Dating after lockdown #20 I’m done. Too late to become a nun?

[candyland_]

I think you’ve got to have your eyes open and use your gut instinct.. You can tell if someone is dragging you along. Any quiet spells or hesitation and they aren’t interested.

I spoke to mine for five weeks before we met. We clicked from the word hello so there was never any doubts there.

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

I think you’ve got to have your eyes open and use your gut instinct.. You can tell if someone is dragging you along. Any quiet spells or hesitation and they aren’t interested.

I spoke to mine for five weeks before we met. We clicked from the word hello so there was never any doubts there.

Yes true although this guy who did this messaged me all day every day n seemed interested in my life and days! Never went a day without talking to me.. If he hadn’t of done that I wouldn’t of continued to message for so long lol. Some of them are good at dragging you along without you even realising sometimes! In future I won’t meet anyone who doesn’t wanna meet in two weeks of talking because of him lol

 

[Bagpuss7]

Yes true although this guy who did this messaged me all day every day n seemed interested in my life and days! Never went a day without talking to me.. If he hadn’t of done that I wouldn’t of continued to message for so long lol. Some of them are good at dragging you along without you even realising sometimes! In future I won’t meet anyone who doesn’t wanna meet in two weeks of talking because of him lol

And sometimes they do that because they are not in a position to meet because they are already in a relationship and they have no intention of ever meeting! Some of these men love the chase ...the minute you start pushing for meet ups they are already moving onto the next 'victim' all whilst pretending they will meet up with you ....I've gotten to the stage more than once where we've arranged a date and they ghost on the morning of the date.. when they have reappeared- which they always do ( I believe the term is zombie for these men !) they usually 'comfess' to being in a relationship or you catch them out in a lie and find the truth for yourself!

I had one ghost and zombie me a while back ..he reappeared and messaged me like nothing had happened, so I did my Miss Marple and asked all the hows life questions? What you been upto ? He answered all good, now living in *****, i asked how come he had moved and said oh my relationship ended and I moved out !! Relationship huh ?! He told me he was single!!

Some men are genuinely slow burners especially the ones who are reeling from messy previous relationships or are new to dating online but I do agree if they aren't speaking about a meet up within the first week or two it's not ideal and or looking positive!

I think

 

[Belle123]

Some men are genuinely slow burners especially the ones who are reeling from messy previous relationships or are new to dating online but I do agree if they aren't speaking about a meet up within the first week or two it's not ideal and or looking positive!

This is it in a nutshell!

 

[IGiveUp22]

It’s tricky isn’t it because for me, a guy that wants to meet straight away (after minimal message exchange) is a red flag. But then a guy that you speak to for a while & is reluctant to meet/excuses etc is also a red flag. So basically, men are just red flags

 

[LaBlonde]

It’s tricky isn’t it because for me, a guy that wants to meet straight away (after minimal message exchange) is a red flag. But then a guy that you speak to for a while & is reluctant to meet/excuses etc is also a red flag. So basically, men are just red flags

next thread title right here imo

 

[al255]

Even though I’m onto the next one.. it makes me wonder why I’ve not had a response to my text. Literally 0 response since Sunday! We was “meant” to be meeting Saturday and he’s not spoke to me for a few days! Imagine if I cared and thought we was meeting. I wonder if he will just “ghost” me or if I’ll get a reply…. My friends recon OG Thursday date man has a gf

 

[BunnyLebowski]

Well today I was supposed to be going away with D. Still haven’t heard from him - stupid fucker. Probably for the best.
Anyway, I’m going for a country walk and coffee with a man I met on bumble. I’ll report back.
for you Belle and everyone

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Well today I was supposed to be going away with D. Still haven’t heard from him - stupid fucker. Probably for the best.
Anyway, I’m going for a country walk and coffee with a man I met on bumble. I’ll report back.
for you Belle and everyone

WHAT?? I thought you weer loved up. Are you meant to be going away for a holiday?

And why are you back on Bumble? Am confused

Even though I’m onto the next one.. it makes me wonder why I’ve not had a response to my text. Literally 0 response since Sunday! We was “meant” to be meeting Saturday and he’s not spoke to me for a few days! Imagine if I cared and thought we was meeting. I wonder if he will just “ghost” me or if I’ll get a reply…. My friends recon OG Thursday date man has a gf

I had this twice and just deleted the contacts. Idiotic time wasters.

 

[LaBlonde]

also i’m only just skimming through but sending you a lot of love @Belle123 - everyone else has already been very eloquent and i can only second their words on what a lovely person you are! why do these men continually throw away amazing women? x

 

[secretsu]

Just saw this on Mumsnet. Yes we know it but it's a good reminder to heed it.

This is great advice and I completely agree.

I got myself 2 penpals when I first started dating. One did live quite far away, but it was very do-able to meet up, he preferred video calls twice a week that lasted 3 or 4 hours a time , he bored me senseless as I wanted (at the very least) restaurants, cinema trips, walks in the park etc. But he wanted to sit in his bedroom talking at me about the Marvel multiverse.
The other one was so sweet, very inexperienced dating (even though mid 40s). Infrequent texter, but when he did they were long with lots of exciting plans of what we could do together in the future. Genuinely fell for him and felt a huge connection eventhough it was several months before we met up in person. Getting further dates out of him was like getting blood from a stone, weeks would go by with lots of "i'll get back to you" about date plans which rarely materialised. After 5 months I finished it, saying I wanted a relationship not a penpal, he seemed genuinely shocked that what he was doing wasn't enough, there was zero actual effort on his part, it was all talk.

I wish I had ended it with the second guy sooner I felt such a mug being strung out for so long, I really felt like I had wasted so much time on him when it was obviously going nowhere.

 

[Sandor]

also i’m only just skimming through but sending you a lot of love @Belle123 - everyone else has already been very eloquent and i can only second their words on what a lovely person you are! why do these men continually throw away amazing women? x

I third this! @Belle123 you have been such a source of sanity for me. I’m so glad you are so grounded, though I know there’ll also be hurt in there too. do you remember our chat about instincts and how we know when somethings wrong because of behavioural inconsistencies or changes? You’re absolutely right as far as I’m concerned to have said and hard lined how you have. His behaviour caused this, not you.

I remember a therapist once telling me that men will do anything to not feel guilt or bad or uncomfortable about something because they’re so used to male privilege. And I see it in nearly every man I know, they want easy lives but it’s so internalised what that means that they make things crappy for everyone. Just because being honest makes them uncomfortable.

Honestly, reading through what you’re all saying today, I feel really conflicted. My ex IS showing up for me still. He’s checked in with me everyday this week. He’s been really sweet over a work conflict between our two companies as his boss wants something very different to mine and we’re the bloody go betweens. He’s made it so clear that he doesn’t want it to be something that affects us personally, and he’s asked to see me this weekend to do something he promised me months ago. But I’m also conscious that maybe because he can’t quite let go, I’m clinging on to a hope that I shouldn’t.

I’m beginning to think the best thing we can all do is try but know there’s no guarantees. If we go in with open eyes and not just hearts, at least we won’t be surprised. We can take a deep breath and go ok, so let’s have a few tears, a deep breath and remember it’s not personal.

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

also i’m only just skimming through but sending you a lot of love @Belle123 - everyone else has already been very eloquent and i can only second their words on what a lovely person you are! why do these men continually throw away amazing women? x

Because they think there’s an endless supply of us... there isn’t. I’ve met a handful of decent women because a lot are just as bad as men!! Lol

 

[Wowitsme]

Well today I was supposed to be going away with D. Still haven’t heard from him - stupid fucker. Probably for the best.
Anyway, I’m going for a country walk and coffee with a man I met on bumble. I’ll report back.
for you Belle and everyone

Bunny you really should be taking time out from dating as you’ve only just broken up and you need to heal or breathe from the relationship as I think it was mentioned ages ago about jumping into these relationships with men with red flags.

 

[Jadejones9596]

Blimey, I had a quick look at Hinge before deleting all my apps after swearing off men due to the last disaster and found a cute one who I bloody work with! Nice conversation happening but going easy. Hinge seems good though gals, they seem more chatty x

 

[Sheabutter]

Interesting checking out Facebook dating groups too. There’s one near me for women called Vouched Dating. Women post dating profiles and pictures of their guy friends. It’s cute

 

[Jadejones9596]

Well today I was supposed to be going away with D. Still haven’t heard from him - stupid fucker. Probably for the best.
Anyway, I’m going for a country walk and coffee with a man I met on bumble. I’ll report back.
for you Belle and everyone

Sending lots of love Bunny, take it easy with this guy and focus on your happiness, thats the most important thing. Screw D, you were too good for him anyway xx

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Even though I’m onto the next one.. it makes me wonder why I’ve not had a response to my text. Literally 0 response since Sunday! We was “meant” to be meeting Saturday and he’s not spoke to me for a few days! Imagine if I cared and thought we was meeting. I wonder if he will just “ghost” me or if I’ll get a reply…. My friends recon OG Thursday date man has a gf

Just remember if (when) he does message, to take ages to reply because you're away with your new "hot & fit" date and it's best he doesn't contact you again as things are going great!

 

[Jadejones9596]

Just read through the past few pages. You lot are a lovely bunch @Belle123 i know it's been said already but it really is his loss. You're a compassionate and intelligent person and you deserve the best x

 

[candyland_]

Even though I’m onto the next one.. it makes me wonder why I’ve not had a response to my text. Literally 0 response since Sunday! We was “meant” to be meeting Saturday and he’s not spoke to me for a few days! Imagine if I cared and thought we was meeting. I wonder if he will just “ghost” me or if I’ll get a reply…. My friends recon OG Thursday date man has a gf

Weren’t you giving him dead responses and not replying to him the other day? And you were the one initiating most of the contact before the new one came along? He wasn’t that keen on making sure he had a babysitter either and all of these things add up to make me think you were the one putting the effort in so now you’ve stopped it’s just shown his level of interest.