money but withdrew a larger amount from a bank account in my name that they control, so now I have to pay huge amounts as fine).
Anyway we have received a letter stating that this was done as per mum's father's wishes.
Makes it sound like this amount (not even 1/10th of what mum had asked for as her inheritance and not even 1/100th of what she is actually entitled to) is the full and final. They still retain control of our bank accounts etc and are refusing to give us a copy of the death certificate so we can get those accounts closed. I reminded mum of this, so she's been screaming and telling dad that I'm a witch for worsening her depression.
Then I saw that my nice exhibition organiser's kids are organising an exhibition alongside a motorsports rally, so I expressed interest in the event. Got yelled at more for doing that because "we don't have the money", even though I set aside a good amount every month to pay for exhibitions.
It is very clear that what I'd suspected for a long time and got proof of recently - that she has a decent amount of savings but is squeezing out every last bit of my income from me and preventing me from having any savings of my own - is not only going to continue, but also intensify.
Moving out isn't an option, at least not until her brother and his family control my bank accounts and other legal information. We also have laws regarding abandonment of old parents/elderly abuse etc, and she's already been hinting to her friends that I'm financially abusing her (lying about not getting proper food to eat etc even though I get all the expensive speciality food she needs, yet she steals mine and distributes a fair chunk of our monthly groceries to people she wants to obligate - her father's tactics), so I have to tread lightly around her. She wants to prevent me from getting married, or to get me married into a household that I would soon leave and return to her, or be in a position where I have to rely on her (her father's tactics).
And I still don't know if this lump sum is a gift (non-taxable up to a limit) or inheritance (heavy taxes), and she's refusing to find out. Since she doesn't have an income, guess who has to pay the taxes? Because she's not letting a penny go.
Told dad, he started yelling at me and saying I should stop going for exhibitions since mum's making a scene. That's his solution for the entire mess.
I know the usual advice - send letters to the banks to close the accounts (mum told me to do it today after refusing for years, I told her we need the death certificate, she yelled at me that her friends who have already caused enough trouble with their usually crap advice said that I'm lying), move out (not possible), or send a legal notice (mum refuses). 15 years ago I had a couple of friends who were interested in marrying me but mum wanted me to marry someone (abusive) that my grandfather chose. Wouldn't have had a very good life with those guys because they weren't very good people, but I could have at least sorted out this legal tit on the pretext of being married. Now I don't have any prospects, or the health, energy, money or support I'd need to fight these cunts.
I'm trying to focus on work and distract myself with finding out what I can sell at a motorsports rally (any suggestions would be very welcome), but I'm drowning in hopelessness at times.
Mainly just needed to vent, so thank you for listening/reading. Just need to ride out a wave of being yelled at and blamed for everything from the Big Bang to the Sun dying a few billion years in the future for a few days. My bank balance (saving to pay taxes in a couple of months) is going to take a huge hit
Everything is different.
Here, if you are over 18 and have ID you can open a bank account in your own name that only you control.
Is there any way you can put a bit of money away secretly to build up an escape fund for yourself?
Then is there anywhere you can go for help from someone discreet, who understands your culture and who could maybe help you become independant or at least help you try to get your parents to be more reasonable?
Is there no friend or family member you could go to for help?
Sorry can't be of any help.
If it was me, I would find a way to break free.
@ChaoticArtist I was wondering whether you could go to the bank and ask what you need to do to ensure nobody else could access the account?
In this country you don't pay tax for somebody else, even a family member, and if they don't have an income the tax situation is different.Another day being related to greedy narcs, another crisis. I don't know who else to talk to - parents are on their own trips and my usual ears are on another.
So a couple of days ago, my relatives sent mum some money. We were wondering what for. Maybe they're laundering money before the financial year ends on March 31, maybe they're trying to spoil our festival (although we haven't really celebrated anything in years), maybe they were doing black magic/had been advised to give us money by an astrologer.
My concern was whether the amount was taxable or not, and what they wanted in exchange/what they might have stolen from us (they've done this before - sent money but withdrew a larger amount from a bank account in my name that they control, so now I have to pay huge amounts as fine).
Anyway we have received a letter stating that this was done as per mum's father's wishes.
Makes it sound like this amount (not even 1/10th of what mum had asked for as her inheritance and not even 1/100th of what she is actually entitled to) is the full and final. They still retain control of our bank accounts etc and are refusing to give us a copy of the death certificate so we can get those accounts closed. I reminded mum of this, so she's been screaming and telling dad that I'm a witch for worsening her depression.
Then I saw that my nice exhibition organiser's kids are organising an exhibition alongside a motorsports rally, so I expressed interest in the event. Got yelled at more for doing that because "we don't have the money", even though I set aside a good amount every month to pay for exhibitions.
It is very clear that what I'd suspected for a long time and got proof of recently - that she has a decent amount of savings but is squeezing out every last bit of my income from me and preventing me from having any savings of my own - is not only going to continue, but also intensify.
Moving out isn't an option, at least not until her brother and his family control my bank accounts and other legal information. We also have laws regarding abandonment of old parents/elderly abuse etc, and she's already been hinting to her friends that I'm financially abusing her (lying about not getting proper food to eat etc even though I get all the expensive speciality food she needs, yet she steals mine and distributes a fair chunk of our monthly groceries to people she wants to obligate - her father's tactics), so I have to tread lightly around her. She wants to prevent me from getting married, or to get me married into a household that I would soon leave and return to her, or be in a position where I have to rely on her (her father's tactics).
And I still don't know if this lump sum is a gift (non-taxable up to a limit) or inheritance (heavy taxes), and she's refusing to find out. Since she doesn't have an income, guess who has to pay the taxes? Because she's not letting a penny go.
Told dad, he started yelling at me and saying I should stop going for exhibitions since mum's making a scene. That's his solution for the entire mess.
I know the usual advice - send letters to the banks to close the accounts (mum told me to do it today after refusing for years, I told her we need the death certificate, she yelled at me that her friends who have already caused enough trouble with their usually crap advice said that I'm lying), move out (not possible), or send a legal notice (mum refuses). 15 years ago I had a couple of friends who were interested in marrying me but mum wanted me to marry someone (abusive) that my grandfather chose. Wouldn't have had a very good life with those guys because they weren't very good people, but I could have at least sorted out this legal tit on the pretext of being married. Now I don't have any prospects, or the health, energy, money or support I'd need to fight these cunts.
I'm trying to focus on work and distract myself with finding out what I can sell at a motorsports rally (any suggestions would be very welcome), but I'm drowning in hopelessness at times.
Mainly just needed to vent, so thank you for listening/reading. Just need to ride out a wave of being yelled at and blamed for everything from the Big Bang to the Sun dying a few billion years in the future for a few days. My bank balance (saving to pay taxes in a couple of months) is going to take a huge hit
It's difficult to advise you but it sounds like a terrible situation with nobody on your side, not even your own mother.
If you married and stopped work she would have to use her own money, surely?
@Miscanthus - how are you doing?
Thank you for asking @Chita xx
I was at the hospital all day yesterday for the first treatment. I'm having chemo + immunotherapy, and the cold cap which adds time each end of the session. They couldn't get the line in the port until the third attempt...painful. Then I had chest pains and they had to pause treatment. I was discharged with daily injections and 7 pills a day...nobody told me about that!
I woke up at 3.20am this morning and read the other thread for a while then dozed.
I've been setting up an art exhibition all day and feel completely drained now.
The next two weeks are just chemo so shorter days and then the third week is back to both etc. This is for
12 weeks, and then there's a further 12 weeks but treatment is every 3 weeks. All in all with the op and radiotherapy it will be the rest of the year. I am not allowed to fly so had to cancel my holiday. I'm also renovating my new house and garden although I'm thankful for the distraction!
Thank you for listening and the advice
The situation is rather complicated, due to both cultural and legal factors.A bit of backstory: Mum was raised as the scapegoat by her narc father, to be married off in a business alliance. Grandma was very well educated - far more than anyone in her husband's family, but was forced to be more of a servant than even a housewife. Grandfather was deeply misogynistic and educated mum only because he realised that educated DILs are more in demand (more fun to subjugate). His elder son he raised the same way, the younger one was sickly and defended his mother and sister but moved abroad the soonest he could, so grandfather and elder uncle hated him. Mum was married off to my dad so grandfather and uncle could exploit my paternal grandfather's (also a raging narc but more educated and refined and loved his daughter) contacts. They encouraged my mother's in-laws to abuse her verbally, physically and financially. Dad had also grown up abused so couldn't do much and had very bad financial habits. Mum also got really sick when she was expecting me, especially after my aunt tried a few times to make her miscarry me. One day they heard some relatives plotting to kill us all, so fled my grandfather's home without any money or saleable assets (they'd stolen all of mum's wedding jewellery and cash gifts etc, plus in our culture it is extremely last resort for a wife to sell her jewellery anyway). Both worked low paying jobs but started life anew in a new city. Mum's father offered to help, although he'd provide what he wanted to and made mum sign blank papers, forms, etc, and made her give him most of her salary so he could "invest it for her" (ETA: he told her last year that that wasn't her money, he's not giving anything back. This was years of the majority of her monthly salary and would have helped us be more comfortable). When I was still a minor, they made me sign documents as well. They controlled everything we did and said. As I grew up I started understanding that he was up to no good, but mum refused to listen. A) They had completely brainwashed her and B) It was easier, and she and dad always prefer the easiest way out.
So to answer your questions, and @JAR21's as well:
I have my own bank accounts that I have complete control over, for now. However, given their influence in financial and political circles and penchant for bribing their way through life, they can block my access at any time - they've done it before and stolen my hard-earned income/savings.
The authorities said it's not illegal because they're "family" (and because they offer bribes while I can't). They also opened accounts in my name that I know nothing about/can't access, when I was a minor.
Asked the banks, no way to close them without them agreeing, which they refuse. They said that they won't let go of my accounts even if my parents and I sign certain documents which will give them further license to mess with our lives.
More than me having my own bank account, my problem is that they have accounts in my name that I can't close, and which they use for not so savoury transactions, but it's income in my name (that I can't touch) that I am liable to pay taxes for. Government doesn't care that I have nothing to do with them.
No way to put money away secretly - mum steals all my cash, anything I put in the bank can be seen by the relatives (financial connections), and as soon as they see I have a good amount or something that's eggnesty, they'll steal it. Have done it before. Also, if I save even a small amount, mum comes up with an excuse why I need to urgently spend it on her/the house (tactic also practised by my friend's mother). I don't trust any friends or relatives to keep money safe for me. More on that later though.
Mum's a narc, dad's a covert one too though he'll never admit it. They also both want the easiest way for themselves which involves putting the burden on me. So no, they won't listen. And when they see someone advocating for me, they make sure that that person doesn't remain in my life anymore. Annd I get screamed at for making mum look bad in front of other people.
No friends I could talk to. Parents didn't let me socialise when when I had a good pool to make good friends from, now I don't meet anyone new except at exhibitions. Made some friends there but they are "work friends" or frenemies, not ones I can share this stuff with. Most friends moved on when they realised that I won't have money to spend on them or won't go on trips or do fun stuff or even hang out in the evening etc (even scheduled hang outs were always interrupted by screaming phone calls - now mum asks why I don't have friends to help with life stuff/business
). Some told me to contact them only after my life became trouble-free because they didn't want to deal with it - after I spent years helping them through one thing after another until they stabilised. Many just ghosted me.Relatives (most are wealthy or pretend to be) hate that we are poor, and many are scared of my uncle. Many, like the younger uncle, have joined the elder one in harassing us into giving in to his demands (basically that we hand over ourselves as legal etc entities to him and his family to do with as they please, and that they marry me off in a business/political alliance favouring them, or become their literal slave). I do have a cousin who still talks to me sometimes and a few friends, but I keep them away and hidden for their own safety.
Breaking free isn't an option because of all the signed papers and information mum's relatives hold, and honestly, I don't trust her to not join them in making my life miserable if I try to get away. Not easy to disown them because of how the law works. Also she is likely to use the law regarding abuse/neglect of elderly parents against me. I don't earn enough to support two households otherwise I could have moved out for work. So I'm stuck.
Marriage was one out, but I wasn't allowed to date and was expected to marry someone selected by my grandfather (similar situation to mum's, but worse guys). My attempts to find a husband I could tolerate or at least use to fix the legal tit failed miserably. Now mum's been trying to force me to find a guy online or marry someone suggested by her friends, but they're all very bad options and a repeat of the same situation. She's mainly motivated by people saying she wants to live off my earnings, so either I listen to her, or I declare to the world that I'm not interested so she can be off the hook. I'm doing neither.
I'm really a pain in the ass for all of them
Sometimes it feels that way, but then I realise that my parents are more motivated by wanting things to be easier for them, than actively not being on my side. It could have been much worse. But yeah mum always needs a target
Ah yes, that's why I was raised with the mindset that I'll marry only into a family that allows me to give my salary to my parents and take care of them too (they called it being responsible and breaking gender norms). Stopping work wasn't an option. So many suitors rejected because they didn't want me to work. I've told mum repeatedly that she should stop telling people that I am adamant to continue working after marriage because that's only attracting (something cheaper than)gold-diggers. She finally stopped after I told her that such families won't let me pay for my parents.
Mum keeps crying about how she doesn't have a job and no one will hire now. She'd left her good one when I was very young because she was (genuinely) very sick and her colleagues were trying to convince her to perform "favours". Too big of a gap in employment and skills (though she's done a few courses over the years). She's had opportunities since then but her ill health and depression are a barrier. I've been telling her to teach workshops. Even one a month would ease the burden a fair bit, but nope. Even with me handling all the logistics, it's a no-go. Tough love or throwing her in the deep end won't work. Her go-to is threatening to off herself, and while I'm sure I'll finally get a break in jail, they won't let me have any of my favourite craft materials in there
I'm feeling a bit better today. The shouting has quieted down, especially after dad and I had a screaming match yesterday. I've been trying to focus on finishing and testing new materials for my crafts and we'll hopefully see some rain in a few hours which will help with the headache. This is as peaceful as it is going to get.
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Thank you for asking @Chita xx
I was at the hospital all day yesterday for the first treatment. I'm having chemo + immunotherapy, and the cold cap which adds time each end of the session. They couldn't get the line in the port until the third attempt...painful. Then I had chest pains and they had to pause treatment. I was discharged with daily injections and 7 pills a day...nobody told me about that!
I woke up at 3.20am this morning and read the other thread for a while then dozed.
I've been setting up an art exhibition all day and feel completely drained now.
The next two weeks are just chemo so shorter days and then the third week is back to both etc. This is for
12 weeks, and then there's a further 12 weeks but treatment is every 3 weeks. All in all with the op and radiotherapy it will be the rest of the year. I am not allowed to fly so had to cancel my holiday. I'm also renovating my new house and garden although I'm thankful for the distraction!
I'm sure you will find a way to still do things but to also get enough rest.
You will find the right balance.
Thinking of you. Xxx
Thank you for asking @Chita xx
I was at the hospital all day yesterday for the first treatment. I'm having chemo + immunotherapy, and the cold cap which adds time each end of the session. They couldn't get the line in the port until the third attempt...painful. Then I had chest pains and they had to pause treatment. I was discharged with daily injections and 7 pills a day...nobody told me about that!
I woke up at 3.20am this morning and read the other thread for a while then dozed.
I've been setting up an art exhibition all day and feel completely drained now.
The next two weeks are just chemo so shorter days and then the third week is back to both etc. This is for
12 weeks, and then there's a further 12 weeks but treatment is every 3 weeks. All in all with the op and radiotherapy it will be the rest of the year. I am not allowed to fly so had to cancel my holiday. I'm also renovating my new house and garden although I'm thankful for the distraction!
That sounds exhausting! You're getting so much done even with all that therapy going on, I couldn't dream of doing 1/100th of it.
What sort of art exhibition are you doing? The new garden sounds exciting!
Thank you for listening and the advice
A bit of backstory: Mum was raised as the scapegoat by her narc father, to be married off in a business alliance. Grandma was very well educated - far more than anyone in her husband's family, but was forced to be more of a servant than even a housewife. Grandfather was deeply misogynistic and educated mum only because he realised that educated DILs are more in demand (more fun to subjugate). His elder son he raised the same way, the younger one was sickly and defended his mother and sister but moved abroad the soonest he could, so grandfather and elder uncle hated him. Mum was married off to my dad so grandfather and uncle could exploit my paternal grandfather's (also a raging narc but more educated and refined and loved his daughter) contacts. They encouraged my mother's in-laws to abuse her verbally, physically and financially. Dad had also grown up abused so couldn't do much and had very bad financial habits. Mum also got really sick when she was expecting me, especially after my aunt tried a few times to make her miscarry me. One day they heard some relatives plotting to kill us all, so fled my grandfather's home without any money or saleable assets (they'd stolen all of mum's wedding jewellery and cash gifts etc, plus in our culture it is extremely last resort for a wife to sell her jewellery anyway). Both worked low paying jobs but started life anew in a new city. Mum's father offered to help, although he'd provide what he wanted to and made mum sign blank papers, forms, etc, and made her give him most of her salary so he could "invest it for her" (ETA: he told her last year that that wasn't her money, he's not giving anything back. This was years of the majority of her monthly salary and would have helped us be more comfortable). When I was still a minor, they made me sign documents as well. They controlled everything we did and said. As I grew up I started understanding that he was up to no good, but mum refused to listen. A) They had completely brainwashed her and B) It was easier, and she and dad always prefer the easiest way out.
So to answer your questions, and @JAR21's as well:
I have my own bank accounts that I have complete control over, for now. However, given their influence in financial and political circles and penchant for bribing their way through life, they can block my access at any time - they've done it before and stolen my hard-earned income/savings.
The authorities said it's not illegal because they're "family" (and because they offer bribes while I can't). They also opened accounts in my name that I know nothing about/can't access, when I was a minor.
Asked the banks, no way to close them without them agreeing, which they refuse. They said that they won't let go of my accounts even if my parents and I sign certain documents which will give them further license to mess with our lives.
More than me having my own bank account, my problem is that they have accounts in my name that I can't close, and which they use for not so savoury transactions, but it's income in my name (that I can't touch) that I am liable to pay taxes for. Government doesn't care that I have nothing to do with them.
No way to put money away secretly - mum steals all my cash, anything I put in the bank can be seen by the relatives (financial connections), and as soon as they see I have a good amount or something that's eggnesty, they'll steal it. Have done it before. Also, if I save even a small amount, mum comes up with an excuse why I need to urgently spend it on her/the house (tactic also practised by my friend's mother). I don't trust any friends or relatives to keep money safe for me. More on that later though.
Mum's a narc, dad's a covert one too though he'll never admit it. They also both want the easiest way for themselves which involves putting the burden on me. So no, they won't listen. And when they see someone advocating for me, they make sure that that person doesn't remain in my life anymore. Annd I get screamed at for making mum look bad in front of other people.
No friends I could talk to. Parents didn't let me socialise when when I had a good pool to make good friends from, now I don't meet anyone new except at exhibitions. Made some friends there but they are "work friends" or frenemies, not ones I can share this stuff with. Most friends moved on when they realised that I won't have money to spend on them or won't go on trips or do fun stuff or even hang out in the evening etc (even scheduled hang outs were always interrupted by screaming phone calls - now mum asks why I don't have friends to help with life stuff/business
Relatives (most are wealthy or pretend to be) hate that we are poor, and many are scared of my uncle. Many, like the younger uncle, have joined the elder one in harassing us into giving in to his demands (basically that we hand over ourselves as legal etc entities to him and his family to do with as they please, and that they marry me off in a business/political alliance favouring them, or become their literal slave). I do have a cousin who still talks to me sometimes and a few friends, but I keep them away and hidden for their own safety.
Breaking free isn't an option because of all the signed papers and information mum's relatives hold, and honestly, I don't trust her to not join them in making my life miserable if I try to get away. Not easy to disown them because of how the law works. Also she is likely to use the law regarding abuse/neglect of elderly parents against me. I don't earn enough to support two households otherwise I could have moved out for work. So I'm stuck.
Marriage was one out, but I wasn't allowed to date and was expected to marry someone selected by my grandfather (similar situation to mum's, but worse guys). My attempts to find a husband I could tolerate or at least use to fix the legal tit failed miserably. Now mum's been trying to force me to find a guy online or marry someone suggested by her friends, but they're all very bad options and a repeat of the same situation. She's mainly motivated by people saying she wants to live off my earnings, so either I listen to her, or I declare to the world that I'm not interested so she can be off the hook. I'm doing neither.
I'm really a pain in the ass for all of them
Sometimes it feels that way, but then I realise that my parents are more motivated by wanting things to be easier for them, than actively not being on my side. It could have been much worse. But yeah mum always needs a target
Ah yes, that's why I was raised with the mindset that I'll marry only into a family that allows me to give my salary to my parents and take care of them too (they called it being responsible and breaking gender norms). Stopping work wasn't an option. So many suitors rejected because they didn't want me to work. I've told mum repeatedly that she should stop telling people that I am adamant to continue working after marriage because that's only attracting (something cheaper than)gold-diggers. She finally stopped after I told her that such families won't let me pay for my parents.
Mum keeps crying about how she doesn't have a job and no one will hire now. She'd left her good one when I was very young because she was (genuinely) very sick and her colleagues were trying to convince her to perform "favours". Too big of a gap in employment and skills (though she's done a few courses over the years). She's had opportunities since then but her ill health and depression are a barrier. I've been telling her to teach workshops. Even one a month would ease the burden a fair bit, but nope. Even with me handling all the logistics, it's a no-go. Tough love or throwing her in the deep end won't work. Her go-to is threatening to off herself, and while I'm sure I'll finally get a break in jail, they won't let me have any of my favourite craft materials in there
I'm feeling a bit better today. The shouting has quieted down, especially after dad and I had a screaming match yesterday. I've been trying to focus on finishing and testing new materials for my crafts and we'll hopefully see some rain in a few hours which will help with the headache. This is as peaceful as it is going to get.
The oldest son of your grandfather got out.
Is he still alive?
Could you run to him?
Might he help you?
Worth a try.
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