Dead Parent Club

[charlied0106]

Hi everyone i just found this thread today. My mum died a year ago tomorrow still feels so recent, its hard.

I found this thread because i searched "scatter ashes". My stepfather dad called an hour ago to see how I was (it was a year ago today that my mum was transferred to high dependency and her organs shutdown, she died at 0105 tomorrow) and I happened to ask him if he was doing anything tomorrow with it being the "official" year. And yes he has plans..... to scatter my mum's ashes with his daughter - my mums step daughter. Nobody even mentioned it to me. What is wrong with people

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

That's very upsetting. Did you tell him how you felt or were you too shocked? Could you send a message?

 

[friedeggontoast]

Hi everyone i just found this thread today. My mum died a year ago tomorrow still feels so recent, its hard.

I found this thread because i searched "scatter ashes". My stepfather dad called an hour ago to see how I was (it was a year ago today that my mum was transferred to high dependency and her organs shutdown, she died at 0105 tomorrow) and I happened to ask him if he was doing anything tomorrow with it being the "official" year. And yes he has plans..... to scatter my mum's ashes with his daughter - my mums step daughter. Nobody even mentioned it to me. What is wrong with people

I'm so sorry, that's really sad. Are you able to be open with him and say that it has upset you?

 

[charlied0106]

That's very upsetting. Did you tell him how you felt or were you too shocked? Could you send a message?

I was so shocked all I could say was "why didn't either of you think to say to me". He just said he never even thought He's 72 and has memory issues and I do think he just didn't even think, it hurts but im not angry with him really. I am with my stepsister though, she 100% should've text me and asked if I was working and let me know what was happening, but she actively chosen not to out of complete spite.

I'm so sorry, that's really sad. Are you able to be open with him and say that it has upset you?

Ive typed and deleted about 8 texts so far because each one I composed just sounds either petty or argumentative.

Can't believe I'm the one feeling awkward about all this just now, and I really don't know what i'm going to do about tomorrow.

This has completely came out of the blue. This was never spoken about with me at all, and I think scattering your mum's ashes is a pretty big thing, so to have less than a day's notice just isn't enough time to prepare for it but it sounds as if they are going to go ahead tomorrow with or without me.

 

[friedeggontoast]

I was so shocked all I could say was "why didn't either of you think to say to me". He just said he never even thought He's 72 and has memory issues and I do think he just didn't even think, it hurts but im not angry with him really. I am with my stepsister though, she 100% should've text me and asked if I was working and let me know what was happening, but she actively chosen not to out of complete spite.



Ive typed and deleted about 8 texts so far because each one I composed just sounds either petty or argumentative.

Can't believe I'm the one feeling awkward about all this just now, and I really don't know what i'm going to do about tomorrow.

This has completely came out of the blue. This was never spoken about with me at all, and I think scattering your mum's ashes is a pretty big thing, so to have less than a day's notice just isn't enough time to prepare for it but it sounds as if they are going to go ahead tomorrow with or without me.

Could you ask them to leave some aside for you to have your own private moment when you're ready?

 

[charlied0106]

Could you ask them to leave some aside for you to have your own private moment when you're ready?

Yeah I think i will actually, thats a good idea. Im in a bit of a brain fog right now so I never even thought about that. Thank you

 

[Moniker]

Hi everyone i just found this thread today. My mum died a year ago tomorrow still feels so recent, its hard.

I found this thread because i searched "scatter ashes". My stepfather dad called an hour ago to see how I was (it was a year ago today that my mum was transferred to high dependency and her organs shutdown, she died at 0105 tomorrow) and I happened to ask him if he was doing anything tomorrow with it being the "official" year. And yes he has plans..... to scatter my mum's ashes with his daughter - my mums step daughter. Nobody even mentioned it to me. What is wrong with people

That is the absolute pits. My heart goes out to you.

 

[klarakluckbag]

to those of you who are dreading tomorrow (Mother's Day in UK).
I've mostly been ok since my mum died in December. She was unwell for the last year of her life, she also had dementia, so we were grieving even before she was gone.
But seeing the cards, flowers and chocolate displays has really hit me. I was doing a quick evening shop a couple of weeks ago, the staff were setting up the seasonal aisle with the Mother's Day stuff and the thought just popped into my head..."At least I don't have to worry about that anymore" which immediately made me feel terrible, I got quite tearful and had to go home.
Hope everyone is ok this weekend

 

[friedeggontoast]

Sending love this weekend to everyone missing their mums. I saw that Card Factory now do memorial cards for Mother's Day which was lovely, so I picked up one to write to my mum and display it with some flowers tomorrow.

 

[thegrumpos]

My mum died a long time ago, when I was a child. Now I have my own children I often think about how awful it would be for them if I died, how important a mum is. It breaks my heart to imagine them waking up without me, never being able to see me or speak to me again. It literally causes my chest to hurt for them.
Then I remember that is what happened to me. I was that child.
I don’t remember the days after but I must have been very lost, very confused and totally distraught. In some ways I’m glad I can’t remember the feelings really. I feel so sorry for that little girl. And my mum. So sorry, it’s incredibly sad.
35 years later and it still finds new ways to break your heart.

 

[Sooks31]

This is also me! My mum died at 32 when I was 8. Leaving behind 2 little girls. I'm now older than she was with my own two girls and I keep myself awake sometimes thinking about it. I write letters in my head for them. Makes my heart hurt. Xx

 

[thegrumpos]

This is also me! My mum died at 32 when I was 8. Leaving behind 2 little girls. I'm now older than she was with my own two girls and I keep myself awake sometimes thinking about it. I write letters in my head for them. Makes my heart hurt. Xx

im so sorry it’s such a rubbish club to be in. I tried to explain parts of it to my husband the other day and he was saying “why torture yourself with hypothetical situations” but I’ve lived it and it’s very much a reality isn’t it. It’s not some far off hypothetical scenario because it’s our lived experience. It’s my worst fear that something happens to me and I have to leave them.

 

[unidentified]

Sending you all so much love. As much as I wasn’t a child (26) I still feel I was so young to lose my mum. My daughter was 7 at the time (now 18) and she tells me all the time I’m not allowed to die before her because of the trauma of losing my mum has caused her at that young age. It’s just so cruel

 

[Sooks31]

im so sorry it’s such a rubbish club to be in. I tried to explain parts of it to my husband the other day and he was saying “why torture yourself with hypothetical situations” but I’ve lived it and it’s very much a reality isn’t it. It’s not some far off hypothetical scenario because it’s our lived experience. It’s my worst fear that something happens to me and I have to leave them.

It's a genuine fear, but I imagine hard to comprehend when you've not lived ur yourself. 🩷

 

[TheStrawberryThief]

I was cooking tea last night and out of nowhere I just felt sadness roll over me. I don't know what triggered it, but I just started crying for my Dad.

 

[RainbowFuzz]

Mum and Dad's wedding anniversary today, the first since Dad died at the end of November. I've been to the florist and got some flowers for her from my brother and me, but I am worried about upsetting her more when she's already feeling sad. Hopefully she'll see the love behind them, and they are beautiful so should make her smile.

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Mum and Dad's wedding anniversary today, the first since Dad died at the end of November. I've been to the florist and got some flowers for her from my brother and me, but I am worried about upsetting her more when she's already feeling sad. Hopefully she'll see the love behind them, and they are beautiful so should make her smile.

That's a really lovely thing to do for your mum; it'll be a sad day for her regardless, so the boost of knowing you care and receiving beautiful flowers will be a welcome lift at a difficult time. I hope you're all doing ok

 

[julixx]

It’s Father’s Day today here in Canada and I’m just really missing my Dad. It’s been 2.5 years but still feels quite surreal. And being in the age group where none of my friends have lost a parent is so isolating - it’s going to sound bitter but I wish even one of them would remember to text me today.

 

[Loppylou89]

It’s Father’s Day today here in Canada and I’m just really missing my Dad. It’s been 2.5 years but still feels quite surreal. And being in the age group where none of my friends have lost a parent is so isolating - it’s going to sound bitter but I wish even one of them would remember to text me today.

It’s also Father’s Day in the uk and I feel the same. I know if my friends had lost a parent, I’d be checking in on them but only my brother has messaged me. I try and remember that it isn’t their problem and life goes on and why should they remember but it still sucks

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

I think it's my 3rd Father's Day without my Dad and it's less raw this time (thankfully). We've had our daughters here most of the day so I'll wander down to the churchyard with a new plant for his grave later and have a quiet moment with him.

Thinking of everyone today who hasn't got a Dad in their life for whatever reason