Does he like me ?

[ChipsAhoy]

This is actually really great advice! Thank you!

Go carefully with this one. You’ve never met this guy, and he’s a colleague. He may well be messaging loads of women from work in the same way, as a way of passing the time. He could be one of those guys at work that always goes after the new girl, who you would ordinarily be warned about by the other people you work with! I’d actually find it a bit creepy if someone started contacting me like this in this kind or scenario.....!

I’d try to just keep it professional, until you can at least meet him in person and start to really gauge what he’s actually like.

 

[BettyCrocker]

Yeah he’s single but he has mentioned he has two kids.

Hmmmmm. I dunno. Again, this is all a bit much isn’t it, for a guy you’ve never met who is meant to be your colleague? I just find his behaviour a bit off - not particularly professional is it? You’ve never met, you have no personal relationship, he’s randomly contacted you online off the back of work related communication and he’s telling you stuff about his personal life..... how old are you both if you don’t mind me asking?

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I’m on my dinner break at work in actual shock!
Has he messaged you today??!

 

[Flossy2019]

Yes. But they haven’t met at work. Infact they haven’t met at all!!!!! There’s a huge difference in getting to know someone in a work environment, and that progressing into a flirtation and possible relationship, versus this guy who she’s never met, creeping around on WhatsApp, claiming he has no social media profiles and trying to command her attention when another guy innocently chats to her about a tv show.
Meeting someone at work is fine - I met my husband at work. It’s just the way this guy is behaving that’s kinda odd. Like I’ve said, it’s all being played out over text messages on WhatsApp where he can say anything he likes about himself and she has no idea of what he’s saying is true or not. At least in a physical work environment you’d get a feel for what he’s like by seeing him interact with others, and you’d hear what he’s like and glean information from those that also work with him and know more about him.

I agree with what Betty said the other day about getting him to video call. If he doesn’t then there’s something off. I think she’s just trying to look out for you. Men can be really shitty!! Be careful don’t get too excited too soon ... get to know him as much as you can. You never know when you get back to work you might not even be attracted to him

 

[ChipsAhoy]

No he didn’t message to ask why I was messaging another guy, he started the same conversation I was having with my other colleagues about the tv show but with me in a private Message.

 

[BettyCrocker]

So I typed something into the works group chat. We have a group WhatsApp that isn’t work related.

I was joking about masked singer as one of the other guys at work joked with me last week about watching it, and then he texted me separately about what I was talking to the other guy about in the group chat?!?

What?? He messaged you to question why you were chatting to another guy? Seriously?

I’m sorry but no. You don’t even know him and he’s trying to dictate who you can/can’t talk to.

Everything about this is like a huge red flag.

The guy is a weirdo. Mark my words.

 

[Blowup80]

Definite red flag for me. Especially as he has kids. Still with the mum of the kids? Some drama there? Its so unusual to not be on SM at 30.

I don't have socials. Got rid of it all 4 years ago and don't miss any of it. Doesn't mean I'm weird just got fed up of all the crap people post!

I think it's lovely. Its not like you are going to meet him in the dark or anything! As long as you are just chatting, nothing gets inappropriate or makes you uncomfortable then there is no problem. It's just a friendship at the minute, yes only by message but with lock down and people suffering with mental health and loneliness ect we Should be encouraging people to talk. If he is making you smile then that's a good thing and good luck!!! Hopefully it ends up as something more. If he ends up a creep well fair enough but we can't vilify the poor man just for being friendly

 

[drewydrop]

My friend at work naively believed the “we only got married and had the kids because we were mates and she wanted children” line. Turns out it was all lies and she’d been the other woman. Absolutely heartbreaking for both women, not the dickmunch who played both his wife and mistress though!

This happened to me although he said he’d moved out to live with his parents but couldn’t let anyone know as she’d be an arse about him seeing the children. Turns out he did live his parents for a week and then moved back in with her. I found out the truth 6 months later and 2 weeks before they got married

 

[lisa94xo]

So I typed something into the works group chat. We have a group WhatsApp that isn’t work related.

I was joking about masked singer as one of the other guys at work joked with me last week about watching it, and then he texted me separately about what I was talking to the other guy about in the group chat?!?

Hey! This is a very weird situation. I really think you need to clarify with him what his intentions are and where this is going - you don't want to get mixed up or misconstrue things, especially with a work colleague with both professional and personal boundaries - it's a slippery slope if things don't go well.

 

[Lulu Goss]

My friend at work naively believed the “we only got married and had the kids because we were mates and she wanted children” line. Turns out it was all lies and she’d been the other woman. Absolutely heartbreaking for both women, not the dickmunch who played both his wife and mistress though!

That’s awful. My boss a few years ago used to to try it on with lots of women (including me) in our department, even though he was married. Same sort of lines, he wasn’t happy, they weren’t really together anymore and they were thinking about divorcing as they both wanted different things. One woman did fall for it and was seeing him for about 6 months, until he revealed his wife was pregnant and they’d been trying for a baby that whole time

 

[nuggy]

I chatted to another colleague tonight and casually asked about this guy. I’ve found out that he is not single. He is in fact married!!!

I feel like a total fool for even thinking that I liked him. I had no idea.

Thank you everyone for your advice. I’m not communicating with him anymore, feel like a total idiot.

Oh my god. Disgusting. I guess now the “no social media” thing makes sense, if I were you I’d block him so he gets the message! The crazy thing is I know that so many married men do this!!!! When I was single before I met my partner, a married guy would always send me flirty replies to my stories and it got ... uncomfortable. to the point where I’d have to just ignore his messages because I’d feel uncomfortable! Married people who hide their true relationship status and talk to people are pure and utter trash

 

[BettyCrocker]

I don't have socials. Got rid of it all 4 years ago and don't miss any of it. Doesn't mean I'm weird just got fed up of all the crap people post!

I think it's lovely. Its not like you are going to meet him in the dark or anything! As long as you are just chatting, nothing gets inappropriate or makes you uncomfortable then there is no problem. It's just a friendship at the minute, yes only by message but with lock down and people suffering with mental health and loneliness ect we Should be encouraging people to talk. If he is making you smile then that's a good thing and good luck!!! Hopefully it ends up as something more. If he ends up a creep well fair enough but we can't vilify the poor man just for being friendly

I’m just speaking from experience of seeing shit like this play out before. He’s saying he’s not got any social media profiles, they only communicate via written messages, he’s contacted her off the back of work related comms, wait for it - if she asks for a video chat il bet he won’t be able to because “his camera doesn’t work on his phone” or there will be another excuse....

I’ve just seen and heard it so many times in places I’ve worked and you can spot it a mile off.

 

[Kim Mild]

I'd say he likes talking to you, likes the company and interaction. Do you fancy him?

It is probably doing you both good at the moment considering.

It depends whether you want to take things further or have interactions in person? ( post lockdown perhaps) .
Sometimes men do just like the texting and don't want anything further ( speaking from my own past experiences, nothing to do with lockdown) .

 

[Begborrowsteal]

So I typed something into the works group chat. We have a group WhatsApp that isn’t work related.

I was joking about masked singer as one of the other guys at work joked with me last week about watching it, and then he texted me separately about what I was talking to the other guy about in the group chat?!?

Hes keen

 

[Begborrowsteal]

No worries! Don’t worry about all this, you weren’t to know he had a wife. Personally I wouldn’t go searching for her and telling her what her husband has been up to. I would if he’d got sexual in his messages, or you’d met up etc but he’s likely to deny or say you misunderstood things (gaslighting) if you do speak to her. You don’t need that drama or mess at work!

This.

Ive been the wife in this situation, so i wouldnt be able to stay calm

 

[Flossy2019]

Definite red flag for me. Especially as he has kids. Still with the mum of the kids? Some drama there? Its so unusual to not be on SM at 30.

Hmmm not everyone does. I’ve recently deleted fb and I know quite a few people who don’t have it.
OP maybe get snooping and see if you can find him he might have his name different or something like first and middle name .. or ask another girl at work if he has it. I like to think he isn’t lying but with a man you never know. And to see if he does like you maybe don’t reply for a bit longer than usual and if he replies quickly he’s been waiting for your text! i can’t think of any other way to see if he likes you as it’s lockdown so quite impossible

 

[BettyCrocker]

Yeah it does seem a bit much I guess. Which is why I’m slightly confused about it all. We are both 30.

Yeah it’s just too much and I just think it’s a bit inappropriate. Like I say, it’s impossible to really judge what he’s like and what this is all about when you haven’t met him in real life or haven’t had any input from others at work about him or even seen how he is with other people. I’ve seen this kind of thing before - new female starts at work and office creep is straight in there, all over her - before everyone else at work warns her off and then he’s onto the next new starter! You’ve just started your job in November right? Concrete on work, be professional, don’t get involved with this guy because honestly..... it all just sounds a bit off.

 

[Belulah]

I think enjoy the flirting but don’t read too much into it.

 

[GeorgeP123]

Go carefully with this one. You’ve never met this guy, and he’s a colleague. He may well be messaging loads of women from work in the same way, as a way of passing the time. He could be one of those guys at work that always goes after the new girl, who you would ordinarily be warned about by the other people you work with! I’d actually find it a bit creepy if someone started contacting me like this in this kind or scenario.....!

I’d try to just keep it professional, until you can at least meet him in person and start to really gauge what he’s actually like.

Yeah that is good advice. I'd say he probably does like you if he's suggested drinks and suggested rock climbing. Do you know his situation? Has he said he's single etc.

 

[Readread]

Please let us know if he ends up to be your future husband