The fuglies are the worst for egos.
Dating after lockdown #36 Have you dated a man? You may be entitled to compensation.
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Well today I have been at a event, for my children and finally got to chat more to a guy that is sooo fit however, he walked off when another guy came up behind me and put his hand on my waist completely threw me off, (I would normally call out that behaviour 🫣) but he was really lovely and recognised my accent so we was chatting about home an then he was like really nice to meet you today *dies. Then fit guy comes back we carried on chatting and I still do not no this man’s name 
so my weekend has been nice 
. Im completely rambling and there is no point to this but just thought I’d share
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so my weekend has been nice . Im completely rambling and there is no point to this but just thought I’d share---
They are!!! I got catfished years ago, he was a complete arse in person aswell, then got worse when I politely told him this wasn’t going to go anywhere.
Tell you what, it’s very liberating when you realise there’s probably not an available man right now that’s worth you time.what are we missing really? 
screw these men with their mixed messages, leaving us on read 
screw these men with their mixed messages, leaving us on read How about “do NOT screw these men with their mixed messages, leaving us on read”Tell you what, it’s very liberating when you realise there’s probably not an available man right now that’s worth you time.what are we missing really?
!!! I haven’t posted here in ages but am very much soaking up the advice and care from everyone. It feels like a safe place to come to. I’m still on a pause from dating. I’m still very much recovering from my last relationship. Hats off to all of you who are putting yourselves out there at the moment. And sending love to anyone reading this who is feeling bruised by the whole dating/relationship scene. xoxoxI had partners like this - they made their own decisions without consulting me, and this also included taking jobs abroad (!).We haven't really spoken about it really tbh, he just mentioned that it was his last day at work this coming week so he must be going fairly soon
I always found this to be disrespectful - these decisions impacted my life as well as we were in a relationship. It was pretty clear that they would not have declined those jobs, despite me being very unhappy about it. We were in a committed relationship and living together.
This was part of a pattern so I ended things, despite it being very painful for me and it also revived a childhood trauma (of not feeling like a priority).
Could it be that you are a bit avoidant, too? When he started talking about the offer did you tell him exactly how you felt about it and what your wishes for the future were?
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Block this clown and enjoy your life.Oh @EddyDarling I’m a little confused, why wouldn’t he speak to you about this? Why has he left it how he has?
It’s a bit out of order to expect you to do long distance without having spoken about it?
I think you really need to sit him down and have a conversation.
I’m pissed off too. I’ve been out this evening and have been drinking but do you guys think this is mean? I still have theFWB guy on insta and I’ve been trying to not look at his stuff
But didn’t tonight and he’s posted as if he is on a date (pic of 2 drinks -
1’very female drink and the other not so female). I actually know/know of a female friend of his that he is with tonight and that’s all
It is, but he doesn’t know i know of said female friend - so basically he’s posted this picture to look like he’s on a date and I just think that’s mean? Like I’ve not said anything and I won’t do but I just think there was no need for that and I feel like he’s done it on purpose to upset mehonestly at the moment I’m just sad.
I’m sad that I’ve let a man use me for my body because sadly it’s made me
Think that is all I’m worth. I know I’m worth more than this (this is not just the FWV sit,
This is a combination of a few things) I’m just feeling a bit crappy probs because I’ve had something to drink
You have more important things to do than waste your time about these kind of silly games, who even posts photos of drinks? Loser!
Make some nice plans for this week, even if they only consist of books, Netflix and new nail varnish, and focus on those and the joy they give you.
A new book is definitely a good way to spend a weekend 
Same here, honestly there is nothing better than a dating app for reminding you how many unattractive (in all respects) men there are out there!I’m lucky because I do have lots planned for the best few months, don’t actually think I have a free weekend now until August!
I did download hinge last night for a nosey in my “I’m convinced I’ll be alone forever mood” and quickly deleting it realising I’m not missing anything
I need to plan something to do with friends for my upcoming birthday. Only criteria are daytime, London and involving alcohol. However I never do anything so now I have an opportunity to do something I'm like a stunned mullet
Always the way Lalla! I have mine next month, my daughter asked what I’d like to do and to be honest I quite enjoy doing nothing. But unfortunately I have the court date right before my birthday which my ex is probably loving 
. So I will be doing lots of self care.
Off to a hunt a voodoo doll
. So I will be doing lots of self care.Off to a hunt a voodoo doll
You could visit the Tate Modern and have a drink on their roof terrace, or do a shop and pub crawl on the King's Road or visit a play followed by a bar or book a craft workshop followed by a boozy lunch or go to a Spa and order champagne, or book a walking tour if the weather is nice, or go to Spitalfields market and continue on to Brick Lane or take a picnic to one of the parks.Same here, honestly there is nothing better than a dating app for reminding you how many unattractive (in all respects) men there are out there!
I need to plan something to do with friends for my upcoming birthday. Only criteria are daytime, London and involving alcohol. However I never do anything so now I have an opportunity to do something I'm like a stunned mullet
London with friends and alcohol sounds great, enjoy!
Thank you - I know there are loads of things I could do (I mean, we have the whole of London ffs), but everything I would like to do is either impractical (outdoor related - it's going to rain all day) or impossible (places which are already fully booked). My friends have already suggested something (that I really don't want to do) so I feel that I have to present an alternative - and appealing - solution!
Hey tattlers!!
It’s been a year since I wrote in this forum and I’m pleased to say that is because I met an amazing guy on bumble and fell madly in love!! Bloody hell it actually worked lol!
But I fear it’s doomed and I would appreciate some kind advice. I’m currently a British expat living abroad and he is from the country I’m in. When we first started dating, I told him that I have no plans to stay here forever, I’m originally here for work but lucky to work for an international company so never had to learn the local language etc.
Anyway, he said he would be open to emigrating in the future back to the UK closer to my family and raise our own.
After a year of what’s been the best relationship of my life, he’s now told me he’s no longer open to emigrating. Without trying to break my heart, I rationalised this new information and said 'well that decision to emigrate is years down the line' and we need to take this relationship one day at a time such as move in together and see how things go.
It's so hard because I found love in the place where I currently am but not where I plan to stay forever. I could stay here to be with him and learn the local language but outside of this one international company my career options are significantly limited (unlike the UK because I have a master's degree and experience).
I don't want to kick the can down the road and waste time, but I also don't want to make any hard or fast decisions and break up with him only to deal with what could be seen as the 'inevitable'. This is where I am at the moment and would continue to stay for the foreseeable even without him. I want to continue enjoying each other and our relationship whilst I feel happy to stay here and want to be here.
The hard part is, I don't know when I will want to move back home if at all, do I even need to know this now? Is it enough to know that I don't really want to stay here long term, but are these sacrifices that need to be made to have a family with the person you want it with?
Would I feel the same if I moved home or met someone here also from the UK? I know I could risk moving home and not being happy there or wanting to meet someone up for emigrating again later in life. Is it just robbing peter to pay paul?
I struggle with the fact that whilst I like it here now, I cannot say that I will want to stay here forever, that would be unreasonable to expect me to make such a big life decision. However, I fear this now hinders our ability to make plans or be excited about the future. I'm 30, I want kids at one point. It's so hard to find someone in the place where you are now but who would also be open to moving... I feel like I am in an impossible situation.
I respect his decision to not want to move, and he respects the fact this is not my home country, we love each other very much and do not want this to come between us, we will compromise where we can but such a big decision (like where we will live and raise a family) may ultimately come between us.
I'm so close to the UK too, so it's not an issue to keep in touch with family, it's a one hour flight home and I love my lifestyle and career here (for now) It's just the fact I have less options here than I would back home if I ever needed/wanted to move and then he wouldn't be prepared to do so.
Kids would make it even more complex.
Do I take his new information and act on it, or do I bear it in mind and see how I feel moving forward, especially since I know I am happy here now.
Why is this so hard and why when you are finally happy do you feel life spoiling it.
Any advice is appreciated especially from those who have experience living abroad or in international relationships, please be kind!
It’s been a year since I wrote in this forum and I’m pleased to say that is because I met an amazing guy on bumble and fell madly in love!! Bloody hell it actually worked lol!
But I fear it’s doomed and I would appreciate some kind advice. I’m currently a British expat living abroad and he is from the country I’m in. When we first started dating, I told him that I have no plans to stay here forever, I’m originally here for work but lucky to work for an international company so never had to learn the local language etc.
Anyway, he said he would be open to emigrating in the future back to the UK closer to my family and raise our own.
After a year of what’s been the best relationship of my life, he’s now told me he’s no longer open to emigrating. Without trying to break my heart, I rationalised this new information and said 'well that decision to emigrate is years down the line' and we need to take this relationship one day at a time such as move in together and see how things go.
It's so hard because I found love in the place where I currently am but not where I plan to stay forever. I could stay here to be with him and learn the local language but outside of this one international company my career options are significantly limited (unlike the UK because I have a master's degree and experience).
I don't want to kick the can down the road and waste time, but I also don't want to make any hard or fast decisions and break up with him only to deal with what could be seen as the 'inevitable'. This is where I am at the moment and would continue to stay for the foreseeable even without him. I want to continue enjoying each other and our relationship whilst I feel happy to stay here and want to be here.
The hard part is, I don't know when I will want to move back home if at all, do I even need to know this now? Is it enough to know that I don't really want to stay here long term, but are these sacrifices that need to be made to have a family with the person you want it with?
Would I feel the same if I moved home or met someone here also from the UK? I know I could risk moving home and not being happy there or wanting to meet someone up for emigrating again later in life. Is it just robbing peter to pay paul?
I struggle with the fact that whilst I like it here now, I cannot say that I will want to stay here forever, that would be unreasonable to expect me to make such a big life decision. However, I fear this now hinders our ability to make plans or be excited about the future. I'm 30, I want kids at one point. It's so hard to find someone in the place where you are now but who would also be open to moving... I feel like I am in an impossible situation.
I respect his decision to not want to move, and he respects the fact this is not my home country, we love each other very much and do not want this to come between us, we will compromise where we can but such a big decision (like where we will live and raise a family) may ultimately come between us.
I'm so close to the UK too, so it's not an issue to keep in touch with family, it's a one hour flight home and I love my lifestyle and career here (for now) It's just the fact I have less options here than I would back home if I ever needed/wanted to move and then he wouldn't be prepared to do so.
Kids would make it even more complex.
Do I take his new information and act on it, or do I bear it in mind and see how I feel moving forward, especially since I know I am happy here now.
Why is this so hard and why when you are finally happy do you feel life spoiling it.
Any advice is appreciated especially from those who have experience living abroad or in international relationships, please be kind!
I have been in a similar situation and would advise you to break up with him.
In my situation it became pretty clear that my former partner would not be willing to compromise for me, but put his own interests first.
I could have figured this out earlier, and maybe I did, but I accepted it and stayed to my detriment. Once you reach a certain level of international experience adding further years to it does not necessarily help, too much international experience can be detrimental for roles that (also) require relevant experience in the local market.
Also, it is telling that he is happy for you to stay in his country but would not move with you if you wanted to relocate.
Could it be a form of the "slow fade", the start of a break-up from his side, or to give you a good reason to break up with him?
oh I’m so sorry to hear this, after you have been having such a great time together especially.
I can’t exactly relate but was in a similar ish situation, except my ex moved home to the UK (he was working abroad when we met on bumble) ostensibly to be with me, and when we broke up he said it was one of his biggest regrets. (In reality he wasn’t necessarily Going to get that post again for the additional year, which is all it was ever going to be anyway, but in his head he had chosen love over career and that was that.)
So my 2p would be that I wouldn’t want somebody to move internationally ‘for me’ again, just because it adds another layer of pressure - and that was with the UK being his home country too.
I hope you can figure something out x
Thanks for your advice!
I would be inclined to believe your comment about the slow fade if his behaviour was consistent with what he is now telling me but it isn't. He spent the weekend repeatedly telling me he hopes we can make it work and find alignment, how he loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else and wants to build a future with me. But just not outside of his home country. I know it seems selfish and that one person always compromises more in international relationship, but am I being unreasonable asking him to be open of emigrating in the future? Like I would stay and raise children here if I knew at some point we would go back to the UK in like the next 5-10 years but he isn't even open to that anymore.
To top it off, he dropped this bombshell on me whilst I am currently griefing the loss of my grandmother, a very close and important person in my life. I think him seeing me deal with the death and bereavement from a distance has scared him about moving and leaving his parents because until this happened, he was open.
He states his main reason is his career, he doesn't want to 'start from scratch' somewhere else, although we would both be doing so.
Similar experience -
About 6 years ago I moved 250 miles to be with my then boyfriend after a year of being with each other and doing long distance! I realised after 7 months I hated it and I really missed my friends / family .. I asked him to move an hour back up north (so we would then be inbetween both our homes) and he wouldn't, eventually I resented him cos he was happy, had his friends and family there and i didn't really have anyone!
I wish I never moved down as I lost nearly 2 years on someone who wasn't willing to put my happiness on the table too so we could still be together!
I understand where you are coming from but if he really doesn't want to emigrate it is quite a big ask. If he goes against his wants because he doesn't want to lose you I think resentment might build up.
I've not emigrated somewhere but I did study overseas to be close to someone I was in a relationship with and I regretted it massively. I knew if not for them I wouldn't be there and I didn't really settle in and felt isolated from everyone I knew which made me miserable. It felt like I made a huge sacrifice going there to be with him and every disagreement would be blown out of proportion as I felt like he didn't really "do enough" to be there for me, but looking back it was because I didn't really want to be there as I didn't go from my own volition.
I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother x
I feel like potentially it was a case of “tell you what you want to hear” when you originally started dating. Now that something has happened to make you bring up or question where you want to be in life, he’s panicking about what he said a year ago.
I’ve never been in this situation but I have seen people make compromises about what they truely want and down the line, it comes back to bite them. If you want to eventually move back home, you want to be with someone who is willing to compromise and adapt their lives to be with you. You’re not saying you need to move now, just know that it’s a possibility and one to be discussed.
Why should you give up something you want to suit then when they’re not willing to do the same. If he is that good at his career, he wouldn’t have to start over, just start somewhere new. Sounds like excuses to me.
Having said that, I’d maybe put this to the back of your mind whilst your dealing with your grief. Focus on you for now and the memories with your Grandmother. I also think it’s very telling how a partner handles your grief as well. I’m sorry for your loss.
That seems really unfair of him, especially because you made the sacrifice to begin with and realised it didn't work for you so compromised.
I read the situation a bit differently though. @Hidingbehind69 did you move overseas for your job to be with him, or did you meet him while you were out there?
Thanks for your kind message.
What makes it difficult is that I already lived here before we started dating so I already have a life I built, with my own income and career. I am totally independent, but I was honest in telling him I’m not certain I would always want to stay here (already been here 5 years since I was 25) just because the career options are limited outside of my current employer. Everything else is great and much better than home (in my opinion) I already feel integrated without the language and that’s something I would push myself to learn if I stayed here with him.
So at this stage, yes he would be moving just for our relationship, but also my family is much younger than his (grandparents) and his job is much more transferrable in the UK then mine is here outside of my current company.
And his english is also much better than my german!
My biggest fear is staying here to make it work with him longer than what I would have really wanted, having kids and maybe splitting up and then I’m stuck here with limited career options.
His ex wife was from Brazil and moved here to be with him, so he knows what it takes to have an international relationship. It’s not his first rodeo.
Prior to this death in the family he was even googling visas and work options in other countries where we were happy to go. Now something switched and he’s not open to it at all and it seemed to be the bereavement.
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