Childfree

[Itsallaboutmememe]

I work with a lady who doesn’t want kids
she says she’s always known this
it really gets to her that people smile and say she’ll change her mind
she got really angry once in our staff room and I happened in walk in while she was mid rant
i told her she might change her mind-she might not
but seeing as it’s HER womb not anyone else’s it’s duck all to do with them
she uses that line with a smile now and watch’s them back right down

 

[bubbletea123]

I work with a lady who doesn’t want kids
she says she’s always known this
it really gets to her that people smile and say she’ll change her mind
she got really angry once in our staff room and I happened in walk in while she was mid rant
i told her she might change her mind-she might not
but seeing as it’s HER womb not anyone else’s it’s duck all to do with them
she uses that line with a smile now and watch’s them back right down

The worst thing you can say to anyone who says they do not want children is to say they will change their minds. As if they don't know their own body. It is incredibly condescending. If someone ever says that to me, I might tell them I am "infertile" (which may be the case cause of endo) and watch them squirm.

 

[Belleboo]

I was childless for 12 years, went through numerous rounds of IVF, had a miscarriage it was awful and contributed to the break up of my marriage. The questions people ask you are unbelievable, no one stops to think that there might be an issue they just see a couple of a certain age and assume baby next.

I have ended up somehow having a total miracle pregnancy and now have a baby, who I completely adore. But I’m a single mother and it’s so so hard, I think even with a partner it would still be hard work.

It’s a shame we live in a society where people seem to have nothing else to do than judge people. If people don’t want children that is their choice, far best to stick to your guns than have one when you aren’t sure and regret it.

The worst thing you can say to anyone who says they do not want children is to say they will change their minds. As if they don't know their own body. It is incredibly condescending. If someone ever says that to me, I might tell them I am "infertile" (which may be the case cause of endo) and watch them squirm.

You’d be surprised how many people are brazen enough not to even squirm. If you say you’re infertile prepare for the ‘oh you can always adopt’ conversation that makes it sound as easy as choosing a pet from the pound!

 

[Silly Sausage]

Does anyone have a good go-to response to shut it down when asked when they are having children? I find these situations so uncomfortable and never know what to say.

 

[bubbletea123]

Does anyone have a good go-to response to shut it down when asked when they are having children? I find these situations so uncomfortable and never know what to say.

It depends on the person and situation.

We've been at friends around their kids and people say "doesn't this make you want children?" meanwhile they're screaming. I am quite frank and say "no."

When someone asks if we want children and I say no and then they'll question it, I say "we will see." - I use this more on people I don't really know as cba explaining myself.

For close friends or family when they ask if we want children/anytime soon we say no.

No need for explanation. A simple no should be enough. Honestly though, it feels awkward at first but now I have no problem as they're the one asking the rude question... They should feel awkward.

Some funny zingers I like if someone asks, like family repeatedly or a stranger going on about biological clocks...
"are you in this relationship?" they say no and I say it's none of their business then.
"are you my gynecologist?" no. Then it's none of your concern.
"why are you so concerned about my sex life?" I am yet to use this one but oh man I would love to see them be all awkward.
Oh, and another nice simple but effective one, "I can't."

 

[Chewycinema]

Before I had my bub I used to always say "but I'm a baby and I can barely look after me"
I've got pcos so didnt know if I could or if, like my mum did, put myself through trying for years and various medications etc so a couple of months before I fell pregnant I was starting to think that I didnt want kids. When I found out I was pregnant it took me about a week to accept but I knew I wanted her and I wouldnt have it any other way.

 

[SassyShetland]

"why are you so concerned about my sex life?" I am yet to use this one but oh man I would love to see them be all awkward.
Oh, and another nice simple but effective one, "I can't."

I use this all the time! Go for it the reaction is incredible, I tend to reserve it for the rudest and most persistent of strangers

 

[bubbletea123]

Netflix has a new show called "babies" that it recommended for me (lol). I watched the first episode, it is about child psychology so was quite interesting but it confirmed that I do not want children. The shrill noise of a baby crying filled me with dread, as does childbirth, being pregnant, and even breastfeeding. It says that when oxytocin is released while pregnant, it causes you to be more alert to the baby crying than the father is, and that lasts your whole life. Sometimes I feel so abnormal, in fact I got upset speaking with my partner about this recently, lol but he assured me I am not. I just have zero desire for parenthood.

Inconceivable: in defence of childfree women like me

Author Sam George-Allen is feeling singled out. She's about to turn 30, pays no attention to her biological clock and has had it with society telling her motherhood is the defining feature of womanhood

www.marieclaire.co.uk

 

[lipsticktaser]

I didn’t want kids. Fell pregnant (very young). Had a child.
I would never have another one. And I struggled to accept the one I have. I felt disconnected throughout my pregnancy and those first few months.
I love her and I’m so glad I have her, but I often have the what ifs...

I feel like societally we go through the whole

‘oh it’s your partner’
‘When you getting married’
‘When you having babies’
‘When you having another baby’
‘Oh sure, yourself has enough babies’
‘Oh, that one just walked out’

It’s intrusion to the point of complaint and a man never gets it.

 

[bubbletea123]

I just feel the older I get (closer to 30) and the more time goes on, I feel more adamant I do not want children. I am sick of people saying "you'll change your mind." No, I likely won't. I don't know why people are so concerned about what another woman does with her own body.

 

[imaginedragon83]

Try following r/childfree on Reddit or r/fencesitters ... it might help you a lot!



I really don't think this is the thread to start bleating on about 'who will take care of you when your older!'

If you'd grown a pair of balls and got that abortion you would be in the same boat! And most likely travelling the world with a duck load more money!

I agree. My aunt never had children and I know none of us would ever leave her as she ages. No way!

 

[Satisfying Click]

The concept of, "Granny Dumping" was coined in the 1980s; it changes those idyllic family gatherings somewhat

As for what family gatherings will be like without children or grandchildren - pleasantly quiet.

I've told my honorary nieces and nephews that whoever checks in on me when I'm old, will inherit everything.

 

[bubbletea123]

Try following r/childfree on Reddit or r/fencesitters ... it might help you a lot!



I really don't think this is the thread to start bleating on about 'who will take care of you when your older!'

If you'd grown a pair of balls and got that abortion you would be in the same boat! And most likely travelling the world with a duck load more money!

LOL! Just because you have a child or children doesn't mean they'll be there for you when you're old, in fact many people end up in retirement homes with no visitors. An incredibly narc and selfish reason to have children. I grew up in a small family as did my fiance so we don't have any desire for big gatherings, etc.

The concept of, "Granny Dumping" was coined in the 1980s; it changes those idyllic family gatherings somewhat

As for what family gatherings will be like without children or grandchildren - pleasantly quiet.

I've told my honorary nieces and nephews that whoever checks in on me when I'm old, will inherit everything.

we feel awful for my fiancé's mother as his sister constantly dumps her kids on her...sad thing is, his sister hates their mother and just keeps in contact for that.

We were grocery shopping today and couldn't stand all the rugrats running around and screaming/crying. We are always happy to get home to a quiet, clean house.

 

[Belleboo]

As said there is no guarantee that being a mother will mean that you have someone to take care of you in old age. Sadly old age isn’t guaranteed for everyone anyway which is why life is too short to be pressured into something you don’t know if you want! I love my baby more than anything but it’s hard work with a lot of sacrifices and I can totally understand why some people don’t want to do it.

 

[solecongregant]

Right. I think the most frustrating part, is people that say I am selfish for not wanting children. That doesn't make any sense. It would be selfish of me to have a child that I didn't want.

I've had people say this to me and to this day I am incredulous. How am I being selfish towards something that in no way exists?

 

[AnnieWood]

I was childless for 12 years, went through numerous rounds of IVF, had a miscarriage it was awful and contributed to the break up of my marriage. The questions people ask you are unbelievable, no one stops to think that there might be an issue they just see a couple of a certain age and assume baby next.

I have ended up somehow having a total miracle pregnancy and now have a baby, who I completely adore. But I’m a single mother and it’s so so hard, I think even with a partner it would still be hard work.

It’s a shame we live in a society where people seem to have nothing else to do than judge people. If people don’t want children that is their choice, far best to stick to your guns than have one when you aren’t sure and regret it.

I am happy you have your miracle child. I am sorry you are finding it hard but I am sure things will only get better for you.

I am childless and have had multiple losses. Didn’t try IVF because I had already had enough mentally and physically I couldn’t keep going. My husband (of 19 years) and I have nearly broke up a many times during those dark periods. I ended up in a mental health hospital for a few weeks last year, it all got too much. I was so sick of people telling me to keep trying... don’t give up etc etc. Even when telling them I didn’t want a child anymore they still ignored my feelings.

So these days I am not sure what to tell people (it’s like the first thing people seem to ask me). Do I say I tried to have kids but it didn’t work out or say I don’t want children. Either way the conversation is... you poor thing don’t give up... or I am selfish and can still change my mind. I will never win

One thing for sure I will not change my mind now. I definitely don’t want a child. I am 43 this year and I am looking forward to retiring. I don’t want to be going through the teenage stage when I am 60. Hell no.... I was a nightmare to my parents.

 

[QueenKJ]

So I’ve replied to this thread further up I’m a Mam of four etc...but I’ve just read there that you ladies/gents are still being asked do you have children? Why not? That’s selfish. And I’m appalled that your even being asked these questions and then being told your selfish. If I was ever in the company of someone who had been asked that or was asking that I’d say right away “mind your own business” to the person asking the question how rude and intrusive can people be

 

[KCH2586]

I'm 34, hubs is 35 and we have been together ten years. We aren't ready for kids at all.

I do wish someone would tell our two daughters that.

 

[Belleboo]

I am happy you have your miracle child. I am sorry you are finding it hard but I am sure things will only get better for you.

I am childless and have had multiple losses. Didn’t try IVF because I had already had enough mentally and physically I couldn’t keep going. My husband (of 19 years) and I have nearly broke up a many times during those dark periods. I ended up in a mental health hospital for a few weeks last year, it all got too much. I was so sick of people telling me to keep trying... don’t give up etc etc. Even when telling them I didn’t want a child anymore they still ignored my feelings.

So these days I am not sure what to tell people (it’s like the first thing people seem to ask me). Do I say I tried to have kids but it didn’t work out or say I don’t want children. Either way the conversation is... you poor thing don’t give up... or I am selfish and can still change my mind. I will never win

One thing for sure I will not change my mind now. I definitely don’t want a child. I am 43 this year and I am looking forward to retiring. I don’t want to be going through the teenage stage when I am 60. Hell no.... I was a nightmare to my parents.

Thank you, we’re getting there.
I can’t believe people are so insensitive and ignorant, if I were you I would tell them your story to try and shame them! It’s such a personal topic & nobody knows what’s happening behind closed doors.
Your life can be just as fulfilling without children, you can make the most of your freedom and do what you’ve always wanted.
Take care of yourself

 

[Satisfying Click]

Tia Gendusa is an amazing woman on IG who focuses on being childfree after infertility and the quiet stigma of, "Don't give up," during assisted reproduction. One to check out if anyone hasn't.