Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

[ATV2021]

Being ill the last few days continues to reaffirm my childfree decision. I've honestly felt horrific (and wanted my Mum but alas shes not here anymore) but even just getting up for the cat was horrific and took every inch of energy I had, let alone a child!

I remember when I was younger (maybe like 7/8) my Mum had Pneumonia, I didn't know then of course but she took me and my friend to Thorpe Park still for my birthday. Absolutely F that I don't know how she did it tbh and I felt guilt as an adult when I realised this but just no chance!

 

[soph30]

OMG THE ONLY SAFE SPACE IN THE WORLD where I won’t offend someone
Being a mother is NOT a full time job. You have to wake in the night sometimes (only at baby stage) do breakfast and a nappy and watch it play for a bit or take it to the park or read to it, lunch, supper, bath and bed?
I work harder than that every weekday

 

[Millais]

One of the lads from work put a message in the group chat announcing the arrival of his new baby. Nothing wrong with that. But why mention how your wife is ‘healing well’?! We don’t all need to hear about your poor wife’s vagina! In any other context, a man chatting about the condition of his wife’s fanny would be well in the wrong, but when it comes to childbirth, women are just a collection of reproductive organs that the whole community has some sort of weird claim over.

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Sorry for the double post, but the mummy martyrs are doing ham fisted satire now https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/woman-without-kids-thinks-shes-tired-20191024190049

 

[pinkmug]

I am coming to the only place I probably won't be shamed for my mixed feelings about the news I've received.

Spoiler: Under spoiler as I might ramble

My best friend is pregnant. (lol)

I'll put the disclaimer that I actually am happy for her and her husband as she was having some anxiety about being able to get pregnant after dealing with some health issues on both sides so them being able get pregnant naturally must have been such a relief, and I am also really happy that she's having a girl, as I find it'll be easier to bond with her for me.

That being said, I am taken back by the manner she's told us (me and two other close friends). We don't live in the same place anymore so this was done over a facetime and she seemed so...? I don't even know how to describe it, it feels mean to say robotic but it felt like it. She didn't seem very joyful, like this was some kind of major life event she'd rather avoid. The reason I'm worried this might be the case is because until about a year ago, she kept saying that having a child was not something she wanted, while her husband was quite eager to have a kid. We talked about it a few times and her attitude didn't change much until the last time we spoke face to face in autumn, where the possibility of her and her husband not being able to conceive was on the table for the first time. Until that moment, it might have been a take it or leave it but perhaps she was distraught by the fact that the decision could be made for her.

Anyway, after not hearing about the issue for a few months more, I didn't want to pry as it's a sensitive topic and really none of my business unless she wanted to vent or confide. So I was a bit shocked when she told us that she was pregnant, and I am a bit ashamed to admit that my first thought was 'Well, there you go.' Maybe it was her lack of enthusiasm, I'm not sure but I am worried that she's just done this to go along with the 'done thing' and make sure her marriage works. While I doubt this is the case as I know her like her husband very much, I don't think he'd pressure her into something as major as this; children are very make or break topics so I can't be sure that she was rhe one to make the compromise, which is an enormous one as compromises go.

I have my own selfish feelings about how things will not really be the same with us again, as our visits are very sparse due to time and money, and the limited time we have for eachother will be now taken by her daughter, at least to some degree. I feel like there is so much we couldn't do as best friends and now they won't be possible because naturally, she'll have a new, more important priority.

It sounds childish and I feel like a child complaining about this but I can't help but worry about her and the possible reasons for this pregnancy and how she'll handle it all. Sucks that we're so far away and I also worry that we'll drift apart due to my lack of sincere interest in children and her new priorities. This should have been a happy announcement, and it feels like we all feel a bit flat about it. Oh well.

 

[mdizzl3]

LOL - I’ve been tired all week because I slept 11 hours on Saturday night and fucked up my sleep cycle, couldn’t get to bed till 3am on Sunday night and slept 5 hours the next few nights. Oh and I have a sport club till 10pm, then have to get up early for the office. Tiredness is personal anyway - my husband is way less tired on 5 hours sleep than I am on 8!

Also, whenever I see one of these martyr mums going “I haven’t slept through the night in 4 years” - what has your useless husband been doing in that time? Out of over 1000 nights he couldn’t even get up for 1? The fact these woman accept these useless idiots and then use it as some weird stealth boast!

 

[HoGi]

Maybe don’t bring food out and about that needs warming up? Where did you think you were going to warm it? I don’t want disgusting mashed banana or dripping purée or whatever warmed in the same cafe microwave as my toastie thanks

I used to work in a cafe and we weren't allowed to heat anything for people in casenit was too hot and they injured themselves, wasn't hot enough and they got food poisoning etc. Basically it's a huge risk!

If people wanted bottles warming for babies we had to put a bowl of water by the till and they stand there while it rests in it to warm up!

 

[shadowcat5]

It doesn't really scare me because there are so many old people who are lonely with kids. Loneliness in old age is so sad but I don't think kids are necessarily the way to avoid that either

 

[Pebbleybeach]

This is from the nhs website - According to Age UK, more than 2 million people in England over the age of 75 live alone, and more than a million older people say they go over a month without speaking to a friend, neighbour or family member. -

They’re surely not all childfree! I have childfree friends and relatives (some now passed) and they are/were never lonely because they are/were lovely people so whenever they wanted company they have/had it through friends, family, neighbours, acquaintances, groups, clubs, courses, church etc.

There are plenty of articles about old people with children who are lonely and plenty of older people seeking advice about estranged children, children who have moved away and stuff like that. It just cycles around who the media focus in and as the birth rate is apparently dropping in the western world people are apparently panicking and there will be more of this stuff said, more pressure to have kids and more incentives for those who do. I’d rather be lonely at 75+ than have children now and hope they stop me being lonely.

 

[LaBlonde]

This is not happiness to me. This is pure hell

that’s a vaguely threatening drawing too. you could change the text to “horror is screaming with a toddler about the next 18+ years of your life” and it would still work.

 

[newtoyou]

I was grocery shopping today and the sound of babies/children crying makes me want to whack somebody! That is one of my top reasons for not wanting a child. That shrill noise makes me want to rage. I probably don't have a normal reaction but I think it's because I have autism and have sensory overload sometimes.

I don’t have autism and I feel the same way. Some small kids in the family were having fun over Xmas but they were so loud and high pitched I had to leave the room

 

[shadowcat5]

And refer to themselves as Mum/Mam etc

“Wearing my favourite onesie today. Mummy thinks I look as cute as a button”

get a life

 

[TheCatsMeow]

Husband’s out with friends so I’m sat on the settee with crisps and an alcoholic beverage. This is pretty much it for the rest of the weekend!

 

[Huxley]

Tbf, I wouldn’t take stuff like that to heart. It might be what life is all about to them, and they’re allowed their opinion and to share their experience, but it doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone. I love going to festivals and Ibiza and dancing all day in 35 degree heatwaves, but if I said “this is what summer is all about!!” I’m not insulting hikers/birdwatchers/people who hate heat and house music. It’s just my personal opinion. As long as no-one starts telling me how to live my life, they can have whatever opinion they want (though I might judge if it’s really stupid)

Completely agree they are entitled to their opinion, and you’re right that I shouldn’t take it to heart, I usually brush things like that off, but I guess my issue with what they were writing is that I know they don’t value my (childfree) opinion in the same way now they have kids, and it often makes you feel redundant in these types of group messages as I have nothing to contribute to that kind of statement.

If I wrote something like “love being out tonight having fun”, it would have been seen as having a dig, but it’s perfectly alright for them to write what they did and I’m not supposed to see it as slightly rude, even if they didn’t mean it to be like that. I just find that there is something a little smug in statements such as the ones they made on a group WhatsApp when not everyone is in the same life stage.

It is like what has been written here before, their life is seen as the default way to live a life, and anyone not following the same pattern is seen as secondary, whether they mean it to or not. It can make you feel very lonely and not as valued, especially on emotionally charged days like Christmas and NYE.

 

[AshMay]

 

[littlewonder]

Yep! Sorry I’m too busy enjoying my cocktail while I’ll laze around an adults only hotel pool in Spain

how dare you?!? that is a PERSONAL ATTACK on mothers everywhere!!!!!!!!!!

 

[HoGi]

Having a break from cleaning. Husband is watching football and I'm doing some crafting while listening to an audiobook.

I think these are the things I would miss most if I had a kid. Just being able to switch off and do whatever I want and not having to be responsible for another person and keeping them alive.

 

[Anne1448]

I'm the opposite haha, no food allowed in my car! It's immaculate and I'd like to keep it that way

Same!

I've been told more than once that my house looks like a showroom because it is so organised. A lady came to pick up an old bed that I sold online and she said "Wow, my children would destroy those white walls" and I replied "And that's why we don't invite them". Thankfully she took it lightly

 

[Millais]

I didn’t even get out of bed until 12 today! And I still had time to batch cook my work lunch for the next week, make a decent dent in a 1000 piece jigsaw, and just generally fanny around

 

[HmmmReally]

Has anyone seen that TikTok about the woman saying that it’s great people don’t want kids but asking us to politely stop talking about it as it’s “Childism” (like ageism)

It causes other people to hate children and they should be protected. I just think it’s the parent’s responsibility to filter what their children do and don’t hear especially on the internet … online is now becoming another place you can talk about how amazing kids are but not how you don’t want them in case little Thomas gets upset scrolling through TikTok.
I’d like to assume their algorithm would be very different

 

[mousey]

We had someone at my work who was off on maternity then like 3 months after she came back is pregnant again and will be off for another year. Two years pretty much in a row not working. After the 2nd pregnancy was announced I asked if there was anything in place for me to take a sabbatical or anything to almost match that and was denied, of course!!