thanks guys I know he's really understanding hope he's ok tho never thought id be in a situation like this to be honest
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
What did he go to jail for?
Not being judgemental whatever it is, I’m just nosey
Not being judgemental whatever it is, I’m just nosey
No-one should judge you - it isn't you in prison and you have been effected by it all too.
I recently split up with my partner - it was not a good split and was the best for both but it didn't make it easier.
I struggle so much with the loneliness and I feel when I do moan I get a "well its for the best" reply - that doesn't help and also I feel invalidates my feelings.
Just because "Its his fault" he's there - doesn't mean you don't feel and no-one should tell you otherwise.
If I was you I would use those down time to write a diary - one for him when he gets home, help him understand how you felt and appreciate what you sacrificed to stay there for him.
Maybe plan for dates when he is home, 1 year isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things and it will feel like it is flying by soon enough.
Ill watch your post and al keep you company at times you feel down
I heard he pinched next doors parrot and fraudulently presented himself as Jack Sparrow when questionedWhat did he go to jail for?
Not being judgemental whatever it is, I’m just nosey
They get email access too I think.
If you live together id be astounded if his family took the first VO, and if he let them also.
Im sure they should offer the first one to you anyway but if not can you not speak to his mum(?)and ask that initially only one family members goes for the first VO so they can report back to the rest of the family - and you take the second?
That way you aren't causing additional stress for anyone who might be offended and you don't have to wait too long?
If my brother was in prison id absolutely let him missus take any VO over me - I love him immensely but so does his partner and they should understand you're grieving essentially, in an unknown situation and that he would probably want to see you first anyway.
This may sound absolutely awful but bare with me here… perhaps this will actually be good for you. It’s really, really hard learning to live independently but ultimately being that dependent on someone is not healthy for you or them. Allow yourself to be upset and to readjust but give yourself a cut off point and work on yourself and learning how to manage your life for the moment on your own. Going by some of the things you’ve said I think you actually need to seek some medical help as you sound like you’re struggling with anxiety and going into crisis mode.
Regarding prison depending on his crime he will probably be out on temporary license in 8 months. The first few days of going into prison will be induction, he will only have a little bit of credit so being able to contact him freely isn’t likely to happen. You will also need to be vetted as a contact, this can take a day, it could take a week, but unfortunately it’s a process. Once he had his credit you can speak as much as you like. He will also be given all the basics needed to make himself comfortable for the moment. Appreciate the unknown is hard but unfortunately that’s just the reality of prison.
Regarding prison depending on his crime he will probably be out on temporary license in 8 months. The first few days of going into prison will be induction, he will only have a little bit of credit so being able to contact him freely isn’t likely to happen. You will also need to be vetted as a contact, this can take a day, it could take a week, but unfortunately it’s a process. Once he had his credit you can speak as much as you like. He will also be given all the basics needed to make himself comfortable for the moment. Appreciate the unknown is hard but unfortunately that’s just the reality of prison.
Glad you got some sleep and managed to speak to him for a bit.
It's going to take a week or so before a routine is sorted with him getting phone calls and credit and then you'll know when he'll be ringing you.
It sounds like it was an awful shock for you, but I believe in you and you're going to get through this! You need to look after yourself though. Make sure you are eating and drinking well, having a shower etc.
Try and go for a walk over the weekend if you can. The fresh air will do you good.
Do have a look online for help though. There's lots of charities now for prisoners families who will be more helpful and understanding than the prisons will be.
You're going to be okay sweetheart
big hugs 
Agree. OP you sound extremely emotionally dependent on him. Use this time to work on yourself
thank you sos os much I think as they days go insure more things will become clear and ill be less stressed about it all, I must just sound crazy but I really did rely on him a lot financially and emotionally which is bad but he knows im there for him and that's all that matters.No-one should judge you - it isn't you in prison and you have been effected by it all too.
I recently split up with my partner - it was not a good split and was the best for both but it didn't make it easier.
I struggle so much with the loneliness and I feel when I do moan I get a "well its for the best" reply - that doesn't help and also I feel invalidates my feelings.
Just because "Its his fault" he's there - doesn't mean you don't feel and no-one should tell you otherwise.
If I was you I would use those down time to write a diary - one for him when he gets home, help him understand how you felt and appreciate what you sacrificed to stay there for him.
Maybe plan for dates when he is home, 1 year isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things and it will feel like it is flying by soon enough.
Ill watch your post and al keep you company at times you feel down
I heard he pinched next doors parrot and fraudulently presented himself as Jack Sparrow when questioned
They get email access too I think.
If you live together id be astounded if his family took the first VO, and if he let them also.
Im sure they should offer the first one to you anyway but if not can you not speak to his mum(?)and ask that initially only one family members goes for the first VO so they can report back to the rest of the family - and you take the second?
That way you aren't causing additional stress for anyone who might be offended and you don't have to wait too long?
If my brother was in prison id absolutely let him missus take any VO over me - I love him immensely but so does his partner and they should understand you're grieving essentially, in an unknown situation and that he would probably want to see you first anyway.
I think ill be first as he wants ME to drop off his things so hoping
the staff are so rude tho even on the phone to me just hung up every time they couldn't be assed to answer me so listen then hung up which worries me incase I have a genuine concern and no one can help but im looking to into the future
he has his credit now so that should last over the weekend until I can send more,
thank you tho I really appreciate it such a bad time for me at the moment
Can I just say that this thread shows very much that we aren't just some women bitching on the internets, but a place of kindness and help? This thread is lovely and shows how much people care for "strangers", offering help, an open ear, and small suggestions on how to get through the next minute, day, and further on.
I don't have much to contribute other than wanting to put that out there. @cuncuncuncucncnncncnc, it must have been a terrible shock for you, I'm glad you're slowly coming out of it and doing a bit better. If it helps at all, know that there's this corner of the internet where people try to help you
I don't have much to contribute other than wanting to put that out there. @cuncuncuncucncnncncnc, it must have been a terrible shock for you, I'm glad you're slowly coming out of it and doing a bit better. If it helps at all, know that there's this corner of the internet where people try to help you
I know you're 100 percent right I have become so attached t him as I had no one and don't now but we only had each other. but you're defo rgight ut thnankfuly after over a year waiting my counselling sessions start next week on Thursday so I can finally get some support. as I really have no-one to lean on in this moment of need. but thankfully I am his next of kin and my nu b er was approved straight away and the credit was put on not much but it will last over the weekend as they don't do the money transactions on weekends. so he can call for a bit each day. I struggle not knowing what will happen and that's what my anxiety involves not being in control so maybe this will help me realise there's no need and everything will work things out.
thank you for the support everyone tho this has helped so so much honestly
Yes I agree this website gets bad rep but its helped me a few times when ive really needed it and people who say the don't gossip are liars. People come here to talk about people as they don't leave hate comments its a place to talk about things some infulners get so triggered hahCan I just say that this thread shows very much that we aren't just some women bitching on the internets, but a place of kindness and help? This thread is lovely and shows how much people care for "strangers", offering help, an open ear, and small suggestions on how to get through the next minute, day, and further on.
I don't have much to contribute other than wanting to put that out there. @cuncuncuncucncnncncnc, it must have been a terrible shock for you, I'm glad you're slowly coming out of it and doing a bit better. If it helps at all, know that there's this corner of the internet where people try to help you
Thank you so much I am feeling a bit better today xGlad you got some sleep and managed to speak to him for a bit.
It's going to take a week or so before a routine is sorted with him getting phone calls and credit and then you'll know when he'll be ringing you.
It sounds like it was an awful shock for you, but I believe in you and you're going to get through this! You need to look after yourself though. Make sure you are eating and drinking well, having a shower etc.
Try and go for a walk over the weekend if you can. The fresh air will do you good.
Do have a look online for help though. There's lots of charities now for prisoners families who will be more helpful and understanding than the prisons will be.
You're going to be okay sweetheart
From what I’ve seen TikTok is FULL of prison girlfriends.. Maybe search on their and seek others out? They look like your regular 20 something girls.
yeah ive seen some myself I don't know how they coupe very strong people
It would make me happy if you say you've eaten something! Like you've said you're in shock, but are taking steps to get support.
I did I ate some pasta even tho it was a struggle but I started to feel faint lol so thought I probably should hah thank you for caring and thankfully I start counselling next week for my anxiety and stiff which couldn't come any sooner
Use this time to work on your own independence, take as much as you can from the therapy and maybe look into volunteering or a part time job. You’ll do just fine and be a better person for it.
yeah ive got a bit of a clearer mind today and feeling better and. just trying to realise worrying doesn't change anything and what will be will be and things have a weird way of working themselves out
Hey... I've been following this thread and this post you made is so, so true. Worrying doesn't help, with anything. That's a big lesson to learn and not easy to manage but just writing it down, and realising it, is a good thing. There are many things in life that happen, that we can't control, so like other people have said, focus on the things you can control, however small they might be. Over time, all the little things you do add up to a big thing, and you might just surprise yourself soon with how much you are actually capable of. Wishing you all the best with your counselling, that's one good step already!
I know I just hate not being in control that's what makes me anxiety sky rocket but im feeling much better still very worried about things but not feel as emotional now
Glad it's a little better.
Early days.
And you're still managing a little food and sleep?
Early days.
And you're still managing a little food and sleep?
yeah, today I actually had a full meal just now ! but the not eating caught up with me as I had to go and get him clothes today as he has none suitable and I was in primary and actually was this close to fainting so im gunna try and eat more tomorrow. still sad tho and that's affected my appetite. a lot but sleeping is better too thank you for asking
Good going! X