Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

mdizzl3 · Dec 17, 2022

I think the only thing I might regret in old age is that I didn’t do a frivolous degree like Music Production or Fashion Design and end up in some glamorous lifestyle in London, taking loads of drugs with celebs and flying from Miami to Ibiza every weekend. Instead I live in the suburbs, work in a bank and spend my evenings watching The Traitors and playing sport

I think doing anything because “you might regret not doing it” is really stupid. I actually really disagree with the saying “you can only regret what you didn’t do”. Firstly if you didn’t do something it’s hard to imagine what could have happened, so it’s hard to regret it. Like with my dream fashion/music lifestyle, in reality I’d live in a grotty flat making no money and slogging my guts out only to be “irrelevant” and unemployed by 30. And if you DID do something and it went wrong (like breaking my teeth rollerblading), it’s very easy to imagine not having done it, as that would be the status quo and your normal life.

Jane Porcupine · Dec 17, 2022

We were supposed to be going to my in laws for a Christmas visit today but they are all unwell. I mentioned it on my mates WhatsApp group and of them has asked if I want to come out to lunch with her and her toddler. Errrm no, probably just going to go to the pub.

shadowcat5 · Dec 17, 2022

Pebbleybeach said:
I know lots of women who had children in their 40s and two who had them in their early 50s!

Also why are people so bothered about other peoples regrets or whatever. Will I regret having children? maybe, I can’t predict that. All I know is I’m glad past me didn’t have children so today me doesn’t have children. I can’t know about future me. If I regret it I’ll live with it, like I’ll live with the regret of not being a librarian or opening a bakery or opening a cat rescue or moving to New Zealand or whatever else I regret.

Also I won’t die alone surrounded by cats (which isn’t alone…) because I don’t want cats so I’ll die actually alone or preferably with someone licensed to inject pain meds into me.

thing is as well, the full time care of another human for me is high stakes odds on regret. Regretting not having them is fine but regretting having them is huge gamble. It’s far better to regret not having them than have them, regret it and then have to do your best not to resent an innocent child else you fuck them up for life. Too many people have kids who really fucking shouldn’t.

Chandler Bing · Dec 17, 2022

mdizzl3 said:
I think the only thing I might regret in old age is that I didn’t do a frivolous degree like Music Production or Fashion Design and end up in some glamorous lifestyle in London, taking loads of drugs with celebs and flying from Miami to Ibiza every weekend. Instead I live in the suburbs, work in a bank and spend my evenings watching The Traitors and playing sport

I think doing anything because “you might regret not doing it” is really stupid. I actually really disagree with the saying “you can only regret what you didn’t do”. Firstly if you didn’t do something it’s hard to imagine what could have happened, so it’s hard to regret it. Like with my dream fashion/music lifestyle, in reality I’d live in a grotty flat making no money and slogging my guts out only to be “irrelevant” and unemployed by 30. And if you DID do something and it went wrong (like breaking my teeth rollerblading), it’s very easy to imagine not having done it, as that would be the status quo and your normal life.

Is it just me then, cos I surely do regret a lot of things I have done! Bad guys, bad haircuts, bad job decisions. I also do regret not doing certain things, but not having kids I've never once regretted!

Pebbleybeach · Dec 17, 2022

Chandler Bing said:
Is it just me then, cos I surely do regret a lot of things I have done! Bad guys, bad haircuts, bad job decisions. I also do regret not doing certain things, but not having kids I've never once regretted!

I think people just regret or don’t regret different things. So for some people it’s true that you only regret the things you didn’t do, for some it’s the opposite and for some it’s a mixture. I’ve never felt regret for anything so I’m sure I won’t regret not having kids! But if I do I’ll just deal with it like people have dealt with regret since Adam regretted having Lilith as a wife.

Rippedjeanmaybe · Dec 17, 2022

I can’t imagine I’d regret not having kids because if I’ve never had them then I won’t know what I’m “missing”.
I’m not really the regret type. I take each day as it comes and I make the most of what I have.

paulpercy666 · Dec 17, 2022

it’s clear that having children isn’t for me cos im genuinely stumped as to what there is to regret by not having them?

Pebbleybeach · Dec 17, 2022

paulpercy666 said:
it’s clear that having children isn’t for me cos im genuinely stumped as to what there is to regret by not having them?

You won’t have any kids who have stayed within 10 minutes of your house to drop their job/hobbies/house/kids/pets/friends and come and care for you, so you’ll end up in a home.

Also you’ll die all alone rather than gathering your kids around your death bed (because everyone dies like rich women in period dramas) and traumatising them by making them witness you die.

You won’t have grandchildren (if I don’t want kids why would I want grandkids, they sound worse than having my own kids).

That’s all the ones I’ve been told so far

mediocrehouseplant · Dec 17, 2022

Pebbleybeach said:
You won’t have grandchildren (if I don’t want kids why would I want grandkids, they sound worse than having my own kids).

Why would someone think this was a convincing argument

LaBlonde · Dec 17, 2022

Pebbleybeach said:
You won’t have any kids who have stayed within 10 minutes of your house to drop their job/hobbies/house/kids/pets/friends and come and care for you, so you’ll end up in a home.

Also you’ll die all alone rather than gathering your kids around your death bed (because everyone dies like rich women in period dramas) and traumatising them by making them witness you die.

You won’t have grandchildren (if I don’t want kids why would I want grandkids, they sound worse than having my own kids).

That’s all the ones I’ve been told so far

the BIB really made me laugh.

i’ve had that one a lot too - like we’re all in victorian dramas and everyone gently expires on an exhale in a four poster bed with their loving children and grandchildren around them.

i’ve been brutal sometimes and said “everyone dies alone” if i’m told i will, obviously, die alone. it’s harsh but it’s true. that’s, sadly, what death is.

Satisfying Click · Dec 17, 2022

Pebbleybeach said:
Also you’ll die all alone rather than gathering your kids around your death bed (because everyone dies like rich women in period dramas) and traumatising them by making them witness you die.

I might hire a group of paid actors to sit around my deathbed. That actually sounds quite cool, will also ask them to do some Shakespeare

LaBlonde · Dec 17, 2022

Satisfying Click said:
I might hire a group of paid actors to sit around my deathbed. That actually sounds quite cool, will also ask them to do some Shakespeare

amazing!!!

i’m going to do the same but get them all do a group tapdance number

judgejohndeed · Dec 17, 2022

@mdizzl3 if it makes you feel any better I know one person who did music and sound production as a degree and he works in McDonald’s, and I have a friend who did fashion who works in a pub, so you’re probably better off in the bank!

I don’t have any major regrets to be honest, and if I ever come to a point where I regret not having kids then I’ll look into fostering or adopting. Can’t see it happening because I know I would regret the lifestyle sacrifices more tbh.

pinkmug · Dec 17, 2022

SpaceshipEarth said:
A little bit off the current conversation, but I went to my works Christmas do last night. I was talking to a male colleague and he asked me if I had children (we were talking about Vagas so nothing related!) I said I didn't and he replied that he just assumed I would. I said I have a dog. He then started asking why I did have children?! I was so shocked I just blurted out "because I fucking hate children" then tried to backtrack to a more polite (god knows why) tactic of explaning that I'd never felt the urge for kids. He still didn't get the message and started asking what my husband and I do with all our free time like he absolutely could not believe that we had so much time on our hands!! It was the way that he said it like I must have a completely empty worthless life without children to occupy my free time!! Like what the actual?! Then he started asking if my husband likes football and could not believe it when I said no, he doesn't like any sport. He was incredulous! I was so upset I made my excuses from the conversation and left the party.

My previous job was at a company where having dogs not kids was the norm so I never encountered this kind of thing before so have been a bit blasé about people challenging me on my lifestyle choices before. I clearly need to think of some better responses to idiots like this!

This is shocking, I'm sorry you had to deal with this.

I just say I don't have kids and don't want them, but if someone keeps pressing on, I just attack back with 'Why do you want to know something so personal, why do you ask?' and keep asking until they drop the subject. Usually they act like they've been victimised by some crazy radical feminist (lol) but I couldn't care less about bruised egos of tactless people. Ours is 'our' decision but what if it wasn't? Plenty of people are childless due to infertility, medical issues or loss, it's a difficult subject for a lot of them. It's just rude.

mediocrehouseplant · Dec 17, 2022

I'm love (the former) Miss Universe Australia's take on it!

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/body/a42213928/miss-universe-maria-thattil-no-children/

“When they tell me that a child-free life means I'm not fulfilling my 'duty as a woman', I tell them that my value isn't conditional on whether I birth someone else, and my only duty is to myself.” She continued: “And when people threaten me with fear of loneliness in my latter years, I tell them that I fear their decision to have kids just so they have someone by their side when they're old and ailing."

FilthyGorgeous · Dec 17, 2022

TheGlossy said:
Shopping centers during Christmas time are worst. Kids screaming their heads off, running all over the place, crying. Not for me. Headache inducing. I still wonder how in this day and age some parents want multiple kids.

They’re definitely having sex on their good days.

Princesst · Dec 17, 2022

pinkmug said:
This is shocking, I'm sorry you had to deal with this.

I just say I don't have kids and don't want them, but if someone keeps pressing on, I just attack back with 'Why do you want to know something so personal, why do you ask?' and keep asking until they drop the subject. Usually they act like they've been victimised by some crazy radical feminist (lol) but I couldn't care less about bruised egos of tactless people. Ours is 'our' decision but what if it wasn't? Plenty of people are childless due to infertility, medical issues or loss, it's a difficult subject for a lot of them. It's just rude.

I also find that people really can’t handle the question back at them. “Why DID you choose to HAVE kids?” They look at you like you’ve committed a crime so offended, what a terrible thing to ask! but perfectly acceptable to ask the other way hmm. Never once got a decent answer either Normally a lot of waffle and bluster and then something generic.

chocolatepanda6 · Dec 17, 2022

Has anyone saw the comments on Stylist Magazines insta post about life stages and friends there’s some vile mothers on there saying the usual dated nonsense about people without kids understanding mothers on a few years but thankfully some of the replies are right back at her . I don’t remember my own mother or her friends with children being such martyrs about having children though it seems to be my generation and younger who are like this

newtoyou · Dec 17, 2022

LaBlonde said:
amazing!!!

i’m going to do the same but get them all do a group tapdance number

I thought this said a group lap dance What a way to go

HoGi · Dec 17, 2022

chocolatepanda6 said:
Has anyone saw the comments on Stylist Magazines insta post about life stages and friends there’s some vile mothers on there saying the usual dated nonsense about people without kids understanding mothers on a few years but thankfully some of the replies are right back at her . I don’t remember my own mother or her friends with children being such martyrs about having children though it seems to be my generation and younger who are like this

As often the way in stylist posts the comments section is a hot mess

Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

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