Childfree

[sapphiccharm]

Happy childfree at 26 and living my best life as a queer woman. I've known pretty much all my life that I don't want ever kids and as I got older and accepted my sexuality I knew I didn't want my future wife to carry either. Pregnancy/child birth and everything it entails scares the over loving crap out of me and I have to tokophobia so it's just a hell no from me.

I still as an adult cannot wrap my head around why people would willingly put themselves through all of that mess like morning sickness, gaining weight, hormones all over the place, swollen ankles, heart burn, etc. Just boggles my mind, genuinely. Or why people would want to bring a child into/raise a family in the f#cked up world we live in. But I guess to each their own...

 

[Kim Mild]

I'm childfree but over the past few weeks, I've realised that I may actually want kids. My grandma's been in hospital and without her three children around to help her sort out her home, take her to appointments, calm her down, it wouldn't have worked. They've been abiding by the hospital's covid rules, don't worry.

It's made me (selfishly) think that if that happens to me in old age, I wouldn't have anyone. It's definitely a thinker.

I don't think being childfree is a decision you make once and for all and have to stick to .Sometimes it takes a tragedy to make you re-evaluate life.

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

49 and childfree here. Happily married for nearly 20 years and for many reasons we have never produced offspring.

The 'having someone to look after me in my old age' argument has always amused me. For one thing, shame on you if that's your motivation for having kids. Secondly, just because you produce kids, it doesn't mean that they will be willing or able to look after them in their dotage. I have no intention of looking after my parents as they approach their 80's for many, many reasons, none of which I need to justify.

Also, why are child-free people regularly seen as selfish? Surely not clogging up the planet with more humans is in itself the opposite of selfish?

 

[Giggling Squid]

Me and my partner are childfree. I’ve always been adamant I don’t want to have children, my partner can’t have children so it works well for us, however as I get older I am starting to wonder if I do in fact want children but haven’t a clue where to even start, and couldn’t afford to anyway.

 

[HelloStereo]

49 and childfree here. Happily married for nearly 20 years and for many reasons we have never produced offspring.

The 'having someone to look after me in my old age' argument has always amused me. For one thing, shame on you if that's your motivation for having kids. Secondly, just because you produce kids, it doesn't mean that they will be willing or able to look after them in their dotage. I have no intention of looking after my parents as they approach their 80's for many, many reasons, none of which I need to justify.

Also, why are child-free people regularly seen as selfish? Surely not clogging up the planet with more humans is in itself the opposite of selfish?

Exactly. Isn't it more selfish to have children just because you want them, without giving any thought to whether you have the ways and means to look after them?

I see so many people have kids because they think it's what they "ought" to do, but they have no inclination to really look after them or sacrifice their childfree lifestyle to attend their child's needs.

 

[under the ivy]

I’m childfree as a 27 year old, single woman. Always wanted to focus on my career. I got told when I had abnormal cervical cancer cells removed that it can leave scarring which increases likely hood of miscarrying/not going full-term - I’m not sure if this is true and I have never read into it. I’ve always had the thought that if it happens, it happens. I would love to be a Mum one day though, but when the I’m stable and happy.

 

[Isa Drennan]

Never understood the "someone to look after you" when you're older point, most elderly people in hospices and care homes have kids!

Some even have 5+ children who just can't take on caregiving responsibilities for whatever reason, so having children doesn't mean automatically you'll be looked after in your old age!

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Never understood the "someone to look after you" when you're older point, most elderly people in hospices and care homes have kids!

Some even have 5+ children who just can't take on caregiving responsibilities for whatever reason, so having children doesn't mean automatically you'll be looked after in your old age!

My Nan is in a care home, but her daughters, especially my mum, did care for her. The problem was, she’s got vascular dementia, she lost the ability to walk and her needs could no longer be met at home, it just wasn’t fair on her. She lit up when she went into the care home though, I think it was the social aspect (although at this point she didn’t even know her own name so she wouldn’t have missed her own home) and the fact she was getting the right care that she needed. So sadly a care home isn’t always preventable like you say.

my mum has said to me in the past that if I don’t have children then I will end up alone, but like you say, you can have children and still end up alone, which is what I told her. There are no guarantees.

 

[Isa Drennan]

My Nan is in a care home, but her daughters, especially my mum, did care for her. The problem was, she’s got vascular dementia, she lost the ability to walk and her needs could no longer be met at home, it just wasn’t fair on her. She lit up when she went into the care home though, I think it was the social aspect (although at this point she didn’t even know her own name so she wouldn’t have missed her own home) and the fact she was getting the right care that she needed. So sadly a care home isn’t always preventable like you say.

my mum has said to me in the past that if I don’t have children then I will end up alone, but like you say, you can have children and still end up alone, which is what I told her. There are no guarantees.

Exactly it's tough for families! Working in healthcare I've met childfree elderly people who are well cared for by advocacy services, nurses etc but elderly people with 5+ children who never have family visiting or playing an active role in their relative's life

I don't think you'll end up alone if you don't have children, definitely not the case in the NHS anyway

 

[muggedoff]

Exactly. Isn't it more selfish to have children just because you want them, without giving any thought to whether you have the ways and means to look after them?

I see so many people have kids because they think it's what they "ought" to do, but they have no inclination to really look after them or sacrifice their childfree lifestyle to attend their child's needs.

Having children just for the sake of it, which is sadly very common, can lead to an unhappy parent and child. Society underestimates how difficult raising a well balanced, happy child is and how pivotal early childhood experiences are. No wonder why there are so many damaged adults!

I think anyone who decides to be childfree is doing the world a favour and therefore the complete opposite of selfish.

 

[HelloStereo]

Having children just for the sake of it, which is sadly very common, can lead to an unhappy parent and child. Society underestimates how difficult raising a well balanced, happy child is and how pivotal early childhood experiences are. No wonder why there are so many damaged adults!

I think anyone who decides to be childfree is doing the world a favour and therefore the complete opposite of selfish.

Exactly. The parent begrudges the child for their lifestyle changes and the child can pick up on that and become unhappy.

My mum and dad are examples of that! My mum always used to say she works a job she hates to support her kids and she hated staying in to look after us instead of going out with her friends etc. Kids don't ask to be born, if you don't want to look after someone else don't have them. I think many people have kids because it seems to be what society expects.

 

[Blancmange]

I'm so glad I've found this thread, I've just read it all the way through.

I'm 31 and over the past year every single one of my friends has become a parent, they've all taken to asking me when I'll have kids.

I was always adamant I wasn't gonna have kids but then I met my partner and swayed a little, although this lockdown has made me think staying childfree is a good idea.

I guess time will tell, but it's been so interesting to read everyone's comments.

 

[Pixipoppy]

Anyone else just so shocked at the sheer amount of pregnancy announcements this year. Honestly I know of at least 10 IRL who got pregnant during the pandemic, not to mention all the influencers - I just don’t understand why you’d do that! The nhs is already in tatters, stretched to capacity. The world and economy is a mess, a lot of people don’t even know if they will have jobs to go back to. Bringing a child into this just seems a bit selfish IMO. Before all this happened I was truly on the fence, but the thought of having to do this horrific year again with a screaming kid in tow... no bloody thank you

 

[Lovegossip2020]

Anyone else just so shocked at the sheer amount of pregnancy announcements this year. Honestly I know of at least 10 IRL who got pregnant during the pandemic, not to mention all the influencers - I just don’t understand why you’d do that! The nhs is already in tatters, stretched to capacity. The world and economy is a mess, a lot of people don’t even know if they will have jobs to go back to. Bringing a child into this just seems a bit selfish IMO. Before all this happened I was truly on the fence, but the thought of having to do this horrific year again with a screaming kid in tow... no bloody thank you

Yes!!! I feel all of this today, I'm currently still in bed crying because all of my friends are currently pregnant and 2 sisters and it's literally like I no longer exist as it's all baby baby baby!! I never wanted children and this pandemic has made my choice even more firm, why do people want to being more lives in this mess of a world?,

 

[Pixipoppy]

Yes!!! I feel all of this today, I'm currently still in bed crying because all of my friends are currently pregnant and 2 sisters and it's literally like I no longer exist as it's all baby baby baby!! I never wanted children and this pandemic has made my choice even more firm, why do people want to being more lives in this mess of a world?,

Everytime a friend announces they’re pregnant I am happy for them, but honestly - it feels like they’ve died. From then on they only seem to exist in the form of a “mummy”, everything is about the baby.

 

[Libbylulu]

I find it bizarre that people think it their business to ask another person if or why they aren’t having children. My eldest daughter has said for years she doesn’t want kids, it’s her decision like having them was mine and should be respected. My mother on the other hand can’t understand this at all and keeps on and on at her. Probably a generation thing.

 

[mochibean]

I'm 26 (almost 27) and more than happy without children. I love my freedom and I'm working on myself and living my life right now. I have no desire for children right now, no idea if I ever will. Can see myself with 20 dogs tbh.

People asking really irks me. My mum was on about it a while back and I felt like she was kinda sad when I said I wasn't bothered about kids. She's only 50! Doesn't need to be a Grandma just yet.

 

[Vanillaco]

I have children , always wanted them and am happy with my choice, but my god its extraordinarily hard work, expensive and physically and emotionally draining. I honestly dont know how someone with children can possibly not understand someones choice not to have children! Why on earth would you want to inflict that on someone who didnt want it? Its hard enough when you do want it!
Also, the world doesnt need more children. If people who wanted children had however many they wanted and those who didnt want them didnt have them, the world would be much more healthy and equal. The answer to global population growth is the education of girls for a reason. Girls who are allowed to go to school have more prospects and control over their own bodies. When they do have that choice, they choose to have fewer or no children. We should be celebrating that choice in the West and striving to bring that choice to all women and girls.

 

[Penelope Strawberry]

Is anyone else feeling slightly smug at the moment?

 

[jaymie]

I have children , always wanted them and am happy with my choice, but my god its extraordinarily hard work, expensive and physically and emotionally draining. I honestly dont know how someone with children can possibly not understand someones choice not to have children! Why on earth would you want to inflict that on someone who didnt want it? Its hard enough when you do want it!

HAHA have you heard of Lily Pebbles? the reason why she has kid is just so that she doesn't need to spend her Saturday morning in King Cross London.

Anyway, I have quite a comfortable upbringing and I am in my early 30 now. We don't want kids now but aren't too crazy with the idea of having kids in the future either. Personally I am selfish (I admit that), I don't want my freedom and lifestyle to be affected and I genuinely feel inadequate if I cannot provide the same comfort I had growing up. Is none of my business if people choose to have or not have kids. However, when I travelled to the Middle East for work, business partners will usually ask if I am married, do I have kids, do I want kids....is just one of those things that is normal in their culture but not in ours.