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Heās 34ā¦ā¦
no. Iām sorry but no. Donāt have a child with this guy, he sounds like a manchild.
get out of this and find yourself a mature, responsible grown up who can and is willing to behave like an adult.
ETA: you need to completely stop financially supporting him. Heās just taking the piss out of you.
no. Iām sorry but no. Donāt have a child with this guy, he sounds like a manchild.
get out of this and find yourself a mature, responsible grown up who can and is willing to behave like an adult.
ETA: you need to completely stop financially supporting him. Heās just taking the piss out of you.
By the way you described him, I would have assumed he was early 20s, not 34.
Write off the Ā£100 and cost of the holiday, I don't think you'll see that money again. Do you have a supportive girlfriend or family you can trust to talk with on the pregnancy side of things?
Write off the Ā£100 and cost of the holiday, I don't think you'll see that money again. Do you have a supportive girlfriend or family you can trust to talk with on the pregnancy side of things?
I donāt think you can expect your partner to care about having a lavish lifestyle - not everybody cares about designer and if that bothers you then maybe he isnāt the partner for you
However, that aside I think you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him about his lack of ambition in life, especially considering you have a baby on the way. You probably shouldāve addressed this before having a baby with him and before it got to the stage where heās quitting work because he ācanāt be botheredā and getting fired because heās always calling in sick. Maybe thereās something deeper going on? Like depression? Why would you book a holiday with him knowing youād have to pay for everything but then being unhappy youāve had to pay for everything? Surely you shouldāve told him to pay for half upfront and then if he didnāt refuse to go? I think youāve let him behave like this for far too long which will make it harder to resolve. And maybe he shouldnāt be wasting his money on cigarettes and champagne but rather supporting your child (I had a nosey at your other posts)
However, that aside I think you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him about his lack of ambition in life, especially considering you have a baby on the way. You probably shouldāve addressed this before having a baby with him and before it got to the stage where heās quitting work because he ācanāt be botheredā and getting fired because heās always calling in sick. Maybe thereās something deeper going on? Like depression? Why would you book a holiday with him knowing youād have to pay for everything but then being unhappy youāve had to pay for everything? Surely you shouldāve told him to pay for half upfront and then if he didnāt refuse to go? I think youāve let him behave like this for far too long which will make it harder to resolve. And maybe he shouldnāt be wasting his money on cigarettes and champagne but rather supporting your child (I had a nosey at your other posts)
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I think this guy is just taking the piss personally. Sheās seemingly been just paying out for everything, heās a lazy man child who is happy to just sponge off her and behave like a teenager. Iāll bet that the second she cuts him off financially, he will be off like a rocket.I donāt think you can expect your partner to care about having a lavish lifestyle - not everybody cares about designer and if that bothers you then maybe he isnāt the partner for you
However, that aside I think you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him about his lack of ambition in life, especially considering you have a baby on the way. You probably shouldāve addressed this before having a baby with him and before it got to the stage where heās quitting work because he ācanāt be botheredā and getting fired because heās always calling in sick. Maybe thereās something deeper going on? Like depression? Why would you book a holiday with him knowing youād have to pay for everything but then being unhappy youāve had to pay for everything? Surely you shouldāve told him to pay for half upfront and then if he didnāt refuse to go? I think youāve let him behave like this for far too long which will make it harder to resolve. And maybe he shouldnāt be wasting his money on cigarettes and champagne but rather supporting your child (I had a nosey at your other posts)
Omg, whatever you do do NOT start paying rent for this guy! Heās taking you for an absolute ride, who even cares if he had good intentions when you got together, he certainly doesnāt now. I would never say to someone ājust get an abortionā but as you yourself raised it as an optionā¦if youāre not 100% sure, then remember that having a baby is the biggest commitment you can ever make to another person. You will be tied together for life. If you want to move abroad, bear in mind that he can apply to the family court to stop you from doing this because of the child, and he will have the right to bring those proceedings forever. I would get out ASAP personally.
34 wow 
I was full on expecting him to be no older than 25.
I agree with you, you do have som tough decisions to make but you wonāt be alone. Find a close friend or family member as maybe they can also help with some advice, get some consultation for your pregnancy, and weāll all be here whenever you feel like ranting x
I was full on expecting him to be no older than 25. I agree with you, you do have som tough decisions to make but you wonāt be alone. Find a close friend or family member as maybe they can also help with some advice, get some consultation for your pregnancy, and weāll all be here whenever you feel like ranting x
Can you afford to raise a baby on your own? Because obviously he wonāt be contributing financially at all if he canāt even take care of himself. Can you afford to pay for the lifestyle of all 3 of you? And importantlyā¦ do you want to?
Could you take the job in Singapore and keep the baby too? Does it have to be one or the other?
Could you take the job in Singapore and keep the baby too? Does it have to be one or the other?
It's weird because when I first read your original post I wondered if he had mental health issues. Prior to covid what was his working situation like? The reason I ask is because my anxiety and fear absolutely went through the roof and if we didn't own our business I'm not sure if I would've been able to go back to work.
I do think you need to have a serious chat with him about what is going on.
On a side note would you consider him being a stay at home dad and you being the breadwinner? This might work for you especially if he does have some MH issues that makes it hard for him at the moment to keep a job. Or is he just a laid back person who isn't particularly ambitious? That might also be a turn off for you
In terms of an abortion that is a decision only you can make.
Goodluck and keep us up to date!
PS - absolutely pissed myself laughing about the bag for life comment.
I do think you need to have a serious chat with him about what is going on.
On a side note would you consider him being a stay at home dad and you being the breadwinner? This might work for you especially if he does have some MH issues that makes it hard for him at the moment to keep a job. Or is he just a laid back person who isn't particularly ambitious? That might also be a turn off for you
In terms of an abortion that is a decision only you can make.
Goodluck and keep us up to date!
PS - absolutely pissed myself laughing about the bag for life comment.
So how is he going to support you on maternity leave? Will you be going back into work after 6 months because he doesn't have a job? Can you support the 3 of you? What about in the future when 3 may become 4? I did think this was a wind-up post at first because I have no idea how an independent, successful woman would stick around with a lazy, lying man-child.
Wowwww
nothing wrong with one person earning more than the other , usually one person ina relationship earns more than the other.
everyone has issues weād be lying if we said we didnāt. The alarm bells for me are his lack of willingness to work, provide and pay his own way in life. If youāre pregnant now and heās not making moves to secure a financial stability for your family then you need to consider all your options and what your willing to tolerate. It might not bother you him not working, staying at home to look after baby etc however it might really bother you.
I think you need to sit down with him and explain all your expectations and ask him what his are too, meet somewhere in the middle and take it from there. Know your worth and donāt settle for any less!
Iāve a dear friend who was in a similar situation. She is hugely successful in her career she earns over 70k a year, she had a mortgage and car etc before she met her partner. When she met him he worked In a minimum wage job but turned up none the less and paid his way etc once he moved in with her he started taking a lot of sick days. She got pregnant had the baby and he quit his job while she was on maternity! He told her he was gonna go self employed so she bought him all the equipment he needed and itās just sat there! She also paid for him to learn to drive and a first car. He then started drinking really heavily so she didnāt want to leave baby with him when she returned to work so she paid nursery fees, he then wanted to surprise her so he used her bank card to book them a holiday over her babyās first birthday WITHOUT THE BABY!!! The holiday cost Ā£4K!!! He didnāt even ask her he just done it. Iām telling you this story so you can see why itās important to lay down firm boundaries
nothing wrong with one person earning more than the other , usually one person ina relationship earns more than the other.
everyone has issues weād be lying if we said we didnāt. The alarm bells for me are his lack of willingness to work, provide and pay his own way in life. If youāre pregnant now and heās not making moves to secure a financial stability for your family then you need to consider all your options and what your willing to tolerate. It might not bother you him not working, staying at home to look after baby etc however it might really bother you.
I think you need to sit down with him and explain all your expectations and ask him what his are too, meet somewhere in the middle and take it from there. Know your worth and donāt settle for any less!
Iāve a dear friend who was in a similar situation. She is hugely successful in her career she earns over 70k a year, she had a mortgage and car etc before she met her partner. When she met him he worked In a minimum wage job but turned up none the less and paid his way etc once he moved in with her he started taking a lot of sick days. She got pregnant had the baby and he quit his job while she was on maternity! He told her he was gonna go self employed so she bought him all the equipment he needed and itās just sat there! She also paid for him to learn to drive and a first car. He then started drinking really heavily so she didnāt want to leave baby with him when she returned to work so she paid nursery fees, he then wanted to surprise her so he used her bank card to book them a holiday over her babyās first birthday WITHOUT THE BABY!!! The holiday cost Ā£4K!!! He didnāt even ask her he just done it. Iām telling you this story so you can see why itās important to lay down firm boundaries
Soā¦ we had the chat and it didnāt go very well 
. Last week Iād asked him to stop smoking when I was around him as Iām a smoker too and Iām finding it really hard, he replied with āyou canāt tell me what to do you bleeping knobheadā so when I went to his tonight he lit a cigerette within 10 mins and then had another one ten mins later and I just saw red. I asked him about getting a job and just said that he hadnāt tried today as heād spent the whole day making me dinner and I didnāt seem at all grateful , it was a stew that definitely didnāt take all day! I tried to ask how he thought we were going to manage in the future.. he said Iām just being moody and miserable because he thinks I miss cigerettes ā¦ wtf 
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So, I left and Iām going on the holiday on my own minus the Bag for Life! Thanks for everyoneās support! Youāre all so rightā¦ writing it all down makes me realise how ridiculous this situation is.
. Last week Iād asked him to stop smoking when I was around him as Iām a smoker too and Iām finding it really hard, he replied with āyou canāt tell me what to do you bleeping knobheadā so when I went to his tonight he lit a cigerette within 10 mins and then had another one ten mins later and I just saw red. I asked him about getting a job and just said that he hadnāt tried today as heād spent the whole day making me dinner and I didnāt seem at all grateful , it was a stew that definitely didnāt take all day! I tried to ask how he thought we were going to manage in the future.. he said Iām just being moody and miserable because he thinks I miss cigerettes ā¦ wtf .So, I left and Iām going on the holiday on my own minus the Bag for Life! Thanks for everyoneās support! Youāre all so rightā¦ writing it all down makes me realise how ridiculous this situation is.
Ugh, so sorry to hear.Soā¦ we had the chat and it didnāt go very well
So, I left and Iām going on the holiday on my own minus the Bag for Life! Thanks for everyoneās support! Youāre all so rightā¦ writing it all down makes me realise how ridiculous this situation is.
Well at least you know now before baby comes and you make a more serious commitment.
Enjoy your holiday, you clearly deserve it!
Iām going to be blunt here.Soā¦ we had the chat and it didnāt go very well
So, I left and Iām going on the holiday on my own minus the Bag for Life! Thanks for everyoneās support! Youāre all so rightā¦ writing it all down makes me realise how ridiculous this situation is.
This relationship is going absolutely nowhere. Heās a lazy, childish waste of space and im afraid it looks like heās with you simply to use you as a human ATM. They way he has spoken to you tonight is completely out of line and his behaviour regarding the smoking just shows a lack of respect for you as his partner and as the woman carrying his unborn child.
I canāt tell you what to do regarding your pregnancy but be under absolutely no illusion here - he doesnāt care a damn about either one of you and he will be gone long before that child is born if you do decide to have the baby.
my honest advice? Get rid of him, start a fresh and move on with your own life. Heās a waste of space.
He expects you to be grateful for a meal he threw together with food YOU paid for, in a house YOU pay for, with electric/gas YOU pay forā¦.!! Heās an idiot!Soā¦ we had the chat and it didnāt go very well
So, I left and Iām going on the holiday on my own minus the Bag for Life! Thanks for everyoneās support! Youāre all so rightā¦ writing it all down makes me realise how ridiculous this situation is.
whoās paying for the cigarettes heās smoking?
get Rid of him.
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Good for you! Thatās a massive step in the right direction. I hope you manage to relax and reflect on everything whilst away. Put him on a do not disturb setting so he doesnāt disrupt your peace.
As for mental health, he seems like many men who āget counsellingā to get their partner āoff their backā because his actions clearly demonstrate he has no intention of making any positive changes in his life right now.
It sounds ridiculous but decent people do get caught up in these āsituationshipsā so you must be kind to yourself.
@Blahblahahaaa77 good for you!! Enjoy your holiday, you deserve every single second of it.
My sister earns an unbelievable amount and her fiancƩ works in a supermarket on minimum wage. And they love each other, treat each other, share everything.
The things that annoy me are when people canāt be arsed to try. He canāt drive? So your going to be the driver forever, driving yourself to the labour ward? Heās been let go from 2 jobs, and is now not attending his newest one? Heās found his meal ticket in you and is not making any effort
The things that annoy me are when people canāt be arsed to try. He canāt drive? So your going to be the driver forever, driving yourself to the labour ward? Heās been let go from 2 jobs, and is now not attending his newest one? Heās found his meal ticket in you and is not making any effort
Ahhh mate no no no. Anyone who thinks itās ok to verbally assault you, who thinks itās ok to smoke round you while youāre pregnant (never mind youād requested he didnāt as well) is no good. Get rid of him.Soā¦ we had the chat and it didnāt go very well
So, I left and Iām going on the holiday on my own minus the Bag for Life! Thanks for everyoneās support! Youāre all so rightā¦ writing it all down makes me realise how ridiculous this situation is.
Yeah definitely get rid of him ASAP. I wouldnāt ever put up with a man swearing at me, itās verbal abuse and itās disgusting and it seems very aggressive. I wouldnāt like to see if that behaviour escalates when youāre living togetherā¦
Honestly he sounds like a man child, if you moved in together youād probably have two babies to look after. He probably wouldnāt contribute a penny and he probably wouldnāt lift a finger around the house or with the baby.
run far far away.
Honestly he sounds like a man child, if you moved in together youād probably have two babies to look after. He probably wouldnāt contribute a penny and he probably wouldnāt lift a finger around the house or with the baby.
run far far away.
You won't be able to change him, when people show you who they are and what they're like - believe them. Getting out now is the best thing you can do for yourself as he will only gaslight you and drag you down to his level if you stick around.