Dating in Lockdown #2 The audacity of men

[Clover123]

I like to think about it from my own perspective what would I do if I was interested- so in this case, messaged early to say the date might need a rain check, and then when it became clear things weren't going to get better, would have said and suggested another day to rearrange it for.

So sorry he's been a dick about it, it really doesn't speak well of him to be honest! You deserve a lot better.

 

[misscl4]

Tbh, I'd had my 2nd covid vaccine and enjoyed the excuse to stay in bed and chill tbh .



I do believe in giving people benefit of the doubt but it would need an apology and an explanation tbh. He's on mute and in the WhatsApp archive so I'm not going actively reach out.

Thanks for all the love though ladies, men ain't tit

See that it as a positive that you know now and not a couple more months down the line. Also think you a had a lucky escape, no matter how good looking someone is, if they aren’t emotional mature enough to not ghost you or act like this, they’re not a worth it.

 

[LaLa247]

Although I’m firmly in the camp of if he wanted to he would and don’t waste your time chasing for answers (Mainly because I’m stubborn and proud) it does frustrate me WHY we have to play these games - why do I have to pretend I wasn’t that bothered and didn’t care that much? Yes I was looking forward to a date that had be arranged and yes I’m disappointed it’s cancelled, as when I make a plan I stick to it! We shouldn’t be embarrassed for caring, they should embarrassed for not having basic manners.

It’s like who ever cares the least has all the power and that’s sad (but also probably true so I’ll continue to be a stubborn cow)

 

[LaurieLaurie]

This is why you need to know what people are looking for from the very start, it’s one of the first things I ask. Some people won’t think twice about cancelling/not even telling you because for them it’s chilled and they aren’t thinking too much into it.

 

[theweekend]

Although I’m firmly in the camp of if he wanted to he would and don’t waste your time chasing for answers (Mainly because I’m stubborn and proud) it does frustrate me WHY we have to play these games - why do I have to pretend I wasn’t that bothered and didn’t care that much? Yes I was looking forward to a date that had be arranged and yes I’m disappointed it’s cancelled, as when I make a plan I stick to it! We shouldn’t be embarrassed for caring, they should embarrassed for not having basic manners.

It’s like who ever cares the least has all the power and that’s sad (but also probably true so I’ll continue to be a stubborn cow)

Very very true. We're being sucked into stooping to their level and playing their game.

For me I see it as ultimately he would be expecting that message from you - which then gives him the satisfaction and power to ignore it, lie and pull you back in or gas light you into thinking you're being unreasonable. Taking the L and moving on without reaching out at least maintains your dignity and gives you the upper hand somewhat. But all very childish and a waste of energy fighting your natural instinct to call them out on their bullshit. It's tit either way tbh

 

[LittleBird]

Although I’m firmly in the camp of if he wanted to he would and don’t waste your time chasing for answers (Mainly because I’m stubborn and proud) it does frustrate me WHY we have to play these games - why do I have to pretend I wasn’t that bothered and didn’t care that much? Yes I was looking forward to a date that had be arranged and yes I’m disappointed it’s cancelled, as when I make a plan I stick to it! We shouldn’t be embarrassed for caring, they should embarrassed for not having basic manners.

It’s like who ever cares the least has all the power and that’s sad (but also probably true so I’ll continue to be a stubborn cow)

Absolutely this. I'm 30 next month and really haven't got it in me to play some ridiculous games to be honest. I know I should have left it but I'd rather feel like I have a moral high ground being like "if this wasn't for you, totally cool" than thinking what if.

I completely agree about finding out what someone is looking for early on. The signs were pointing towards a relationship, he was making lots of comments about future things etc but we are where we are. Chalk it all up to experience!

 

[misscl4]

Absolutely this. I'm 30 next month and really haven't got it in me to play some ridiculous games to be honest. I know I should have left it but I'd rather feel like I have a moral high ground being like "if this wasn't for you, totally cool" than thinking what if.

I completely agree about finding out what someone is looking for early on. The signs were pointing towards a relationship, he was making lots of comments about future things etc but we are where we are. Chalk it all up to experience!

Please don’t think you’re the only one though to have had this, honesty, we all have... but the key is to not let it affect you because when it happened to me, it set me back a lot!

 

[silkstoiletpaper]

Does anyone have advice in general about how not to let things like this hurt you? Sometimes its so hard not to get excited and ahead of yourself when someone is saying/doing all the right things!
How are you supposed to pick up the pieces when someone just disappears? It hasn't happened to me yet but it is inevitable with online dating

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Does anyone have advice in general about how not to let things like this hurt you? Sometimes its so hard not to get excited and ahead of yourself when someone is saying/doing all the right things!
How are you supposed to pick up the pieces when someone just disappears? It hasn't happened to me yet but it is inevitable with online dating

You have to be chilled. People will be busy and not text you, they will leave you on read etc but if they are interested they will make the effort. You have to carry on with your own life and not make it all about them and don’t be so available or expect too much, just be laid back and go with the flow.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Decided to shoot my shot and ask the fit bin man if he's single. He's married and I'm embarrassed

 

[Alexaj]

Decided to shoot my shot and ask the fit bin man if he's single. He's married and I'm embarrassed

You probably made his day though!

 

[leapricot]

My friend told me to send a message just being really blunt, saying I wasn't sure what happened last night and if he isn't interested then it's totally cool, but I'd rather know one way or the other.

I know I shouldn't have but it's made feel better because if he doesn't reply, that makes him even more of a dick, has given him a chance to say nah not for me, or in some miracle (and I'm not sure I'd want to accept it at this point) apologise and be like sorry, I had such a tit day etc etc.

Has he replied yet?

 

[misscl4]

Decided to shoot my shot and ask the fit bin man if he's single. He's married and I'm embarrassed

Good on you for trying though, cos I do not have the confidence (wish I did)

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Hello!

I've spent the past day reading through the entire thread and I think I've met my people!

I'm female and gay, so the whole world of dating is difficult enough without apps thrown into it. I went on Hinge in November time and matched with and talked to a lovely girl, but she told me she didn't want a relationship but we should be friends. We got on so well we did, and by March were sleeping together. Then last month she casually dropped it in she'd gone back on Tinder and was talking to a girl and it totally threw me. I was really hurt and it was like losing my best friend - so I gave up on the idea of dating as I really liked her and she treated me awfully. I was basically good enough during lockdown but literally the week it was over she was looking for new people and just planned to have me there with some new girlfriend in tow. I cut off contact and told her we couldn't be friends given how I felt and we haven't spoken since. That was three and a half weeks ago.

I was bored one night so downloaded Tinder, all the usual suspects and people I'd seen many years before! Matched with lots but the conversation is so so dry and boring, it should be a mutual thing without loads of effort to get on. One girl I matched with was lovely, a thoroughly decent person and I'm glad to say we are going on a date in ten days! I'm actually really looking forward to it, there isn't the huge desire to text and freeflowing banter I had with the Hinge girl but she's lovely and pretty and I think we'd get on well. So I'll be here afterwards to post an update. Fingers crossed it goes well!

 

[LittleBird]

Has he replied yet?

No . I'm glad I sent it because thinking about it today with a clear head, he didn't apologise for leaving me hanging all day Saturday and it was very out of character for someone who was consistently texting/voicenoting me less than 24 hours before to not make any contact.

It's given me the closure I needed, even though people say you shouldn't double text. It gave him an opportunity to have an easy out or apologise but seeing as he's left it on read it's reaffirmed I don't want to be wasting time on someone who will act like this.

Back to being a bad witch today

 

[LaurieLaurie]

The lad I’m seeing is getting on my last nerve today but... time of the month hormones are brewing

 

[misscl4]

Anyone else see men in their late 30s and 40s who’ve been on the apps for a while and still put they’re looking for something casual, think it’s incredibly sad? Not sure if they have no self esteem or are genuinely life time f*** boys

and I am not talking about people who’ve just come out of relationships

 

[sleepflowers]

Anyone else see men in their late 30s and 40s who’ve been on the apps for a while and still put they’re looking for something casual, think it’s incredibly sad? Not sure if they have no self esteem or are genuinely life time f*** boys

and I am not talking about people who’ve just come out of relationships

Not my age range but it makes me laugh when someone points out that they are in that age range but they say they want kids and also something casual. When are you expecting these kids to come along, Mr Ever-Deteriorating-Sperm-Quality?

 

[misscl4]

Not my age range but it makes me laugh when someone points out that they are in that age range but they say they want kids and also something casual. When are you expecting these kids to come along, Mr Ever-Deteriorating-Sperm-Quality?

Just like to add it’s not mine either but i don’t mind going older

 

[holliebollie]

Christ... so I got ditched a while back. He came crawling back (prob the new whatsapp pic ) and we tried again. He’s just ended it again after 3 whole weeks!!!
Anyway... this thread has made me want to NEVER go on an app again. I live in a town where everyone has shagged everyone else already and they’re all awful anyway. I am mid thirties with children so that’s not an issue but I would like to just meet someone, date for a couple of years, then get married?!? Why is this suddenly a weird thing to want and by saying that’s what you want, immediately seen as a psychopath? What has happened socially in the last ten years?!? Why is it seen as so crazy to just want a bf?