Does he like me ?

[Blonde123]

That’s awful. My boss a few years ago used to to try it on with lots of women (including me) in our department, even though he was married. Same sort of lines, he wasn’t happy, they weren’t really together anymore and they were thinking about divorcing as they both wanted different things. One woman did fall for it and was seeing him for about 6 months, until he revealed his wife was pregnant and they’d been trying for a baby that whole time .

Omg!! Imagine all the potential STI’s! I nipped in the bud some dodgy attention from some bloke at my work recently (not my husband ). His wife had taken their baby away to see family and out came the violins saying things to me like, “oh it’s so lonely at the weekends blah blah blah” then opening up to me about their relationship problems and telling me about his wife’s nipples and asking me about how I fed my children, really odd and pervy. I just said “don’t you have any friends that can come over at the weekend” and “I’m sorry I don’t have time to chat about this”. Turns out a few weeks later he had an official complaint made against him by his PA for “inappropriate suggestive comments”.

 

[Barbie2020]

I’m invested loads of people randomly meet and date from SM and dating sites so I don’t see the problem with this at all. Just get to know him through messages until you can meet up properly. It might lead to something, it might not but I think it must be nice to have a bit of a chat with someone when you’re single and struggling through lockdown. A nice distraction.

Keep us updated

 

[Pixipoppy]

Hmmm. Yeah, its really unusual now for some this kinda age to not have any social media.

My boyfriend hasn’t used “socials” since 2015

I just read this thread from start to finish and I’m so gutted that this guy was a typical creep. Ugh. Some men are gross.

 

[GeorgeP123]

So invested in this! I hope he turns out legit
Some people just don't have Facebook or insta. They just aren't arsed. It does normally make them a lovely person tbh. Then there is a flipside. Could be a lying creep but give him benefit of doubt while at the same time try find out name of the mother to his kids and see if they really have split up!

 

[BettyCrocker]

No he didn’t message to ask why I was messaging another guy, he started the same conversation I was having with my other colleagues about the tv show but with me in a private Message.

But.......ask yourself why.

Any normal person would have just joined in the conversation. But he made a point of siphoning you off and starting the same conversation just between the two of you. It’s weird. Sorry but this whole thing is weird.

 

[ChipsAhoy]

I’m so shocked and then I’m thinking was I reading far too much into the messages ? Wanting there to be something more? But then I’m like ... No catch a grip that is very shady behaviour when he wife at home. Especially saying about going rock climbing and calling me lush a few weeks back.
There wasn’t “flirty” or sexual messages or anything but still it’s all just very bizarre.
Thanks everyone x

 

[GeorgeP123]

OMG. MEN NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME WITH THEIR CREEPINES. Oh I was so wanting this to turn out ok. There.is no need to feel like an idiot at all. You were only being friendly back and you didn't ininate anything. I mean you never know, he could be split up for whatever reasons and still married but even so you are right to not text him back anymore. I'd call him out on his behaviour. Say I'm sure your wife wouldn't appreciate you talking to new work colleagues all the time. Bloody men. I think you probably felt deep down a red flag otherwise you wouldn't have felt need to ask about it so please do not beat yourself up. Men. Once again strike again.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I’m so shocked and then I’m thinking was I reading far too much into the messages ? Wanting there to be something more? But then I’m like ... No catch a grip that is very shady behaviour when he wife at home. Especially saying about going rock climbing and calling me lush a few weeks back.
There wasn’t “flirty” or sexual messages or anything but still it’s all just very bizarre.
Thanks everyone x

What a prick. Im glad you found out early doors with it all! Id definitely be searching for his social media now, and tell his wife lol. What a scumbag!

 

[Blonde123]

Wow what a prick. I don’t think it sounds like you were reading too much into the messages, for the fact that he was the one messaging you separately and suggesting the rock climbing date.

I can’t remember if you mentioned this but had he previously said he was single? Either way, at least you know that he’s not now!

I would do what @Blonde123 said and casually mention his wife. That way you’re letting him know that you know, and hopefully he will leave it at that. Same as I said in my previous post, you don’t want things to be awkward at work but that should be enough for him to know he’s been caught out!

Be prepared for some bullshit about “oh I’m married but we’re only together for the kids / we’re going to separate / we’re just not in love anymore”

Men

My friend at work naively believed the “we only got married and had the kids because we were mates and she wanted children” line. Turns out it was all lies and she’d been the other woman. Absolutely heartbreaking for both women, not the dickmunch who played both his wife and mistress though!

 

[kittypaws]

I don’t think the guy is a freak at all. Look, we’re in lockdown for god sake it’s no different to him pursuing you in person if you were in the office.

It sounds like he just really likes the look and sound of you from the video calls and wanted to talk to you. I personally think it’s nice and also my bf doesn’t have any social media other than Twitter for his job! And neither does my brother - they’re 31 and 35!

I would just carry on as you are and maybe just try and find more about his life. I’ve been catfished and lied to from guys online many times so I know the signs. But if you are concerned is there another member of the team you could message in private and just sort of check that this guy isn’t a weirdo? I don’t think he is, but I can see some people are pushing you to think he is so it may reassure you!

 

[BettyCrocker]

I’m still in shock too!
Yes he has , checking in really. I haven’t responded and I’m now blocking him. Left it unblocked to see if he would “check in”

I just don’t know what to make of all this. I don’t understand why people do this? I also keep thinking was I reading too much into all this when the chat has been nothing but friendly . I feel like an idiot

Some people just enjoy flirting, enjoy the thrill of getting attention in this way. As I was trying to say the other day I’ve seen this kind of shit play out so many times. Some guys are just absolute wankers and treat it like a game. Try to just draw a line under it now, forget about it and just focus on work, he’s honestly not worth your time.

 

[Jon9090]

I’d love to hear more from a guys point of view just out of interest.

Im seeing from the point view. He is married (doubt it's happy, otherwise he wouldn't be taking the risk off attempting to flirt/hook up with you in some capacity) at home with his partner and kids probably never spent this much time with the family or wife but because off the covid situation hasn't got much choice.
And is taking the opportunity to engage in inappropriate talks with you or any other potential women he may be speaking to as a distraction from his own life struggles.
As well as the male ego kicking in and seeing if he could potentially get his leg over in the long run and work his charm onto you.
He definitely done this before hence why he hasn't said or incriminated himself in that inappropriate sexual flirting , pictures or voice notes etc which could been used against him in the future if all went wrong. All in all im glad you've found out.

 

[Lulu Goss]

Omg!! Imagine all the potential STI’s! I nipped in the bud some dodgy attention from some bloke at my work recently. His wife had taken their baby away to see family and out came the violins saying things to me like, “oh it’s so lonely at the weekends blah blah blah” then opening up to me about their relationship problems and telling me about his wife’s nipples and asking me about how I fed my children, really odd and not that I asked. I just said “don’t you have any friends that can come over at the weekend” and “I’m sorry I don’t have time to chat about this”. Turns out a few weeks later he had an official complaint made against him by his PA for “inappropriate suggestive comments”.

Gross. It’s always the same lines isn’t it! One of the men I work with is always a bit near the mark to being inappropriate in conversations but I’ve known him for years now so I know how to brush it off/pretend to be oblivious to the inappropriate comment he’s trying to make. His wife was also taking the kids away for the weekend once and he was saying to me how bored he’d be but how he likes the peace and quiet because all she does is nag him and she’s no fun anymore. Then he said he was going to spend the weekend “doing some DIY - not the building kind ”. Sickening, like anyone wants to be thinking about him spending his weekend sat on the sofa wanking

 

[BettyCrocker]

Just keep in mind that he’s your work colleague first and foremost and you’ve only just stated at your job - you don’t really know anything about this guy but you really don’t want it to get awkward if he (likely) turns out to not be what he’s trying to portray himself to be. Also he’s got 2 kids - which means he’s got 1 or maybe even 2 ex partners who are still a part of his life because he’s got kids so.... I dunno. It sounds shady to me. He’s trying to hook up with you over WhatsApp but he claims he’s not on any social media platforms.... sorry but I don’t believe that for a second.

ETA: when you say it’s all communication over WhatsApp is that just conversations via text? Or do you video call each other?? Because if it’s all just being done via text on WhatsApp....! He could just be sitting there with his girlfriend or wife or whoever chatting away to you!!! Ask him to video chat with you, see what he says to that??

 

[Lulu Goss]

I would just keep in mind, as someone else said, that he’s still a work colleague. Whatever happens, friendly or more, you’ll still have to work with him if anything goes sour. That might not be so bad at the moment while everyone’s working from home but you wouldn’t want to be returning to the office worrying about whether things will be awkward or weird, especially if you’re new there.

Maybe stick more to the group chat to start with, or keep your private chat with him as friends until you can get to know him more.

 

[BettyCrocker]

No he didn’t message to ask why I was messaging another guy, he started the same conversation I was having with my other colleagues about the tv show but with me in a private Message.

The guy is a freak.

 

[Readread]

Jesus what a dickhead!! Glad you found out before anything happened.

 

[Walnutss]

Hmmm. Yeah, its really unusual now for some this kinda age to not have any social media. I hate that its even a thing, but it is. Potential drama with the kids mum.

Nooooo my boyfriend doesnt have any either he hates it. And I love that he doesnt embrace it

 

[BettyCrocker]

Yeah, mention the wife so that he gets the hint that he’s been rumbled and then leave it at that. Don’t engage in any more private conversations with him. Talk to him during work discussions for work purposes only if you have to but nothing more. He’s nothing more than a work colleague- who you actually don’t know at all, leave it at that and just focus on your job.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

My boyfriend hasn’t used “socials” since 2015

I just read this thread from start to finish and I’m so gutted that this guy was a typical creep. Ugh. Some men are gross.

I think more and more people are turning away from it. But as this thread shows, its sometimes right to be a red flag.