Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

[judgejohndeed]

YES, this is horrifying to me!!! Being "Mum" only and not "MyName". It's akin to a death

Exactly, it's very much like the death of you as a person. Everything about you becomes about your motherhood - if you work you're now a 'working Mum', if you don't work you're a stay at home Mum, if you're in shape you're a 'yummy Mummy', if you're not then you're carrying 'baby weight' forever. My friend who had a baby recently has started exercising again and she was saying how annoying it was when people are saying she's an 'active Mum', as if she wasn't already in shape before her baby because she just likes exercising...you can't do anything without it being somehow mum-ified, I would hate it.

 

[Blond3g1rl]

Think I’ll stick with my horse

 

[peachesandcreamz]

I can relate! I almost feel like I have to play down or feel ashamed of my multiple holidays a year . I don't want them to think I'm showing off or rubbing it in

THIS!!! People at my office joke about it all the time, how I'm "hardly in the office" (when I'm actually the only full-time office based person here, funnily enough). I did a short 4 day break to the US and people were shocked, "you're ALWAYS off somewhere!!"....yes?? That's what I like to do with my time and money?

 

[Tabitha]

Haha this got me

 

[mousey]

I don’t understand why on Facebook or Instagram, if someone posts about being childfree, in the comments there’s hundreds of men saying ‘enjoy being sad and alone surrounded by cats’. WHY are men so annoyed when women say we don’t want kids? Wish I could write a paper on it hahah and get their reasoning cos I just don’t understand it.

Being surrounded by cats is not being alone! Probably provide much more stimulating conversation, and at least you already know you have to do everything to look after them instead of being slowly tricked into it by certain types of men.

 

[ack13]

Where do I start;

- I like to do what I want/when I want. If that makes me selfish then so be it. You only get one life I won’t have mine dictated by some kid. If I want to lie in bed all day I will. If I want to have a pint at lunchtime on a Tuesday on my day off I will.

- I’m not maternal, I obv don’t hate kids but I really have no interest in them. I find playing make believe and all that shit so incredibly boring. Not fair on any child to be brought up by someone who won’t put 100% into it.

- Not having to deal with other parents. Of course this doesn’t apply to all but performative parents make me cringe because it’s so fake. Also the ones who are devoid of personality except being mum

Edit to add (prob the most important one that somehow slipped my mind): I’m also a nurse who looks after older adults. I spent a lot of time doing things like assisting with feeding/personal care. To then come home and do the same is a big no.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I know it's a personal choice but it was our day and our choice which was right for us.

Exactly this! It’s your day so why should you have to think about other people?

Idc how selfish it sounds, I only thought of our wants and needs at our wedding, I didn’t care what anyone else thought or wanted. It’s one of the only days where you can truly do that.

People can call me selfish and maybe I am, but idc. I spent far too much time in the past trying to please others. Put yourself first because no one else will!

 

[mediocrehouseplant]

Had a nightmare experience in Boots yesterday where I got stuck in a very long aisle behind a mother with a baby (11 months or so?) and a wide pram blowing a whistle, she gave me a filthy look for sticking my fingers in my ears when I got a chance to wrestle by (it really hurt!!!). Can honestly say I've never been so inconsiderate in public, wtf goes through their heads?!

Baby: shriek, whinge, waaah
Mum: ok, I'll do it (puts whistle in her mouth and makes a god-awful noise with it) - now you try!
Baby: blows an ear-splitting note on the whistle, then screams
Mum: oh dear, I'll do it then (walks down the aisle tooting this high-pitched whistle)
Baby: continues screaming
Mum: toot-shriek-toot-shriek-shriek-toot-shriek
Baby: screams competing with whistle

 

[ack13]

Just having a read of the breakingmom Reddit and some of the post are just insane!

One post about how a woman knew she “hated” her husband 6 months into marriage, fast forward 5 years, he is still abusive but she really wants a baby so has one even though he didn’t want one. Now wonders why her husband doesn’t spend any time with the baby?

One who feels “animalistic” when breastfeeding and constantly grooms and smells her baby.

One who is complaining that her 70 year old parents only play with her child. They don’t feed/wash/put it to bed. How selfish of them!!

And they say us CF folk are crazy…

 

[mediocrehouseplant]

Just finished wrapping presents for tomorrow; it's not deliberate but doing it on the 24th seems to be a tradition now having an early night and tomorrow our adult-only group will start with champagne (just bought the one bottle because £££ but then, I didn't have kids to buy presents for). I'm contributing 5 bottles of wine, 6 artisan cheeses, 2 types of grapes, and 4 types of crackers, so I can build everyone a lovely cheeseboard and we can all gorge ourselves after the turkey dinner. Merry Christmas all, enjoy your calm and childfree day!

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I have the opposite problem. Everyone I worked with just made me feel down about my wedding in the lead up. Constant comments of “I’ve done some daft things in my life, but that wasn’t one” and “it all ends in divorce anyway, it’s a waste of money”.

even now I’m married I’m still getting similar things. I must say I didn’t go on about my wedding, people would bring it up and make these comments, it wasn’t me talking about it all the time!

I got married because I never had a family growing up, I never felt like I belonged anywhere and when i met my now husband, it felt right for us to be a family and to be married.

 

[mediocrehouseplant]

I’ve been out daydrinking with my other child free friends, can’t do that when you have kids!

There's nothing like an impromptu day sesh, love them!

Yesterday I had a really lazy morning in bed. Pottered around and batch cooked a huge spag bol, then went to a friend's place for dinner and setting the world to rights over a few bottles of wine. Got a taxi home at half 2 Today I'm having a roast with my mum and prepping a slow-cooked stew; that and the spag bol will set me up for the week. This afternoon I'll do some laundry, tidy up, and have an evening in with Netflix and/or the Xbox.

 

[mdizzl3]

Working parents can get 6 months full pay, flexible or part time working when they come back, while non-mothers are expected to be in the office every day until retirement or need a “proper” reason to go part time. They can also use their kids as excuse to leave early, work from home more than the policy allows, come in late, demand leave around Bank Holidays (because play school doesn’t exist duh) etc.

We need an influential childfree person or big company to campaign for us. Why shouldn’t we have paid time off to pursue personal things too?

This is why I pretty much do what I want on my WFH days. Play the system where you can like they do - if you can.

I was speaking to a childfree colleague at work recently, and I didn’t even realise it but she works 90%. She has 1 day off a fortnight to just chill, play video games, improve her MH. I was shocked because I’ve never known a childfree/young person to be part time - I’ve always wanted to do it but couldn’t afford it and thought it would never get approved. I’m glad someone in my team has set a precedent because in future I’d definitely consider something similar - can do a college course or something on the side!

 

[judgejohndeed]

I went to a wedding this summer where one couple brought a very newborn baby with them and they didn’t even tell the bride (my good friend) they just turned up with it. They then insisted they had to sit near the big doors so they could take the baby out when it cried during the ceremony, but the rows of seats near the doors were for the bridal party. So it was just my friends family etc and then…this woman with her baby, and to top it off the woman was actually just a plus one that the bride hadn’t even met because the husband was the groom’s colleague! Not even a close friend etc. My friend was very good about it but I mean they hadn’t arranged anything for a baby, there wasn’t a baby seat set up at the table and the couple weren’t seated somewhere convenient for a high chair. I could never.

 

[ATV2021]

I've had BDD so being pregnant would send me over the edge as makes you "fat". I've been told oh but it's not fat it's pregnancy. Go and experience BDD then come back to me with that statement. Pregnant bodies make me feel wiggly inside. I do not like them nor the aftermath - I've had friends had to have tonnes of skin etc cut off due to the leftover from pregnancy. Nope nope nope.

I just don't like children (oh but you're so good with them...vom) they're gross and snotty and slimey and annoying lol

I like doing what I want, when I want and spending MY money on me.

I don't want child crap all round my house.

They need entertainment and watching 24/7. F that.

Anyone who says oh you may change your mind/haven't met the right man (to note the right man won't want kids)/it's different when it's your own etc -what if it's not? What if I had a baby and still detested it? Then what. Ruin its life by popping it off to social services for care? Yeah much better than me remaining child free lol

 

[LaBlonde]

Hardest thing I've ever had to do but just broken up with the love of my life as he wants kids and I just don't. I love him so much but I feel relief.

I thought that true desire for kids and readiness for that stage of life would eventually come, and I'm only in my late 20's but even though my peers are noticeably settling down/moving away/getting more boring it just made me feel like the walls were closing in. The no sleep, responsibility, overstimulation, no money, no nice holidays I just don't want any of it.

oh gosh i’m so sorry, that’s such a tough decision to make but also a brave one. i know it hurts but you should feel pride in yourself too - you’ve done the right thing for you and for him

 

[Mycatoliver]

I was in a cafe on Sunday having a nice bit of breakfast with my husband. The table next to us had a mum, a gran and 2 young boys under primary school age. When their food arrived they shoved an iPad in front of the 2 boys and it was so loud! I think the mum noticed I looked up so quickly from my breakfast that I gave myself whiplash and made a big drama about asking the gran to turn it down.

A few years back I was in a John Lewis cafe having tea with a friend directly in front of me were two boys I’d say 9 and 12 with their parents
When their food came the kids didn’t look up from their tablets and so the mum got a fork and started spooning cake into the older kids mouth
He didn’t look up once
There was nothing wrong with him ie special needs/developmental issues (and I should know as I was a teacher for many years)

 

[HoGi]

I was lucky enough to eat out a lot as a child (born to older parents who were not changing their lifestyle for kids!) Although mainly lunch time so as not to impact adults enjoying an evening meal. I also think that kn the 90s kids just weren't accepted in restaurants of an evening??

We would always sit quietly and maybe colour or draw. If we were the only people in our local Indian on a Saturday lunch then we would be allowed to play by the water feature (proper 90s) but if anyone else walked in it was straight to our table.

I distinctly remember being in a Chinese restaurant when the kids from another family were running riot and unwrapping all of the chopsticks. I asked my mum why they were being so naughty (eldest child who always does as she's told!)

I could be silenced by a look from one of my parents. Parents these days don't give a shit.

 

[Princesst]

This is shocking, I'm sorry you had to deal with this.

I just say I don't have kids and don't want them, but if someone keeps pressing on, I just attack back with 'Why do you want to know something so personal, why do you ask?' and keep asking until they drop the subject. Usually they act like they've been victimised by some crazy radical feminist (lol) but I couldn't care less about bruised egos of tactless people. Ours is 'our' decision but what if it wasn't? Plenty of people are childless due to infertility, medical issues or loss, it's a difficult subject for a lot of them. It's just rude.

I also find that people really can’t handle the question back at them. “Why DID you choose to HAVE kids?” They look at you like you’ve committed a crime so offended, what a terrible thing to ask! but perfectly acceptable to ask the other way hmm. Never once got a decent answer either Normally a lot of waffle and bluster and then something generic.

 

[Saddlesoap]

Going for my monthly massage this afternoon
Treating myself to 1.5hours instead of my usual 1. But first lazing around til 10ish and then taking the dog for a walk in the snow.