Dating after lockdown #35 Merry-go-round indeed - I'd like to get off!

[IGiveUp22]

@NoddyFromToytown well done on recognising your relationship with alcohol wasn’t a positive one.
Ita scary being vulnerable and easy to use something like alcohol to give you a confidence boost. We’ve probably all been guilty of this.

My advice would actually be to take it slow with this guy, especially if you’re hoping for a relationship. Do things with him outside of a home setting for a little to delay things (unless you desperately want to sleep with him too as you’re well within your right to want to btw) sex doesn’t always equal a deeper connection so I guess it just depends what you’re currently after.

I would say you need to be with someone that makes you comfortable enough for you to be vulnerable with them without alcohol so you need to work out if this guy does that before jumping into things x

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

I was exactly the same until about 6 months ago. I’ve had long term relationships and don’t remember having sex sober for about 5 or so years. I’m seeing someone at the moment and had sex sober twice and it is SO much better. Have you told him that you’ve not had sex sober for a while? I was honest and said it.

I haven’t said it yet but I will let him know. He might be coming over later so will see what happens (although I have one glass of wine left)

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I haven’t said it yet but I will let him know. He might be coming over later so will see what happens (although I have one glass of wine left)

I've found life much better since I quit alcohol. It's very freeing as you don't make crazy decisions that can harm you in the long run. I'm ADHD so have been extremely impulsive in the past so it's a relief to know that even my hum drummity times are better for me mentally. Just thinking of those crazy app days makes me

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

I've found life much better since I quit alcohol. It's very freeing as you don't make crazy decisions that can harm you in the long run. I'm ADHD so have been extremely impulsive in the past so it's a relief to know that even my hum drummity times are better for me mentally. Just thinking of those crazy app days makes me

I’m ASD rather than ADHD but have struggled with impulsive behaviours in the past so totally get that. Sometimes I wonder how I’m still alive the places and situations I’ve ended up in! Plus the drinking is costing me far too much money and it makes me feel like tit

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I'm both really. ASD & ADHD so it's imperative I take care of myself. Take care of yourself from this day forward. All the best.

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

I'm both really. ASD & ADHD so it's imperative I take care of myself. Take care of yourself from this day forward. All the best.

Thank you so much for being so kind

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

Little update he was going to come over later (and I’m just enjoying that last glass of wine). But I’ve told a little white lie and said I’m not feeling 100% as I need to think about what I want to do…

Also this would be the first time since I was 14 that I’m not on any sort of hormonal contraception and I’m terrified of condom failure!

 

[BWGossip]

Also this would be the first time since I was 14 that I’m not on any sort of hormonal contraception and I’m terrified of condom failure!

Being sober will help a lot to avoid a lot of condom mishaps! Also, not sure how it works in the UK but you may want to have a 'morning after pill' in advance, so in case it happens you don't have to panic (although it's never fun but it's better than rushing to the pharmacy super stress).

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

Being sober will help a lot to avoid a lot of condom mishaps! Also, not sure how it works in the UK but you may want to have a 'morning after pill' in advance, so in case it happens you don't have to panic (although it's never fun but it's better than rushing to the pharmacy super stress).

I probably should have said that I’m also very unlikely to get pregnant due to health issues… but my app is helpfully reminding me I’m currently ovulating (allegedly since it’s just following the patterns). Probably now why I’m wishing I’d invited him over

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@NoddyFromToytown I just saw again your comment about alcohol costing you too much. Many years ago I ended up going to a Narcotics Anonymous group. I had a weekend amphetamine habit and it was making me feel anxious and guilty. Who should be there but a previous one night stand who couldn't get it up due to whatever he'd been under the influence of. Our eyes met briefly, no doubt shamed inside.
Anyway I'll always remember someone saying this. "If drugs (or alcohol/both) are costing you more than money then they're costing you more than you can afford". Those words really hit home because like you I'd find myself in all kinds of precarious situations and the empty hollow feeling next day, not to mention the guilt and anxiety. Step by step I had to shed my addictions. Finally gave up my addiction to men the apps helped cure that one. You did the right thing tonight. Well done.

 

[unidentified]

I just want to add that sex when you’re completely intoxicated is not sex, it’s rape. Even if you think you’re consenting you’re too intoxicated to give consent. I’m not saying this to upset or hurt anyone, just to try and educate and spread awareness that it is not ok even if that other person is intoxicated too.

I’m AuDHD too so can relate to somethings but be aware these disabilities can lead to added vulnerabilities. I don’t drink alcohol at all and have no desire. Maybe work on chatting to people sober first? Feeling more confident before having sex?

 

[Guyyyyyzzzzzz]

Hellooo, I have a date this week,, different guy not the ‘you’re so lovely guy’. No red flags so far that I can see, we are just doing a coffee shop, as I said before if it’s awkward etc I can leave and there’s no pressure.

I honestly have zero clue what to wear, he seems different to the others as in like not giving me loads of compliments, hasn’t started asking about sex and all that. Argh I’m nervous ha!

 

[MsCurly]

Hellooo, I have a date this week,, different guy not the ‘you’re so lovely guy’. No red flags so far that I can see, we are just doing a coffee shop, as I said before if it’s awkward etc I can leave and there’s no pressure.

I honestly have zero clue what to wear, he seems different to the others as in like not giving me loads of compliments, hasn’t started asking about sex and all that. Argh I’m nervous ha!

Wear something that you feel comfortable in. If it's just a coffee shop date, I would dress casual.

Also, isn't it time for a new thread? Does anyone have any title suggestions?

 

[LaBlonde]

Also, isn't it time for a new thread? Does anyone have any title suggestions?

still very fond of this one

still think bumble should rename themselves it

 

[BWGossip]

@LittleLen comment was popular with @tomato_paste and @LaBlonde wanting it as title

Anyways, I've I've gotten it back since the holidays but REFUSE to spend a single pence on the app. So I barely get any likes and the people I'm shown are sea creatures of the great beyond.

Maybe something like Dating after lockdown #36 No man on the apps, only sea creatures of the great beyond

Otherwise (by @Captainmouse) Dating after lockdown #36 Have you dated a man? You may be entitled to compensation

 

[harveydean]

Hellooo, I have a date this week,, different guy not the ‘you’re so lovely guy’. No red flags so far that I can see, we are just doing a coffee shop, as I said before if it’s awkward etc I can leave and there’s no pressure.

I honestly have zero clue what to wear, he seems different to the others as in like not giving me loads of compliments, hasn’t started asking about sex and all that. Argh I’m nervous ha!

This sounds really promising and even if nothing comes of it, it sounds like you would’ve levelled up in terms of the behaviour you’re used to.

Definitely wear something casual. For my day date at the weekend I wore wide legged jeans, Sambas, oversized jumper (with a French tuck!) with a strappy top underneath (in case we went for drinks, which we did) long wool coat, oversized scarf, handbag, big sun glasses and loads of trashy gold jewellery

Just realised I sound like a bag lady.

 

[EddyDarling]

Hellooo, I have a date this week,, different guy not the ‘you’re so lovely guy’. No red flags so far that I can see, we are just doing a coffee shop, as I said before if it’s awkward etc I can leave and there’s no pressure.

I honestly have zero clue what to wear, he seems different to the others as in like not giving me loads of compliments, hasn’t started asking about sex and all that. Argh I’m nervous ha!

I'm so excited for you!

I'd probably go in a pair of mary Jane heels and a floral fitted dress, my favourite Bratz hair clips and a cute Loungefly backpack
(That's actually just me describing my museum date outfit)

 

[tomato_paste]

Otherwise (by @Captainmouse) Dating after lockdown #36 Have you dated a man? You may be entitled to compensation

This one, this one!!!

 

[UndrTheCosh]

New thread girlies

Dating after lockdown #36 Have you dated a man? You may be entitled to compensation.

i went with @Captainmouse (i think!)’s post, suggested by @BWGossip 😘 as always i like to start a new thread with an image that truly captures MY dating life right now so here it is: as you were ladies 😘😘

tattle.life