Dating after lockdown #35 Merry-go-round indeed - I'd like to get off!

[LaBlonde]

thread title a late and brilliant addition from @MollyMalone - thank you

i usually do a meme here to sum up MY dating life so here you go:





HAPPY 2024 you gorgeous lads! i hope that 2024 brings whatever you want dating-wise. and i can guarantee you that it will bring lots of great conversations/support/advice here. let’s go!

(remember that this is an advice forum. even ladies as patient and empathetic as this little group have our limits )

 

[tiabeanie]

Just from last thread.....at 31 I was an idiot.....I know I was and I'll own that!! Actually I'm still an idiot at almost 46, I've just matured I genuinely don't get the left on the shelf stuff...I may never find someone but I'm OK with that, I've lived alone but not been a nun. If somethings progressed, it's progressed equally if it hasn't it hasn't. I don't feel I've been left on the shelf....I'm a mother f***ing independent woman!! Obviously others may think differently, but this is just my opinion that you don't need to feel left on the shelf just because you aren't in a relationship at a certain age. ..or ever actually.

Anyway moving swiftly on.....

Deleted tinder again tonight, it's not giving me joy at the minute and im just not clicking with anyone from conversations. Thought fireman was OK, but nope! Maybe wrong time to delete though going by the posts earlier about the January surge!

 

[MollyMalone]

More of a state of mind than a thread title suggestion but am honoured none the less

 

[Lalla]

At 31 I was in the worst relationship of my life, which I rushed into because everyone around me told me I was going to be left on the shelf. I'd have been better off on the shelf than with an abusive hole that it took me 8 years to leave (and funnily enough all the people who told me I'd be on the shelf were the same ones who turned a blind eye to his behaviour). I've said this before but to paraphrase Whitney, rather be alone than unhappy.

Update on my dating profile...still no messages of more than 3 words, and every man on there looks like they belong on Crimewatch. I can see myself deleting it imminently!

 

[BWGossip]

Thought fireman was OK, but nope!

Sorry to hear that! Didn't want to say it when you mention the guy but, as a rule, I avoid firemen at all cost after growing up around a lot of them (same for policemen, soldiers, pilots and lawyers ). Was hoping your guy would be the exception to the rule though

Edit: I'm confused about the '31 is old', it's not even halfway through the average life expectancy for women... Rushing into things because of an arbitrary timetable seems a sure way to end up hurt (and divorced 10 years later). Better alone than in bad company (as my mum used to say growing up)

 

[tiabeanie]

Sorry to hear that! Didn't want to say it when you mention the guy but, as a rule, I avoid firemen at all cost after growing up around a lot of them (same for policemen, soldiers, pilots and lawyers ). Was hoping your guy would be the exception to the rule though

Edit: I'm confused about the '31 is old', it's not even halfway through the average life expectancy for women... Rushing into things because of an arbitrary timetable seems a sure way to end up hurt (and divorced 10 years later). Better alone than in bad company (as my mum used to say growing up)

Ah we live and learn...I avoid military men as a rule, I'll add firemen to the list

BIB...My life philosophy....your mum is a wise woman!

 

[br0wser]

I have a positive update and am wondering if maybe my time on this thread is coming to an end.

Some of you may remember but I went on a first date at the beginning of October with someone I spoke to on bumble (we first matched on a different app last summer but never met). I was out of a long term friends with benefits situation and finally gave dating another go.

At first although he was lovely I was unsure as there was no “instant spark”. Anyway I gave it another chance and the rest is history

We are “exclusive”, have spoken every single day, I have had 0 worries or anxieties, we speak openly about our feelings. We have a good balance between chill time, days out, intimacy etc. Next on the cards is meeting family and friends, then a weekend away in February. I feel we’ve taken it at a really nice pace, nothing has felt rushed or forced.

My advice would be, give the nice guy a chance and don’t write someone off after one date (unless they are horrendous). Instant attraction alone often ends in lust/casual sex. You can’t know someone fully after just a few hours.

Wishing you all the very best, don’t look for relationship drama when you can have peace

 

[IGiveUp22]

Ahh god I come on here to get away from the outside pressures of feeling like “I’m past it” at 31 because I haven’t met anyone! Less of that please.

I don’t have any dating updates, I’m having a year off. So unless my perfect man climbs through my window, I’ll be just here to support you all this year

 

[HelloStereo]

At 31 I was in the worst relationship of my life, which I rushed into because everyone around me told me I was going to be left on the shelf. I'd have been better off on the shelf than with an abusive hole that it took me 8 years to leave (and funnily enough all the people who told me I'd be on the shelf were the same ones who turned a blind eye to his behaviour). I've said this before but to paraphrase Whitney, rather be alone than unhappy.

Update on my dating profile...still no messages of more than 3 words, and every man on there looks like they belong on Crimewatch. I can see myself deleting it imminently!

I never understand the concept of rushing into something because you're scared of being alone. Surely if you're worried about being left on the shelf it wastes more time jumping from man to man than working on yourself, being happy in your own company and realising a relationship complements your life rather than is your life.

I see so many people think a relationship is the be all and end all and they're either miserable single, miserable in a relationship or miserable dating. I think if you prioritise it over everything you leave yourself vulnerable to settling for something that doesn't make you happy simply because being in a relationship is seen as better than being single.

I've not been posting as much on these threads because after my last experience I realised I had to work on myself and my own happiness. It isn't easy but I can't see myself happy dating at the moment or in a relationship. Working on going to therapy, restarting my gym routine and in general regaining my zest for life.

 

[LaBlonde]

Ahh god I come on here to get away from the outside pressures of feeling like “I’m past it” at 31 because I haven’t met anyone! Less of that please.

I don’t have any dating updates, I’m having a year off. So unless my perfect man climbs through my window, I’ll be just here to support you all this year

SAME. unless i wake up one day to find that andrew garfield/charles leclerc/nicholas galitizine have somehow stumbled into my house (and idk have amnesia or something and we need to get married i haven’t decided on the details) i am Done.

this is coming to you from a girl who just reinstated her bumble and tinder accounts. i don’t even know if i can say it’s rough out there anymore, it is a literal wasteland.

also as an update from the last friend i had to mute ex-work colleague on insta as he basically restarted flirty messaging like the monday after he had rejected me in person. nah son.
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I see so many people think a relationship is the be all and end all and they're either miserable single, miserable in a relationship or miserable dating. I think if you prioritise it over everything you leave yourself vulnerable to settling for something that doesn't make you happy simply because being in a relationship is seen as better than being single.

i’m sorry to cut your post down but this i’ve been in a low mood about it ngl, and i just really wish i could move out of the mindset that something is “wrong” with me because it never works. i’m going to try and follow your lead

 

[MollyMalone]

SAME. unless i wake up one day to find that andrew garfield/charles leclerc/nicholas galitizine have somehow stumbled into my house (and idk have amnesia or something and we need to get married i haven’t decided on the details) i am Done.

this is coming to you from a girl who just reinstated her bumble and tinder accounts. i don’t even know if i can say it’s rough out there anymore, it is a literal wasteland.

also as an update from the last friend i had to mute ex-work colleague on insta as he basically restarted flirty messaging like the monday after he had rejected me in person. nah son.

If its one thing men always have, it's the AUDACITY what a head duck

 

[LaBlonde]

If its one thing men always have, it's the AUDACITY what a head duck

yep. oh to have the confidence of a completely average in every way man!

 

[HelloStereo]

SAME. unless i wake up one day to find that andrew garfield/charles leclerc/nicholas galitizine have somehow stumbled into my house (and idk have amnesia or something and we need to get married i haven’t decided on the details) i am Done.

this is coming to you from a girl who just reinstated her bumble and tinder accounts. i don’t even know if i can say it’s rough out there anymore, it is a literal wasteland.

also as an update from the last friend i had to mute ex-work colleague on insta as he basically restarted flirty messaging like the monday after he had rejected me in person. nah son.
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i’m sorry to cut your post down but this i’ve been in a low mood about it ngl, and i just really wish i could move out of the mindset that something is “wrong” with me because it never works. i’m going to try and follow your lead

Nothing is wrong with you. I read your posts and as well as giving great insight you seem to know your own mind and what you want. I'm pleased you're able to shut down people who aren't working for you even when they start trying to give you attention and you seem happy in your own life and realise a relationship should complement it, not be your life. You're genuinely someone in this thread who I think "damn she has her tit together and knows what she wants."

It is hard sometimes especially at Christmas or New Year when you see loved up couples and think "why can't that be me?" Maybe one day it will be but life is so short to make yourself unhappy over it when there is so much more to life than having a partner.

 

[EddyDarling]

I was only gone for five minutes what the heck

 

[Lalla]

it it is a literal wasteland

You're spot on @LaBlonde, tis the same here. Brief moment of excitement seeing a handsome man immediately petered out when I spotted that he lives in France There are clearly no men left in the UK!

Just to add, much in line with the comments above, that you are one of, if not the most thoughtful and insightful posters on this thread and I truly wish nothing but good things for you. There's nothing in any of your posts that suggests you are anything other than marvellous, so it definitely cannot be anything you are doing. If men are too blind or stupid to see how great you are, that's their fault and theirs alone!

 

[Belle123]

I was only gone for five minutes what the heck

Same, Eddy, same
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SAME. unless i wake up one day to find that andrew garfield/charles leclerc/nicholas galitizine have somehow stumbled into my house (and idk have amnesia or something and we need to get married i haven’t decided on the details) i am Done.

this is coming to you from a girl who just reinstated her bumble and tinder accounts. i don’t even know if i can say it’s rough out there anymore, it is a literal wasteland.

also as an update from the last friend i had to mute ex-work colleague on insta as he basically restarted flirty messaging like the monday after he had rejected me in person. nah son.
---


i’m sorry to cut your post down but this i’ve been in a low mood about it ngl, and i just really wish i could move out of the mindset that something is “wrong” with me because it never works. i’m going to try and follow your lead

The absolute audacity! Well done you for ignoring him. I totally empathise with the thought patterns of wondering “what’s wrong with me”. Many a tear has been shed by me in frustration. I assure you there’s nothing wrong with you, though. It’s just dating. It’s tough. It’s tough when you don’t want to settle for crap but find someone worthy. You are a strong lady who knows her worth. That’s to be celebrated xx

 

[tiabeanie]

it it is a literal wasteland

You're spot on @LaBlonde, tis the same here. Brief moment of excitement seeing a handsome man immediately petered out when I spotted that he lives in France There are clearly no men left in the UK!

Just to add, much in line with the comments above, that you are one of, if not the most thoughtful and insightful posters on this thread and I truly wish nothing but good things for you. There's nothing in any of your posts that suggests you are anything other than marvellous, so it definitely cannot be anything you are doing. If men are too blind or stupid to see how great you are, that's their fault and theirs alone!

Omg I was mindlessly swiping on good looking men, so many said they were French and lived in Manchester and every single one went on to try and sell me crypto currency I started playing my own little game of bingo with them in the end to guess how long before they tried to sell me crypto!

 

[unwanted.opinions]

Ahh god I come on here to get away from the outside pressures of feeling like “I’m past it” at 31 because I haven’t met anyone! Less of that please.

I don’t have any dating updates, I’m having a year off. So unless my perfect man climbs through my window, I’ll be just here to support you all this year

32 and not met anyone yet, just those that turn into arseholes anyway not actively looking for a man going to get myself back to being fitter and healthier my ex ruined my figure and fitness. He was a lazy bastard than couldn’t even walk 10 minutes without having to sit down and rest. Looking back I’m shocked he isn’t obese as he was obsessed with food and ate bleeping loads.

 

[unidentified]

Hi all, I took some time away from dating apps. Went back on and jeeez! As described…wasteland! Also, got a message off someone and was like woah I recognise you. Figured it out, it’s an ex work colleagues fiancé. Do I tell her? We haven’t spoken since I left but only for the reasons we have nothing in common.

 

[Rayne]

Hi all, I took some time away from dating apps. Went back on and jeeez! As described…wasteland! Also, got a message off someone and was like woah I recognise you. Figured it out, it’s an ex work colleagues fiancé. Do I tell her? We haven’t spoken since I left but only for the reasons we have nothing in common.

No it’s not your job to tell her, I doubt she would listen if they are still together and things may get nasty. They may have split up since anyway?