Dating after Lockdown

[it’s not been changed?!]

Really?

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

Jesus and I thought I had it bad

This thread shows me I’ve clearly dated trash. I remember one that stood out and it was valentines, he wished me happy valentines on snapchat, didn’t see me and then was saying how his right hand will be his girlfriend tonight.

Worst part is i had no confidence or esteem (he messed that up) and still dated him for months

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

So I’ve started to tell a few friends about the guy I’ve been seeing recently, all of them are very very happy for me that finally I may have found someone! (My past record is pretty horrendous to say the least of wronguns!!!)

I have one male friend who im very close to (married with kids so can’t claim he’s jealous) anyway I’ve told him about him and he just seems ever so negative about the whole situation, the guy will come to mine as I live on my own so it’s a lot more private and he’s happy to drive to me until he moves into his place very soon anyway my friend told me never to trust a guy who won’t take you home, this comment has really irk’d me as when I explained the reason and he was completely dismissive, also tonight he made the “oh your boyfriend” comment and I explained that were were not together just “friends” and again he was negative, now I don’t know if it’s just me but we’ve only been talking since the start of the year and I’m not one to rush into putting titles on anything! I’ve been very hurt in the past so am happy the way things are going. I just don’t understand why people need to make these negative comments .

I think sometimes our friends are just scared for us. My friends can be dicks at times when it comes to men, but they often have my best interests at heart. I have an awful past record with men, and they just try to protect me. I'm not saying your friend is wrong but if he's watched you heartbroken or hurt, sometimes they just want to protect you.

Maybe just tell him he's upset you and see what he says, he might not realise the negative impact his comment has had. It's hard meeting people off the Internet - and I know me and my friends are nervous for each other when meeting people for the first time from dating apps etc.

 

[Millyve]

So after 7 weeks of messaging someone is it time I met up with them for a socially distance date/walk?

I’m not sure why but this year I though f**k it, I usually ghost someone after 2/3 weeks but I genuinely feel like for once I need to get over my fears and meet up, because let’s face it, we’re not gonna meet someone the traditional way at the moment are we

 

[yankydoo]

No! He has not spoken to me at all! Thank you x

@Wowitsme, very true I dread to think what could have happened! X

Delete and block him. Absolutely disgusting behaviour! Sorry that happened to you

 

[misscl4]

I don't have social media... Like at all. What would you think of that if someone said that to you?

I can understand that ... friends and family say it’s a red flag, I would probably be put off to be honest and yes that might be OTT

 

[leapricot]

Hello everyone,

I have been reading this thread silently since day 1 and I would really like some advice on my own situation...

I met a guy through Hinge beginning of August. The conversation pre-first date was just great. Long messages, I could feel he was interesting, funny and intelligent. So first date went super well, we kissed at the end, he told me he felt that there was a connection and that we would see each other again.
The thing to know about him is that he has a full time job that he does from home in Birmingham (Monday to Friday) and started a food business where he has a pop up thingy in London every single weekend so he basically doesn't have time off.
The only times we can see each other is between Sunday night and Wednesday night.

So after the first date, everything was perfect, the texts, the following dates. We connect on every single level and it feels amazing to feel liked and not ghosted. I was in France beginning of September and, as soon as I came back, he came to my place and told me how excited he was to see me.

You are going to tell me: Then what are you complaining about?

Well, for the past 3 weeks, he has been EXTREMELY busy with both of his jobs. He barely can make time to see me. As he said, the only free time he gets, he's giving it me. He told me how worried he was that we got serious so quickly (we didn't make things official so we are not technically bf and gf but we are exclusive) because he is just scared that he can't make time for me. He told me that his situation when we met was so different (he had a lot more time) to his current one and he didn't expect his food business to be so popular. He also said that as much as he likes me he is wondering whether to just be single as he can't handle everything. But then when we said goodbye, he just told me that we will see how things go so either he is a coward or he doesn't want it to end.
For the past week or 2, his texts have been very scarce and not as passionate. (fyi, I am not the annoying texter type, I won't double text or what but last week, I haven't had a text for 3 days...). He hasn't really asked to see me nor asked much about me, how's my week or day been. I am not trying to find him excuses but I think he's just struggling to find time for all the things happening in his life. And I don't want to become a burden to him.

So what do you all think of the situation? Should I just wait and not worry too much? I told him that we really don't need to rush things as we have all the time in the world. His work situation will eventually become better because he will either only keep one job or Corona will force his food business to close for a bit (seeing the direction restrictions are taking...).
I don't want to be spending my life waiting for him but I feel like because we connect so much, it would be such a shame to just give it all up. The fact that we also only see each other on weekdays is very limiting in terms of having days out together and build something etc but once again, it will probably work itself out in a few months.

Sorry for the novel but I really want to have some outside POV on this.

Thanks for those who have read that far

Hello everyone,

Following my message below, I have an update. I got fed up on Monday and told him that clearly he didn't have time to talk to me let alone see me. So that I won't be running after him indefinitely and that I had done enough efforts.
To which he replied:
"Hey I'm sorry for being so awful at communicating recently. I'm just back in from London. I'm really struggling for time to think at the moment and I appreciate that it's very unfair on you. I'm in such a different place to when we first met - I didn't expect the tacos to last this long. I don't know what is happening from one week to the next and I'm just not in a place to maintain any kind of relationship right now at all. I felt really sad all afternoon since you sent that message but I just don't have any ability to make things any different at the moment. It would be nice to have a proper catch up soon when I get a moment but i don't want to be the type that keeps messing you about and stringing you along"

So I have read it about 15 times (as you do hehe) and the fact that he uses several times "right now" and "at the moment" makes me think he isn't closing the door to a possible brighter future. I am not gonna stick around and wait for him, especially if I meet someone else I like. But there is this small part of me who wants to hope that he will eventually come back to me.

Thanks for reading

 

[aimz_yeah]

The last lockdown didn't bother me too much. Just worked and came home. I'm a very solitary creature but I'm really wishing I had someone this time around.

 

[Suzesnooze]

@YorkshireFox it sounds like he regrets the break up and wants you back. Did he flirt with you? He’s probably had time to reflect and realises he made a mistake.

If you can handle being friends then go for it but would you be prepared to see him with someone else?

I think next time you should talk about the break up no matter how upsetting it is. You said you wanted closure so you need to have that discussion then decide if you can handle been ‘just friends’. Or if he wants you back think about whether you can forgive how much he hurt you. I think as it happened during lockdown a lot of people were stressed during that time and a lot of couples split up but I imagine a lot will get back together again too.

 

[Cocoflowers]

Ok so maybe my way is not the best haha I like to do it as soon as I can. Get them out of the way even pre covid. so maybe soonest 24-48 hours longest was maybe a week then we met.

The one I posted about yesterday we matched Saturday and were originally going to meet on Sunday so less than 24 hours but we had to wait a few days.


How do you know he’s looked???

It's on badoo and it says this person has viewed your profile today!

So that's how i know

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

This thread is a bit like therapy . So glad a lot of us are in the same boat.
I honestly despair at trying to date now it’s like looking for the worst bit of trash in a bin !

I’ve mentioned about this guy before but I just saw my ex (he was a guy I dated before one who ghosted me) posted a picture ( I was having a lurk) and he’s moved on.

My only response after seeing the picture of the two of them was to cry. I cried so much this morning. I feel like he’s won as I’m single, (unhappily because dating is so hard) and just very over 2020/angry at this whole sh*tshow of a year.

He wasn’t the nicest and it’s been two years since he ending things. He spent all of last year messaging, texting & begging on any platform to meet up/ try again so we met in January then I blocked him again then he popped up during lockdown constantly messaging on another number, Facebook message or popping up my other Instagram account that I have.

Each time, saying how he misses me, wishes he could treat me right now, how i was the only girl who didn’t mess him up (he left me anxious, low self confidence and I cried most days for a year when we dated), how attractive I was now.

Like what was the point of his messages. I’m that I feel like he’s won and that the girl is probably being treated all nicely and all I had to deal with was absolute hell.

We used to take pictures but neither of us posted them and so I feel like it must be serious for him to post it and now I feel like maybe his feelings for me including all the messages were never real either.

I’ve never had someone I’ve dated move on as he was the first guy i properly dated (as in for a few months + not just go on a date here and there) I guess what’s nice is I didn’t see them in real life!

Has anyone else had that? How did you cope?

 

[Ls2991]

I can’t believe I’m messaging someone who has a selfie of himself wearing sunglasses inside.

Desperate times

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

These two will be snapped up in a flash, if you're in the North West don't hang about

Speechless.

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

Also appreciate this thread, went through a serious break up just before lockdown (end of feb) and spent the first few months of it processing heartbreak while also chatting to guys on hinge I knew I’d never be able to meet anytime soon. I feel they had a similar perspective even if they weren’t going through a break up - lockdown happened so suddenly it became quite lonely by end of March / April. It was nice to be on a dating app just to chat to someone without the pressure to arrange a date hanging over you.

I stopped checking it for a while when I started chatting to my ex (he lives in America , we won’t be getting back together) but i have cautiously returned. Hinge is the only one I can stand. I agree with the 28 year old who felt too old for tinder- I’m 30 andit just doesn’t appeal like it did when I was 24 (nothing like dating apps to make you realise your age, seriously).
I tried bumble immediately after my break up but I’m not a fan of the format at all. Hinge is definitely the best I’ve tried, I like the shared focus on personality for the profile with pictures even if you see a lot of the same attempts at being clever / funny.

Oh a few of my friends have met theirs on hinge! How’s it going now?

oh girl I am wondering the same too don’t worry! I actually don’t think there are!

will we all be single forever?????

 

[alwayslurkin]

I don't have social media for several reasons... But mainly just like a private life. On the other hand, I'm very open in terms of chatting and meeting up (usually, depends on the vibe of the guy) so I think that is how I get away with it.

It is something I quickly forgive from guys but if they don't want to meet me for no good reason then it seems like hiding something

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I have heard this. I know a lot of people who have got Serious relationships from bumble and my friend from work was due to get married in sept to someone she’s been with for nearly two year thanks for bumble. I think tinder is more for hook ups nowadays.

Yes, I’ve always heard that tinder is just for random shags

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Totally get this... some people aren’t great at texting? I wonder if you met it could be different? But don’t take my advice, I’m yet to meet up with ANYONE from a dating app - they always seem to put me off just before meeting

I did think to give him the benefit of the doubt and that he might be easier to talk to in person. I know I said he was only five years older than me but I’m getting intense older guy vibes




I’m just trying to put myself off him lol.

 

[alwayslurkin]

Tbh I’d be super suspicious of someone who goes from super chatty in the week to mia the weekend. You don’t question a mans actions when he is interested in you because you will know and he will show it.

Exactly why I'm not invested or chasing as it is very sus but I'm also bored in lockdown... Not planning on meeting him

 

[leapricot]

Have you actually arranged the date next week? If not and he's gone quiet I think he may be doing that thing of trying to phase you out. Sorry! It's just my opinion but I have gone through it a lot and know now if someone is keen you will definitely not have to ask these questions.

If the second date isn't in the diary, I would just message him and ask when he's free. You will definitely be able to tell what is going on based on his reaction.

Honestly, I have been going through quite a few disappointing situations (and men hahaha). So that's why I am kind of wary and am struggling to trust someone in what they are telling me. Hence my endless questions.

Date has not been arranged probably since his text offering next week (and me thinking he said this to buy himself time).
I know I have made mistakes in the past in terms of being too clingy so I am trying to play it cool here (even though I am dying inside to text him).

 

[Woolmercardington]

since last March!! We hit our “anniversary” the other day. Obviously things would have been different if COVID never happened. I have children and high risk family members, I’d never risk their health and he has respected that the entire time.

We speak every day. Both of us have been there for each other with massive highs and lows happening throughout the whole year. Talk about how things are going to be different once these restrictions lift. It’s so strange. I’ve never done the whole dating online until I got bored after being single for 18months.

Never thought I’d click with anyone ever again. And especially that I’m a single mum. But this one I’m myself with him and I’m the most comfortable I have ever been with someone.

Are you planning to meet when allowed?