Dating after lockdown #20 I’m done. Too late to become a nun?

[Fledgling Psycho]

It was all very rocky and up and down for my son and his now wife @Belle123. I think caring so much for her, feeling vulnerable & scared of that feeling it could all go wrong, he definitely tried to self sabotage it. For her part she was recovering wounds & scars from her previous crazy relationship. They both brought it all out on the table. All the fears and insecurity and yes jealousy about previous partners, illogical & a red flag as many warn. You're absolutely right & you know this guy and we don't. My two year thing that ended badly, well sometimes I still feel immensely touched by how lovely he was in many respects. Just had his own foibles and pressures.
It's no good being bitter but at the same time, feeling rejected is bloody painful. It messes with our ego and our ego wants to protect us. I'm waffling here but that was a great post as usual.

 

[millsymilsean]

Hello everyone
I just want to echo what everyone said @LaBlonde you do not bring the thread down at all. You’re brilliant and give such good advice!

@Belle123 I just think you’re so clear headed and strong, it’s really inspiring. You have shown time and time again that you’re a good person, the way you talk about your ex is honestly so mature and shows your good nature. I think drawing a line with him is a great idea…sometimes circumstances just don’t add up and it’s not necessarily anyones “fault” per se, but you have been giving him a lot of your emotional time and energy so I think it’s good to draw back for your own mental health.

In my news - I seemingly have a date on Friday! I hope it goes well, I really like him

 

[Belle123]

It was all very rocky and up and down for my son and his now wife @Belle123. I think caring so much for her, feeling vulnerable & scared of that feeling it could all go wrong, he definitely tried to self sabotage it. For her part she was recovering wounds & scars from her previous crazy relationship. They both brought it all out on the table. All the fears and insecurity and yes jealousy about previous partners, illogical & a red flag as many warn. You're absolutely right & you know this guy and we don't. My two year thing that ended badly, well sometimes I still feel immensely touched by how lovely he was in many respects. Just had his own foibles and pressures.
It's no good being bitter but at the same time, feeling rejected is bloody painful. It messes with our ego and our ego wants to protect us. I'm waffling here but that was a great post as usual.

It’s wonderful they worked through it together and really got to the bottom of it. No doubt they figured out a lot about themselves along the way and I’m glad it worked out well in the end. Thank you for sharing this and showing when two people are willing to fight through to be together, something beautiful can emerge. Rejection is hard, no matter how strong and secure you are. It’s the crap part of dating! x

Hello everyone
I just want to echo what everyone said @LaBlonde you do not bring the thread down at all. You’re brilliant and give such good advice!

@Belle123 I just think you’re so clear headed and strong, it’s really inspiring. You have shown time and time again that you’re a good person, the way you talk about your ex is honestly so mature and shows your good nature. I think drawing a line with him is a great idea…sometimes circumstances just don’t add up and it’s not necessarily anyones “fault” per se, but you have been giving him a lot of your emotional time and energy so I think it’s good to draw back for your own mental health.

In my news - I seemingly have a date on Friday! I hope it goes well, I really like him

That’s such a lovely thing to say, thank you! You’re right, it’s not about fault. There’s no drama with it, just my personal choice to readjust and stop the contact and give it space.

Yay, that’s great news, and I hope you have a lovely time x

 

[xcyber]

Hi all, new here, I’ve been reading this thread and wondering why I didn’t find it at any point when I was single (for most of my life). I have Had many many an app date and literally everything that’s been spoken about on this thread I can relate to!

But as for my worst date, it was near the end of summer last year maybe August time. It was fine. He was attractive enough and even though there wasn’t a spark as such we were able to chat for several hours - or mainly he chatted and I listened but whatever. He spoke a lot about how he’d made loads of money on crypto or something of the like. I did notice that he was a bit reluctant to order drinks after the initial one we had on entry - even tho it had been a couple of hours. I’d say we stayed for 3-4 hours and had 2 drinks each. Cordial goodbyes and no intention of seeing each other again but no hard feelings. We hadn’t exchanged numbers. Anyway next day I wake up to a message on Hinge with his bank account details asking me to pay him for my 2 glasses of wine. I got INVOICED for a date! Needless to say I took a break off dating after that.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Hi all, new here, I’ve been reading this thread and wondering why I didn’t find it at any point when I was single (for most of my life). I have Had many many an app date and literally everything that’s been spoken about on this thread I can relate to!

But as for my worst date, it was near the end of summer last year maybe August time. It was fine. He was attractive enough and even though there wasn’t a spark as such we were able to chat for several hours - or mainly he chatted and I listened but whatever. He spoke a lot about how he’d made loads of money on crypto or something of the like. I did notice that he was a bit reluctant to order drinks after the initial one we had on entry - even tho it had been a couple of hours. I’d say we stayed for 3-4 hours and had 2 drinks each. Cordial goodbyes and no intention of seeing each other again but no hard feelings. We hadn’t exchanged numbers. Anyway next day I wake up to a message on Hinge with his bank account details asking me to pay him for my 2 glasses of wine. I got INVOICED for a date! Needless to say I took a break off dating after that.

Oh that's awful. Quite unbelievable though I do believe it. In lists of turn offs/icks being tight with money generally comes top.

 

[Kimmylookatme]

Hi all, new here, I’ve been reading this thread and wondering why I didn’t find it at any point when I was single (for most of my life). I have Had many many an app date and literally everything that’s been spoken about on this thread I can relate to!

But as for my worst date, it was near the end of summer last year maybe August time. It was fine. He was attractive enough and even though there wasn’t a spark as such we were able to chat for several hours - or mainly he chatted and I listened but whatever. He spoke a lot about how he’d made loads of money on crypto or something of the like. I did notice that he was a bit reluctant to order drinks after the initial one we had on entry - even tho it had been a couple of hours. I’d say we stayed for 3-4 hours and had 2 drinks each. Cordial goodbyes and no intention of seeing each other again but no hard feelings. We hadn’t exchanged numbers. Anyway next day I wake up to a message on Hinge with his bank account details asking me to pay him for my 2 glasses of wine. I got INVOICED for a date! Needless to say I took a break off dating after that.

Jesus!!!

 

[suzuka]

My worst date story was caused by me

It was my first date with a woman and when we were saying bye, I was so preoccupied with panicking about whether we'd hug/kiss/shake hands/whatever that I ended up chatting some nonsense and quoting a meme that made NO SENSE in the context of what she was talking about.

I'd quote the meme but it's become so infamous among my friends that I'm scared someone will identify me from it Basically it involved swinging my elbows and making a poop reference.

She promptly spun around and left, I was MORTIFIED and called a friend, she advised me to send her the meme I was quoting for context. I was laughing/screaming while sending it, and ended up sending her a random GIF of a businessman on the toilet

Miraculously, she still wanted a second date but I was so embarrassed I couldn't face her again

You've made my day can't stop laughing

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

Oh that's awful. Quite unbelievable though I do believe it. In lists of turn offs/icks being tight with money generally comes top.

Definitely agree with this! I don’t want someone who’s tight with money. I once ended things with someone I was seeing because he wouldn’t order a pizza I stayed at his forgot my card I was starving n he wouldn’t even order us a pizza. I’m happy to pay my share of things but on the first date if the man doesn’t pay there won’t be a second lol

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Has anyone had a work colleague keep swiping on you? Out of the 4 times I’ve seen him on bumble, he’s swiped me twice and the other 2 times I’ve seen his profile first and swiped left on him before he’s had chance to come across my profile! I’ve not told the rest of the office because I work with 3 men and they wouldn’t let me live it down and then when i bump into one who swipes me, it makes me feel uncomfortable.

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

Has anyone had a work colleague keep swiping on you? Out of the 4 times I’ve seen him on bumble, he’s swiped me twice and the other 2 times I’ve seen his profile first and swiped left on him before he’s had chance to come across my profile! I’ve not told the rest of the office because I work with 3 men and they wouldn’t let me live it down and then when i bump into one who swipes me, it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Oh god that would create such an awkward atmosphere! I hate coming across people I know on there never mind people you actually see at work! Atleast your protecting both of you by not telling the other colleagues, not everyone would keep it quiet

 

[xcyber]

Oh that's awful. Quite unbelievable though I do believe it. In lists of turn offs/icks being tight with money generally comes top.

I know right! I always tend to offer to get a round after they get a couple, I’m hardly a gold digger. But the sheer embarrassment of asking for your money back the day after… well at least it’s a funny story to share!

 

[al255]

When I went on the date with J, I ended up paying for most of the drinks! I was drinking quicker than him to be fair but even so he got the first round and that was it. The date with OG thurs date man and M they’ve paid! M paid the bill before they gave it to us, which I thought was nice. He text me last night saying goodnight beautiful and that he can’t wait to see me thursday which I think is lovely. It might be OTT for some people but I’m into it I’m all or nothing so it works for me. With that being said still no reply from Thursday date man, he didn’t reply to my text yesterday saying sorry been so busy with work! How rude (I don’t care now if he replies or not hahhhahah)

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I suppose the droning about crypto was a warning sign.

 

[Belle123]

Just when I decided to focus on current guy, he’s being a prat. He wasn’t in touch yesterday. Not a problem in itself. I sent him a message last night and it’s still on one tick. I’m not blocked but I can’t think of a good explanation for this. I sent him a text this morning, and that doesn’t seem to have got through either. I’m getting a bad gut instinct. I’ll sit it out and see what happens, but I feel like cancelling our date tomorrow - not that he’d get the message at this rate Why is it so complicated?

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

When I went on the date with J, I ended up paying for most of the drinks! I was drinking quicker than him to be fair but even so he got the first round and that was it. The date with OG thurs date man and M they’ve paid! M paid the bill before they gave it to us, which I thought was nice. He text me last night saying goodnight beautiful and that he can’t wait to see me thursday which I think is lovely. It might be OTT for some people but I’m into it I’m all or nothing so it works for me. With that being said still no reply from Thursday date man, he didn’t reply to my text yesterday saying sorry been so busy with work! How rude (I don’t care now if he replies or not hahhhahah)

Aww it’s not ott I think it’s nice I’m all or nothing too lol. I thing some things only seem ott because of how the dating world is now!

Just when I decided to focus on current guy, he’s being a prat. He wasn’t in touch yesterday. Not a problem in itself. I sent him a message last night and it’s still on one tick. I’m not blocked but I can’t think of a good explanation for this. I sent him a text this morning, and that doesn’t seem to have got through either. I’m getting a bad gut instinct. I’ll sit it out and see what happens, but I feel like cancelling our date tomorrow - not that he’d get the message at this rate Why is it so complicated?

Don’t cancel, wait it out see if he contacts you and go on the date if it’s still on. But if he doesn’t contact you don’t contact him about the date!

 

[Bagpuss7]

Aww it’s not ott I think it’s nice I’m all or nothing too lol. I thing some things only seem ott because of how the dating world is now!


Don’t cancel, wait it out see if he contacts you and go on the date if it’s still on. But if he doesn’t contact you don’t contact him about the date!

Its lovely to be excited but ...I think we've all learnt the hard way that it's 'sensible' to hold onto your heart until you've got at least a few dates under your belt...

@Belle123 ...could he be somewhere with work and signal is bad ? Was it him that had no signal at his folks house or was that a different guy I'm thinking of ?

 

[Belle123]

Its lovely to be excited but ...I think we've all learnt the hard way that it's 'sensible' to hold onto your heart until you've got at least a few dates under your belt...

@Belle123 ...could he be somewhere with work and signal is bad ? Was it him that had no signal at his folks house or was that a different guy I'm thinking of ?

Slim chance his excuse will be work-related. But he’s out of range of mobile signal and WiFi? He was out of reception, apparently, the weekend after we had three good dates. Truthfully, I feel like he gets excited and then pulls back. It’s a bit all over the place!

 

[Bagpuss7]

Slim chance his excuse will be work-related. But he’s out of range of mobile signal and WiFi? He was out of reception, apparently, the weekend after we had three good dates. Truthfully, I feel like he gets excited and then pulls back. It’s a bit all over the place!

It's the weird uncertainty when their texting behaviour changes..are you able to just call and do the jokey are you ignoring me call ?

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Belle I know someone and his phone is often switched off or out of signal. Recently we met up and he showed up as arranged. I thought he was going to ghost me. Yes sit it out but if he's another ditherer, you don't need it.

My son's is too.

Also I could take or leave this guy mentioned. In fact I've deleted his number. I'd never contact him anyway.

 

[Belle123]

It's the weird uncertainty when their texting behaviour changes..are you able to just call and do the jokey are you ignoring me call ?

Exactly! It’s just not anything I do, which is what’s triggering something in me I guess. I know it’s not necessarily bad. I’d rather let him come to me than bombard him, so I’ll see how he goes now my message has finally got through to him x

Belle I know someone and his phone is often switched off or out of signal. Recently we met up and he showed up as arranged. I thought he was going to ghost me. Yes sit it out but if he's another ditherer, you don't need it.

My son's is too.

Also I could take or leave this guy mentioned. In fact I've deleted his number. I'd never contact him anyway.

Thanks for this, I feel a bit reassured. You’re so right I don’t need another ditherer! I think I’m hypersensitive this week with everything and if he wants to be a pillock, crack on. I’ll find someone else x