So many of these guys are perfectly content with their hand and porn nowadays. The effort of real live connection is not even in their psyche anymore. Their brains, exposed to porn have been changed. It's very sad but inevitable the way porn has seeped into society as a norm.
Dating after lockdown #20 I’m done. Too late to become a nun?
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Dating Threads
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
I’m sorry to hear about the split from D although there had been some rocky moments you’d mentioned before and I wonder if he was willing to address the things that caused them in a meaningful way to stop them from coming up again and again.Well today I was supposed to be going away with D. Still haven’t heard from him - stupid fucker. Probably for the best.
Anyway, I’m going for a country walk and coffee with a man I met on bumble. I’ll report back.
for you Belle and everyone
I would also second that it seems a little soon to have already jumped back onto Bumble, found someone and arranged a date. It feels a bit kneejerk and as a collective if you came on to tell us that D had already set up/reactivated his dating profile and you or someone else had clocked him on a date I think we’d be collectively wanting him strung up by his balls!
I think sometimes you feel the need for a void filler/distraction so much that you don’t always think through the consequences and often it just screws you over (I remember the roast dinner men after you’d had bad news about your ex having a child with another woman when he’d refused to entertain the idea with you).
I hope you are ok and dealing with the break up in a way that is kind to you. If that is getting back on the dating horse then so be it, I don’t want to judge, just to share an outsider’s point of view.
And unfiltered access to what can be quite hardcore and degrading porn makes them desensitised to what might be considered extreme by normal standards.
I was chatting to one guy via an app who lived fairly locally to me. He started wanting to chat about sex very early on before even suggesting we had a date, but it was a little more abstract than the usual what are you wearing, I’m in bed where are you etc. He started sharing that he liked bondage and then sent a very graphic and violent scenario of what he’d like to do to me, I presume that he thought would excite me. I was horrified and said I didn’t think we’d be compatible.
He didn’t respond to that and so I just left it. A couple of days later I woke up to a photo he’d sent me of him lying on his back with his legs in the air, his butt cheeks gaffer taped open and a lube bottle in a condom stuck up his arse… Who on earth would send that to a stranger and why?!
Last edited:
A random bit of advice ladies - turn off the blue ticks and ‘last seen’ on whatsapp. I haven’t had them on in years and it saves me SO many headaches. If I can’t see if he’s seen my message then I just assume he hasn’t! And I don’t torture myself with when he was last online.
It also gives me privacy regarding not responding immediately- to all sorts of people! I really recommend it
It also gives me privacy regarding not responding immediately- to all sorts of people! I really recommend it
There is another trick that I learnt from a lady on here ...if the ticks are off you can see if your message has been read by clicking on it and then clicking the bin icon ...if it's not been read it has the 3 delete options ...if its read it only has the one ...another little tip that has helped me to confirm if I'm being ignored!
There’s so much with WhatsApp. If you’re left on read you can even see when the message was read. So many ways to torture ourselves.
totally agree about porn, I’ve said it before, the majority of sex work is not empowering. Even if the individual feels empowered the cultural and societal effect places women firmly back into the objects to be owned and used category.
I’ve had all sorts of weird messages. People wanting to know if I shave, asking if I can deep throat, requests for very weird pictures, if I like being filled up with sperm. This isn’t sex talk, this is sexual aggression. And they wonder why we say it’s all men.
And I sometimes think to myself I’m so good at finding people on apps on Google, one of these days I’m going to start screenshotting and sharing to your mums and sisters. But I just unmatched them all.
totally agree about porn, I’ve said it before, the majority of sex work is not empowering. Even if the individual feels empowered the cultural and societal effect places women firmly back into the objects to be owned and used category.
I’ve had all sorts of weird messages. People wanting to know if I shave, asking if I can deep throat, requests for very weird pictures, if I like being filled up with sperm. This isn’t sex talk, this is sexual aggression. And they wonder why we say it’s all men.
And I sometimes think to myself I’m so good at finding people on apps on Google, one of these days I’m going to start screenshotting and sharing to your mums and sisters. But I just unmatched them all.
Goodness gracious, you deffo had the most hardcore experiences (no pun intended) of us all Clickbait! First the peen in the bar guy and now this one…I’m so sorry, it must have been very unexpected and traumatising.
I’ve been in a similar situation but luckily received no pictures. I really think most guys who are addicted to degrading porn are not okay. They soon forget what’s real and what’s not and expect random women who do not do sex work to fulfill their sick scenarios. Why they try to find partners on dating apps is beyond me, surely there must be specialised sites/apps for that?I have to agree. Not wanting to do what these guys have seen in porn doesn’t mean you are a prude or don’t like sex. They often forget about the emotional side of things and only look for these acrobatics.
It is okay to have boundaries. It is okay not to have sex on your first date. It is okay not to have sex with someone you don’t like or don’t trust. It’s really that simple, I don’t understand why some men do not respect us and our decisions.
What gets me is how happy they seem to be watching each other getting off in groups while degrading the women and calling her a witch & dirty slut etc.
My experience was lots of younger men wanting to talk about having sex with their mothers, sisters. That is definitely porn created because 15 years ago no one I ever met talked like this, not to mention slapping, choking, rough anal. It's horrific & now children seem to be commodities as well. Oh I know this stuff has always gone on but the overwhelming degradation of humans continues unabated since porn.
My experience was lots of younger men wanting to talk about having sex with their mothers, sisters. That is definitely porn created because 15 years ago no one I ever met talked like this, not to mention slapping, choking, rough anal. It's horrific & now children seem to be commodities as well. Oh I know this stuff has always gone on but the overwhelming degradation of humans continues unabated since porn.
[26/05, 08:46] M: I still can’t see your pictures x
[26/05, 08:47]: You have to add me to your phone I think or the picture doesn't show
[26/05, 08:47] M: I mean in return lol x
[26/05, 08:48] M: I can see your profile one x
[26/05, 08:48] me : I don't really do that thh sorry
[26/05, 08:48] me : There are lots on my Tinder profile and they are all recent ones
[26/05, 08:49] M: It’s ok sorry for asking x
[26/05, 08:49] me : That's ok
Why does this keep happening? Really nice chat on Tinder, went over to WhatsApp last night late and he sent me randomly a load of pics of him ( not nudes) I said thanks and goodnight. This was the conversation this morning..he's now ignored my message asking how his day off was ...
I have to copy the text as it won't let me send screenshots on here !
[26/05, 08:47]: You have to add me to your phone I think or the picture doesn't show
[26/05, 08:47] M: I mean in return lol x
[26/05, 08:48] M: I can see your profile one x
[26/05, 08:48] me : I don't really do that thh sorry
[26/05, 08:48] me : There are lots on my Tinder profile and they are all recent ones
[26/05, 08:49] M: It’s ok sorry for asking x
[26/05, 08:49] me : That's ok
Why does this keep happening? Really nice chat on Tinder, went over to WhatsApp last night late and he sent me randomly a load of pics of him ( not nudes) I said thanks and goodnight. This was the conversation this morning..he's now ignored my message asking how his day off was ...
I have to copy the text as it won't let me send screenshots on here !
Thanks @Agent Cooper - sadly because of the sheer number of dates I went on over a number of years I’d guess statistically I’d get more extreme stuff happen. I also gave too many men too much of my time without shutting conversations down quickly enough, and I’m old enough to have been dating when blocking people on your mobile phone wasn’t a standard feature.
The awfulness can help you with inner resilience, but a stream of disappointments and nutters can also chip away at your resilience and good humour. That’s why I always recommend people taking a break after an unsettling experience or heartbreak - trying to bounce back with someone else very rarely works, your judgement is compromised and you’re acting from the wrong kind of emotion.
The awfulness can help you with inner resilience, but a stream of disappointments and nutters can also chip away at your resilience and good humour. That’s why I always recommend people taking a break after an unsettling experience or heartbreak - trying to bounce back with someone else very rarely works, your judgement is compromised and you’re acting from the wrong kind of emotion.
Thank you, as have you for me!
I don’t regret ending things with him, something was very off. That’s really interesting what the therapist said. It’s a strong trend that I’ve encountered, namely men not liking guilt. So many retreat and don’t communicate about feelings, they handle it in different ways. A friend of mine recently got dumped after 7 months, and just after having positive conversations about their future. She was so happy. He saw his ex wife (there’s definitely nothing going on there), and within days dumped my friend. He clearly hasn’t completely moved on from her emotionally, or he wouldn’t be doing this right at the point of deepening his commitment to my friend. He is a fool for throwing away his future like this. He’s not left my friend alone at all since - is it driven by genuine confusion or guilt? Only time will tell, and my friend is in the same dilemma as me about walking away, or giving things a chance. It’s like a wave of emotion hits and they run scared. He could be wanting her to ease his guilt, but I can’t call it. He has to go through this painful process to actually move on completely from his wife, in my opinion. A bit like my ex needs to.I’m missing my ex terribly now and feeling conflicted and confused too. I don’t want to lose him from my life abruptly like this, yet I don’t want to offer explanations that might shoot me in the foot, because I don’t know what I want to do. I’m wondering if I should maintain light contact while I consider this further. The thing is, he’d started talking about more stuff affecting him. He brought up his divorce with me. He confirmed it’s been applied for and he suggested he was relieved by this. I feel like he was stepping towards me more and more, then I pulled back the second it didn’t go my way. Am I being impulsive instead of logical? I think I am. I feel exactly like you, questioning what it’s all about and being so wary about protecting myself. I retreated hard and I’m regretting it.
Thank you! There are a lot of idiots around!also i’m only just skimming through but sending you a lot of love @Belle123 - everyone else has already been very eloquent and i can only second their words on what a lovely person you are! why do these men continually throw away amazing women?x
Thank you so much
The discussions about porn are spot on. There’s a lot of bad influence from that side of things. It disgusts me how far some men will go, because they’re so desensitised to it all. They’ve lost all sense of how to behave towards us and show respect. The experiences shared show just how disgusting some men are and it’s important for us to discuss it and say “this is not acceptable” so anyone reading here, feeling unsure, unconfident, or even scared, understand that, no, you need to walk away from anyone talking on this level, for your own esteem and safety x
You are doing the right thing! Sharing pictures with Internet strangers is almost always a bad idea. He can send you his if he wants it, but it does not mean you are now obliged to share yours. Only do what you are comfortable with; if he doesn’t like it, it’s his loss.[26/05, 08:46] M: I still can’t see your pictures x
[26/05, 08:47]: You have to add me to your phone I think or the picture doesn't show
[26/05, 08:47] M: I mean in return lol x
[26/05, 08:48] M: I can see your profile one x
[26/05, 08:48] me : I don't really do that thh sorry
[26/05, 08:48] me : There are lots on my Tinder profile and they are all recent ones
[26/05, 08:49] M: It’s ok sorry for asking x
[26/05, 08:49] me : That's ok
Why does this keep happening? Really nice chat on Tinder, went over to WhatsApp last night late and he sent me randomly a load of pics of him ( not nudes) I said thanks and goodnight. This was the conversation this morning..he's now ignored my message asking how his day off was ...
I have to copy the text as it won't let me send screenshots on here !
Not again!!! It’s so tedious x[26/05, 08:46] M: I still can’t see your pictures x
[26/05, 08:47]: You have to add me to your phone I think or the picture doesn't show
[26/05, 08:47] M: I mean in return lol x
[26/05, 08:48] M: I can see your profile one x
[26/05, 08:48] me : I don't really do that thh sorry
[26/05, 08:48] me : There are lots on my Tinder profile and they are all recent ones
[26/05, 08:49] M: It’s ok sorry for asking x
[26/05, 08:49] me : That's ok
Why does this keep happening? Really nice chat on Tinder, went over to WhatsApp last night late and he sent me randomly a load of pics of him ( not nudes) I said thanks and goodnight. This was the conversation this morning..he's now ignored my message asking how his day off was ...
I have to copy the text as it won't let me send screenshots on here !
Absolutely! Experiences help you get better at it all, but it naturally has an impact. It’s really important to take breaks. My friend, who I referenced in my other post, was talking of going on the apps again and I said noooooo! Take at least a month away from it, and focus on healing. She will hurt herself if she doesn’t listen to me.
It's taken me two years to not hurt @Belle123 ! Mine was the last person I was intimate with. I think all the experiences and conversations on the apps have killed something in me but to be fair I have always been very ambivalent about a proper sharing, experiencing life in a couple type relationship anyway. I need so much space but contrarily I want them to be crazy about me! 
It’s exactly this. It’s a massive barrier to move past the hurt. There’s no timescale on it. We heal when we heal. I think any difficult experiences in dating can serve to make the problem worse. Thanks for sharing and sending you a big hug xIt's taken me two years to not hurt @Belle123 ! Mine was the last person I was intimate with. I think all the experiences and conversations on the apps have killed something in me but to be fair I have always been very ambivalent about a proper sharing, experiencing life in a couple type relationship anyway. I need so much space but contrarily I want them to be crazy about me!
I actually hope this is a blip for my friend and they work it out. I could easily say forget him, move on, he’s a piece of crap, but she loves him and sees the problem. She can’t walk without trying. My ex hadn’t been with anyone besides his wife… it’s a real hard thing to go through, getting over a major ex, and it is the same for men and women. I think women are just more likely to let the emotions out and process their feelings, rather than avoid… until you can’t avoid any more x
I think it’s ok that you pulled back. We have to protect ourselves, even if it’s temporary. And I hear you on the abruptness, when it’s someone who feels like they should absolutely be in your life, actually walking away is hard.Thank you, as have you for me!
I’m missing my ex terribly now and feeling conflicted and confused too. I don’t want to lose him from my life abruptly like this, yet I don’t want to offer explanations that might shoot me in the foot, because I don’t know what I want to do. I’m wondering if I should maintain light contact while I consider this further. The thing is, he’d started talking about more stuff affecting him. He brought up his divorce with me. He confirmed it’s been applied for and he suggested he was relieved by this. I feel like he was stepping towards me more and more, then I pulled back the second it didn’t go my way. Am I being impulsive instead of logical? I think I am. I feel exactly like you, questioning what it’s all about and being so wary about protecting myself. I retreated hard and I’m regretting it.
I’ve said yes to seeing mine at the weekend. He’s trying, I know I can’t give him endless chances but I also know him well enough to know he’d have just walked away if he didn’t care. Somethings kept us committed to what we are even if we’ve technically stepped back m (and not just work) and I think he’s starting to realise that he was projecting his fears on me. He brought up something I once said earlier about liking waking up with him which was supposed to be flirty because of morning you know, but he took it as me wanting to spend more nights with each other/moving too fast for him. He finally asked what I meant. And I can only take that as he is actually working through his stuff, and maybe even though he’s not saying it, he’s showing that he does want me around while he does that. And realising that I wasn’t causing the pressure, he was making assumptions. Because I wasn’t in any rush either. I want someone who is consistent not constant, you know?
has your ex been in touch again yet?
That sounds really positive about him. I really, really hope he’s processing things and working through it all. I don’t ever like to feel I’m giving anyone false hope, but I know I’d do what you’re doing here and I’d want to see what happens next. It’s hard to walk away.
No, my ex has not been in touch. I know it doesn’t mean anything either way. I don’t want it to be permanent and maybe some temporary space to regroup is what I’ve actually needed. It’s been a busy week on a number of fronts, and I’ve had something personal to contend with on an emotional level, that’s nothing to do with any man. I can see I’ve been impulsive in some ways, as I’ve processed various things. It’s nothing to do with that guy yesterday, I’m 100% confident I did the right thing and was driven by the right things. There’s far more at stake with my ex and I reacted in the moment and looked too narrowly at it all, if that makes sense? What I feel I should be doing is not letting it bother me, that he couldn’t meet me when I suggested, and focus on what is actually happening - good connection and incremental progress. Keep it moving, and keep my options open xx
Thanks gang, and i know you’re right about not going back in so soon. But I know myself, and I needed a distraction so I didn’t completely crumble the minute D came crawling back. Anyway, I have a lovely walk and cup of tea with a nice man today.
no great shakes and I’m off to Corfu in 2 weeks with my best mate who lives miles away. We’ve postponed it twice because of covid but this really couldn’t have come at a better time.
I honestly adore all of you for your straight up advice. You always tell me exactly what I need to know and in the back of my mind knew already. Sorry I’ve had
but I really really love you guys. You are the best.
no great shakes and I’m off to Corfu in 2 weeks with my best mate who lives miles away. We’ve postponed it twice because of covid but this really couldn’t have come at a better time.
I honestly adore all of you for your straight up advice. You always tell me exactly what I need to know and in the back of my mind knew already. Sorry I’ve had
but I really really love you guys. You are the best.We love you Bunny!!! XThanks gang, and i know you’re right about not going back in so soon. But I know myself, and I needed a distraction so I didn’t completely crumble the minute D came crawling back. Anyway, I have a lovely walk and cup of tea with a nice man today.
no great shakes and I’m off to Corfu in 2 weeks with my best mate who lives miles away. We’ve postponed it twice because of covid but this really couldn’t have come at a better time.
I honestly adore all of you for your straight up advice. You always tell me exactly what I need to know and in the back of my mind knew already. Sorry I’ve had
Happy sunny Friday 
ladies
How is everyone today ?
Not much to report here, I'm still running the gauntlet of men on Tinder
Anyone else experience the weird turn in conversation once you move over to WhatsApp? My experiences recently....the conversation takes the usual yawnfest and the sexual questions start ..asking for pictures...or just sooo boring !
I've also been ghosted twice
on Tinder ! No reason just gone from the app! That's one thing about Tinder that ' annoys' me, they unmatch and the whole conversation vanishes so you can't re read etc. That doesn't happen on any other app in my experience?
My rambling thoughts this morning
ladies How is everyone today ?
Not much to report here, I'm still running the gauntlet of men on Tinder
Anyone else experience the weird turn in conversation once you move over to WhatsApp? My experiences recently....the conversation takes the usual yawnfest and the sexual questions start ..asking for pictures...or just sooo boring !
I've also been ghosted twice
on Tinder ! No reason just gone from the app! That's one thing about Tinder that ' annoys' me, they unmatch and the whole conversation vanishes so you can't re read etc. That doesn't happen on any other app in my experience? My rambling thoughts this morning
SO my 2nd date with M went well. We went for dinner and a few drinks but it was only 2ish hours.. he had to be up early this morning and he was shattered! We said goodbye and he gave me a few kisses, he didn’t mention about seeing me again so I asked him and he said it’s all ok, from what I gather if he’s not going to this bbq tomorrow he’s gunna be available but I’ll just wait for him to ask me. I’ve made plans for us 2 times so his turn now.
I feel like his texting is different though so on Saturday after we met he was like oh it was lovely to meet you etc etc can’t wait to see you again, I didn’t get that this time but he said he enjoyed my company??I’m defo reading into it hah. Will go with the flow and see what happens, if he doesn’t arrange another date back onto the apps
I’ll add the screenshot too. His spelling is awful
I feel like his texting is different though so on Saturday after we met he was like oh it was lovely to meet you etc etc can’t wait to see you again, I didn’t get that this time but he said he enjoyed my company??I’m defo reading into it hah. Will go with the flow and see what happens, if he doesn’t arrange another date back onto the apps
I’ll add the screenshot too. His spelling is awful
Attachments
Last edited:
- Status