Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season 🎃

[Bagpuss7]

Cocktails and live music is date-y to me. We’ve been neighbors since 2016 He became single over the past year. He has a lot of friends already.



We chat a little bit. Mostly just say hi if we pass each other going in and out of the building. He put a note in my door.

Do you like him? As in friendly way ? If you think you may enjoy an evening with him go but just make that clear when you accept the invitation? I always think if you are honest and upfront with people it's kinder and no one is confused. If he wants it to be a date as in relationship he has the choice to say no thanks to you and invite someone else.

 

[boomska]

Sorry tattlers, unsure where to post this & you guys were so helpful when I was heartbroken about my ex!
But I never blocked my ex on Instagram and I just noticed that he viewed my story tonight I went radio silent after he told me he had a girlfriend affer 1 month NC after I dumped him because he didn’t want a relationship!!

arghhhh I’m soconfused but happy! I know I shouldn’t be but I am!

 

[Sheabutter]

It’s a Rorschach and I failed

 

[prinnygrace]

Anyone else read that as “ended up with 5 guys”?

I was like, oh my…..

Hahaha that would have been a story

 

[Pixipoppy]

Level up girl, value yourself and your time more. You're not a last minute booty call. This man is learning he doesn't need to respect you/your time. Lay the boundaries now for what is not acceptable. If he gets scared and runs off, he is not the person for you. And he would run off at some point anyway.


I personally like a lot of texting and attention, but every person is different. If he's too much for you, then you need to let him know that this communication style isn't what you're comfortable with

I know, I’m just clinging on because I’ll never get someone as attractive as him again But I’m sure he can smell the desperation a mile off so I’m doing myself no favours!

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Oh yeah, the silent treatment, the icy coldness when you're not meeting their expectations, their annoyance of life happening (like a train being late) and things not being perfect in the way they imagined things. I'd say, run, don't walk. Whatever great times you had with him were only possible because he hasn't yet dropped his mask.

If I had of handled the Narcs silent treatment differently the very first time, I would be a much different person now.

 

[Thank(space)you]

@Thank(space)you @NoseyNiamh are you in the live tonight?

I was indeed, were you?

I made a comment about the fact I have a face full of filler and I love it 🔺️

I'd love to do her get your soul mate course but I can't afford it so I bought her books instead.

Feel like the thread has been quiet tonight, how is everyone doing?

 

[Captainmouse]

No

Babe, you need an osteopath or a Valium to relax the muscle.

Re the geezer…trust your gut. If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it.

@NoseyNiamh I’m gonna play it casual….so my usual grey armani skinny jeans, tight black top but with a black neglige type vest top underneath and black lacy knickers! gold necklace with dangly bits and gold bangle. minimal make-up. Hair up in a scruffy chignon with tendrilly bits of hair round my face/neck.

I’m meeting him at his house after the footy!

No strictly tattle along?

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I pulled a muscle in my right upper arm. It is so painful

The guy I met last week asked for a date last night and when I couldn't he asked for brunch this morning and it puts me off how keen he is.
Something is wrong with me, isn't it?

In any case, I can't even wash my hair with one arm only so won't go out this weekend.

I am also very concerned about him being so careless regarding Covid, he is very social and I have a strange feeling.
I don't want to get infected or, worse still, infect others and the guys I have been dating so far have all been sensible but he stated openly that he doesn't care about restricting himself. Hmmm....

 

[NoseyNiamh]

She was talking about deleting her account as somebody upset her

Oh I must have missed all this

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Thanks, I do agree that I barely do know him and he could have been a total arse but from face value he was pretty genuine and open about a lot of things. I dipped my toe in the pond but I’m taking it out and taking a break haha.



Pilates for one, just re-opened here! Reading more now university is over and getting back into hiking

Sounds great!
I also want to start a yoga and a writing challenge on the 1st.
I also decluttered and want to sell a few things so I kind of live in a warehouse now. Lots of boxes with clothes everywhere
And I bought some painting supply and thought that maybe I could try a YouTube tutorial tonight. Let's see

 

[ATV2021]

I was dating this guy (made up name jack) anyway this is sound this time last year. He was a lovely guy, best sex of my life. But he wasn't the best with money so I ended up paying for most things. And he didn't have the best hygiene which gave me the ick.


Anyway, why am I thinking about him and what could have been?! @ATV2021 come slap some sense into me.

No slapping. Just take some of the lessons from last week and focus back to you and what makes you amazing . You'll get someone 100% better who matches your vibe and energy. Focus on how much better that will feel when it happens. Do Persia's meditation too (I did it earlier and it was fab!)

 

[NoseyNiamh]

The guy that I spoke about yesterday keeps messaging me. I have been so polite with him but I'm getting weird vibes from him now. I think I need to block!

Also the guy that cancelled on me last weekend has got back in touch. Typical me, the guys who are dicks just appeal to me

 

[Pixipoppy]

Hey guys me again with another stupid question. When you’re on a date, particularly a first date how do you get over the fear of seeing someone you know? Im so scared of seeing someone I know/a colleague/an ex! How would I explain this random person I’m with. Ugh imagine having to make small talk and introduce the person to them I have social anxiety and this just makes me want to puke. Asked a couple mates but they’re much more confident than me and don’t care.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Is it just me that has no luck with securing a date.

I am on Hinge and I have had no luck with any of my matches. If I start a conversation first most never reply and every conversation fizzles about before we've even exchanged more than two comments.

I am fussy on who I match with but if I do I am instantly always interested and want to know about them.

Either I am really really ugly or boring as fuck. Feel like shit because I can't even get a conversation going long enough to then initiate a face to face meet.

You are not the problem! Delete the apps and work on your self worth and loving yourself reframe your mindset, instead of "I can never secure dates" change the narrative.

 

[Mr Sparkle]

He was in touch after I got home and we’ve been texting as normal? No mention of a second date, but he definitely didn’t drink as much last night, just a couple of glasses of wine.. However on Saturday he had had a lottttt to drink. We went ice skating and then had a drink and it was a good laugh, but he was very… different? Just cooler?


Yeah he’s been in touch! But no mention of a second date so I don’t really know what he is thinking at all the date was nice, we had fun and stuff to talk about, but he was much more reserved and controlled over his drinking? He’s either not feeling it anymore and being nice by texting me last night and today or is totally embarrassed

It really sounds like he's just a lot less confident than he appeared when you first met that night. And maybe explains why he was a bit possessive/insecure that night too (unless I'm getting your story mixed up with someone else's).

 

[ATV2021]

@ATV2021 yes that's me haha
@NoseyNiamh I've had 2.5ml in my lips over the course of a year, and I've had 4ml spread between cheeks and chin. People who know me obviously can tell I've had it but people who don't know me well or at all, are always surprised when I tell them.

AHA lol I did reply to you then I'm gonna miss tomorrow's aswell as I'm going out so need to catch up before the 11am sat one!

 

[MensaBarbie1985]

I had a very similar experience. Left an abusive relationship four years ago, spent a lot of time in therapy only to end up in a short lived relationship with a man who seemed amazing, only to be ditched for someone else. Together six months, told me he loved me, and literally days later ghosted me and my friend saw him with someone else. It ruined me.

People say that when you have low self esteem you "attract" the wrong people and I don't think that's necessarily true. I think these narcissistic arseholes try their luck with everyone, but when you've been hurt, struggle with self worth and worry that this is your last chance (I'm 36 too) you let them stick around longer than someone with a more robust self-image would. We need to stop giving them the benefit of the doubt I think.

As my friends always say to me, "Your red flag detector is fine, it's your reverse gear that doesn't work".

I have absolutely felt the same as you and it is soul destroying. The world seems full of absolute arseholes and nightmares in reasonably functional relationships and it makes you wonder what the fuck is wrong with you. It honestly isn't you though. If a man can't reply to a message now, then he's telling you the kind of person he is. It's easy to think it's you and he's making loads of effort for someone else but it's not true. We need to stop attributing so much importance to these dickheads.

If the man who love-bombed you and broke your heart is anything like mine, give it a few years and he'll have had more failed relationships than you've had dinners and you'll be grateful he did you a favour. Mine literally triggered a breakdown, and looking back I'm worth so much more than the way he treated me, and so are you. x

I swear that could be the same man I was with! He had told me that he had only dated one girl since the break-up of his marriage 18 months prior yet I found out later I was number 4-5 on the list and he'd done the same to every single one. Funnily enough, his ex-wife, me and his new girlfriend had all been in abusive relationships prior to meeting him!

I think my red flag detector is the faulty part... my friends and family could see things that weren't quite right yet all I did was make excuses for the way that he is! Yet people like him and my abusive ex are constantly in a relationship and I can't even get a date!

Thank you for your advice, I really hope you're doing OK now, I feel like I've had a very public breakdown this year but things are finally starting to feel a little better. I'm struggling with this time of year though as last year really was like a romantic Christmas film! None of my friends are single either so it's so hard getting people to commit to things even though it's my birthday next month too x

 

[Thank(space)you]

I think the answer from people is going to be no and you need to force yourself into situations to meet people.

Pub always seems to be what others recommend.

Or dog parks seem to be another where people seem to meet new people.

What happened to the guy whose eye you caught?

I just don't want to get in my head and start day dreaming and running away with myself haha

 

[ATV2021]

I think it was a joke

Naff banter attempt then