Thank you, I'm quite upset about it today as I'd invested 2 months but onwards and upwards. I'll be shocked if he actually messages again at this rate.
Dating in Lockdown #2 The audacity of men
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Wanting some advice, kind of on topic I suppose. Met a man in October (Facebook, we knew of each other for years went to same school etc) and things were absolutely perfect. We talked about moving in together, marriage, kids (he has kids already so would have had to wait a while). I’ve honestly never felt like that about anyone before
then lockdown came along. Absolutely ruined my mental health (I’ve been physically ill too but finally had an op last week).And I took it out on him, I was needy, clingy and became obsessed with us having this perfect future life (well it’s not like we had anything to talk about re our present since we couldn’t do anything or go anywhere). Far too much pressure on a new relationship. Last saw him a month ago and things were actually good but then we had a text row over a misunderstanding
he’s always said there might be hope in the future for us but he wants to still be my friend. I can’t do that because of how I feel about him. I’ve now sorted my physical and mental health, back to the gym (once I recover), back at work, back socialising, basically I have the live I never have since long before I met him
just don’t know how to go from here. Am I deluding myself he’ll come back? Do I try and be friends with the hope of it turning into more - although he won’t agree to see me right now. Or do I cut him off entirely? He still has some of my stuff and isn’t arranging to give it back, plus we have a holiday and a weekend away still booked so I’m a bit in limbo still...
aware I sound like a desperate 12 year old girl but I have high functioning ASD and struggle to express myself Especially in writing (which hasn’t helped us either)
then lockdown came along. Absolutely ruined my mental health (I’ve been physically ill too but finally had an op last week).And I took it out on him, I was needy, clingy and became obsessed with us having this perfect future life (well it’s not like we had anything to talk about re our present since we couldn’t do anything or go anywhere). Far too much pressure on a new relationship. Last saw him a month ago and things were actually good but then we had a text row over a misunderstanding
he’s always said there might be hope in the future for us but he wants to still be my friend. I can’t do that because of how I feel about him. I’ve now sorted my physical and mental health, back to the gym (once I recover), back at work, back socialising, basically I have the live I never have since long before I met him
just don’t know how to go from here. Am I deluding myself he’ll come back? Do I try and be friends with the hope of it turning into more - although he won’t agree to see me right now. Or do I cut him off entirely? He still has some of my stuff and isn’t arranging to give it back, plus we have a holiday and a weekend away still booked so I’m a bit in limbo still...
aware I sound like a desperate 12 year old girl but I have high functioning ASD and struggle to express myself Especially in writing (which hasn’t helped us either)
I think it’s important to focus on the relationship you have NOW rather than basing your feelings and everything else on a hypothetical future you created in your head.
I think it’s easy to fall in love with the idea of how things “could be”, but realistically, you need to take a hard look at the “now”.
I understand you had a lot going on and lockdown was a make it or break it for a lot of couples, but it seems that it really tested your relationship.
To me it seems like you were needing a lot more from him, more than he could give, so he’s taking a step back and maybe he’ll come back when things are more convenient for him.
I think maybe you should ask yourself if you want to be with someone who walks away when things get tough? Do you want to be with someone who’s only around when things are good and you’re planning the perfect future?
It’s important to be with someone who loves you today and possibly in the future, not pick and choose when he wants you in his life.
How had he been after the second date?
I think maybe you should ask yourself if you want to be with someone who walks away when things get tough? Do you want to be with someone who’s only around when things are good and you’re planning the perfect future?
I think if things had started to go wrong further down the line then we could have worked through them and he would have stayed. But the fact was it was only a new relationship and to be honest I wouldn’t have wanted to be with me either. But I want him to see that I haven’t been myself and that we could get back to the way we were at the beginning. I have other areas of my life I can focus on now so I’m not just all about him and us. We had other issues going on too with his ex stirring things and then his daughter got poorly so we didn’t see each other for a while, it’s all been a bit of a perfect storm. I really want us to at least give things a try in ‘normal’ life and if we still don’t work I’m happy to hold up my hands and walk away. I just don’t know how to try and get him to see that we should try
I think if things had started to go wrong further down the line then we could have worked through them and he would have stayed. But the fact was it was only a new relationship and to be honest I wouldn’t have wanted to be with me either. But I want him to see that I haven’t been myself and that we could get back to the way we were at the beginning. I have other areas of my life I can focus on now so I’m not just all about him and us. We had other issues going on too with his ex stirring things and then his daughter got poorly so we didn’t see each other for a while, it’s all been a bit of a perfect storm. I really want us to at least give things a try in ‘normal’ life and if we still don’t work I’m happy to hold up my hands and walk away. I just don’t know how to try and get him to see that we should try
We'd been talking everyday, voicenotes and talking about seeing each other so I feel a bit blindsided by it.
The really crappy thing is, he’ll have probably known all day that he wasn’t going to be seeing you, but he’s chosen not to tell you until gone 6pm when you’ve had to ask for a second time. If you’d known earlier, you could have made other plans for the evening and it wouldn’t have been such an inconvenience. That’s a real dick move.
I really don’t get it when guys do this but it’s his loss. I hope you’re ok xx
Yeah I completely agree with this, seems like a pig.
I hope, I am on the right thread, and not off topic.
I want to get back on the dating scene this summer after a lockdown breakup. I feel like I have to use some app, cause my area is sooo limited. I did tinder a few years ago, but it was a fail. Does Raya worth the money? Or people only do insta now?
I want to get back on the dating scene this summer after a lockdown breakup. I feel like I have to use some app, cause my area is sooo limited. I did tinder a few years ago, but it was a fail. Does Raya worth the money? Or people only do insta now?
The silence all day speaks volumes but maybe it was just a really stressful day.
It think you should focus on yourself, and do things for yourself rather than to convince him to give things another try. With the right person, you wouldn’t have to try to make them want to be with you. You know how you feel about him and what you want, now it’s his turn to figure out how he feels and what he wants - but don’t sit and wait around for him.
Just do you, and if he decides that he’s ready to see what happens then perfect, but if not, then his loss! You’ll find someone who will want all of it, 100%, complicated or not.
I would have made other plans after the first ignored text. The worst thing you can do is wait around for anyone.
I once read that when a woman has a bad day, she seeks comfort and reassurance whereas men go back into their “cave” and want to be left alone when they’re having a bad day.
That was what my exes were like, when they had a bad day they didn’t want to talk about it, they just wanted to be left alone to sulk. So maybe give him the benefit of the doubt and let him come to you?
Thank you. I'm trying to get on with my life and get back to being my best self (though put on pause right now which I recover from surgery). I guess I just feel a bit blindsided that we can go from the perfect relationship to nothing in such a short time. I hate dating and I hate looking so think it will be a while before I even contemplate that - hopefully he might see the light in that time. I still need to see him to get my stuff back from him and sort out our financials about the holiday etc. but right now he's not even agreeing to that
Thanks for your advice (I love your username by the way - my little cat is known as possum but none of us have any idea why!
)They still tell you as soon as they know they are unable to make it in my experience and rearrange.
Unfortunately sometimes no matter how much we want someone and a future with them, it just isn’t enough. Sometimes we’re just incompatible and there’s no way around it! There’s only so much compromise you can have.Thank you. I'm trying to get on with my life and get back to being my best self (though put on pause right now which I recover from surgery). I guess I just feel a bit blindsided that we can go from the perfect relationship to nothing in such a short time. I hate dating and I hate looking so think it will be a while before I even contemplate that - hopefully he might see the light in that time. I still need to see him to get my stuff back from him and sort out our financials about the holiday etc. but right now he's not even agreeing to that
Thanks for your advice (I love your username by the way - my little cat is known as possum but none of us have any idea why!
Plus with the fact that he doesn’t want to see you or sort out all the financials, it sounds like a lot of this situation is on his terms which isn’t fair.
I hope things work out for you, whatever happens
And thank you, I love possums haha
Yeah that’s very true, no matter what’s going on, leaving someone without an answer when you’ve made plans is a dick move.
Same girl, same. If he then emerges later in the day and tries to pick back up where things were left, you’ve drawn a clear line in the sand about what you will and won’t accept and that you’re not about to have a valuable day wasted hanging about waiting to be told yay or nay
duck. That.
This is sadly such a thing. Got asked out by an incredibly fit but potential fuckboy at uni so was on high alert for any tomfoolery. Chat was v strange leading up to the date - hard to explain but he just continually kept bringing up that we were going on a date, reconfirming the plan, literally saying "you excited for our date?" "it's a date though" just very odd and not genuine. Basically building me up/stroking my ego to make sure it stung when he mugged me off later.
I knew he would cancel/ghost on the day but had no actual proof so just had to wait and see. Shockingly after some more weird morning messages he doesn't reply for 7 hours. Then as I'm getting ready he messages talking about his hangover and can we push the time back by a few hours (making it 9pm). Knew what would happen in a few hours so went into town with my mates instead - told him no worries and he could just come meet me when he was ready
Also that I had a house party to go to after if I felt like it (not a lie I just wasn't planning on going). I.e. I have plans before and after you and you cancelling will not impact me in any way.Obviously he didn't like that
definitely wanted me sat at home waiting for him and crying. Says "I really don't want to interrupt?" and can we reschedule for tomorrow. I said I'm not free tomorrow or next week or ever so shall we sack it? He says "I'm just feeling a bit fragile, not sure if I can hack a drink... What about a movie night?" THE AUDACITY. I left him on read and that was thatTbh, I'd had my 2nd covid vaccine and enjoyed the excuse to stay in bed and chill tbhSame girl, same. If he then emerges later in the day and tries to pick back up where things were left, you’ve drawn a clear line in the sand about what you will and won’t accept and that you’re not about to have a valuable day wasted hanging about waiting to be told yay or nay
.I do believe in giving people benefit of the doubt but it would need an apology and an explanation tbh. He's on mute and in the WhatsApp archive so I'm not going actively reach out.
Thanks for all the love though ladies, men ain't tit
Same thing happened to my friend. They'd been on a first date, not slept together. A week later went on a second date, slept together. He left in the morning for a "work emergency" then she saw pictures of him out with his friends on a day sesh.
He still made plans for a third date, told her everything she wanted to hear so she let her guard down. Then he stood her up and ghosted her.
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