cried for 3 days straight

[theghosttown]

This may sound absolutely awful but bare with me here… perhaps this will actually be good for you. It’s really, really hard learning to live independently but ultimately being that dependent on someone is not healthy for you or them. Allow yourself to be upset and to readjust but give yourself a cut off point and work on yourself and learning how to manage your life for the moment on your own. Going by some of the things you’ve said I think you actually need to seek some medical help as you sound like you’re struggling with anxiety and going into crisis mode.
Regarding prison depending on his crime he will probably be out on temporary license in 8 months. The first few days of going into prison will be induction, he will only have a little bit of credit so being able to contact him freely isn’t likely to happen. You will also need to be vetted as a contact, this can take a day, it could take a week, but unfortunately it’s a process. Once he had his credit you can speak as much as you like. He will also be given all the basics needed to make himself comfortable for the moment. Appreciate the unknown is hard but unfortunately that’s just the reality of prison.

 

[Blond3g1rl]

This may sound absolutely awful but bare with me here… perhaps this will actually be good for you. It’s really, really hard learning to live independently but ultimately being that dependent on someone is not healthy for you or them. Allow yourself to be upset and to readjust but give yourself a cut off point and work on yourself and learning how to manage your life for the moment on your own. Going by some of the things you’ve said I think you actually need to seek some medical help as you sound like you’re struggling with anxiety and going into crisis mode.
Regarding prison depending on his crime he will probably be out on temporary license in 8 months. The first few days of going into prison will be induction, he will only have a little bit of credit so being able to contact him freely isn’t likely to happen. You will also need to be vetted as a contact, this can take a day, it could take a week, but unfortunately it’s a process. Once he had his credit you can speak as much as you like. He will also be given all the basics needed to make himself comfortable for the moment. Appreciate the unknown is hard but unfortunately that’s just the reality of prison.

Agree. OP you sound extremely emotionally dependent on him. Use this time to work on yourself

 

[cuncuncuncucncnncncnc]

I hope no one judges me, I don't even know what I'm looking for but im absolutely a mess right now with nowhere to return for support
long story short my boyfriend has been put into prison for a year and a half.. im absolutely a mess. I know its his own doing so please no nasty comments I couldn't deal with them right now.
problem is my boyfriend was my rock my absolute soul mate I relied on him for absolutely everything. I saw him everyday for 3 years straight and he lived with me even helped me out of my darkest times and it feels like he's died or something. he got placed into a prison 2 days ago and I haven't even heard from him since. I have never felt lie this or gone through something like this so im such a mess I never knew it was possible to cry all day 3 days straight.

I just have no one, and knowing I can't just call him like I would do is killing me im looking at pictures and bursting out crying, I can't even talk to anyone im more depressed then ever.. I haven't showered in 4 days im that down I haven't even eaten I don't know what to do anymore.

how can I stay strong

 

[Codiaeum]

Can I just say that this thread shows very much that we aren't just some women bitching on the internets, but a place of kindness and help? This thread is lovely and shows how much people care for "strangers", offering help, an open ear, and small suggestions on how to get through the next minute, day, and further on.

I don't have much to contribute other than wanting to put that out there. @cuncuncuncucncnncncnc, it must have been a terrible shock for you, I'm glad you're slowly coming out of it and doing a bit better. If it helps at all, know that there's this corner of the internet where people try to help you

 

[Megansnarkle]

I hope no one judges me, I don't even know what I'm looking for but im absolutely a mess right now with nowhere to return for support
long story short my boyfriend has been put into prison for a year and a half.. im absolutely a mess. I know its his own doing so please no nasty comments I couldn't deal with them right now.
problem is my boyfriend was my rock my absolute soul mate I relied on him for absolutely everything. I saw him everyday for 3 years straight and he lived with me even helped me out of my darkest times and it feels like he's died or something. he got placed into a prison 2 days ago and I haven't even heard from him since. I have never felt lie this or gone through something like this so im such a mess I never knew it was possible to cry all day 3 days straight.

I just have no one, and knowing I can't just call him like I would do is killing me im looking at pictures and bursting out crying, I can't even talk to anyone im more depressed then ever.. I haven't showered in 4 days im that down I haven't even eaten I don't know what to do anymore.

how can I stay strong

This is going to be the worst part because everything is uncertain, he's being processed and getting sorted out there but once he does he'll be able to be in contact.

You mention bail in your post, which is normally given whilst awaiting trial. I assume you mean he's been sentenced to a custodial, rather than non-custodial sentence, rather than remanded pending a trial. Assuming it's a sentence, then at the outset it's worth checking what he's been sentenced to. You say he's been put in there for a year and a half, but it's not clear if that is the sentence. Usually in England you serve half of your sentence in prison with the rest being served on licence in the community (i.e. you are basically free unless you break the terms of your licence). So he may not actually be gone for as long as you think.

Do you know where he has been taken? Usually prisoners will go to the nearest prison after sentencing for the night (usually a Category B close to the court because a lot goes on sentencing days when a custodial sentence is perhaps unexpected) but may quickly be moved to another prison more suited to their security category. Category B prisons tend to be closer to cities (being properly locked down) with Category C and D prisons being more in the countryside as being less secure.

You will be able to visit him (assuming you can get to the prison in visiting hours). Start looking into the process now as to how you can get in. It may require a prisoner number, if so, make sure you get this from him asap, but there may be some registration that can be done beforehand. Getting in for a visit is a whole process - wait in a waiting room, full pat down, maybe drugs dogs, scanners etc (I've only been on a visit as a professional rather than family visitor so got a more cursory pat down, but the families get the lot). There will be some things you can take him so find out what you can and can't bring him and what he might need.

In the meantime, there are lots of practical things you may find you need to do for him and you once you're over the initial shock, so be prepared for him to want to deal with practical matters when he gets in touch.

 

[cuncuncuncucncnncncnc]

It would make me happy if you say you've eaten something! Like you've said you're in shock, but are taking steps to get support.

I did I ate some pasta even tho it was a struggle but I started to feel faint lol so thought I probably should hah thank you for caring and thankfully I start counselling next week for my anxiety and stiff which couldn't come any sooner

 

[candyland_]

Use this time to work on your own independence, take as much as you can from the therapy and maybe look into volunteering or a part time job. You’ll do just fine and be a better person for it.

 

[Tangent Tiger]

He probably won't be in there for that long. If you know the prison number you can find out more about communication.

First things first though, make sure you are warm enough and have a hot drink

 

[Tangent Tiger]

Small steps first, have you got anything in to eat? Can you get a cup of tea/snack then think about a shower?

 

[cuncuncuncucncnncncnc]

This may sound absolutely awful but bare with me here… perhaps this will actually be good for you. It’s really, really hard learning to live independently but ultimately being that dependent on someone is not healthy for you or them. Allow yourself to be upset and to readjust but give yourself a cut off point and work on yourself and learning how to manage your life for the moment on your own. Going by some of the things you’ve said I think you actually need to seek some medical help as you sound like you’re struggling with anxiety and going into crisis mode.
Regarding prison depending on his crime he will probably be out on temporary license in 8 months. The first few days of going into prison will be induction, he will only have a little bit of credit so being able to contact him freely isn’t likely to happen. You will also need to be vetted as a contact, this can take a day, it could take a week, but unfortunately it’s a process. Once he had his credit you can speak as much as you like. He will also be given all the basics needed to make himself comfortable for the moment. Appreciate the unknown is hard but unfortunately that’s just the reality of prison.

I know you're 100 percent right I have become so attached t him as I had no one and don't now but we only had each other. but you're defo rgight ut thnankfuly after over a year waiting my counselling sessions start next week on Thursday so I can finally get some support. as I really have no-one to lean on in this moment of need. but thankfully I am his next of kin and my nu b er was approved straight away and the credit was put on not much but it will last over the weekend as they don't do the money transactions on weekends. so he can call for a bit each day. I struggle not knowing what will happen and that's what my anxiety involves not being in control so maybe this will help me realise there's no need and everything will work things out.

thank you for the support everyone tho this has helped so so much honestly

Can I just say that this thread shows very much that we aren't just some women bitching on the internets, but a place of kindness and help? This thread is lovely and shows how much people care for "strangers", offering help, an open ear, and small suggestions on how to get through the next minute, day, and further on.

I don't have much to contribute other than wanting to put that out there. @cuncuncuncucncnncncnc, it must have been a terrible shock for you, I'm glad you're slowly coming out of it and doing a bit better. If it helps at all, know that there's this corner of the internet where people try to help you

Yes I agree this website gets bad rep but its helped me a few times when ive really needed it and people who say the don't gossip are liars. People come here to talk about people as they don't leave hate comments its a place to talk about things some infulners get so triggered hah

Glad you got some sleep and managed to speak to him for a bit.
It's going to take a week or so before a routine is sorted with him getting phone calls and credit and then you'll know when he'll be ringing you.

It sounds like it was an awful shock for you, but I believe in you and you're going to get through this! You need to look after yourself though. Make sure you are eating and drinking well, having a shower etc.
Try and go for a walk over the weekend if you can. The fresh air will do you good.

Do have a look online for help though. There's lots of charities now for prisoners families who will be more helpful and understanding than the prisons will be.

You're going to be okay sweetheart big hugs

Thank you so much I am feeling a bit better today x

 

[Tangent Tiger]

You'll be able to be in contact with him soon.

Can you put the kettle on? Have you got any chocolate or bread? A favourite song to play?

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Good that you’ve had some sleep but others have said, try to eat and drink.

it’s going to be a one day at a time thing I think, but it will get easier. And as someone said further up, he’s unlikely to serve that full time.

You’ll probably have to wait for him to call, and even if he had no money in his credit, I’m sure they wouldn’t leave him unable to contact anyone. Try and search online for the prison he’s at, as that will tell you if they’re back allowing visitors. Hopefully they are, he can then send you an order.

Do you speak to his friends and family? If so, contact them as they’re in the same boat.

Once you know he’s ok/when he can call etc then I’m sure it’ll be easier. The best thing would be is to keep busy and try and keep your spirits up.

I’m sorry if this is unwanted advice and it’s not coming from a place of judgement but it’s so important that you look after yourself. You WILL get through this and he’s not dead, he’s just not there right now. When he does get out you will have a period of time where you’ve managed with out him physically with you every day. You’ve got to believe that yourself.

 

[Megansnarkle]

I ended up sleeping thank god, so hoping hell call me today and no no children x


im not really to sure he was refused bail that's all I really k now he wouldn't tell me much and waiting to talk to him to find out what's happening, but I hope I can see him soon but his family seem to want to all go before me so I probably won't be Abe to for a while as they'll all go first even tho. he doesn't really have much to do with them. I was wondering if its worth calling the prison number asking about calls they get as I sent him Monet yesterday but he said when we spoke when he got there he'd get like £2 till he gets Money sent so I don't know if I need to do anything surely they'd call me if I did.

It's good that you've managed some sleep.

Don't worry if you don't hear from him for a little while, it takes a while to get sorted on the phone system. There are lots of resources for families out there such as https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/staying-in-touch - call the Prisoners' Families Helpline if you're unsure about anything, they're experts.

When you get a chance I would suggest being clear on what it is he's there for - being in prison because you've been refused bail is very different to having been sentenced. It will help you to know what to expect in the next few months and years.

 

[Tangent Tiger]

Good going! X

 

[Tangent Tiger]

First things first, try to get some nourishment (even just a nibble) and a shower and you'll feel more mentally prepared

 

[Ethel's little Willy]

I just cant think about anything other than him and how bad I want to talk to him
it was a shock I was expecting him home and he didn't answered I was worried sick didn't get a call till next day from custody he was expecting bail but got put into prison and thank you im a mess right now I have genuinely no one I have no one like I really don't he was all I had t
im in the uk x

It's going to be alright darling. You're not alone. Please keep them fluids down you at least for me please
You need lots of water at least if you can't face eating.
You also need some rest.
There's a website and a phone number you can try in the number to talk to someone who will hopefully be able to help.
Do you have children affected by him being sent down? Xxx

 

[itsjustt]

I hope no one judges me, I don't even know what I'm looking for but im absolutely a mess right now with nowhere to return for support
long story short my boyfriend has been put into prison for a year and a half.. im absolutely a mess. I know its his own doing so please no nasty comments I couldn't deal with them right now.
problem is my boyfriend was my rock my absolute soul mate I relied on him for absolutely everything. I saw him everyday for 3 years straight and he lived with me even helped me out of my darkest times and it feels like he's died or something. he got placed into a prison 2 days ago and I haven't even heard from him since. I have never felt lie this or gone through something like this so im such a mess I never knew it was possible to cry all day 3 days straight.

I just have no one, and knowing I can't just call him like I would do is killing me im looking at pictures and bursting out crying, I can't even talk to anyone im more depressed then ever.. I haven't showered in 4 days im that down I haven't even eaten I don't know what to do anymore.

how can I stay strong

No-one should judge you - it isn't you in prison and you have been effected by it all too.
I recently split up with my partner - it was not a good split and was the best for both but it didn't make it easier.

I struggle so much with the loneliness and I feel when I do moan I get a "well its for the best" reply - that doesn't help and also I feel invalidates my feelings.

Just because "Its his fault" he's there - doesn't mean you don't feel and no-one should tell you otherwise.


If I was you I would use those down time to write a diary - one for him when he gets home, help him understand how you felt and appreciate what you sacrificed to stay there for him.
Maybe plan for dates when he is home, 1 year isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things and it will feel like it is flying by soon enough.

Ill watch your post and al keep you company at times you feel down

What did he go to jail for?
Not being judgemental whatever it is, I’m just nosey

I heard he pinched next doors parrot and fraudulently presented himself as Jack Sparrow when questioned

I ended up sleeping thank god, so hoping hell call me today and no no children x


im not really to sure he was refused bail that's all I really k now he wouldn't tell me much and waiting to talk to him to find out what's happening, but I hope I can see him soon but his family seem to want to all go before me so I probably won't be Abe to for a while as they'll all go first even tho. he doesn't really have much to do with them. I was wondering if its worth calling the prison number asking about calls they get as I sent him Monet yesterday but he said when we spoke when he got there he'd get like £2 till he gets Money sent so I don't know if I need to do anything surely they'd call me if I did.

They get email access too I think.

If you live together id be astounded if his family took the first VO, and if he let them also.

Im sure they should offer the first one to you anyway but if not can you not speak to his mum(?)and ask that initially only one family members goes for the first VO so they can report back to the rest of the family - and you take the second?
That way you aren't causing additional stress for anyone who might be offended and you don't have to wait too long?

If my brother was in prison id absolutely let him missus take any VO over me - I love him immensely but so does his partner and they should understand you're grieving essentially, in an unknown situation and that he would probably want to see you first anyway.

 

[Tangent Tiger]

It would make me happy if you say you've eaten something! Like you've said you're in shock, but are taking steps to get support.

 

[cuncuncuncucncnncncnc]

just spoke to him they have him some credit but he thought he had more than he did so it hung up at 10 minutes and then was it. I sent money yesterday and don't think there's anyway of knowing you did it right or wrong so Ill just have to wait over the next week hope he gets his money
I tried calling the prison 5 times to ask and every single time they hung up on me mid talking which has made me start crying again I didn't think they'd be so horrible and not even let me finish so I guess I won't know

 

[Ethel's little Willy]

I have 0 appetite just crying all day nothings ever made me cry like this I haven't even slept properly in 48 hrs im so tired but cant sleep

Just try and keep your fluids up at least. So as much water as and when you can. Maybe eat little and often if you can.
So now the food and water is out of the way, is there absolutely no one you can talk to about this? No family or friends?
Was it a shock or were you sort of expecting it?
I'm not going to judge you at all sweetheart, I just want to help.
Where abouts are you? Are you in the UK or abroad? Just so I have an idea about helplines etc xxx