Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

Why do some parents thinks its always the responsibility of the child free to bend over backwards when they’re the ones who changed the friendship by having a kid? It’s just the entitlement some knobheads had and it’s not like having a kid means you have to be like that - I have a couple of really great friends who have kids and are still fab friends, don’t expect my life to revolve around their kids, will happily leave the kids with their Dads so we can do normal things etc. In return I make the effort with their kids too even if I don’t especially enjoy it. The friends I’ve purposefully distanced from after they had kids are the ones who expect you to run after them 24/7, flake at the last minute all the time because ‘kids’, refuse to let anyone else have the kids to go out - it’s actually them who become the shit selfish friends, and idk why we’re expected to put up with it?

I’m one of 7 kids and only 1 of 3 that doesn’t have children, it’s Christmas next week and it’s only after I’ve text my parents about visiting me on boxing day that I’ve organised to be seen by family over the holiday period and I know a large part of it is purely down to me not having kids. I live in a different city to the rest of my family, they all still live back home, but I was the only child to go to uni and I’ve stayed living here. My parents see my other siblings and their grandchildren at least once, maybe even twice a week. I see them a handful times of the year, but who gets ignored because they don’t have any grandchildren for them? Me. I will eventually have children, but it’s so frustrating to feel you’re being ignored like there’s no reason to see me. I was planning to stay at mine with my partner and our pets and would have had people round here, my dad said every year that he wanted someone else to cook for him, but I didn’t even get asked what I was doing never mind be invited or be able to invite others. For my nieces birthday party my mum turned up early, left late and cleared her entire weekend for the birthday. My siblings left the entire day free for the party but one has ignored my message about seeing each other and another has said just said they can’t with no suggestion for a different day. I guarantee if I had kids this wouldn’t be happening. It’s the same bollocks as when I got my qualifications, I got a degree, a masters and spent 3 years training in my field doing exams and I didn’t get so much as a well done from some of my siblings, if I had 5 minutes of shit sex and ended up with a small human I’d have cards showering me with congratulations.

This is such a long post of me venting about how basically childless people in their mid 20s are invisible in a family of siblings with children.

I just really don’t understand how anyone can say they “wouldn’t have had kids if they knew how hard it is” “no one told me what it was really like” etc. I understand that people never openly admit they regret having children, and always seem to be pushing others into parenthood even when their experience seems negative, but I think that is a different conversation. I just don’t get how you can claim you didn’t know how hard it was.. you’re raising a whole entire human?

I saw a comment thread on a parenthood post the other day, responses included “no one prepared me how hard the fourth trimester was, transitioning from pregnancy and enduring labour to dealing with a newborn” - sorry you weren’t prepared to have a baby at the end of pregnancy????? Who’s job exactly is it to warn you of this Other comments talked about how “draining” and “overstimulating” being a mum/childcare is, but surely you’ve spent more than 5 minutes with a child in your life?? It’s exhausting no? But this is somehow a shock? Yes people do romanticise having children but if you haven’t thought for more than 5 minutes about the reality of it outside of the number of likes your Instagram pregnancy announcement is gonna get then that is on you.

Not childfree related per se but related to unsolicited questions about when you are having kids etc.

Someone I follow on Instagram took her son to see Santa. She just shared on her stories she had a lovely time except for Santa suggesting she give her son a sibling next year!!

Awful for him to have suggested this but she had to have IVF for her son and I believe can't have any further children. People really need to stop making such remarks to people who already have kids and those who don't.

LaBlonde said:

the BIB really made me laugh.

i’ve had that one a lot too - like we’re all in victorian dramas and everyone gently expires on an exhale in a four poster bed with their loving children and grandchildren around them.

i’ve been brutal sometimes and said “everyone dies alone” if i’m told i will, obviously, die alone. it’s harsh but it’s true. that’s, sadly, what death is.

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Luckily as someone without children (and a boyfriend) I’m quite good at doing things alone so I can’t imagine dying would be any different

malibu skies said:

Luckily as someone without children (and a boyfriend) I’m quite good at doing things alone so I can’t imagine dying would be any different

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At the end of the day (in my opinion) once your dead you won’t know so

My neighbour passed last week, a husband, two kids, three grandchildren and she still died alone in hospital. Her family didn’t want to watch her die.

My husband’s grandad died alone as his wife (husband’s nan) & his children didn’t want to be with him when he passed.

I don’t think I’d care to be honest, I doubt I’d have enough awareness to care. I’d rather just pass in my sleep though.

I have never seen someone die but I have seen dead bodies and that sticks with you. I cannot imagine how watching a loved one die would make you feel.

I think it’s less about death but more about being cared for an not lonely in old age but the answer is not kids.

IMO it’s more selfishness saying you don’t want to die alone and also just naive about the nature of death. I wonder how many people who say that have actually been there when someone dies, or of those who have, it’s been where someone is sedated and peaceful in hospital.

I have seen a dead body and it isn’t nice.

I’d only be with someone when they passed so that they weren’t alone (even though I wouldn’t care myself).

My mum was with both my grandparent’s when they passed and neither were peaceful deaths.

I was with my dad when he died. Certainly won't forget it, it was horrible. Although I was glad I was with him.

I cared for my Grandma when she died. I kind of regret being there as it traumatised me, but I know she worried about being alone at the end so I had to be there for her.

Hi, new poster to this thread (sorry but I am going to give you my life story).
I wanted kids when I was a kid, (in the future, when I was older obviously). That changed when I was about 20.
I've always liked kids, did voluntary work at a day nursery aged 13, and also at a special needs children daycare, then did work experience at my old Primary school at 15, I like kids, generally speaking.
But at 20ish I realised that although I like kids, not the little brats (not on them, it's their shit parents). That I did not actually want my own kids.
Some of it comes from that I have mental health issues, I wouldn't like to pass that on. (MH issues are rampant in my family) , also my MH issues would not make me a good mother, even if I did want kids.
My brother has a son and daughter, and I LOVE THEM, my beautiful nephew and niece.
But I do not want kids, not just because of MH issues, I just don't want them. It's not for me.
I have a truly wonderful husband, and a dog, and I'm happy like that. I'm a daughter, a sister, a wife, an aunt, and a dog owner! That suits me just fine.

SpaceshipEarth said:

A little bit off the current conversation, but I went to my works Christmas do last night. I was talking to a male colleague and he asked me if I had children (we were talking about Vagas so nothing related!) I said I didn't and he replied that he just assumed I would. I said I have a dog. He then started asking why I did have children?! I was so shocked I just blurted out "because I fucking hate children" then tried to backtrack to a more polite (god knows why) tactic of explaning that I'd never felt the urge for kids. He still didn't get the message and started asking what my husband and I do with all our free time like he absolutely could not believe that we had so much time on our hands!! It was the way that he said it like I must have a completely empty worthless life without children to occupy my free time!! Like what the actual?! Then he started asking if my husband likes football and could not believe it when I said no, he doesn't like any sport. He was incredulous! I was so upset I made my excuses from the conversation and left the party.

My previous job was at a company where having dogs not kids was the norm so I never encountered this kind of thing before so have been a bit blasé about people challenging me on my lifestyle choices before. I clearly need to think of some better responses to idiots like this!

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I can’t imagine what’s worse, having kids or being into football.

Someone at work has just told me they assumed I ‘wouldn’t be into Christmas as I don’t have kids, and if they didn’t have kids then they just wouldn’t bother’ these people are so bloody miserable

I mean, what have you got to live for anyway, right?

judgejohndeed said:

Someone at work has just told me they assumed I ‘wouldn’t be into Christmas as I don’t have kids, and if they didn’t have kids then they just wouldn’t bother’ these people are so bloody miserable

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I love Christmas! I’ve got lights out the front of my house, a massive tree, loads of decorations etc. my husband and I have our own traditions. You don’t need kids to enjoy Christmas

rosemarina said:

I mean, what have you got to live for anyway, right?

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Someone essentially said this to me once 🥲

judgejohndeed said:

Someone at work has just told me they assumed I ‘wouldn’t be into Christmas as I don’t have kids, and if they didn’t have kids then they just wouldn’t bother’ these people are so bloody miserable

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Can’t stand people like that and the “you don’t enjoy Christmas until you have children”.

I’m pretty sure I’d stop enjoying Christmas if I did have children

You don’t need to have kids to appreciate a good Christmas dinner

Rippedjeanmaybe said:

Can’t stand people like that and the “you don’t enjoy Christmas until you have children”.

I’m pretty sure I’d stop enjoying Christmas if I did have children

You don’t need to have kids to appreciate a good Christmas dinner

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If you don’t enjoy Christmas until you have children, then the children don’t enjoy it because they don’t have children, so the parents must be doing it all because they enjoy it. Which must mean they are… selfish *gasp*