Dating after lockdown #20 I’m done. Too late to become a nun?

[TillyMiffin]

nooooo it’s been 2 BUT my point is the way he was last week like over complementing me saying he can’t wait to see me etc, and thensince we met again he’s not been as full on. That’s my issue

If he wasn’t being full on last week I wouldn’t be that bothered of his change in attitude. He was being full on first

His reply was tit though even so. Who says that after someone just said they’ve deleted hinge cos they’re going on dates with u. You’d say me too…. Etc surely ?

Last week he was saying good morning gorgeous can’t wait to see you etc, like being what I’d call OTT I dunno. My friends don’t help!! They’re making me think things

it wasn’t a defo yes, he said he was at a bbq but wasn’t sure if it was during the day or this eve. It’s this eve but I’m out with my friend anyway!

I’ve asked him why he’s deleted hinge

Yes sorry a longer date and a shorter dinner date wasn’t it?
First I think the ‘morning beautiful’ etc is a bit much, that’s just me personally, I like compliments but when it’s very early days it gives me the ick. That’s just me though. You’d agreed loosely to meet today if he wasn’t busy, as it turned out he was so no big hassle. Don’t want to be harsh but I think by telling him you’ve deleted hinge you’ve put him on the back foot a bit! What was he meant to say to it? You already knew he’s deleted it, we’re you hoping he’d say ‘oh yes I deleted it because of you’?
It’s a lot for someone you’ve been on two dates with. I’ve connected with guys on the apps who give it the big flattery thing but I think until you’re seeing someone properly it’s a bit OTT. Maybe he’s met someone else, maybe he’s got things going on at work, maybe he’s just cooling off a bit, who knows? You shouldn’t worry at this point honestly. Please don’t message him tonight when you’re tipsy! I’d take a step back and just see what happens. X

 

[al255]

Yes sorry a longer date and a shorter dinner date wasn’t it?
First I think the ‘morning beautiful’ etc is a bit much, that’s just me personally, I like compliments but when it’s very early days it gives me the ick. That’s just me though. You’d agreed loosely to meet today if he wasn’t busy, as it turned out he was so no big hassle. Don’t want to be harsh but I think by telling him you’ve deleted hinge you’ve put him on the back foot a bit! What was he meant to say to it? You already knew he’s deleted it, we’re you hoping he’d say ‘oh yes I deleted it because of you’?
It’s a lot for someone you’ve been on two dates with. I’ve connected with guys on the apps who give it the big flattery thing but I think until you’re seeing someone properly it’s a bit OTT. Maybe he’s met someone else, maybe he’s got things going on at work, maybe he’s just cooling off a bit, who knows? You shouldn’t worry at this point honestly. Please don’t message him tonight when you’re tipsy! I’d take a step back and just see what happens. X

i love your advice. Thanks for being the angel on my shoulder

My friends tell me what I think in my head is also going on, I think that’s the issue the advice on here is logical

 

[Clickbait]

nooooo it’s been 2 BUT my point is the way he was last week like over complementing me saying he can’t wait to see me etc, and thensince we met again he’s not been as full on. That’s my issue

If he wasn’t being full on last week I wouldn’t be that bothered of his change in attitude. He was being full on first

His reply was tit though even so. Who says that after someone just said they’ve deleted hinge cos they’re going on dates with u. You’d say me too…. Etc surely ?

Last week he was saying good morning gorgeous can’t wait to see you etc, like being what I’d call OTT I dunno. My friends don’t help!! They’re making me think things

I get that if he seemed keen at first you’ll notice the change, but I can’t help but feel your current intensity would be a turn off. Do you like me? Do you want to see me again? When are we meeting up? Are we meeting up tonight? Have you deleted Hinge? I’ve deleted my Hinge because I only have time for you.

Do you just like this man because of his initial strong interest and now you’re less bothered? Or does he have potential for other reasons?

 

[al255]

I get that if he seemed keen at first you’ll notice the change, but I can’t help but feel your current intensity would be a turn off. Do you like me? Do you want to see me again? When are we meeting up? Are we meeting up tonight? Have you deleted Hinge? I’ve deleted my Hinge because I only have time for you.

Do you just like this man because of his initial strong interest and now you’re less bothered? Or does he have potential for other reasons?

So if he wasn’t being so overly keen at first I wouldn’t have been as I am. He started it but half way through our first date he also was wanting to sort out another date. Even that’s a first.

I’m interested in him and I think we get on really well, he’s not my usual type though I usually go for guys who have 50 girls on the go and have no life goals or good job lol🫣 But on paper he is good. I just don’t get the shift of how he’s been and it’s been really strange, like to go OTT last week then not this week? So obv I’m overthinking etc. I’ve deleted his number so I can’t text him when I’m drunk

 

[Clickbait]

So if he wasn’t being so overly keen at first I wouldn’t have been as I am. He started it but half way through our first date he also was wanting to sort out another date. Even that’s a first.

I’m interested in him and I think we get on really well, he’s not my usual type though I usually go for guys who have 50 girls on the go and have no life goals or good job lol🫣 But on paper he is good. I just don’t get the shift of how he’s been and it’s been really strange, like to go OTT last week then not this week? So obv I’m overthinking etc. I’ve deleted his number so I can’t text him when I’m drunk

Sometimes we can be bowled over by their initial interest without taking the time to consider - do I like this man? Would this work as a relationship? Do we have things in common? It sounds like that’s not the case here.

Perhaps initially you sat back and let him make the effort and when he drew back a bit you’ve leant in to fill the void and he’s making less effort because he feels he has your interest and undivided attention - you’ve literally told him that!

Deleting his number if you’re tempted to text when drunk is a really good idea and I’ve been there Please try and chill, let him make the effort again, get things on a more even keel.

And don’t listen to your friends if they’re fuelling your anxiety. Sometimes friends say things just to agree with you, sometimes they’re over cautious, sometimes they actually sabotage (consciously or unconsciously).

 

[TillyMiffin]

i love your advice. Thanks for being the angel on my shoulder

My friends tell me what I think in my head is also going on, I think that’s the issue the advice on here is logical

It’s only because I have been in your situation so many times before! I know how easy it is to over think. When I used to over think things I used to thing ‘right ok, what’s the worst that can happen? He has gone off me, so what’ etc. it frees you up from the anxiety. If he has lost interest more fool him! You sound amazing! I bet you get loads of interest when you’re out tonight. Be open to it! X

 

[candyland_]

@al255 I think you should chill a little bit.. it’s almost like you’re going to end sabotaging it.

Just because he isn’t full on all day every day doesn’t mean he isn’t interested, he’s just got a life of his own. You’ve already seen him twice within a short space of time so stop asking to see him and leave him to ask you. It’s not playing games but doing your own thing and being unavailable sometimes helps to keep it going.

Somedays mine is like ‘I can’t wait to see you gorgeous..’ and up my arse all day and other days we are quieter and doing our own thing but that’s normal.

Step back and leave him to do the initiating.

 

[Bagpuss7]

It feels like he's doing the slow fade to me rather than just vanishing...completely lovebombed before and during first date, less consistent texting leading upto the 2nd brief date where he was tired and wouldn't be drawn on confirming a 3rd date, then today he's been flakey in his responses to texts and now the odd dialogue around him deleting or not deleting Hinge ...all screams of slow fade to me sadly

 

[Belle123]

@TillyMiffin Sorry to hear you’re going through this. It’s a process and I hope you feel better soon. It can be so difficult processing the emotions when you’ve been put through all of that by someone. But that you can look at it all so clearly is a massive plus! It will continue to get better with time, and it takes as long as it takes. The Ibiza plan sounds great, go for it!

@al255 Only you know the interactions you’ve been having and whether something is off. Pull back and enjoy time with your friend. Maybe he feels he doesn’t want to go so fast and see you that much in a week. I am pretty used to one date a week at the start. It’s easier to build up than hit brakes and bring it back down. Maybe he is just wanting a slower pace? There’s no right or wrong and if you require things at a level he’s not delivering on, only you can decide what to do about it and whether to look elsewhere. Men say all sorts of stuff sometimes. It doesn’t mean it’s insincere, just excited and on the chase. See how you’re bothered by how much he’s seemingly changed in the space of a week because you’re analysing things so closely? You seem too focused on everything he is doing, but have you thought about how you’re coming across to him? I wouldn’t even question what he’s doing with his dating profile after 2 dates, let alone ask him about it. If you’re not careful, you’ll put him off with all these questions x

 

[al255]

It feels like he's doing the slow fade to me rather than just vanishing...completely lovebombed before and during first date, less consistent texting leading upto the 2nd brief date where he was tired and wouldn't be drawn on confirming a 3rd date, then today he's been flakey in his responses to texts and now the odd dialogue around him deleting or not deleting Hinge ...all screams of slow fade to me sadly

One of my friends said this to me- you don’t go from good morning/can’t wait to see you again/been smiling all day cos our date went so well etc to cold. He said he’s interested in me but I don’t think he is really. Not deep down. Like you said he wouldn’t even confirm another date even though the 1st one he couldn’t wait to confirm another date and we’d not even finished our 1st date just a few red flags. Maybe how I am is a red flag to him too but he shouldn’t have been so OTT to nothing

 

[xcyber]

I read somewhere that guys being so keen initially and then cooling off is like kids going to a sweet shop. At first they’re so excited and want to get every single sweet and then once they had like a couple of bonbons they feel sick and realise they couldn’t possibly eat all the sweets they got lol.

it’s basic but I think so are men. They get carried away initially but when it comes to actually delivering they realise they overpromised and inevitably underdeliver.

It’s best just not to let their initial enthusiasm sway your own feelings.

 

[TillyMiffin]

One of my friends said this to me- you don’t go from good morning/can’t wait to see you again/been smiling all day cos our date went so well etc to cold. He said he’s interested in me but I don’t think he is really. Not deep down. Like you said he wouldn’t even confirm another date even though the 1st one he couldn’t wait to confirm another date and we’d not even finished our 1st date just a few red flags. Maybe how I am is a red flag to him too but he shouldn’t have been so OTT to nothing

I feel maybe you were feeling a fit dejected after Thursday date man being lukewarm about things so this one being so charming buoyed you up. I think the others are right, leave him to it x

 

[Jadejones9596]

@al255 I would definitely say to ease off a bit, let him do more work and put more effort in. We can sense when they are different but the worst thing we do is to react. Just go live your life and have fun, remember you were you before him and will be after him! Have a lovely weekend, look after yourself and try to distract yourself from the obsessing, it isn't helping. Sending big love xx

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

It all seems to be "Same tit, different guy" with these chancers & losers. It's like getting a present but it breaks a day later! Same old story. @al255 you'd be better off having a break from this. You've shared how terrible a time you had getting I'll with COVID & I think this stuff is too emotionally wearing. Whatever, just look after yourself.

*ill

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

One of my friends said this to me- you don’t go from good morning/can’t wait to see you again/been smiling all day cos our date went so well etc to cold. He said he’s interested in me but I don’t think he is really. Not deep down. Like you said he wouldn’t even confirm another date even though the 1st one he couldn’t wait to confirm another date and we’d not even finished our 1st date just a few red flags. Maybe how I am is a red flag to him too but he shouldn’t have been so OTT to nothing

Honestly I do think bagpuss is right, he’s likely slow fading unfortunately. And I totally understand you, I’ve been in this situation, where this guy acted sooo keen he was lovely and attentive for like 3 dates and sending me cute texts/FaceTiming me if we couldn’t see eachother. Then he just switched up, stopped texting me, i wouldn’t get a reply until a day later, didn’t ask to see me didn’t even ask how I was.. I never understood it, but it seems this is a common pattern for males. The sweet shop reference thing sounds like a good explanation for it. Or do they just get excited cos they think their about to get laid.. my confidence in men is so low at the moment lol

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Unfortunately your friend is wrong! You do go from I can't wait to see you again/it was a great date/hey beautiful/I miss you to stone cold. Especially if you're moving on to the next option. Time after time we're reading we've all experienced this on a nauseating regular basis.

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

Unfortunately your friend is wrong! You do go from I can't wait to see you again/it was a great date/hey beautiful/I miss you to stone cold. Especially if you're moving on to the next option. Time after time we're reading we've all experienced this on a nauseating regular basis.

There’s usually a next option involved! I know there was with mine not for a fact but I just know lol. Player vibes.. on our first date he showed me a video of him in a club with girls dancing round him in tiny santa dresses lol mate they get paid to dance in clubs their bottle girls, they ain’t there for you. I should’ve dipped out then my bad!

 

[Bagpuss7]

Honestly I do think bagpuss is right, he’s likely slow fading unfortunately. And I totally understand you, I’ve been in this situation, where this guy acted sooo keen he was lovely and attentive for like 3 dates and sending me cute texts/FaceTiming me if we couldn’t see eachother. Then he just switched up, stopped texting me, i wouldn’t get a reply until a day later, didn’t ask to see me didn’t even ask how I was.. I never understood it, but it seems this is a common pattern for males. The sweet shop reference thing sounds like a good explanation for it. Or do they just get excited cos they think their about to get laid.. my confidence in men is so low at the moment lol

I don't want to be right but it's a pattern of behaviour that I've experienced so many times plus read on here as other ladies experiences.

There is also exactly that, when they meet up they are sussing us out for practicalities of having sex with us - do we live alone, are their children to factor in plus also how receptive we are to having it. Some men say all the right things about wanting a relationship in the early stages, lovebombing and super keen but more often than not they want the girlfriend benefits ie regular sex without the actual commitment !

 

[MsCurly]

@TillyMiffin Ibiza is lovely! Have loads of fun there!

@al255 I say this with nothing but love and kindness, but can you please calm down? I had to catch up on the thread, but from the last three pages alone, you're all over the pages with thoughts about this guy. For your own sanity, please stop letting these guys invade your peace of mind. You've been on a few dates with him and you already sound stressed AF. I can understand this level of overthinking when you've been with a guy for a few years and he's slowly backing away from the relationship, but you have only been on a few dates with this guy!

When you are dating, please remember that those dates are without obligation. You never know what someone is thinking or feeling, unless they explicitly tell you what they are feeling or thinking. So there is no point to all of your overthinking. I hope I am not being too harsh here, but you need to treat yourself better than this, because too much overthinking will only drive you insane. I speak from experience, because I used to do this to myself!

As for my dates... I had a date lined up last night, but I saw that there was a new season of Strangers Things available on Netflix, so I cancelled.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Can someone tell me what men gain out of extending the match on bumble, you message them and then they don’t reply and the time runs out?!