Childfree by Choice #9 "No baby on board, feel free to crash into me."

[pinkmug]

Welcome to the new thread. Thanks to @pecan for the new title and the new car window sticker inspo

Previous thread:

Childfree by Choice #8 Parents keep scrolling, we don’t need your trolling!

Congratulations @JE172 Parents take note; we don't bother you in your child dedicated threads [Mod edit: sorry, but threads cannot tell others where they can and cannot post. If you see something that you want the mods to look at, please use the report function] Please and thanks ✌

tattle.life

For those who are worrying about their lonely senior years, let's all consider this

 

[daydreamer95]

For anybody that would like to answer

What is the best solution for somebody that is sure they don’t want to have children in their 20s, is sterilisation a better option or is it too drastic/permanent and should eggs be frozen in case there’s a change of mind in 30s?

 

[peekachu]

For anybody that would like to answer

What is the best solution for somebody that is sure they don’t want to have children in their 20s, is sterilisation a better option or is it too drastic/permanent and should eggs be frozen in case there’s a change of mind in 30s?

I’m not sure if you can be sterilised in your 20s unfortunately, maybe it can be done privately? I just had a quick look at the NHS website and found the following shocking content:

- You may be more likely to be accepted for the operation if you're over 30 AND have had children.

- Your GP may recommend counselling before referring you for sterilisation.

- Your GP can refuse to carry out the procedure or refuse to refer you for it if they do not believe it's in your best interests.

What year is it because I thought it’s 2023 not 1923! I’ve heard that GPs refuse to refer younger women but the counselling thing just blew my mind.. “this person doesn’t want children, they must need therapy” 🫣

Female sterilisation

Find out how female sterilisation (also called “getting your tubes tied” or tubal ligation) works to prevent pregnancy, how it’s done and what to expect after surgery.

www.nhs.uk

 

[LaBlonde]

For anybody that would like to answer

What is the best solution for somebody that is sure they don’t want to have children in their 20s, is sterilisation a better option or is it too drastic/permanent and should eggs be frozen in case there’s a change of mind in 30s?

they would find it incredibly difficult to be sterilised in their 20s without a medical reason tbh - peekachu does an excellent outlining of this above.

freezing eggs is always an option if they think they might change their mind but keep in mind this is very expensive and also involves a lot of fairly invasive procedures. a friend of mine looked into it (and solo ivf) very seriously before realising that she just couldn’t afford it. even after the actual taking of the eggs and all that entails, you’re paying year on year to keep them in “storage” (as it were). if someone thinks they might change their mind then it’s good to have the option there, but i don’t think it’s as easy as it’s made to sound.

 

[mousey]

Just heard some horrible screaming outside, that kind where you don’t know if it’s a fox or someone actually in trouble. I looked out the window and turns out it was just some kids playing. When is it appropriate to make that kind of noise?!

I would give that to a GP as a reason to get sterilised; no unnecessary screaming in my life.

 

[daydreamer95]

Thank you @peekachu and @LaBlonde

 

[Falkor]

I had it done in my late 20s, but that was 20 years ago. It took five years of asking my GP for a referral, then the consultant insisted I see a psychiatrist, then the psychiatrist got the hump with me when he tried to hypnotise me to do some regression stuff and it didn't work (I did warn him that my godfather was a hypnotist and said I was one of the few people that couldn't be) and so sat on my case and didn't send a report back to the consultant. Eventually I wrote an extremely polite letter to the primary care trust that said I appreciated they were worried about me making a permanent irreversible decision at a relatively young age, but having a baby was also a permanent irreversible decision and nobody was making women jump through all these hoops before they had one. Got a reply saying they'd look into what was going on and a letter asking me to go in for a pre-op assessment arrived not long afterwards.

I have to say, I haven't regretted it even for a second, it's one of the best decisions I ever made. If I was that age now and wanting it done, I think I'd be saving up and going private. From what I can see from a quick Google, it costs about £3k in the UK.

 

[pecan]

Oh yay my first thread title! Really it’s thanks to @peekachu as they shared the picture of the window sticker. Team effort.

 

[peekachu]

Oh yay my first thread title! Really it’s thanks to @peekachu as they shared the picture of the window sticker. Team effort.

Aww thanks for suggesting the thread title! To be fair I only stumbled upon it on Reddit! Love some childfree humour

 

[flutternutter]

Isnt it hilarious how youre treated like a lunatic for saying you physically do not want to be able to have a baby.
Would be interesting to see how the same GPs deal with gender dysmorphia? Surely if you transitioned youd impact your future ability to procreate?
Unfortunately I think its unlikely to change unless society swayed massively into the same opinion as us

 

[The Devils Arse]

I was 22 when I was sterilised, went private as I knew the nhs wouldn't touch me.

Best decision for me as I knew kids were never ever on the card for me.

I had a lovely weekend, hairdresser yesterday, followed by a nap and lovely home cooked food. Sunday was a lazy morning watching a film, pilates, had a facial, another nap (I don't sleep well, not that lazy!!) And then a trip to the cinema which was also child free.

Had the delights of my neighbours children playing basketball today which echoed around the courtyard. If its is not basketball its cricket, so I have to shut the gates so the ball doesn't hit my car. Surely the parents would say to them, there is a green space literally behind their house...play cricket and basketball there so you aren't pissing off all the neighbours.

 

[MouthFullOfFangs]

Been to a family function today. The amount of times I got asked "when are you having a baby" was ridiculous

 

[Norfolking Good]

My MIL really upset me this weekend, which I know was the intention but it hit a nerve. She asked me why mr Norfolk and I hadn’t had a baby yet and then said was it because I couldn’t have children (we tried for over a year and nothing so stopped) and then offered to pay for IVF because I’m getting on and there weren’t any babies in the family.
Silly that it upset me really.

 

[LaBlonde]

My MIL really upset me this weekend, which I know was the intention but it hit a nerve. She asked me why mr Norfolk and I hadn’t had a baby yet and then said was it because I couldn’t have children (we tried for over a year and nothing so stopped) and then offered to pay for IVF because I’m getting on and there weren’t any babies in the family.
Silly that it upset me really.

i don’t think that’s silly at all

people are so thoughtless sometimes and it’s such an invasive question. i’d take the “ivf money” and go on a lovely holiday

i hope you’re okay. people don’t realise how upsetting it is, especially with the “there aren’t any babies in the family” implication.

 

[Norfolking Good]

Thank you, I know it was meant in a nice way really but certainly the delivery of it was a bit lacking! I think old people lose their tact and just become very to the point, but it threw me a bit as it came out of nowhere. X

 

[Greencatfysh]

people don’t realise how upsetting it is, especially with the “there aren’t any babies in the family” implication.

I feel this all the time. I don’t have kids and my older brother has been trying for a few years. My mum especially feels entitled to be a grandma and makes comments fairly regularly. I understand it’s how she expected her life to go - but it just heaps on the pressure and makes us both feel terrible

 

[LaBlonde]

I feel this all the time. I don’t have kids and my older brother has been trying for a few years. My mum especially feels entitled to be a grandma and makes comments fairly regularly. I understand it’s how she expected her life to go - but it just heaps on the pressure and makes us both feel terrible

same i’m one of two children in a very small family - both my sister and i don’t want children. my mum would dearly love to be a grandmother and is one of the only non-grandmothers in her friendship group. like you, i think it’s just how she expected her life to go and she does make comments sometimes. though equally i think she’s starting to see how exhausted some of her friends are doing childcare etc.

it’s really tough and lots of love to you and your brother my mother is one of the only things that gives me pause over being childfree because i know how happy she would be, but equally i would be miserable about it!

 

[Blond3g1rl]

I know she’s got children but why do people feel the need to comment this??

 

[Chandler Bing]

I got hounded and abused by my dad because "his name will now die with him" and it's my fault. Well if I had kids they wouldn't have his name anyway, they would have my husbands family name. I also have a brother but he of course never gets any questions about this.

He only wants grandkids as a status thing, to tell people he has some cos everyone else has them as well. He can't stand the fact he hasn't got something everyone else has. Besides he is a horrible, abusive man who has physically hurt me even in my mid 30s, let alone the beatings as a child, so even if i made the mistake of having kids, I would never even tell him I had any. Definitely wouldn't let them anywhere near him.

 

[shadowcat5]

The thread title has me howling