Coping with losing a pet

[kazizzle]

That's totally understandable and must have been so tough making all the decisions yourself too

It's possibly a service some vets offer as we didn't mention it but they asked us if he wanted the paw prints and fur before the procedure.

I think that sounds lovely having a place to go and visit him, we may have done the same but the memorial garden is really far away.

I hope you are feeling okay today

I actually just came on to leave an update as I have just spoken to the vets. I'm in Scotland and read on the crematorium website that in Scotland they don't put the remains in a memorial garden because of the law here. The vet has sadly confirmed that my boys remains will go to landfill, and not be placed in the garden on site. I'm so upset about this, not only because I feel totally misled, but also that a landfill site will be his final resting place. It just feels cruel. I can't believe they aren't upfront about that.

The vet website does mention pawprints and fur so I asked about that and they have collected these for me which is very kind of them. But I'm still annoyed.

Unfortunately a private cremation really isn't a financial option for us at this time and I still like the idea of him being alongside other pets and not all alone (I have a fear of fire so cremation absolutely terrifies me) so I'm not going to change it, but not happy about it.

We've decided we are going to get a frame that we can put his photo, pawprints, collar and fur in to and will have this in our house. I'm also thinking about getting a plant for the garden which I can dedicate to him.

I hope you are also doing OK @quinzel - it's a tough time for sure. Something fell off my dresser during the night and woke me up and I thought it was him

 

[kazizzle]

@kazizzle I am so sorry for your loss. It’s just an awful feeling. Today I’ve cried a bit less, take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself

I picked these up from the vet today. I was trying to be strong but I broke down when I walked through the door and seen the door to the room we sat in with Leo. We should get his urn with his ashes in a couple of weeks. These are giving me some comfort in the meantime:

Aw these are lovely!

I’m now thinking I was so caught off guard earlier that I wasn’t prepared for making decisions around cremation etc. Never discussed this with OH as we thought we’d have more time. I ended up just going with a communal cremation where the ashes are scattered in a memorial garden because I liked the idea of having somewhere we can go to sit remember him and his spirit mingling with other pets in the garden, but I never asked about things like if they take pawprints or anything and should I have asked more questions and not just go with what they were trying to sell me. Never had a pet before so I don’t know what the norm is.

Feeling so much guilt around the whole thing really. It’s just awful.

 

[Maid22]

My parents dog seems to be a bit happier now. They removed their stair gate and she has a basket in their room. Before, their dogs always slept downstairs. But there was always two or three.

I was wondering how your parents dog was getting on, we brought our wee boy back from the vets and laid him on the ground so our young dog could see him (they were best buds) he went over, sniffed and walked away, then went back and started to paw and lick him, that broke me, but I think it gave him an understanding on why he wasn't there anymore, he really struggled for a while to.

 

[orlyb1310]

My cat has just died and I am absolutely devastated he was only 7 and literally my best friend in the whole world. We had such a bond and he’s gotten me through some awful times, especially the last year. I always thought I’d have him for a long time and I just feel so sad and lost now that he’s gone how do you cope with losing a pet? I almost feel silly for being this upset but he was more than just a pet to me. If anyone has any advise or tips please let me know, I don’t know how I’m going to get through work tomorrow

I don't have any advice but I'm so sorry for your loss. If you don't feel like you can't face work tomorrow, take the day off if you're able to. You've basically lost a family member, don't feel silly at all

 

[Melian]

And my parents have just put their dog to sleep

 

[Shinythings]

We had our beloved cat put to sleep this afternoon. He was 13 years old and had been with us since he was a kitten. It feels like only yesterday we were having our beautiful dog put to sleep even though it was in 2019. I hope they have both been reunited over rainbow Bridge and are looking after each other again. I can't stop crying.

Oh darling, I'm so sorry. It's honestly just so awful. I'm nearly a month down the line and the pain is still raw and it's so hard to explain to others.

If you feel OK doing so I'd love to hear about him. A favourite memory maybe?

 

[Snowjoke]

I seen this poem & thought it would be lovely to post on here …

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying...you found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear.
"It's me, I haven't left you...I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea.
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you that I am not lying there.
I walked with you toward the house, as you fumbled for your key,
I gently put my paw on you. I smiled and said, "It's me."
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.
It's possible for me to be so near you every day.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew...
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over...I smile and watch you yawning
And say, "Goodnight, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we will stand, side-by-side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out...then come home to be with me.

 

[Maid22]

I had my boy pts a few weeks ago, my god I really miss him, I still can't talk about him without welling up, can't look at photos or vids of him, I've lost others over the years, loved them all, but this one, blimey, hes really got to me

 

[Bettyboo2475]

So sorry to hear that. My old cat went missing years ago and I thought I’d never see him again. He always wore a collar with our contact details but he wasn’t microchipped in those days and nobody called. After a couple of days we rang the most local cats protection home which is about three miles away and someone had found him and handed him in but his collar was missing. No idea what had happened and no details of who found him and where. It may be worth a try.

Luckily he is microchipped and we found him. He’d got himself lost. So pleased you got yours back too xx

 

[Peartree]

Oh I am sorry, it’s so heartbreaking

We lost one of our dogs in January. She was 13 1/2 years.
Cant even begin to tell you how devastating it was, we’d been to the vets a few times since October, after another ‘do’ the vet literally asked me why I was there. Talk about shocked, I’d literally missed the obvious. I had the next day off work. I slept on the settee with her and our other dog joined in, but I knew then she‘d had enough. We had another 24hrs after that.
Never been as devastated in my life, cried continuously for those few days. i went back to work on Tuesday as usual (don’t work Mondays) they were kind and it was a distraction.
I knew what day she was being cremated so I took that day off.
For weeks after I’d find myself looking at her pictures and sobbing. I just had a little cry, really miss her. It has got easier and I now find myself looking at pictures with a teary but warm heart.
Our other dog mourned her too, wouldn’t go for walks, refused to go past the drive.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

My cat died over Xmas and I am beyond heart broken. He was my best friend, my baby and my companion. He was always with me. He sat with me every day through lock down working from home, he sat on my lap every evening, he’s sleep on our bed and come back to bed for a cuddle after his breakfast. He was only 8 and he wasn’t Ill on unwell that I was aware of. He seems totally fine. We put him in a Cattery and that’s where he died which makes it a million times worse that he wasn’t home with me. His brother was next to him which breaks my heart even more. I feel like I’ve lost my baby and I cry every day. I can’t imagine life without him he was such a character. I know it will get easier but right now I’m so so sad. I know I still have my other cat and I love him but he is very independent and not a lap cat at all.

I am so sorry for you. Words can’t express what I know you must be feeling. I lost my 9 1/2 years ago, am still lost without him even though I have a dog who I love so much now and I still cry when I think about him or the way he meowed or did something in a certain way.

There is a woman (who has a thread on here) called Emma Nicolet who lost her dog about a year ago. She is obviously still heartbroken, but is trying to normalise the heartbreak that people go through when you lose a pet. I have found her stories and posts on this really helpful. It might help you, not now, but when things are easier.

Sending hugs. Losing the furry heartbeat of the home is so hard.

 

[Ethel's little Willy]

I had to have my Cat put to sleep 6 weeks ago. She was diagnosed with stomach cancer mid December and the vet said would keep her on steroid injections to stop her being sick. After that first one she was like a new cat. Appetite was back a lot more assertive. My greatest fear was loosing her at Christmas time but she saw it through. Her injection started to wear off so she got a top up. Unfortunately it didn’t work she stopped eating and drinking and I just knew it was time. She was 14 and I had her since I was a kitten. She was one of a kind and when ever I was sad she would come comfort me and now there’s no one. Her passing has had a reaction on me physically, my mood is so low, I don’t want to see anyone, my skin has flared up and I’m in agony. The house isn’t the same without her.

I am so sorry for your loss
You have lost a family member and are grieving. A lot of people don't understand that the loss of a pet that we've had for so long is losing a loved one. Take time for yourself to grieve. Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief, but it does sound like you may need to see a Dr if you are in pain sweets

 

[Chickenandgravy]

I don't know if this is the right thread but....

My horse of 8 years is getting put to sleep on Monday. He's only 13.

He's been having neurological issues that we can't get to the bottom of, although we thought we had it under control, last night it came back and there's nothing else we can do.

Today I spent some time with him and he wasn't showing any signs but I really don't know if I'm doing the right thing. To look at he looks so healthy but he can go downhill so fast and have seizures in which he looks terrified during.

Am I doing the wrong thing putting him down when he isn't at his worst?! I just don't know what to do. Everyone keeps saying "a day too early is better than a day too late" but what if its not the right time.

I'm absolutely broken

 

[Rocknrolla]

Heartbreaking, sorry for your loss x

 

[HinchythetwattyGrinchy]

So sorry for your loss

I had to have my cat put to sleep on Monday, I was a sobbing mess leaving the vets! Didn’t think I’d cry as much as I did - such a horrible experience I don’t ever want to experience again

 

[rebremm99]

also to add , I’m not sure under what circumstances your cat died under but there was a lot of guilt on my part surrounding our cat’s death because he wasn’t an outdoor cat but managed to get out when we were having a washing machine delivered , I should’ve kept an eye on him but he managed to dart out and was knocked down one street away ... the guilt ate at me for weeks , to the point where I felt sick about it “if only” was my most used phrase .. as horrid as it is , what happened was written in the stars and you couldn’t have prevented it .. don’t let the guilt eat at you if you have any

That is literally exactly what happened him he managed to get out today and was run over. I can’t stop thinking about how I could have prevented it so I will try and stop feeling so guilty in time

 

[disneys]

also to add , I’m not sure under what circumstances your cat died under but there was a lot of guilt on my part surrounding our cat’s death because he wasn’t an outdoor cat but managed to get out when we were having a washing machine delivered , I should’ve kept an eye on him but he managed to dart out and was knocked down one street away ... the guilt ate at me for weeks , to the point where I felt sick about it “if only” was my most used phrase .. as horrid as it is , what happened was written in the stars and you couldn’t have prevented it .. don’t let the guilt eat at you if you have any

 

[Maid22]

I've made a huge decision today to get another pup, it'll be good for my young dog and for me as I've been soo upset after losing my boy.

 

[Melian]

And my parents have just put their dog to sleep

His little friend isn't coping well at all with being alone. We were hoping she would. But she's crying a lot and looking out the window, hoping he'd return.

 

[Melian]

My parents dog seems to be a bit happier now. They removed their stair gate and she has a basket in their room. Before, their dogs always slept downstairs. But there was always two or three.