cried for 3 days straight

[cuncuncuncucncnncncnc]

I hope no one judges me, I don't even know what I'm looking for but im absolutely a mess right now with nowhere to return for support
long story short my boyfriend has been put into prison for a year and a half.. im absolutely a mess. I know its his own doing so please no nasty comments I couldn't deal with them right now.
problem is my boyfriend was my rock my absolute soul mate I relied on him for absolutely everything. I saw him everyday for 3 years straight and he lived with me even helped me out of my darkest times and it feels like he's died or something. he got placed into a prison 2 days ago and I haven't even heard from him since. I have never felt lie this or gone through something like this so im such a mess I never knew it was possible to cry all day 3 days straight.

I just have no one, and knowing I can't just call him like I would do is killing me im looking at pictures and bursting out crying, I can't even talk to anyone im more depressed then ever.. I haven't showered in 4 days im that down I haven't even eaten I don't know what to do anymore.

how can I stay strong

 

[Tangent Tiger]

Small steps first, have you got anything in to eat? Can you get a cup of tea/snack then think about a shower?

 

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Small steps first, have you got anything in to eat? Can you get a cup of tea/snack then think about a shower?

I have 0 appetite just crying all day nothings ever made me cry like this I haven't even slept properly in 48 hrs im so tired but cant sleep

 

[Tangent Tiger]

You'll be able to be in contact with him soon.

Can you put the kettle on? Have you got any chocolate or bread? A favourite song to play?

 

[Ethel's little Willy]

I have 0 appetite just crying all day nothings ever made me cry like this I haven't even slept properly in 48 hrs im so tired but cant sleep

Just try and keep your fluids up at least. So as much water as and when you can. Maybe eat little and often if you can.
So now the food and water is out of the way, is there absolutely no one you can talk to about this? No family or friends?
Was it a shock or were you sort of expecting it?
I'm not going to judge you at all sweetheart, I just want to help.
Where abouts are you? Are you in the UK or abroad? Just so I have an idea about helplines etc xxx

 

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Just try and keep your fluids up at least. So as much water as and when you can. Maybe eat little and often if you can.
So now the food and water is out of the way, is there absolutely no one you can talk to about this? No family or friends?
Was it a shock or were you sort of expecting it?
I'm not going to judge you at all sweetheart, I just want to help.
Where abouts are you? Are you in the UK or abroad? Just so I have an idea about helplines etc xxx

I just cant think about anything other than him and how bad I want to talk to him
it was a shock I was expecting him home and he didn't answered I was worried sick didn't get a call till next day from custody he was expecting bail but got put into prison and thank you im a mess right now I have genuinely no one I have no one like I really don't he was all I had t
im in the uk x

 

[Tangent Tiger]

He probably won't be in there for that long. If you know the prison number you can find out more about communication.

First things first though, make sure you are warm enough and have a hot drink

 

[Ethel's little Willy]

I just cant think about anything other than him and how bad I want to talk to him
it was a shock I was expecting him home and he didn't answered I was worried sick didn't get a call till next day from custody he was expecting bail but got put into prison and thank you im a mess right now I have genuinely no one I have no one like I really don't he was all I had t
im in the uk x

It's going to be alright darling. You're not alone. Please keep them fluids down you at least for me please
You need lots of water at least if you can't face eating.
You also need some rest.
There's a website and a phone number you can try in the number to talk to someone who will hopefully be able to help.
Do you have children affected by him being sent down? Xxx

 

[Silverplume]

This is a terrible beginning to what could be a very productive and beautiful time in your life: that’s how life works sometimes. Hang in there, keep coming back. Trust us when we tell you that we know you will get back to sunlight.

Try room-temperature water, instead of cold: it’s easier on your stomach.

 

[Megansnarkle]

I hope no one judges me, I don't even know what I'm looking for but im absolutely a mess right now with nowhere to return for support
long story short my boyfriend has been put into prison for a year and a half.. im absolutely a mess. I know its his own doing so please no nasty comments I couldn't deal with them right now.
problem is my boyfriend was my rock my absolute soul mate I relied on him for absolutely everything. I saw him everyday for 3 years straight and he lived with me even helped me out of my darkest times and it feels like he's died or something. he got placed into a prison 2 days ago and I haven't even heard from him since. I have never felt lie this or gone through something like this so im such a mess I never knew it was possible to cry all day 3 days straight.

I just have no one, and knowing I can't just call him like I would do is killing me im looking at pictures and bursting out crying, I can't even talk to anyone im more depressed then ever.. I haven't showered in 4 days im that down I haven't even eaten I don't know what to do anymore.

how can I stay strong

This is going to be the worst part because everything is uncertain, he's being processed and getting sorted out there but once he does he'll be able to be in contact.

You mention bail in your post, which is normally given whilst awaiting trial. I assume you mean he's been sentenced to a custodial, rather than non-custodial sentence, rather than remanded pending a trial. Assuming it's a sentence, then at the outset it's worth checking what he's been sentenced to. You say he's been put in there for a year and a half, but it's not clear if that is the sentence. Usually in England you serve half of your sentence in prison with the rest being served on licence in the community (i.e. you are basically free unless you break the terms of your licence). So he may not actually be gone for as long as you think.

Do you know where he has been taken? Usually prisoners will go to the nearest prison after sentencing for the night (usually a Category B close to the court because a lot goes on sentencing days when a custodial sentence is perhaps unexpected) but may quickly be moved to another prison more suited to their security category. Category B prisons tend to be closer to cities (being properly locked down) with Category C and D prisons being more in the countryside as being less secure.

You will be able to visit him (assuming you can get to the prison in visiting hours). Start looking into the process now as to how you can get in. It may require a prisoner number, if so, make sure you get this from him asap, but there may be some registration that can be done beforehand. Getting in for a visit is a whole process - wait in a waiting room, full pat down, maybe drugs dogs, scanners etc (I've only been on a visit as a professional rather than family visitor so got a more cursory pat down, but the families get the lot). There will be some things you can take him so find out what you can and can't bring him and what he might need.

In the meantime, there are lots of practical things you may find you need to do for him and you once you're over the initial shock, so be prepared for him to want to deal with practical matters when he gets in touch.

 

[cuncuncuncucncnncncnc]

It's going to be alright darling. You're not alone. Please keep them fluids down you at least for me please
You need lots of water at least if you can't face eating.
You also need some rest.
There's a website and a phone number you can try in the number to talk to someone who will hopefully be able to help.
Do you have children affected by him being sent down? Xxx

I ended up sleeping thank god, so hoping hell call me today and no no children x

This is going to be the worst part because everything is uncertain, he's being processed and getting sorted out there but once he does he'll be able to be in contact.

You mention bail in your post, which is normally given whilst awaiting trial. I assume you mean he's been sentenced to a custodial, rather than non-custodial sentence, rather than remanded pending a trial. Assuming it's a sentence, then at the outset it's worth checking what he's been sentenced to. You say he's been put in there for a year and a half, but it's not clear if that is the sentence. Usually in England you serve half of your sentence in prison with the rest being served on licence in the community (i.e. you are basically free unless you break the terms of your licence). So he may not actually be gone for as long as you think.

Do you know where he has been taken? Usually prisoners will go to the nearest prison after sentencing for the night (usually a Category B close to the court because a lot goes on sentencing days when a custodial sentence is perhaps unexpected) but may quickly be moved to another prison more suited to their security category. Category B prisons tend to be closer to cities (being properly locked down) with Category C and D prisons being more in the countryside as being less secure.

You will be able to visit him (assuming you can get to the prison in visiting hours). Start looking into the process now as to how you can get in. It may require a prisoner number, if so, make sure you get this from him asap, but there may be some registration that can be done beforehand. Getting in for a visit is a whole process - wait in a waiting room, full pat down, maybe drugs dogs, scanners etc (I've only been on a visit as a professional rather than family visitor so got a more cursory pat down, but the families get the lot). There will be some things you can take him so find out what you can and can't bring him and what he might need.

In the meantime, there are lots of practical things you may find you need to do for him and you once you're over the initial shock, so be prepared for him to want to deal with practical matters when he gets in touch.

im not really to sure he was refused bail that's all I really k now he wouldn't tell me much and waiting to talk to him to find out what's happening, but I hope I can see him soon but his family seem to want to all go before me so I probably won't be Abe to for a while as they'll all go first even tho. he doesn't really have much to do with them. I was wondering if its worth calling the prison number asking about calls they get as I sent him Monet yesterday but he said when we spoke when he got there he'd get like £2 till he gets Money sent so I don't know if I need to do anything surely they'd call me if I did.

 

[Megansnarkle]

I ended up sleeping thank god, so hoping hell call me today and no no children x


im not really to sure he was refused bail that's all I really k now he wouldn't tell me much and waiting to talk to him to find out what's happening, but I hope I can see him soon but his family seem to want to all go before me so I probably won't be Abe to for a while as they'll all go first even tho. he doesn't really have much to do with them. I was wondering if its worth calling the prison number asking about calls they get as I sent him Monet yesterday but he said when we spoke when he got there he'd get like £2 till he gets Money sent so I don't know if I need to do anything surely they'd call me if I did.

It's good that you've managed some sleep.

Don't worry if you don't hear from him for a little while, it takes a while to get sorted on the phone system. There are lots of resources for families out there such as https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/staying-in-touch - call the Prisoners' Families Helpline if you're unsure about anything, they're experts.

When you get a chance I would suggest being clear on what it is he's there for - being in prison because you've been refused bail is very different to having been sentenced. It will help you to know what to expect in the next few months and years.

 

[cuncuncuncucncnncncnc]

just spoke to him they have him some credit but he thought he had more than he did so it hung up at 10 minutes and then was it. I sent money yesterday and don't think there's anyway of knowing you did it right or wrong so Ill just have to wait over the next week hope he gets his money
I tried calling the prison 5 times to ask and every single time they hung up on me mid talking which has made me start crying again I didn't think they'd be so horrible and not even let me finish so I guess I won't know

 

[Tangent Tiger]

Have you had something to eat yet?

 

[cuncuncuncucncnncncnc]

Have you had something to eat yet?

no I dot think I can eat but I am drinking tbh im even more worried sick as I have no way of knowing if hell get this money to call me again or when

 

[Tangent Tiger]

First things first, try to get some nourishment (even just a nibble) and a shower and you'll feel more mentally prepared

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Good that you’ve had some sleep but others have said, try to eat and drink.

it’s going to be a one day at a time thing I think, but it will get easier. And as someone said further up, he’s unlikely to serve that full time.

You’ll probably have to wait for him to call, and even if he had no money in his credit, I’m sure they wouldn’t leave him unable to contact anyone. Try and search online for the prison he’s at, as that will tell you if they’re back allowing visitors. Hopefully they are, he can then send you an order.

Do you speak to his friends and family? If so, contact them as they’re in the same boat.

Once you know he’s ok/when he can call etc then I’m sure it’ll be easier. The best thing would be is to keep busy and try and keep your spirits up.

I’m sorry if this is unwanted advice and it’s not coming from a place of judgement but it’s so important that you look after yourself. You WILL get through this and he’s not dead, he’s just not there right now. When he does get out you will have a period of time where you’ve managed with out him physically with you every day. You’ve got to believe that yourself.

 

[cuncuncuncucncnncncnc]

I

Good that you’ve had some sleep but others have said, try to eat and drink.

it’s going to be a one day at a time thing I think, but it will get easier. And as someone said further up, he’s unlikely to serve that full time.

You’ll probably have to wait for him to call, and even if he had no money in his credit, I’m sure they wouldn’t leave him unable to contact anyone. Try and search online for the prison he’s at, as that will tell you if they’re back allowing visitors. Hopefully they are, he can then send you an order.

Do you speak to his friends and family? If so, contact them as they’re in the same boat.

Once you know he’s ok/when he can call etc then I’m sure it’ll be easier. The best thing would be is to keep busy and try and keep your spirits up.

I’m sorry if this is unwanted advice and it’s not coming from a place of judgement but it’s so important that you look after yourself. You WILL get through this and he’s not dead, he’s just not there right now. When he does get out you will have a period of time where you’ve managed with out him physically with you every day. You’ve got to believe that yourself.

yeah it will defo be a one day at a time thing I just am an emotional wreck right now, he has to book the visits himself so when he called I said book me a visit and he has to call me to tell me when it will be so hoping he can do that.
I have spoke t his brother but he has actually made things worse he took all his clothes and gave to someone I think his so called friend when saying hell give them to me to bring when I see hm so he now has no clothes. so I feel terrible he has no clothes that's another thing that's been eating me ip feeling guilty I cant buy him any either as I am actually on benefits myself as I haven't been able to work the past year as my anxiety and depression has ruined my life and this isn't helping. but we can sort that out it won't kill him this is how I have to think about things.
im trying but I just cant look after myself five never felt this kind of sadness I just feel terrible for him and cannot take my mind off anything else but him. but I know its not forever at least. its only a year or 2 max I can do it just not knowing when to talk to him that killing me so im just rambling on I just need to realise he's a big man hell be ok and it will al be ok.

and thank you for the replies honestly it means more than you'll all ever know as I dot have anyone like I said I did rely on him a lot emotionally as he's all I had and Im all he really had to be honest. and like I said his family don't really talk to him only when they want something kinda thing and they've made things much more complicated and stressed me out wit the clothes thing but that can be sorted I have 30 days to get him his clothes but has to be done on a visit . but thank you guys I really needed this just even to ramble

 

[Megansnarkle]

I have spoke t his brother but he has actually made things worse he took all his clothes and gave to someone I think his so called friend when saying hell give them to me to bring when I see hm so he now has no clothes. so I feel terrible he has no clothes that's another thing that's been eating me ip feeling guilty I cant buy him any either as I am actually on benefits myself as I haven't been able to work the past year as my anxiety and depression has ruined my life and this isn't helping.

I'm not quite sure what has gone on with clothes from your description but he'll likely be given prison issue clothes - usually trackie bottoms and a sweatshirt (all matching, often grey) and may well be required to wear these. So don't worry about him not having anything, he'll have the basics to get by in the short term.

Plenty of people will enter the prison system without being prepared, he won't be without anything he needs.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I

yeah it will defo be a one day at a time thing I just am an emotional wreck right now, he has to book the visits himself so when he called I said book me a visit and he has to call me to tell me when it will be so hoping he can do that.
I have spoke t his brother but he has actually made things worse he took all his clothes and gave to someone I think his so called friend when saying hell give them to me to bring when I see hm so he now has no clothes. so I feel terrible he has no clothes that's another thing that's been eating me ip feeling guilty I cant buy him any either as I am actually on benefits myself as I haven't been able to work the past year as my anxiety and depression has ruined my life and this isn't helping. but we can sort that out it won't kill him this is how I have to think about things.
im trying but I just cant look after myself five never felt this kind of sadness I just feel terrible for him and cannot take my mind off anything else but him. but I know its not forever at least. its only a year or 2 max I can do it just not knowing when to talk to him that killing me so im just rambling on I just need to realise he's a big man hell be ok and it will al be ok.

and thank you for the replies honestly it means more than you'll all ever know as I dot have anyone like I said I did rely on him a lot emotionally as he's all I had and Im all he really had to be honest. and like I said his family don't really talk to him only when they want something kinda thing and they've made things much more complicated and stressed me out wit the clothes thing but that can be sorted I have 30 days to get him his clothes but has to be done on a visit . but thank you guys I really needed this just even to ramble

Don’t worry about the clothes, your boyfriend will know why you can’t buy more.

Knowing that you’re ok will be a big thing for him too, he’ll be really worried about you. It will get easier and when he is released you’ll have found you’re a lot stronger than you realised.