Dating after lockdown #32 IM GOOD BEING PURE DRY (on a big jeep yatch)

[LaBlonde]

Can you, because you've continued to respond to his contact e.g. by answering his calls, which is the opposite of ignoring him. You might not remember what you spoke about and so feel like it means less - but from his perspective, he continued to treat you terribly and you continued to answer when he calls.

Blocking is a form of assertiveness - that's you asserting your own boundaries. You don't need to speak to someone to confront them, you can confront them with your own self-respect when you deny them access to you e.g. by blocking them and never speaking to them ever again.

this

freeze, i don’t think you can ignore this man. you’ve shown that you’ve struggled with that before (you struggled with it when he called you yesterday) and you’ve said previously that he can lash out and be mean if he feels things aren’t going his way. it worries me that you’re leaving a line of contact open with a man who has been so dismissive of you, and how you dodge or talk around the direct issue (or reply to people who are saying what you’re hoping to hear). like we said last time, i think you’re hoping one day he’s going to change. he’s not. block him.

actually i’m just gonna say what i said to you last month:

“the way you describe his behaviour towards you, the way he speaks about other women and your anticipation of him kicking off if you stand up for yourself is deeply deeply worrying. i feel like you cannot see this because you obviously have such strong feelings about him. only you can truly want to block him. but i personally deeply feel that you should. i’m probably going to get called out for being judgemental again but i’ll take it on this one. block him.”

 

[curiouserandcuriouser2022]

Queen blocker speaking here.
For anyone who needs a step by step guide to finding their freedom from another male pleb, here goes. This might not all be completed in one sitting, but a systematic approach is required. Modify as suits your circumstances!
1. In daylight, with your full senses about you (no alcohol etc taken!) sit down at a table with your phone, reading glasses, pen and paper.
2. Open your contacts on your phone and find his name and number. Write the number on the piece of paper. Well done! You can put this bit of paper somewhere far out of your normal everyday reach. Some day you will stumble across it and you’ll throw it on the bin.
3. Now edit his name in your phone from his real name to something more befitting the misery he has caused you. I have changed various fellas names to: Gobshite, Useless, 52 and Still Living with Mammy. I changed one fella’s name to “DO NOT ANSWER”. Let your imagination run wild.
4. Now take a pen and another sheet of paper and list out all the apps he has ever used or where he could go to contact you: iMessages, WhatsApp, Facebook, Insta, Snapchat, Revolut etc. etc. etc.
5. The next thing you need to do is choose one of those apps, and quietly and gently block him from there. Sit with the feelings…there might be a trace of relief in there too! Imagine being able to go onto Insta for some happy escapism and being guaranteed you don’t have to deal with either a) the shock of him sending you a random self absorbed message or b) the disappointment of not hearing from him. It’s actually very liberating!
6. Repeat step 5 for another platform. Keep going. Drink some water!
7.There will come a time when you are ready to edit his name to something innocuous like “person” or you might delete his details entirely. (I am not sure what happens when we delete someone’s number who we previously blocked..could they reappear like a zombie?). Anyway, that’s only a tangent.
6. Now go and look up Mary Oliver’s Poem, The Journey. Read it. Let the last few lines become part of you. Your life. Save it. You are worth it.

The Journey by Mary Oliver

Click to read the poem and comment...

hellopoetry.com

---
Also these wise words;
Iyanla Vanzant: You Matter

When you’re loyal to people who don’t treat you well, you learn you don’t matter.
You matter!

And it begins with having a strong NO.

You gotta have a strong NO.

Have you got flabby no muscles?

If somebody had the privilege & the honour of walking into your life to spend time and loving, learning and healing, living and growing with YOU and they didn’t have the good sense to stay? You need to be glad to be rid of them.
You matter.

Stop chasing things that are beneath the truth of who you are.

You matter.

Stop holding on to things and people that weigh you down.

You matter.

Stop behaving in ways that don’t honour the divinity and nobility within you.

You matter.

 

[Clementine]

I Iyanla Vanzant!

 

[D2them]

Queen blocker speaking here.
For anyone who needs a step by step guide to finding their freedom from another male pleb, here goes. This might not all be completed in one sitting, but a systematic approach is required. Modify as suits your circumstances!
1. In daylight, with your full senses about you (no alcohol etc taken!) sit down at a table with your phone, reading glasses, pen and paper.
2. Open your contacts on your phone and find his name and number. Write the number on the piece of paper. Well done! You can put this bit of paper somewhere far out of your normal everyday reach. Some day you will stumble across it and you’ll throw it on the bin.
3. Now edit his name in your phone from his real name to something more befitting the misery he has caused you. I have changed various fellas names to: Gobshite, Useless, 52 and Still Living with Mammy. I changed one fella’s name to “DO NOT ANSWER”. Let your imagination run wild.
4. Now take a pen and another sheet of paper and list out all the apps he has ever used or where he could go to contact you: iMessages, WhatsApp, Facebook, Insta, Snapchat, Revolut etc. etc. etc.
5. The next thing you need to do is choose one of those apps, and quietly and gently block him from there. Sit with the feelings…there might be a trace of relief in there too! Imagine being able to go onto Insta for some happy escapism and being guaranteed you don’t have to deal with either a) the shock of him sending you a random self absorbed message or b) the disappointment of not hearing from him. It’s actually very liberating!
6. Repeat step 5 for another platform. Keep going. Drink some water!
7.There will come a time when you are ready to edit his name to something innocuous like “person” or you might delete his details entirely. (I am not sure what happens when we delete someone’s number who we previously blocked..could they reappear like a zombie?). Anyway, that’s only a tangent.
6. Now go and look up Mary Oliver’s Poem, The Journey. Read it. Let the last few lines become part of you. Your life. Save it. You are worth it.

The Journey by Mary Oliver

Click to read the poem and comment...

hellopoetry.com

---
Also these wise words;
Iyanla Vanzant: You Matter

When you’re loyal to people who don’t treat you well, you learn you don’t matter.
You matter!

And it begins with having a strong NO.

You gotta have a strong NO.

Have you got flabby no muscles?

If somebody had the privilege & the honour of walking into your life to spend time and loving, learning and healing, living and growing with YOU and they didn’t have the good sense to stay? You need to be glad to be rid of them.
You matter.

Stop chasing things that are beneath the truth of who you are.

You matter.

Stop holding on to things and people that weigh you down.

You matter.

Stop behaving in ways that don’t honour the divinity and nobility within you.

You matter.

Brilliant post

 

[Kitty kat 20]

Saw this and thought this is me but it helps to see it from a different mindset

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Saw this and thought this is me but it helps to see it from a different mindset

Definitely. They couldn't use us if we didn't let them.

 

[D2them]

So I'm having to go back on the apps...my mortgage is going up a few hundred pounds each month from September onwards so I can't afford to go out anymore. If I ever want to meet a man again, it's my only option

 

[Thank(space)you]

I really need to get laid so I don't knock on the neighbours door asking if we can still shag even though we aren't dating...I need some self respect

 

[triesherbest]

I really need to get laid so I don't knock on the neighbours door asking if we can still shag even though we aren't dating...I need some self respect

do you still talk to him frequently after the serious chat? what's the contact like? but yeah don't do that... even though it sounds like something i'd do too

 

[Thank(space)you]

do you still talk to him frequently after the serious chat? what's the contact like? but yeah don't do that... even though it sounds like something i'd do too

We haven't spoken since, I blocked him as I don't want to be friends

 

[harveydean]

We haven't spoken since, I blocked him as I don't want to be friends

No shag is worth the aftermath!

 

[Thank(space)you]

My friend also pointed out the very real possibly he could say no. The terror of that is enough to put me off

 

[harveydean]

My friend also pointed out the very real possibly he could say no. The terror of that is enough to put me off

Or if he’s blocked you

 

[Thank(space)you]

Or if he’s blocked you

I blocked him, I'd have to actually knock on his door and ask

 

[blueblue]

I'll say it louder for the people at the back.... BUY A VIBRATOR!

The real cheat code is realising that when you can O in minutes from the comfort of your own home it becomes far easier to assess men and act according. I said what I said!

 

[Thank(space)you]

I'll say it louder for the people at the back.... BUY A VIBRATOR!

The real cheat code is realising that when you can O in minutes from the comfort of your own home it becomes far easier to assess men and act according. I said what I said!

I have several but never found anything I prefer to the real thing

 

[triesherbest]

He popped up saying he's back.
Sent me holiday pictures and he looks SO. GOOD

I'm not going to compliment him because he never complimented me enough tbh

I'm gonna say nice pictures but I don't think we should speak anymore, take care and then block trying to take inspiration from you guys
---
I need strength to send the confrontational text and just do it... why am I so weak

 

[harveydean]

He popped up saying he's back.
Sent me holiday pictures and he looks SO. GOOD

I'm not going to compliment him because he never complimented me enough tbh

I'm gonna say nice pictures but I don't think we should speak anymore, take care and then block trying to take inspiration from you guys
---
I need strength to send the confrontational text and just do it... why am I so weak

Does he even deserve the compliment? I’d leave him on read and block…

 

[LaBlonde]

He popped up saying he's back.
Sent me holiday pictures and he looks SO. GOOD

I'm not going to compliment him because he never complimented me enough tbh

I'm gonna say nice pictures but I don't think we should speak anymore, take care and then block trying to take inspiration from you guys
---
I need strength to send the confrontational text and just do it... why am I so weak

DO NOT SAY “NICE PICTURES” TRB.

if you want a clear ending point then i think “i don’t think we should speak anymore, take care” is the perfect way to end it. if you’re going to do that then block immediately because he will likely reply. personally i would follow harvey’s route.

if he didn’t compliment you enough before then he doesn’t deserve a compliment from you now.

 

[triesherbest]

I made a list of everything I don't like about him in my notes and tbh there's a lot. Some things are petty and some things are a reflection of his character, small things but how he treats me etc.

I mentally made one of all the things I like about him and half of them are physical traits or sex related. Makes me realise our connection was never that much and I'm not losing a lot here.

@harveydean @LaBlonde I'm working up the courage - thank you
---
Can I post the list here
---
duck it here goes

Things ion like about him:
-He's not taller than me
-He was KINDA STINGY on our dates?
-Talked about money way 2 much and made me feel bad for ordering expensive drinks
-Has cheated on an ex before (I'm a hypocrite)
-Has too many friends that are girls lol
-Doesn't compliment me enough
-Our political views aren't that similar
-Uses more skincare products than me
-Thinks sleeping with 3 girls in 2 weeks isn't a slut phase just cause they weren't BACK TO BACK LOL
-Clips of his old streams on twitch are kinda cringe whereas mine are cute as hell
-probably only got his Corgi when he became single to get girls
-snores so loudly it gave me a nightmare in the morning I thought a monster was chasing me
-said I was "white enough" when we talked ab his parents not liking him dating a black girl and I mentioned qhat about Chinese (im half chinese). DoesnT SEEM INTERESYED IN MY CHINESE CULTURE AT ALL
-masturbates to hentai sometimes watches too much porn in general
-hasn't driven in years. Would probably kill us both in a car crash. Unmanly