Dating after lockdown #36 Have you dated a man? You may be entitled to compensation.

[whathastheworldcometo]

I think it definitely can work, but personally I felt the problem was that I wasn’t the priority, the ex was. That was never going to change, hence why it felt like it was somehow illicit.

I really don’t think it’s fair to not be able to make plans in advance (like the next BH for you.) It’s so important to know when you’re going to see eachother and able to spend time, especially if you have to arrange childcare.

I know I’m not giving advice as such, but I’m sat with you through this! I remember it well.

Thank you! It is so good to feel understood, it really helps me to validate my feelings.

Did you discuss this with the men you were dating in those situations, or did you simply leave?

 

[Guyyyyyzzzzzz]

Even though, I have young children and my time is quite limited, I couldn’t be with anyone that was in that sort of set up with their ex. Children should have set times and days (I get sometimes things change, but that wouldn’t always be the case) I just couldn’t live my life being indirectly controlled by someone else like that

 

[harveydean]

Thank you! It is so good to feel understood, it really helps me to validate my feelings.

Did you discuss this with the men you were dating in those situations, or did you simply leave?

The first I brought it up very early on and he was like, well this is the way it is. I told him he was still in a relationship with her (they still went on holiday together as a family, had weekly dinners etc.) I was hidden away and would’ve been forever. It only lasted a couple of months as it just felt weird. Actually more than weird - I think it really messed my head up as our relationship was never going to be a priority, and in her (the ex’s) weird mind, she was controlling and winning these power games. And he’d let her - it was typical codependency.

The second wasn’t as bad but still too much of a juggle. He knew it and understood my frustration (I never moaned but did talk about it.) It did contribute to why we broke up (this was event guy.)

I just wouldn’t go back to it personally. My kids are older but we’re still Co parenting, but as @Guyyyyyzzzzzz says, on set days and times which are fixed.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

The first I brought it up very early on and he was like, well this is the way it is. I told him he was still in a relationship with her (they still went on holiday together as a family, had weekly dinners etc.) I was hidden away and would’ve been forever. It only lasted a couple of months as it just felt weird. Actually more than weird - I think it really messed my head up as our relationship was never going to be a priority, and in her (the ex’s) weird mind, she was controlling and winning these power games. And he’d let her - it was typical codependency.

The second wasn’t as bad but still too much of a juggle. He knew it and understood my frustration (I never moaned but did talk about it.) It did contribute to why we broke up (this was event guy.)

I just wouldn’t go back to it personally. My kids are older but we’re still Co parenting, but as @Guyyyyyzzzzzz says, on set days and times which are fixed.

Thank you for sharing.

Good for you that you got out of these situations pretty swiftly.

I wonder how to bring it up.
He already did, in a way: he said that he regrets not being able to spend more time with me. I didn't say anything, but essentially it is still his choice to some extend.

 

[harveydean]

Thank you for sharing.

Good for you that you got out of these situations pretty swiftly.

I wonder how to bring it up.
He already did, in a way: he said that he regrets not being able to spend more time with me. I didn't say anything, but essentially it is still his choice to some extend.

The thing is, is it IS his choice. That’s why I felt so low down the pecking order. Whilst these men are letting their exes rule the roost, there is no room for a new partner. And saying he wishes he could spend more time and actually taking action, are totally different things. Words are cheap.

 

[MollyMalone]

Had a moment of weakness today and downloaded tinder again didn't even last an hour! One word: GRIM

 

[monepierce]

Had a moment of weakness today and downloaded tinder again didn't even last an hour! One word: GRIM

I’ve been off the apps for over a year and deleting them was the best decision I’ve ever made. if it costs you your peace it’s too expensive

 

[MollyMalone]

I’ve been off the apps for over a year and deleting them was the best decision I’ve ever made. if it costs you your peace it’s too expensive

Yep! I'd been off them about 4 months and honestly didn't know peace like it in a long time! Just had a little wobble over the bank holiday weekend seeing my coupled up friends and family off out doing nice things together but I've pulled myself together again after the hour long dip into hell

 

[harveydean]

So I’ve agreed to go for a drink with the toy boy this week. He’s very persistent…and very handsome I feel like a cheap, knock off version of Sienna Miller right now.

 

[MollyMalone]

So I’ve agreed to go for a drink with the toy boy this week. He’s very persistent…and very handsome I feel like a cheap, knock off version of Sienna Miller right now.

Go for it! You are both consenting adults no harm in having a drink together

 

[monepierce]

Yep! I'd been off them about 4 months and honestly didn't know peace like it in a long time! Just had a little wobble over the bank holiday weekend seeing my coupled up friends and family off out doing nice things together but I've pulled myself together again after the hour long dip into hell

100%. at the moment every where I look there’s couples everywhere and nearly all my family members and people I know are coupled up, I do feel bad about myself when I see them and wonder if my time will ever come, but I would rather eat a denim jacket piece by piece than download an app again

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Coupley poos were never more evident than during lockdown striding along hand in hand taking up all the paths.
I've been feeling this sense of being an outsider recently because I'm single and I hate it. The feeling, not being single. It just gets to you now and then. The thing is, I wouldn't want to be partnered up with any of the husbands/partners of anyone I know though.

 

[MollyMalone]

Coupley poos were never more evident than during lockdown striding along hand in hand taking up all the paths.
I've been feeling this sense of being an outsider recently because I'm single and I hate it. The feeling, not being single. It just gets to you now and then. The thing is, I wouldn't want to be partnered up with any of the husbands/partners of anyone I know though.

Yes!! I could count on one hand the men surrounding my nearest and dearest that I'd consider all round good people worthy and capable of being in a healthy loving relationship with. I know what you mean about that feeling and hating it. I will always choose being single over settling but it is hard at times to not feel left out or somehow broken or not good enough to be in a relationship so its good to remind ourselves of the facts!

 

[harveydean]

Go for it! You are both consenting adults no harm in having a drink together

Exactly - and he’s actually a very lovely and interesting guy. It’s only at a local wine bar so low key.

Jesus I’d eat him alive and he knows it

 

[MollyMalone]

Exactly - and he’s actually a very lovely and interesting guy. It’s only at a local wine bar so low key.

Jesus I’d eat him alive and he knows it

Absolutely LOVE this for you and only like 2% jealous I'd love a wild fling with a young lad

 

[D2them]

I would rather eat a denim jacket piece by piece than download an app again

Thread title

 

[Thank(space)you]

This was in a book I'm reading. For context, the main character has been on a bad date, and her best friend replied with the "there's plenty more fish I the sea" platitude.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

The thing is, is it IS his choice. That’s why I felt so low down the pecking order. Whilst these men are letting their exes rule the roost, there is no room for a new partner. And saying he wishes he could spend more time and actually taking action, are totally different things. Words are cheap.

This is very true.

i feel a bit bad for him as he does have a lot on his plate, but then again those were all choices he made.
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So I’ve agreed to go for a drink with the toy boy this week. He’s very persistent…and very handsome I feel like a cheap, knock off version of Sienna Miller right now.

Kate Moss has a much younger partner as well so you are in good company!

 

[harveydean]

This is very true.

i feel a bit bad for him as he does have a lot on his plate, but then again those were all choices he made.
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Kate Moss has a much younger partner as well so you are in good company!

It is 100% a choice, and I always found it very unattractive (effeminate perhaps) that both men wouldn’t stand up to their exes. I felt bad too, but if I were in the same position now, I definitely wouldn’t - they are making choices and are consenting adults.

Haha she does! I’m rolling with them….rather than Madonna

 

[freezelouise43]

It is 100% a choice, and I always found it very unattractive (effeminate perhaps) that both men wouldn’t stand up to their exes. I felt bad too, but if I were in the same position now, I definitely wouldn’t - they are making choices and are consenting adults.

Haha she does! I’m rolling with them….rather than Madonna

Yes go and have fun I met someone few years ago (26 to 42) and I went for drinks and did really fancy him, I just bailed on the physical as I was worried he would think I was too old in the end enjoy