thats exactly where I am at too! I’m absolutely fine being on my own but I would like to enjoy life with someone. Why is it so difficult?Thing is. Even if it's not the opening message, you suspect it will follow shortly (sex references). I've got to the stage where I rarely engage with anyone. Luckily I genuinely have started to appreciate being single. Especially when amongst married couples!
Ps. I couldn't even find a FWB, that's how dire it was. Just users, losers, blockers & ghosters. It's not conducive to self esteem.
Dating after lockdown #18 Show me your c*ck and I will block
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I really feel that this man is trying to skate by on the bare minimum approach and makes token gestures to keep you interested whilst never backing them up with consistent action and care.
If someone invited me on a date to a bookshop 40+ miles away I’d expect there to be a really good reason why - like my favourite author was doing a book reading for example. Perhaps he thought it was a quirky idea or he’d been watching ‘You’ve got Mail’ but nothing about his actions tell me he’s trying to really connect with you.
He may be a laid back person who puts minimal effort into making things happen, but if so, does that fit with what you’d be looking for from someone you’re in a relationship with? Personally I think he sent the flowers to reel you in and now thinks his work is done.
We’ve all had dates with entitled men who buy a drink or pay for dinner and then suddenly think you should be bowing down at their feet.
I don’t think he’s right for you, you’ve given him a chance more than once and he’s squandered it.
You need to wonder if they get a sexual kick out of sending messages like that. Surely all women just unmatch so what’s the actual pointLatest opening message…Hey sexy wouldn't mind you squatting on my shaft mmm x
Why is it so difficult to get to the point of actually going on a date? Where do people meet people anymore?
). Which app is best these days? Not all women! It's a numbers game with a lot of these men, they send the same message to x amount of women and without a doubt one or more will respond, even if its negatively and they have the attention they are looking for. There are also many many women who behave in a similar crass manner on those sites. Just makes life very difficult for those of us looking for a genuine connectionYou need to wonder if they get a sexual kick out of sending messages like that. Surely all women just unmatch so what’s the actual point
Interesting use of the word 'shaft' most either call it the d or the c word !Latest opening message…Hey sexy wouldn't mind you squatting on my shaft mmm x
Why is it so difficult to get to the point of actually going on a date? Where do people meet people anymore?
this is absolutely where i’m atThing is. Even if it's not the opening message, you suspect it will follow shortly (sex references). I've got to the stage where I rarely engage with anyone. Luckily I genuinely have started to appreciate being single. Especially when amongst married couples!
Ps. I couldn't even find a FWB, that's how dire it was. Just users, losers, blockers & ghosters. It's not conducive to self esteem.
i just don’t have the energy right now: i’m messaging a fairly decent seeming guy but he is VERY keen and i feel awful for how half-hearted i’m being in return. at the moment i just want to come home from work, eat, read for a bit, maybe watch some tv, talk to my friends - i can’t summon up the want to make small talk
Here’s the next one…
Did it hurt when you fell from the vending machine? Cause you look like a snack.
Nope! I am not ok with these messages
Did it hurt when you fell from the vending machine? Cause you look like a snack.
Nope! I am not ok with these messages
There's a guy from back in 2018 who I used to chat to plus I was quite excited by all the attention I was getting (being gullible) but in time, it transpired he had a gf & he was one of these guys who liked to be cuckold-ed. After a while I tired of his long messages of his fantasies (along with most of the others) I mean how much time do I want to waste?! He Whatsapp me at Christmas & has sent a friend request on Instagram, neither of which I've responded to. No way mate, I know too much about your pervy wee brain! I must say I get more pleasure from ignoring than blocking. 
Some time ago, not that long, last year maybe, I read of a woman who'd responded to a hook up & given her address. When she went down to let him in, he had mates with him. From what I remember she was attacked by them, possibly robbed & raped. I forget the details, but my blood ran cold, thinking how I had assumed these men would be trustworthy that I was talking to (initially) until I realized how duplicitous most if them are (not all!)
Some time ago, not that long, last year maybe, I read of a woman who'd responded to a hook up & given her address. When she went down to let him in, he had mates with him. From what I remember she was attacked by them, possibly robbed & raped. I forget the details, but my blood ran cold, thinking how I had assumed these men would be trustworthy that I was talking to (initially) until I realized how duplicitous most if them are (not all!)
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This is why these men we meet online are strangers until they prove themselves to be otherwise and imo that's multiple dates and a good period of time needs to pass whilst getting to know them. My home is my safe place, you have to earn the right to come into it. I never give my full address to men I meet online and if they ever drop me home after a date i never show them which house is mine.There's a guy from back in 2018 who I used to chat to plus I was quite excited by all the attention I was getting (being gullible) but in time, it transpired he had a gf & he was one of these guys who liked to be cuckold-ed. After a while I tired of his long messages of his fantasies (along with most of the others) I mean how much time do I want to waste?! He Whatsapp me at Christmas & has sent a friend request on Instagram, neither of which I've responded to. No way mate, I know too much about your pervy wee brain! I must say I get more pleasure from ignoring than blocking.
Some time ago, not that long, last year maybe, I read of a woman who'd responded to a hook up & given her address. When she went down to let him in, he had mates with him. From what I remember she was attacked by them, possibly robbed & raped. I forget the details, but my blood ran cold, thinking how I had assumed these men would be trustworthy that I was talking to (initially) until I realized how duplicitous most if them are (not all!)
I remember reading once about a lady that was burgled, she said the sense of violation you feel and how her home was never her sanctuary again after this man had come into her space. She ended up moving. This really resonated with me,can only imagine how awful it would feel if it was a man that had been invited round.
god that’s awful
when you really breakdown online dating the safety aspect of it sometimes really scares me - you naturally give away so much about yourself during small talk without really realising and without really knowing the person. a friend of mine was messaging a guy over the first lockdown and gave him her address because he wanted to send her flowers. i really gave her a strong talking to - they never actually met but he sent her not just those flowers but multiple flowers afterwards and would frequently message to say that he was outside her building, could he come up etc. i don’t let a man near my house until we’re at least at date 6 or 7. it’s like that woman being perfectly happy to hop on the tinder swindler’s private jet for a first date! yes, please put yourself at the mercy of a complete stranger who could literally fly you to another country and leave you there! wtf.
It is chilling. I honestly never realized how the landscape had changed after being out of a relationship for 5 years. I had no idea about pick up artist forums, techniques of negging etc. I really don't mean to come across as negative Nancy & I know how I didn't want to hear people warning me to be careful. I thought they were putting a damper on me having fun. Ha!
It's not being negative if it's keeping you safe
I had an experience on holiday a few years ago, it was my first holiday abroad by myself, it was an experience ! One evening whilst I was having dinner I noticed a man watching me, after my dinner I went to the shop near my hotel for some cider
and chocolate to take back to my room to sit on my balcony and watch the sea. He appeared in the shop queue and then proceeded to follow me into my hotel. As I started to walk towards the lift, my brain started screaming at me do not get in that lift do not get in that lift. I backtracked to the reception desk, he carried on past me and got in the lift. I was scared. Spoke to the reception guy and he told me to stay with him. The man reappeared and walked past as if to leave the hotel, I then went to go to the lift and he started to follow me again. The reception guy stopped him. I spent the rest of the week with a chair under my hotel door. It turned out the man was a hotel guest but at the sister hotel, he told the receptionist that he had come to my hotel to check when the pool was open ! They think and so do I he was lying but who knows..it scared me.Sorry about the long post! Basically our gut instincts are there to protect us!
Yes! I’m still cross about Mr Cardiff. A 51 year old man!
I remember that! Awful.There's a guy from back in 2018 who I used to chat to plus I was quite excited by all the attention I was getting (being gullible) but in time, it transpired he had a gf & he was one of these guys who liked to be cuckold-ed. After a while I tired of his long messages of his fantasies (along with most of the others) I mean how much time do I want to waste?! He Whatsapp me at Christmas & has sent a friend request on Instagram, neither of which I've responded to. No way mate, I know too much about your pervy wee brain! I must say I get more pleasure from ignoring than blocking.
Some time ago, not that long, last year maybe, I read of a woman who'd responded to a hook up & given her address. When she went down to let him in, he had mates with him. From what I remember she was attacked by them, possibly robbed & raped. I forget the details, but my blood ran cold, thinking how I had assumed these men would be trustworthy that I was talking to (initially) until I realized how duplicitous most if them are (not all!)
Hello ladies
Had a bit of an unsettling time lately- I think I mentioned before that my ex got together with one of my best friends towards the end of our relationship? Well meaning mutual friends have sent me pics/screenshots etc of them which has f**ked with my head a bit. With what happened withMr Cardiff I’ve been few a bit fragile/bruised.
I have really given up on Bumble but am enjoying chatting to Mr ‘not dated for 10 years’. Not sure if there’s anything romantic but we have said we will go and see each other DJ (it’s my hobby/side hustle). He seems very calm and grown up. So we’ll see. I just want to say how much all of you have helped me in the last few weeks when I’ve felt lonely and fed up x
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Honestly, none. It's dire out thereNew to this thread -Which app is best these days?
That's one positive of technology that we no longer have to have awkward face to face or phone calls with people and we can just send a text message. In this instance I would do this with your 'well meaning ' friends. I never understand why people feel the need to add to our suffering by saying or sharing information that is going to hurt, offend or cause pain. By sharing that information with you what were they honestly hoping to achieve? I'd send a group text saying whilst you appreciate none of them meant any malice or harm to you, by sending pictures or messages about the ex they are actually hurting your feelings and causing you to regress when you are making a huge effort to move forward with your life and can they please stop. Sometimes you just gotta tell people straight.Yes! I’m still cross about Mr Cardiff. A 51 year old man!
I remember that! Awful.
Hello ladies
Mr Cardiff I’ve been few a bit fragile/bruised.
I have really given up on Bumble but am enjoying chatting to Mr ‘not dated for 10 years’. Not sure if there’s anything romantic but we have said we will go and see each other DJ (it’s my hobby/side hustle). He seems very calm and grown up. So we’ll see. I just want to say how much all of you have helped me in the last few weeks when I’ve felt lonely and fed up x
@Bagpuss7 Yes. It seems so insensitive. 
Anyone else feel such conflict in regards to relationships?
I want one, I loved being in one when I was in one, but I’ve been single for 2 years now and the thought of someone sharing my life feels foreign at this point. I can’t remember how it feels, I’ve made my life my own…it’s weird
I want one, I loved being in one when I was in one, but I’ve been single for 2 years now and the thought of someone sharing my life feels foreign at this point. I can’t remember how it feels, I’ve made my life my own…it’s weird
Yes! I’m still cross about Mr Cardiff. A 51 year old man!
I remember that! Awful.
Hello ladies
Mr Cardiff I’ve been few a bit fragile/bruised.
That’s exactly what I’ve done! It’s like two steps forward one back at the moment x
100000000% agree on every level. i was out with friends last night and said exactly this: i love my life and i have, like you say, made it exactly my own full of things and people i love. the thought of even attempting to share that with someone else is scary to me sometimes, especially as i’m also fairly self-contained and very protective of my personal space and time. not exactly great characteristics to have for someone trying to date
i love the idea of having a relationship and being important to someone and i’m sure that, if/when the right guy comes along, i’ll know and it won’t feel difficult. if not, i’ll stick to my original plan of dating someone who works on an oil rig or on a submarine or sm and is away for 70% of the year.
It's about meeting someone to enhance our lives and to not be our lives. Despite everything I've been through recently I do love my life, I'm content and the drama and stress for me is minimal, and whilst I do get lonely at times I do actually enjoy my own company . I've worked hard to get my home how I want it and I think its going to take someone really special for me to open that part of my life up to them.100000000% agree on every level. i was out with friends last night and said exactly this: i love my life and i have, like you say, made it exactly my own full of things and people i love. the thought of even attempting to share that with someone else is scary to me sometimes, especially as i’m also fairly self-contained and very protective of my personal space and time. not exactly great characteristics to have for someone trying to date
i love the idea of having a relationship and being important to someone and i’m sure that, if/when the right guy comes along, i’ll know and it won’t feel difficult. if not, i’ll stick to my original plan of dating someone who works on an oil rig or on a submarine or sm and is away for 70% of the year.
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