Dating after lockdown #39 Don't get toothfished

[qqwertyy]

Honestly duck these men. I was out with friends last night, maybe eight of us, all single or dating. I’m biased of course but my friends are funny, kind, attractive, intelligent, well educated, good jobs, nice homes, got their tit together and yet the dating horror stories they can tell, and the amount of heartbreak I don’t know where these men get the audacity. Tell me again about the male loneliness epidemic?

 

[Blueblue123]

Honestly duck these men. I was out with friends last night, maybe eight of us, all single or dating. I’m biased of course but my friends are funny, kind, attractive, intelligent, well educated, good jobs, nice homes, got their tit together and yet the dating horror stories they can tell, and the amount of heartbreak I don’t know where these men get the audacity. Tell me again about the male loneliness epidemic?

Yup! And even when you can think of flaws your friends might have (in my case), it'll be like she can be a bit stubborn sometimes, she's indecisive, doesn't back down from an argument... but never that she's intentionally mistreating a man.

A lot of men will start relationships already intending to hurt a woman.

 

[whoareyouu]

I have a similar issue.

Been over 24 hours since he text me, but he has viewed my insta story

My last messages to him are unread

Are you still on unread babe? Yep, he was also viewing my insta stories and posting to his own.

I think we are in a similar situation with having been in a marriage/long relationship. I think we are both placing too much importance on men but I don’t know how to stop?

This one seemed sound. Involved dad, not a sesh head, active etc. He may be all those things but hey, no word from him since late Thursday night so duck him.

 

[whoareyouu]

Honestly duck these men. I was out with friends last night, maybe eight of us, all single or dating. I’m biased of course but my friends are funny, kind, attractive, intelligent, well educated, good jobs, nice homes, got their tit together and yet the dating horror stories they can tell, and the amount of heartbreak I don’t know where these men get the audacity. Tell me again about the male loneliness epidemic?

It’s a joke isn’t it. Do you think it’s because men are intimidated?

I mean the guy I went out with Thursday asked if I have a well paid job, I do, I’d imagine it’s higher paid than his but that doesn’t bother me. He also saw my car and asked how much it cost me and what year it was?!

 

[IGiveUp22]

I’ve downloaded hinge for the first time in about 2 years. Doesn’t anyone just have “normal” or “boring” lives anymore? Why do all men want to visit another country on weekends??

“Been to X, Y, Z, already. Give me recommendations as to where to go next” umm google is free

 

[Lurkeryaar]

I’ve downloaded hinge for the first time in about 2 years. Doesn’t anyone just have “normal” or “boring” lives anymore? Why do all men want to visit another country on weekends??

“Been to X, Y, Z, already. Give me recommendations as to where to go next” umm google is free

I hate seeing the "Give me recommendations for" and then they've just write a country name on Hinge...nope. Also so many are going on a walk and then having a Sunday roast on their perfect Sunday, yeah right more like driving to their mum's to be fed.

 

[Blueblue123]

It’s a joke isn’t it. Do you think it’s because men are intimidated?

I mean the guy I went out with Thursday asked if I have a well paid job, I do, I’d imagine it’s higher paid than his but that doesn’t bother me. He also saw my car and asked how much it cost me and what year it was?!

Don't get me started! I dated a guy who was sweet at first, then put no effort into the relationship. He gaslit me every time I brought it up until I ended things and he admitted, I was right, he had stopped trying

We had a final talk and he said he felt inadequate because I was in the process of becoming a homeowner and he still lived with his grandma.

He also started bringing up all these childhood traumas and I thought, oh, we can go round for round but the difference is I'd never use it as an excuse to be a tit partner.

 

[HoGi]

Are you still on unread babe? Yep, he was also viewing my insta stories and posting to his own.

I think we are in a similar situation with having been in a marriage/long relationship. I think we are both placing too much importance on men but I don’t know how to stop?

This one seemed sound. Involved dad, not a sesh head, active etc. He may be all those things but hey, no word from him since late Thursday night so duck him.

Yup still unread!

100% agree with your middle paragraph. I didn't want another long term relationship right now, but I was enjoying the company, the messaging and the sex (marriage had been sexless for years). He had been clear from the outset that it probably wouldnt be long term but we would have fun. I am not having fun right now haha. I know no one else is responsible for my happiness but he really had made me feel a bit better about myself and hopeful for the future. Having been with the same man for all my adult life and having hang ups about my body (I have always been bigger) it was reassuring that I am attractive and dateable. Which writing down sounds so pathetic.

This guy has been single a while, very family orientated, own place, decent job but did have a few red flags which meant he definitely wasn't the one for me for long term. But it still hurts being "rejected" and especially because he has ghosted it isnt like I have any answers.

TLDR I definitely shouldn't be upset over this guy, but I am.

 

[whyhellothere83]

It’s a joke isn’t it. Do you think it’s because men are intimidated?

I mean the guy I went out with Thursday asked if I have a well paid job, I do, I’d imagine it’s higher paid than his but that doesn’t bother me. He also saw my car and asked how much it cost me and what year it was?!

They 100% are intimidated

 

[EddyDarling]

 

[HoGi]

Yup still unread!

100% agree with your middle paragraph. I didn't want another long term relationship right now, but I was enjoying the company, the messaging and the sex (marriage had been sexless for years). He had been clear from the outset that it probably wouldnt be long term but we would have fun. I am not having fun right now haha. I know no one else is responsible for my happiness but he really had made me feel a bit better about myself and hopeful for the future. Having been with the same man for all my adult life and having hang ups about my body (I have always been bigger) it was reassuring that I am attractive and dateable. Which writing down sounds so pathetic.

This guy has been single a while, very family orientated, own place, decent job but did have a few red flags which meant he definitely wasn't the one for me for long term. But it still hurts being "rejected" and especially because he has ghosted it isnt like I have any answers.

TLDR I definitely shouldn't be upset over this guy, but I am.

To add to this, I thought it would be different because I knew him. He wasnt some random man I met through an app. I knew him through work although we weren't friends as such.

But basically all men are knobs

 

[ToolaRoola]

@HoGi knowing them doesn't make them behave any better unfortunately but we like to think they wouldn't do that, but they do.

The first guy I got involved with when I split with my ex was someone I knew (had previously had sex with him, he was friends with my brother and had been my postman at one point), he was lovely for a few weeks then suddenly gone, I did get a half arsed excuse about why it wouldn't work but it was bull. He started dating someone very soon after so I guess he had us both on rotation while he made up his mind.

 

[HoGi]

@HoGi knowing them doesn't make them behave any better unfortunately but we like to think they wouldn't do that, but they do.

The first guy I got involved with when I split with my ex was someone I knew (had previously had sex with him, he was friends with my brother and had been my postman at one point), he was lovely for a few weeks then suddenly gone, I did get a half arsed excuse about why it wouldn't work but it was bull. He started dating someone very soon after so I guess he had us both on rotation while he made up his mind.

This sounds so familiar. Sorry you have been through the same

 

[Spectacles]

Not been on here for a while but after 2 years being on and off the apps, I think I'm finally done with them. I want to meet someone but the apps haven't been helpful, caused a lot of anxiety tbh. I've chatted to loads of different guys, been on dates with some, got ghosted by others but now I'm finding that I'm not even swiping on any profiles because they don't appeal to me. Dating app fatigue maybe? Think I'm going to stick to hopefully meeting someone offline, do a bit more socially and if it happens, it happens. I'm open to meeting someone but the apps don't work for me. Or at the moment anyway

 

[LouBug19]

After I lost my boyfriend and im not proud to admit this but I slept with someone who I had been with before. He always seemed like the one who got away etc and it was the first time I had seen him in 7 years or something stupid. During the evening he promised me the world, said we should make a go off things but the next day after I left he said the complete opposite. He said he was drunk and made a mistake (he wasnt drunk at all) and said I meant nothing to him. I was so hurt, if he had said at the start he wanted fun then fine but don't promise me tit. I mean I will never ever go there again now and I wish I didnt at the time.

 

[whoareyouu]

Don't get me started! I dated a guy who was sweet at first, then put no effort into the relationship. He gaslit me every time I brought it up until I ended things and he admitted, I was right, he had stopped trying

We had a final talk and he said he felt inadequate because I was in the process of becoming a homeowner and he still lived with his grandma.

He also started bringing up all these childhood traumas and I thought, oh, we can go round for round but the difference is I'd never use it as an excuse to be a tit partner.

I get the feeling he would be low effort.

Ew, he needs to deal with his trauma. That’s just manipulation at its finest.

 

[whoareyouu]

Yup still unread!

100% agree with your middle paragraph. I didn't want another long term relationship right now, but I was enjoying the company, the messaging and the sex (marriage had been sexless for years). He had been clear from the outset that it probably wouldnt be long term but we would have fun. I am not having fun right now haha. I know no one else is responsible for my happiness but he really had made me feel a bit better about myself and hopeful for the future. Having been with the same man for all my adult life and having hang ups about my body (I have always been bigger) it was reassuring that I am attractive and dateable. Which writing down sounds so pathetic.

This guy has been single a while, very family orientated, own place, decent job but did have a few red flags which meant he definitely wasn't the one for me for long term. But it still hurts being "rejected" and especially because he has ghosted it isnt like I have any answers.

TLDR I definitely shouldn't be upset over this guy, but I am.

Ugh. What a tit house.

This is the issue I think, we think we want fun - and sometimes we do - but you have to be in the right head space for it. It doesn’t sound pathetic at all. It’s a normal way to feel and it sounds as though you’ve been through the wringer and you’ve lost your confidence and he made you feel better about yourself.

It’s the rejection and ghosting isn’t it? The guy I went out with who said he needed to get me to ‘fall for him’ turned out to be a bit opinionated and not really who I thought he’d be but it’s the discard that stings.

Sorry for the late reply, I wanted to give it the reply it deserved.

 

[whoareyouu]

After I lost my boyfriend and im not proud to admit this but I slept with someone who I had been with before. He always seemed like the one who got away etc and it was the first time I had seen him in 7 years or something stupid. During the evening he promised me the world, said we should make a go off things but the next day after I left he said the complete opposite. He said he was drunk and made a mistake (he wasnt drunk at all) and said I meant nothing to him. I was so hurt, if he had said at the start he wanted fun then fine but don't promise me tit. I mean I will never ever go there again now and I wish I didnt at the time.

That’s like the guy I met on Thursday! I didn’t sleep with him and we only shared a kiss and a walk together but he was filling my head full of tit about ‘yeah we will see each other again’ blah blah and then silence.

Live and learn I guess but I’m learning you can’t believe anything men say? Which is making me cold as a person.

 

[LouBug19]

That’s like the guy I met on Thursday! I didn’t sleep with him and we only shared a kiss and a walk together but he was filling my head full of tit about ‘yeah we will see each other again’ blah blah and then silence.

Live and learn I guess but I’m learning you can’t believe anything men say? Which is making me cold as a person.

Honestly same. Until someone shows me with their actions over words then I won't believe it. Had to learn the hard way with that too and its rubbish. I mean things are going really well with the guy im seeing right now, my cat loves him (more than me it seems) but im still wary.

 

[HeyBabes]

I had a FWB before I met my current partner, this FWB is getting married soon, and is begging me for a “one last time” before he gets wed. I’m with someone and the FWB is fully aware of this, I’ve honestly lost all faith in men after that text. You cheat before marriage, you’re gonna cheat after, some men just never change